by Sara Wolf
After a few harrowing minutes, the lift begins to move slowly. Morgan exhales, relieved, and I mimic her. She frowns at me and playfully hits my shoulder. I pretend it hurt, bad, and she laughs. When we're on solid snow again, I feel my anxiety drain away and be replaced by something more sinister, and real. The nausea in my stomach I felt yesterday hits me with full force, and I vomit nearly on my own shoes. Morgan looks concerned again, and Felix lazily calls over to me.
"You alright, kid?"
"Kid?" I immediately grow flustered. I wipe my mouth and get ready to hurl an insult at him just as my stomach decides to hurl again. I vomit a little more, and Morgan pats my back as if trying to comfort me. Felix rolls his eyes and jogs over.
"Look, if you're not well enough to be out here -"
"I'm fine!" I protest. "Just give me a second. Do you have any water?"
He opens his arms and turns in a circle. "Uh, hello? We are surrounded by water."
"Ew," Morgan wrinkles her nose. "My mom said to never ever eat snow."
"But this is great snow," Felix sighs. "It's the French Alps! You won't get it much fresher than this."
I roll my eyes and take a handful of snow and mash it into my mouth. I get brain freeze, but my nausea recedes as the cool water makes its way down my throat, and the nasty taste gets washed away. Morgan watches me in half-horror. I wave Felix away, and he returns to teaching the redhead woman how to come to a quick stop. He might look young, but he clearly knows how to ski, and has been doing it for years - his finesse putting on the skis and handling them is in the same level of grace of the pros I saw in the lodge. Morgan pulls on my jacket.
"Isn't it nasty tasting?" She asks. I shake my head.
"Nah, but it'll give you a nasty brain freeze. It actually kind of tastes nice."
Morgan frowns, staring at the snow at her feet. She grasps a bunch and stuffs it in her mouth quickly, like she's afraid she'll chicken out. She squints and massages her forehead, wincing. When she swallows, I nudge her.
"Told you!"
She sticks her tongue out at me, but smiles. "It's really not that bad!"
"Told you times two."
She laughs, and shuffles over to Felix. He instructs us that today we're going to go down a slightly higher hill than the one yesterday. We watch the redhead lady go down first, and then the German couple, who somehow miraculously manage not to fall over and roll the rest of the way down, today. This time, Morgan seems a lot more scared of the hill. I assure her I'll go first, even though when I get to the edge of it I immediately regret that promise. The slope is a lot sharper than it looked. I take a huge breath, and Felix pats my back, nearly sending me over the edge. I gasp and totter, and when I'm steady again I whirl to face him, all fangs and fire.
"Excuse me! I was taking my time!"
"Sorry, sorry, you just looked like you needed some moral support," He drones.
"I don't need any of your -" As I wave my arm to point at him, I tip myself over and go flying down the hill. My stomach falls up and my breath punches out of my lungs as I scream, the speed of the hill correlated to the sharp incline. I'm going so fast the trees blur, and the end of the slope is rapidly approaching. I manage to calm down enough to remember how to slow down in case of a high speed, and position my feet. I steadily slow, and nearly face plant into the snow with relief as I come to a stop by the German couple, who shout congratulations in guttural German and thump me on the back.
Morgan is next, and I'm relieved to see Felix treats her with much more care. She's as graceful coming down as ever, and we all cheer at the end line for her. She smiles, cheeks flushed bright with the cold weather and a reddish glow of accomplishment. Felix follows her, and comes to a stop in front of us.
"Good work, guys. Thanks for listening so well."
"You best instructor, Felax!" The German man bellows. "Danke!"
"I definitely notice an improvement in my own skills," The redhead woman says softly. Morgan nods in agreement.
"It's only because you guys are so good." His voice is incredibly monotone. It's impossible to tell if he's saying things ironically or sarcastically or not! It infuriates me just a little more than it disturbs me. Who knows what he's thinking.
Felix gives us the rest of the day to ski the beginner slopes, but warns us off the Alligator - the steepest and sharpest incline on the beginner route. Morgan and I mess around, she showing me tricks she's picked up and me showing her how to build the perfect snowman. We're halfway through the middle portion of his body when Morgan's face grows serious.
"Are you sick, Rose?"
I freeze balling up another wad of snow, and laugh. "Why would you think that?"
"You're throwing up a lot."
I dwell on it for a moment - it's probably stress. With everything going on, it's normal to be anxious to the point of gastrointestinal disturbance. Seeing Lee and Kiera daily puts me on edge like nothing else can. I can't tell Morgan that, though. It'd worry her, and she wouldn't really understand. Or would she? She's a smart little girl. But she doesn't need to be involved with my life.
As if she can tell what's running through my head, she frowns.
"I told you my problems kind of! You should tell me yours. That way it's fair."
My eyes widen, but I quickly smile. "Of course. Sorry. It's just hard to talk about, you know?"
Morgan nods, and packs more snow on the belly of the snowman. She waits, patiently looking at me until I feel the words starting to fall out all on their own.
"There's a guy I used to like. He's here, with the girl he likes now."
Morgan's mouth makes a small 'o' shape. "That sounds really hard."
"It is, most of the time," I admit. "Seeing him is really hard."
"So that's why you throw up," She chirps. "Because you're lovesick!"
I nearly choke, but manage to turn it into a laugh. "Yeah, sure. But saying 'lovesick' makes me sound kind of pathetic, don't you think?"
"Not at all! It just means you really like someone."
I'm speechless at how astute she sounds. Her words are the wise words of someone much older, someone with a lot of experience, even though it's impossible for her to have much. Or maybe that isn't true at all. Anybody, of any age, can experience loss. There's no age limit for loss. It happens to all of us, at any time, and all we can do is try to make it hurt less.
Just as I'm recovering from her insight, another shock arrives - this time in the form of a harried-looking, panicking Lee as he crashes his snowboard right into our snowman. Morgan shrieks, and I yell, and Lee comes up with a mouthful of snow, snowflakes lacing his hair and his skin wet with them. He flushes, and struggles to get out of the snow pile.
"You killed him! You killed Mr. Icy!" Morgan shouts at him.
"I'm sorry!" Lee flails. I sigh and look at Morgan.
"C'mon, let's help the murderer out of the snow."
Morgan huffs, but she takes his arm and I take the other, and we pull as he pushes. He bursts free of the massacred innards of Mr. Icy and stands, brushing himself off quickly.
"Christ, I'm so sorry, I was just -"
"Not looking where you were going," I say. "Who's going to inform Mr. Icy's family of his untimely demise?"
"He has a family?" Morgan's eyes well up with tears. I pat her hand sympathetically.
"We still have to make them. I think the murderer's jail time can be replaced with community service, don't you think?"
"I deserve jail," Lee says solemnly. "For taking the life of such an upstanding, cool guy."
I shoot him a smirk for the pun, and he makes a tiny smirk back, but rapidly becomes serious again when Morgan stamps her feet.
"C'mon then, murderer! You help with the rolling, too!"
Lee and Morgan and I work side-by-side, Lee obediently following Morgan's every incensed order with surprising gentleness. When Morgan runs off to find branches for the arms of the two complete snowmen - one female and one a baby - I turn to Lee.
"I had
no idea you were good with kids."
"I had no idea you were such a harsh judge of crimes," He sighs, and holds up his red, raw hands. "My hands are frostbitten. I’ll never paint another picture again."
"Stop being a baby," I laugh. "They're still attached to you, so you're fine."
He rubs them together. Before I know what I’m doing, I grab his hands and rub them in my own mittens.
“No mittens?” I frown. “Why’d you come out here without protecting your hands?”
He’s quiet, and it’s only when our eyes meet do I realize what I’m doing. I pull away instantly, my hands warming up from where they touched his.
“Sorry. Just, you know. Don’t be an idiot. Get some proper cold weather gear before you skate.”
“Is that worry I hear in your voice?” He asks softly.
“I always worry.”
“Don’t. I can take care of myself.”
“Yeah? Your eye bags say otherwise.”
“I get them from worrying about you,” He says. “Can’t blame me.”
“Don’t worry about me, either. I’m more than capable.”
Lee glares at a far-off figure. I follow his gaze with my own and find him glaring at Felix.
“You really don’t like him, huh?” I ask. Lee’s about to answer when Morgan runs in-between us, hitting Lee’s knees to get his attention.
“Hey! Lift me up so I can put the sticks where their nose should be!”
Lee chuckles, and lifts her by the waist. Morgan plants two stubby sticks into the snowman faces, and when he puts her down she’s practically glowing with pride.
“You did great,” I say. “They look like real people.”
Morgan’s quiet, staring at the snowmen before pointing at Lee and announcing; “This guy killed your dad and husband. He’s the bad guy.”
Lee sheepishly scratches the back of his head. “I’d beg forgiveness, but I don’t think they understand any language other than below freezing.”
“They can too, idiot! They can understand English and French and –”
“Morgan!”
Morgan starts at the authoritative voice ringing out over the snowfield. We all turn to see a man and woman striding towards us. The man’s hair is silver-streaked, and the lines in his face are deep, with the kind of strict businessy expression old rich guys seem to cultivate. The woman isn’t any better off, but she’s considerably younger, with platinum blonde hair and a perfectly symmetrical face with bright green eyes and a proud chin. Morgan’s chin.
“You must be Morgan’s parents,” I say. They look irritated, but I don’t want them to take it out on her, so I have to diffuse the obvious tension. I extend my hand for them to shake. “I’m Rose Jensen, in Morgan’s skiing class. She’s very talented –”
“What are you doing out here without Cosette?” The man barks at Morgan, who flinches. He grabs her arm and shakes her, but before I can even react, Lee steps in between them.
“With all due respect, sir, there’ll be no need for that kind of physical interaction. I’m sure we can all speak calmly without resorting to that.”
“Who are you?” The man snaps. The woman shoots a dirty glare at me, but I bite my lip and let Lee do the talking, for now. Morgan looks on the verge of tears. If the man grabs Morgan like that again, I’ll –
“I’m Lee Montenegro, sir. A friend of Rose’s. We were just making snowmen, and Morgan’s been very well looked after.”
“You’re strangers!” The woman shrieks. “Where is Cosette, Morgan? How did you get out of the room without her?”
“I didn’t!” Morgan sniffs. “You signed me up for the classes! She couldn’t come because you didn’t pay for her! I asked her to, but she said she didn’t want to spend her money on something ‘that dumb’! But then I met Rose,” Morgan motions to me. “And she’s really nice and she makes sure I don’t fall and hurt myself and stuff, just like Cosette would. So don’t be mean to her!”
“You.” The woman points at her. “Are in big trouble, young lady. You made us all worry. And you –” She points at Lee and I. “I don’t know who you think you are, but I don’t trust you with my child. So please don’t act like I do. You have no business playing with her when I don’t know you.”
“Those are all perfectly understandable fears, ma’am –” Lee starts.
“Let’s go!” The man barks. “I’m going to have a word with Cosette, and then someone needs to be put in time out.”
“No!” Morgan protests. “I didn’t do anything, Papa!”
“Come along.”
Morgan shoots me an apologetic look. Lee musters a smile.
“It’s okay. We’ll see you around. And the Icy family will still be here in the morning, waiting for you, so you can come see them whenever.”
Morgan runs up and hugs me, abruptly, her mother and father calling sternly for her to stop and follow them. She runs after them, little boots kicking up snow. We watch them go, and Lee sighs.
“Oops.”
“Oops indeed,” I say. “It must be tough, being a parent.”
“I can’t imagine it,” he says. “Especially when I had shitty role models. Well, one shitty role model. I can’t remember what Mom was like, except that she made tacos way too much and drove like a maniac.”
I feel myself smiling, even though it’s depressing a subject matter. The way he talks about his mother is so fond in itself I can’t help but absorb a bit of that happiness.
“You must’ve loved her a lot,” I try. Lee nods, eyes following Morgan and her parents mistily.
“Yeah. She was one hell of a cool woman while she was alive.”
Felix walks up then, and Lee narrows his eyes at him. Felix just smiles genially.
“You two look like you’re having fun.” He gestures to the snowmen. “Are we gonna burn the effigies later, or what?”
“Don’t you dare,” Lee says. “They’re really important to a young girl. Leave them be.”
“Fine, fine, jeez.” Felix puts his hands up. “Don’t gotta be all harsh with me.”
“I know what you’re up to. So cut out the shit act of being harmless.” Lee grabs my hand, and pulls me away. I try to wave goodbye to Felix, but Lee snarls. “Don’t bother. The guy’s evil.”
“What? Since when do you call people evil?”
“Since Kiera hired someone just out of jail to stalk you.”
“What?” I pull from his grasp. “Lee, what are you talking about?”
“That guy is bad news. Kiera’s dad got a lot of bad people out of jail, and she wants to keep us apart. She keeps saying – she keeps saying she’ll sic him on you if I don’t listen to her.”
My blood runs cold, colder than the mountain wind that toys with my hair.
“You can’t be serious,” I say.
“You know how serious she is about this!” Lee exclaims. “Please, Rose, I know it sounds extreme, and, okay, a little crazy, but Kiera will stop at nothing to keep us apart. Nothing.”
“Then why are you with her? I thought – I thought you –”
“You thought wrong.” Lee steps into me, tilting my head up as if to kiss me. His hands are cold, but beneath the chilly skin I can feel the warm flow of his blood. My body tingles, an electric wire being dragged across my every nerve.
“Everything you think is wrong,” He says. “Nothing is how it should be. You can feel it too, right? You should be with me. We should be together, somewhere not here. We made a mistake, but it’s not too late to fix it.”
“Lee, I –”
“Lee!” Felix’s voice rings out. He holds up his cellphone as he walks towards us. “Kiera wants you. She’s in the dining room.”
“Tell her I’m busy,” Lee snaps, parting from me. I ache at the loss of warmth.
“She says it’s important. Don’t worry.” Felix steps up and puts his arm around my shoulder. “I’ll escort Rose back to her room.”
Lee nearly lunges at us, but he pulls back at the last second an
d grits his teeth.
“Get your hands off her.”
“I will. If you go see Kiera. She wants you.”
Felix’s voice changes with that one sentence. Something about it is drier than his usual deadpan voice, and much, much colder than the mountain air can strive to be. Something unspoken passes between Lee and Felix, and Lee finally looks at me with an injured, if serious, look.
“Don’t trust him. Stay safe.”
I’m too shocked, and Lee’s too fast walking away for me to say anything. I shrug Felix’s arm off me, and glower.
“Don’t touch me.”
“As you wish,” he chuckles. “Not that I take orders from you, or anything.”
“You take orders from her. Kiera.”
He shrugs. “Not really. She asks me to do stuff but I only do it if I want to. She’s a bitch. I won’t give her the satisfaction of acting like her whipped little dog. Lee on the other hand -” Felix sucks in a breath. “He’s got the masochistic slave thing down pat. You two slept together, right? You ever order him to do something? Slap him around a bit? I bet he’d like it. He’s the type of guy who would.”
“Be quiet,” I hiss, a flush rising on my cheeks. “You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”
“Neither do you,” he says lightly. “Lee was your first, right? So you’ve had no other guys? Pity. You could do well for yourself, you know. Get some idiot guy wrapped around your finger, or maybe five. You might know a lot, but I know someone like me when I see them. You and I – we got a dark side that doesn’t come out often, but when it does, when we’re cornered and got nowhere else to go…”
He trails off and whistles.
I turn on my heel, not wanting to hear anymore, and stride away from him as fast as I can. Dark side? Me? No way. I barely mustered up the courage to tell Kiera she was ugly in the restaurant, and I couldn’t do anything when Morgan’s parents accosted her. If I’ve got a dark side, it’s the helpless kind. Or is it? Have I just not been pushed into a corner far enough? Is what Lee says true? Can we really fight back against someone like Kiera – with money and charm and connections to spare? Did she really hire Felix to follow me? And was Felix really as dangerous as Lee made him out to be? He seemed strange, but harmless enough. He taught ski lessons well, he interacted with people like a normal person. He didn’t seem too messed up, at least not messed up enough to hurt anyone.