by Teisha Mott
“I told you: retribution is a bitch!” Bianca said settling into Klao’s couch. Minx jumped into her lap, and she pushed him off. Bianca did not like Minx. She thought he was too fluffy, and looked more like a cat than a dog.
“Can you pity me please?” Klao poured her cousin a glass of crangrape juice. “Do you know how embarrassing it was just standing there and not being able to pay for your stuff?”
“I never said I didn’t pity you,” Bianca clarified. “I’m just saying that you brought all that tragedy down on yourself, and it all began when you ran off like a thief from Gauchos last week. What was that about?”
Klao blushed. “I told you. I had to help Marlene.”
Bianca gave her a ‘that’s just bull’ look, but said nothing. She took her glass of juice from Klao, and tried to take a sip, but Minx got in the way, and took a taste before she did. “God, Klao! Your dog spat in my drink!” She shoved him off the couch, and he landed in a heap on the floor. “Teach him some manners, nuh dude!”
“Don’t throw him like that!” Klao chastised. “All of you keep coming here and abusing my child. What is wrong with you, man?”
“Soo…” Bianca unfolded herself from the couch and went to pour herself a new glass of juice, while Klao gave Minx a treat to make up for Bianca’s mistreatment. “Tell me more about this guy who saved your behind in Megamart. Is he cute?”
“No!” Klao declared vehemently.
“Then why you said it like that?” Bianca asked. “Is he a total Elephant Man?”
“No,” Klao was surprised that she was feeling so flustered just thinking about the Megamart guy. “He’s just an annoying, tick-sy man… And I can’t believe that Ms Lawrence just sent him into my office like that today.”
“You should talk to her about that!” Bianca agreed. “What if he had been a murderer or a stalker?”
“I know!” Klao yelled. “And then he wouldn’t go away. He just sat there looking at me and criticising my office. Thank God I paid him back and now he’s history. Jerk!”
Bianca looked at her cousin. “You’re not going to see him again?”
“No!” Klao wrinkled her nose, as though she smelled rotting meat. “Why should I want to?”
“KoKo, he rescued you in Megamart. He saved your pride, and he was pleasant doing it…”
“So?” Klao rolled her eyes. “I paid him back. I don’t owe him anything!”
“I know you don’t… I’m just saying… What if he’s your dream guy…”
“Hah!” Klao scoffed. “Real funny, Bee!”
“You never know!” Bianca sounded like she was 25 going on 75.
“I know!” Klao retorted. “In the first place, my ‘dream guy’ is not going to be wearing no-named, old man jeans, and carrying around a battered billfold and buying Crazy Jim grapenut ice-cream and Ovaltine biscuits in Megamart…”
“You’re such a snob, Klao!” Bianca was annoyed with her cousin. “So what if he isn’t wearing Izzy Jeans and carrying around a Prada designer wallet? So what if he doesn’t buy overpriced imported ice-cream? What does that have to do with anything?”
“Number two,” Klao continued as though Bianca had not spoken. “I’m going to date someone called ‘Reece’ or ‘Wyatt’ or ‘Austin’. Certainly, he will not be anything as common as ‘Matthew St. James’!”
“Your ‘mommy’ is not only a snob, she’s also a jackass!” Bianca told Minx, who was sitting on the floor looking at her as though he was wondering whether he should try jumping into her lap again.
“And third, my dream man will be at work in the middle of the day, not in my office tormenting me…”
“Well, he could be on vacation, or a university lecturer with flexible hours; or he could be like a boy genius with his own investment company or computer software firm, so he does not have to go in like everybody else…”
“Whatever!” Klao snapped.
Bianca held up her hands in surrender. “You don’t have to eat me, friend!” She adjusted herself properly on the couch so Klao could sit next to her, and accepted the after-dinner chocolate chip cookie she offered. “I’m just saying that you are too picky…”
“How can you know I’m being picky, when you haven’t even seen the man?” Klao asked.
“Point,” Bianca agreed. “But based on what you said, he seems nice, and instead of getting to know him, you just dismissed him.”
“But I don’t want to get to know him, Bee!” Klao explained patiently. “What’s the point? I saw him twice, and there was no chemistry. None!”
“These things don’t happen right away,” Bianca pointed out. “I met Tevin when I was five. It took me nine years to realise he was cute.”
“That is so not the same thing!”
“It could be,” Bianca took a bite of her cookie. “You heard Grandma talk about the woman who picked and picked until she picked crap?”
Klao took a bite of her own cookie, and fed a little piece to Minx. “So now I should settle?”
“You’re impossible!” Bianca pretended to strangle her cousin. “Girl, all I’m telling you is to explore! Don’t be so quick to judge and dismiss!”
“I’ll explore when I think the prospect is worth exploring!” Klao decided. “And trust me: this Matthew dude -- not worth my energy.”
Bianca decided not to argue with her cousin any further. She knew it was pointless, because no one could hold on to an idea more than Klao could, regardless of how inane it was. Perhaps that was why she was such a good attorney. Bianca only wished that Klao was not so adamant that she did not want to get to know her supermarket hero. Of course she did not know him, but Bianca was convinced that only a true gentleman would have rescued her cousin the way Matthew had. Moreover, Bianca wanted Klao to meet someone and start a relationship. She knew how much Klao wanted that, and she wanted her cousin to be happy. But for someone who spoke of finding a boyfriend as much as Klao did, she was the queen of criticism and finding fault with the guys who came her way. Some real keepers had been interested in Klao in the past, Bianca had noticed, but it was always something. His head was too big, or he was not tall enough, or old enough, or too old, or too skinny… Klao also had an uncanny ability of falling for some loser creep guys who never gave her a second glance, or were total jerks. Case in point was that moron she had lost her virginity to in Barbados. Her cousin had made her share of mistakes when it came to men. Bianca only hoped that dismissing Matthew St. James was not another.
***
Klao sat in her CRV in the parking lot of the Ravi P New Kingston, unable, or unwilling to get out. It was Saturday night. It was the night of Bianca and Tevin’s engagement party. Klao had spent the entire Saturday morning deciding what she was going to wear. She finally decided on a maroon empire waist cocktail dress with a sweetheart neckline, a beaded bodice, and a pure silk car wash skirt that barely skimmed her knees. She added a pair of strappy Manolos that gave her an extra four inches of height, and formed her hair into the most elegant figure eight bun, studding in tiny, sparkling clips. Grandma Sylvia had taught her the art of the figure eight bun. She recalled being seven years old, and sitting with Grandma, Bianca, Andie and Samantha in front of Grandma’s formidable-looking dressing table, and twisting her hair into the number 8, while simultaneously trying to get the hair pins in. ‘Power hair’, Grandma had called it, and no one knew more about power hair than she did. She could not feel her head for hours after, but Klao liked how the style made her look. She did not have striking features like Bianca and Samantha, and ‘power hair’ gave her face a little bit more personality.
Klao sighed and tried to will her body to get out of the car. All she had to do was remove the key from the ignition. That would automatically open the doors. Then she just had to step out and walk – she remembered how to walk – to the doors of the hotel. It was not that she did not want to be at Bianca’s party. She was more than happy to be there. She had been psyched all day for it. All her family was going to be there -
even the ones from overseas. The Persauds loved to party, she knew. Any little occasion was enough to fly off to wherever the family was being gathered – whether it was to celebrate a successful Izzy season, or for a surprise birthday party. Grandpa Ravi, eighty-odd years old, insisted that the family get together as often as they could, to celebrate happy occasions. He did not want them to be strangers at his funeral. Grandpa Ravi, Klao thought, had been ‘dying’ for the past ten years. Every time anyone tried to beg out of a family gathering, he would intercede, telling them it would probably be the last time he would have a chance to see them, as he was an old, old man. Ironically, both Grandpa Ravi and Grandma Sylvia were as healthy as oxen, and did not look in the least like they were going to die soon. However, no one wanted to feel guilty if the unthinkable did happen, so they always attended the gatherings, and they always had a grand time.
Klao also knew her reluctance to get out of her car was not because she thought she did not look nice. She knew she looked hot. All the mirrors in her apartment told her that, and her upstairs neighbour, Hanson, had whistled at her as she was leaving. He’d asked if he could be her date that evening. She had jokingly told him it was fine – as long as his wife approved.
That, she believed, was when she started to feel weird. She was going to a family party. She was dressed to the nines in a couture dress. She looked beautiful and elegant. But she was going alone. She was going to be the only one who was going alone. Even Christopher, all of fifteen years old, had indicated to Bianca that he would be taking a plus one – a girl from his tenth grade class at Hialeah Academy. And Alex, Aunt Elisabeth’s nerdy son, who was a couple months younger than Andie, informed them that he would be accompanied by a ‘special guest’ – a colleague from his doctoral programme at Yale. Even her ‘man whore’ cousin, Phillip, had managed to ‘scrounge up’ a date for the evening. No one was sure who she was, but all fingers, toes and eyes were crossed that this one would be able to keep Phillip’s attention for more than an evening. After all, at 33, it was high time Phillip put down his ‘philandering ways’ as Grandpa Ravi called them, and settle down with a nice girl.
So officially, Klao would be the only one at the party both unmarried and dateless. She had tried in vain to rouse up a date for the evening. She had very few guy friends, and the ones that she did call on already had plans for their Saturday night. In desperation she had sat and stared for ten minutes at Matthew St. James’ number in her notebook, wondering if she should call him up and ask him to be her date. Finally, the superficial side of her won. She decided it would be totally inappropriate to invite him to a Persaud get-together. She would have to groom him first. She could imagine him arriving in faded, ripped jeans and a T-shirt, with a stretched out neck. That would be more embarrassing than turning up alone. Besides, she did not know anything about him, whether he had a girlfriend or a wife. If he didn’t, she did not want to encourage him, lest he turn up at her office another time. Now, as she sat in the car, not wanting to get out, she rethought her decision. Matthew St. James would have been better than no one at all…
She was startled by a tapping on the window of her car. She looked up and saw her brother, Darrin, peering in at her. She rolled down the window.
“KoKo Nut!” He greeted her, using the name he and Dylan had tormented her with most of her growing up years. “You okay?”
“Hi Darrin!” She said, trying to smile. “How’d you know I was out here?”
“I was standing outside when you drove in,” Darrin told her. “I’ve been waiting for you at the door for the past ten minutes. What you doing sitting out here? What’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing,” Klao lied. “I was just listening to something on the radio.”
Darrin looked at her strangely. “Uh-huh. Open the door. I’m coming in.”
Klao did not want to sit with Darrin in her car. Darrin may have been the wild twin growing up, and the one that gave their mother most of her grey hairs, but he was also the perceptive twin. He could read her like a book, although, Klao thought, she was not exactly known for her poker face, either. What he wasn’t, was the sensitive twin. Darrin was the worst person in the world to try explaining her current feelings to. He would doubtlessly mock her for life. However, she did not have a choice. He was already on the other side of her CRV. She opened the door and he got in.
Chuck Bentley was on the radio discussing some money issues. Darrin looked at his sister. She clearly could not be interested in anything that Chuck Bentley had to say about managing her money. Klao never had to think about money. As far as she knew, a tidy sum was deposited into her personal account every month, while the principal and interest of her trust fund was rolled over. She also collected quite a bit of change from her job at Reyes, Green and Associates. He did not know what she did with that. Perhaps she spent it on her weird-looking dog. He knew something was wrong with her why she was sitting in her car in the dark parking lot all alone.
“Talk to me,” he said.
“About what?” Klao tried putting on her most innocent face.
“About whatever…”
“Where’s Synclaire?”
“Last time I spoke to her, she was leaving St. Maarten and heading towards Guadeloupe,” Darrin told her.
“When is she coming home?”
“Not until next week Wednesday at 5:15,” Darrin responded, as though he was counting down the days until his girlfriend’s return.
“That sucks!” Klao mumbled.
“Yeah,” Darrin agreed. “It certainly does. But look on the bright side. You will not be the only one without a date to this shebang tonight, so you don’t have to hide out here.”
Klao looked at her brother as though she had no idea what he was talking about. Darrin was not easily fooled. He gave her his sternest big brother look and Klao sighed.
“It’s not the same with you,” She said. “At least you have someone. The only reason you don’t have a date tonight is because your girlfriend is hopping across the entire Caribbean on company business. I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life!”
“That’s just retarded!” Darrin shook his head. “You aren’t going to be alone for the rest of your life. Look at you, KoKo. You are pretty, you are bright, and you are fun. If any idiot boy cannot look at you and see what I see, then they aren’t worth your time.”
“You have to say that, Darrin. You’re my brother.”
“I say it because it’s true!” Darrin corrected.
“You used to tell me that I was ugly and retarded and a dork!” Klao reminded him.
“Well, you grew good.”
“Would you date me if I was not your sister?”
“I don’t know!” Darrin said, wrinkling his face.
“See?” Klao screeched. “You can’t even answer, because you know you wouldn’t!”
“That’s kind of a weird question you’re asking me,” Darrin pointed out. “I cannot think about whether I would date you or not, dude! That’s nasty!”
Klao sighed again. “Who’s inside?”
“Everybody except you and me.”
“I can just imagine that Grandma is going to be giving me hell all evening, about when I’m going to do like Andie and Samantha and Bianca, and find someone!” Klao moaned. “She thinks it is as easy as picking up a man from the shelf at Megamart!”
“I don’t see the rush,” Darrin said. “You’re only 26. You have years to go before your blossoms start falling off.”
“Do you want to tell that to Grandma when she starts on me?”
Darrin smiled. “Do you know why she doesn’t bother me about getting married?”
“Because you are a guy and guys don’t have ‘blossoms’?”
“No!” Darrin’s grin got bigger and bigger. “When Dylan got engaged, Grandma started on me, too. And at the wedding, it was hell. Every five minutes, she would come up to me and say, ‘Lovely wedding, wasn’t it, Darrin? It’s your turn next you know, and I know exactly what I�
�m going to wear!’ It was annoying as hell, but I sorted her out.”
“How?” Klao asked, truly interested.
“Remember her friend who died shortly after Dylan’s wedding?”
“Jo Marsh? The one who went in her sleep?”
Darrin nodded. “Well, I went to the funeral, and when we were leaving the Columbarium over Dovecot, I just walked up to her, put my arm around her shoulder and said, ‘Lovely funeral, wasn’t it Grandma? It’s your turn next, you know, and I know exactly what I’m going to wear!’”
Klao’s eyes opened wide. “You didn’t!”
“Sure did!” Dylan said. “She hasn’t said anything to me about marriage since!”
“Oh my God, you’re prime evil!” Klao doubled over with laughter.
“It’s all about self-preservation, KoKo Nut. Don’t let them bother you about being single. You’re single – so what? It’s not a crime, and it is certainly no reason to be hiding out here, when there is food, festivities and your entire family waiting inside to see you. Your parents have not seen their only daughter in a month. So come on!”
Klao smiled. In retrospect, she was glad her brother had come out. She slipped her feet into her sandals and opened the door.
“When dancing time comes, will you dance with me?” She asked Darrin, as they made their way to the door of the Ravi P.
“Not with your two left feet and those dangerous looking shoes!” He held the door open and ushered her inside. “You may be pretty now, but once a retard, always a retard. I don’t want you to cripple me before I dance at my own wedding.”
Klao rolled her eyes at him. “Punk!”
“Loser!”
“Jerk!”
“Old maid, full stop, can’t top that!” Darrin sounded just as he did when she was 7 and he was 11 and they used to fight.
Klao grinned. “Thanks, D.”
“Anytime K!” He grinned back. “Look! There’s Margaux waving at you. Go and do your girly diva screaming crap with her, and try to have a great time tonight, okay!”