by Tony Salter
‘Nicki looked happy,’ I said, pulling up a stool next to his, pointing at his half-empty pint glass and raising two fingers – the polite way around – to the barmaid. The Warrington had been an institution for over a century and the place was humming.
‘And so she should,’ he said. ‘If you’d told me four or five years ago that she’d be picking up a First from Imperial, I’d have laughed in your face.’ He’d had time to gather his thoughts and his body language was furtive and defensive. ‘Probably not such a huge surprise for you, I guess. But then again, nothing ever is, is it?’
‘Choices and actions are rarely written in stone where people are concerned,’ I said. ‘Especially young people. There are so many wrong paths to take.’
‘Cheers to that,’ he said, lifting his glass to me in a toast. ‘Life would be dull as hell if we didn’t have free will. She made her own choices, worked bloody hard and, let’s face it, she must have got her brains from Fabiola after all.’
I smiled and raised my glass in reply. Free will? That hadn’t been what I’d meant at all. ‘Is she out with her friends tonight?’ I said.
‘Yeah,’ said Joe, in a sad little boy’s voice. ‘She managed a quick glass of bubbly with her old man and then she was off. The truth is we don’t have so much in common any more. She’s all grown up and I haven’t understood anything she’s been studying for years.’
‘That’s how it should be,’ I said. ‘You’ve not done a bad job, though. In the circumstances.’
‘I suppose not,’ he said. ‘But you’ve been watching over us, haven’t you? All this time?’
I just looked at him. Did he really need to ask that question?
‘The thing I really don’t get,’ he continued. ‘The thing that bugs me more than anything, is that you don’t want to meet her. You’ve spent shed loads of cash – hundreds of thousands – helping her, but she’s never seen you and doesn’t even know you exist. It’s all a bit too weird for me. What’s in it for you?’
‘Whatever made you think that?’ I was genuinely surprised by his stupidity. Did he think it was all just some random act of charity? ‘Of course I want to meet Nicki. And soon.’
‘So why run away at the ceremony? I could have introduced you then. You could have talked AI and quantum computing.’
‘It wasn’t the right time or the right context,’ I said. ‘That’s why I wanted to have this drink, Joe. I needed to go though a few things with you first. I need to make sure that we understand each other and that you haven’t forgotten what you promised.’
‘I’m not that stupid,’ he said. ‘I’ve always been able to figure out when I’m on to a good number. Nicki doesn’t know anything about Fabiola or you. I’ve stuck to the story you gave me and she’s given up trying to find out more.’
‘Good. You understand it would be a mistake to cross me, don’t you?’
‘I understood that a long time ago,’ he said. ‘I’ve seen what happens to people who do.’ He drank the first half of his pint in a single mouthful. ‘Which reminds me of something you’ll want to know. You remember her adopted father, Damian?’
I didn’t bother to reply. I’d forgotten how tedious he could be.
‘Well, he’s tracked her down somehow.’
‘What?’ How had I missed that? He must have been very careful. I took a deep breath. ‘How do you know?’
‘He wrote her a letter,’ said Joe. ‘A couple of months ago. Nicki showed it to me.’
‘What did it say? Did you get a copy?’
‘She just showed it to me one time, but I remember it pretty well. He basically said that he missed her, he was innocent, and he’d like to meet up. If she didn’t want to, he’d understand, and he wished her well. That was pretty much it. Oh, and he told her Akiko left him and went back to Japan.’
‘I knew about that,’ I said. ‘Stupid of her to stand by him all through the investigation and then finally leave after she’d lost custody. And Nicki? What did she do about the letter?’
‘As far as I know, she’s not done anything yet.’ He swirled around the last inch of beer in his glass and gulped it down. ‘She said she wanted to finish her finals first and would figure out what to do about Damian afterwards. I think she’ll meet him though. She never forgot them. I did my best, but I’ve always wondered if taking her away was the right thing to do, or if I was just being selfish. It took years for her to stop missing them and she’s ended up becoming a bit of a loner.’
I didn’t see a problem with that; in fact it was exactly what I’d been hoping for. Inner strength and self-sufficiency were vital ingredients of real success and Nicki was destined for great things. But seeing Damian wouldn’t be helpful at all.
‘It wouldn’t be good for them to meet,’ I said. ‘I’ll need to think about that.’
I then endured another hour of Joe’s slimy company, dividing my energies equally between explanation, charm and intimidation, making sure he understood what would happen next, that he wanted to please me and that he was afraid of the consequences if he didn’t. As soon as I was sure his mind was where I needed it to be, I left him, went home and took a long shower.
‘So, Nicki. You have your degree and I’m guessing you already know you’ve done well in the interview process so far.’ I took the thick stack of papers in front of me and made a point of turning it over face down onto the table. ‘But you’re applying for the most prestigious programme in your field and we have several other candidates with equally strong backgrounds.’
We were sitting in my new office at the top of Shard Two, looking across the river to the original Shard. I’d only moved in a month earlier and I was still getting used to the jaw-dropping views. The penthouse floors of Shard Two were now the most coveted offices in London; fortunately I’d put in an option seven years earlier – before the ink on the architect’s drawings was dry, and while the ruins of Old Billingsgate were still stinking of cordite and wet ash. Pulsar had been less than three years old at the time and the agreed rent had been more than our total turnover, but I’d been confident. Things were going to be very different by the time the building was finally completed.
Nicki was dressed in a smart black trouser suit, no jewellery and her only nod to frivolity was the ruffled, dipping neckline of her cream silk blouse. If she was nervous, she hid it well. I felt my toes clenching with excitement. I had been watching her from a distance for almost twenty years, but this was the first time we’d been so close, the first time we’d looked into each other’s eyes. Nothing about that moment was disappointing – it was like the long-awaited sip of a cold beer after a day trekking in the summer sun – everything imagined and a little bit more.
Of course, I still couldn’t be sure that she was as tough and ambitious as I needed her to be. I’d done everything in my power to guide her and mould her, but would it work? It was much too early to say, but we were entering a new phase and that was thrilling enough.
I wasn’t a patient person by nature and the pleasure I took in waiting and nurturing my projects wasn’t the calm, peaceful acceptance of the forester or landscape gardener. Most people would describe me as calm and controlled, but they had no idea what went on inside. It had taken an exceptional effort to force the lid down on my bubbling, seething passions, to bite my tongue and to continue to wait. The denial was unbearable although it did give me a kind of masochistic sexual thrill. More the guilty, conflicted self-flagellation of the Opus Dei than the Buddhist monk, but we all had our crosses to bear.
Sam was only thirteen. I’d need to stay patient a while longer, but if he turned out as well as Nicki appeared to have done, my projects would have been worth the wait. In any case, he was quite different – although he’d only been a snivelling brat at the time, he was partly responsible for his mother’s death and I couldn’t forgive him for taking Fabiola away from me. Nicki was the lucky one – she had no price to pay.
‘I know how competitive it is, Ms Martin,’ said Nicki. ‘No-one
in the AI department talks about much else these days.’
With a cash bursary of at least double the nearest alternative, I wasn’t surprised. Even so, I enjoyed seeing her eyes light up at the thought of winning and, as her perfect teeth pressed against her bottom lip, she looked hungry enough.
‘Please. Call me Julie,’ I said. ‘We’re at the final stage and you should be very proud to have made it this far. Not many people get an hour of my time these days.’ I leant back in my chair and crossed my arms. ‘Ultimately it’s for me to decide which of the remaining candidates will be the Pulsar Scholar for 2026 and it’s up to you to convince me to choose you.’ The sun was angling through the floor-to-ceiling windows and lighting Nicki’s face with the glow of a renaissance painting. She was beautiful, and I felt my throat tighten – I had waited so long for this. ‘I don’t want to talk about AI,’ I continued after a few moments. ‘I don’t want to hear about your final thesis or your plans for your Masters. I want to hear about you. Who are you? How has your life led you to this point and what do you want from the future?’
She laughed. ‘No pressure then,’ she said. ‘Do you mind if I start with the future part?’
‘You have until five o’clock,’ I said.
‘OK.’ She leant forward and I could almost see the neurones sparking in her head. ‘My assumption is that you’ve created the scholarship because you’re looking for talent to work for Pulsar long term?’
I shrugged. Stating the obvious wasn’t moving us forward.
‘The future work I’d like to be involved with revolves around whether Pulsar even exists in the long term. Or at least whether it exists as a global leader.’
‘Explain,’ I said. ‘Are you talking about new product development, competition, new technology? What exactly?’
‘All of those and more,’ she said. ‘I want to be involved in looking forward, in strategic innovation, in change and growth. If you’re looking for a manager who’s just after a big salary, power and a job title, I might not be the right fit.’
My God! I’d forgotten how young people could be so ballsy. And stupid; if she’d not already been a shoe-in for the scholarship, I’d have probably have kicked her arrogant little arse out of the door on the spot. But she had no idea that she was the only candidate with a chance, no idea that I’d created the scholarship just for her, nor how much work had been involved in bringing us together in this room. She had no need to know, but she would need to tone that attitude down a few notches.
‘Fine,’ I said, keeping my face deadpan. ‘I admire your passion. And I have no intention of spending all of this money just to pick up another wannabe Vice-President of something-or-other. But … and you should listen carefully … I don’t have room for prima donnas at Pulsar. I look after my people, but I expect them to get on with their jobs without questioning everything they’re asked to do. Is that clear?’
‘Of course.’ She pulled back, her perfect composure spider-webbed with tiny cracks. She was only a kid after all. ‘I didn’t mean …’
‘Don’t worry about it,’ I said. ‘There’s nothing wrong with passion and confidence. Now tell me about you. Where did you grow up? What about your family? Brothers or sisters?’
‘No,’ she said. ‘No brothers and sisters. Just me and my dad.’
‘… and your mother?’
‘I never knew her,’ she said. ‘She died in a car crash when I was a baby.’
‘So your father brought you up as a single parent?’
‘Yes.’
Now, that was interesting. She’d decided not to mention Damian and Akiko. To wipe them from her past. Was it because she was ashamed of them, or was it was just easier to airbrush history? Maybe she’d decided it was none of my business.
If she only knew.
It was fascinating to watch Nicki think. She flicked so easily between personal life and professional goals. However much I tried to divert and distract her, she managed to hold on to each and every thread and made sure that she covered everything she’d planned to say. She reminded me of a younger me before my mind started to slow down. I was still more on-the-ball than most, but Nicki was better.
It was almost five o’clock, but I didn’t want the moment to end.
‘What are you doing after this?’ I said, almost without thinking. ‘Do you have time for a drink?’
I suspected that Nicki had been about to launch into her summing up … this is why I’m the best candidate … you should employ me because … I believe I could make an invaluable contribution … and she sat with her mouth half open for several seconds before replying.
‘Yes, of course,’ she said, eventually. ‘Thank you, Julie. I’d love to. I just need to make a quick call.’
I took her to somewhere a little classier than the pub where I’d met Joe just a week earlier. Nicki’s eyes opened just a little wider as my car appeared outside the office and she sat primly on the edge of her seat as we set off to the Connaught. I couldn’t stop myself wanting to show off to her even though she was barely twenty-two and only a few weeks out of a student flat. At some point, I needed to start acting my own age.
‘Can I ask you an awkward question, Julie?’ she said, as we crawled through the London rush hour.
‘Of course,’ I said. ‘Fire away.’
‘OK. You’re obviously super intelligent and you have this reputation for knowing exactly what’s going to happen before it actually does.’
‘Do I?’ I said.
‘Absolutely,’ said Nicki. ‘But what I want to know is … how did you know?’
‘How did I know what?’ I replied, genuinely confused.
‘How did you know that global personal security systems were going to implode like they did? You must have set up Pulsar at least two years before there was any real indication.’
I laughed. For a moment, I’d been worried that Joe had been shooting his mouth off. ‘It was almost four years before, in fact,’ I said. ‘And the answer is very simple. I didn’t know. I took a punt and got lucky.’
We had pulled over in front of the Connaught, but I took a moment to enjoy the expression of naïve wonderment on her face. ‘Are you serious?’ she said, eventually.
‘Of course,’ I said, getting out of the car. ‘But I should probably add that it was an educated guess.’
Nicki relaxed after that and I could tell she got a buzz from the way the hotel staff treated us as they whisked us through into the bar.
‘What was it like growing up without a mother?’ I said, after we’d settled down at a corner table and been served drinks. ‘If you don’t mind me asking.’
‘Well I actually did have a mum until I was almost twelve,’ she said, stirring her mojito and watching the ice spin and tumble. ‘She was a good mum.’
‘I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘Did she pass away?’
‘No. No,’ Nicki said. ‘Nothing like that. She wasn’t my real mother. She was Japanese, not that it matters.’
‘So, she was your father’s girlfriend? Or wife?’
‘No. My dad didn’t even know I existed at the time. My mother died when I was a baby and I was adopted. I had a different mum and dad until just before I went to secondary school.’
I rested my hand on top of hers. ‘That sounds tough,’ I said. ‘Maybe we should drop this?’
‘No. It’s fine,’ she said. ‘I might as well tell you the whole story now.’ She finished her drink in a single gulp. ‘I thought my adopted dad was great … and he was great … until he was arrested for child pornography.’
‘Oh God. How awful! You must have felt so betrayed.’
She put her empty glass on the table and looked up at me. ‘I don’t know why I’m telling you all of this. I’ve never really spoken about it with anybody, and now I’m pouring my heart out – to Julie Martin of all people.
I held her gaze and smiled. ‘Funny how life pans out, isn’t it? Don’t worry. We’re off the clock. I’ve had a long week, and it’s remarkably ple
asant to talk to someone normal for once.’
‘You mean someone poor?’ Nicki said, laughing.
‘I guess that’s exactly what I mean,’ I said. ‘But I didn’t mean it to be patronising. Go on. Finish your story. You’re here now, so at least it must have a happy ending.’
‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I suppose it does, although things were touch and go for a while. If my real dad hadn’t found me, I don’t know what would have happened. I was a mess. I was only eleven when they dragged me away from my parents for reasons which weren’t properly explained and didn’t make sense to an eleven-year-old, anyway. Then they dumped me into the care system. It was the worst time of my life; I don’t think anyone who hasn’t experienced it can understand what it’s like.’
I nodded and put my hand gently on her shoulder. ‘Sounds terrible.’
She didn’t seem to notice me and continued, blank eyes staring at the marble table top. ‘You can’t trust anybody in those places. Everyone says they’re there to help you, or to be your friend, but they’ve all got some sort of agenda. A few of the other kids weren’t too bad, but most were … and the staff …’ She squeezed her eyes tightly closed and sat quietly for a moment.
I could remember that time vividly. After Damian’s arrest, Nicki had been in care for over a year and she hadn’t dealt with the upheaval well. I’d employed a private investigator to keep an eye on her – Pulsar was keeping me on the road all the time – and the weekly reports weren’t pretty reading. She’d been hanging around with much older kids and apparently there’d been one cocky pretty boy – there’s always one – who’d had the rest of them trailing after him like little acolytes in a mini cult.
The investigator had clear instructions, and he’d been forced to step in when matters got out of hand. Nothing anyone could ever have linked to Nicki, but the pretty boy hadn’t been so pretty, or cocky, after that. I hadn’t known about any issues with the staff though. It would have to look into that.