On Time (Persaud Girl)

by Teisha Mott

  “This show sucks!” She mumbled into her ice cream.

  The phone began to ring again, and Minx looked up from his toy.

  “Why can’t everyone just leave me alone?” She screamed.

  Minx gave a little bark, as if to say, “Just answer it and they’ll stop calling!”

  Klao sighed and reached for the cordless. “Hello?”

  “Why aren’t you answering? I’ve been calling for ages!”

  It was Andie.

  “Hey Andie!” Klao said, unenthusiastically.

  “Don’t sound so excited to hear from me!” Andie said sarcastically. “What’s the matter with you, Grumpy McGrumperson?”

  “I just want to be left alone, Andie. I had a very trying day, and I would just love to lie on my couch, eat ice-cream and watch TV without being disturbed. Is that asking for too much?”

  “Klao, Klao, Klao!” Andie sighed. “Retreating into your dark place is not going to solve any of your problems. What’s the matter?”

  “I don’t want to talk about it!” Klao said crossly. The truth was she was not even sure why she was cross now. Was she still cross because Mrs Reyes had stressed her out at work? At Ricard Shalkowski for not calling her? Was she cross at Matt St. James for calling her and having the temerity to ask her out? Was she cross at Bianca for suggesting that she date Matt? Or was her ire now directed at Shonda Rhimes for making Callie into a lesbian? Perhaps it was a combination of all of the above. Whatever the case, she did not want to discuss it with Andie.

  “Did you call me for a reason, Andie?”

  “Not particularly. My mind was just on you, and it is a good thing I called because you seem so sad.”

  “I’ll be fine,” Klao assured her. “I have my ice-cream, cable TV and Minx. My life is perfect!”

  “Bee and I were chatting you!” Andie told her.

  “Yeah?” Klao glanced at the TV. A not so attractive man was walking his girlfriend around town, and they were reminiscing about all their ‘first’ spots. ‘This is where we had our first date!’ The girl cooed. It was that crappy Kay Jewelers ad that gave her goose bumps every time she saw it.

  “Yeah,” Andie said. “She told me about your Megamart man…”

  ‘I don’t remember this place,’ the girl in the advertisement said, and on cue, the not so attractive man got down on one knee. Klao rolled her eyes and muted the sound. She turned her full attention to Andie. “So?”

  “I think you should go to lunch with him.” Andie suggested.

  Klao sighed.

  “Go to lunch with who?” She heard Nathan ask in the background. “Who are you talking to?”

  “I’m talking to Klao,” Andie told him. “Can you give me a moment, please?”

  “Like I told Bianca, I’m not interested in going to lunch with him,” Klao said patiently.

  “He didn’t ask you to marry him, Klao. It’s just a meal – not even the most important one for the day!”

  “I. Am. Not. Going. Out. With. HIM!”

  Minx looked up at her, wondering why she was screaming at Andie.

  “Why not?” Andie asked. “Is he ugly? Does he smell bad?”

  “That’s not the point!” Klao was now beyond annoyed. If Andie was not so thin skinned, and would probably malice her for life, she would have hung up the phone on her.

  “No, the point is, according to Bee, he was a nice gentleman, and you are always complaining that a nice gentleman has never asked you out. Now here one comes, and you are turning him down. Why are you looking a gift horse in the mouth?”

  “If she doesn’t want to go out with a crazy man who stalked her in the supermarket she doesn’t have to!” Nathan said. “Are you coming to bed?”

  Klao heard her cousin sigh. “Baby, can’t you just be patient and give me five minutes on the phone with my cousin? What is wrong with you?”

  “Go and entertain your husband and leave this one alone, Andie,” Klao suggested.

  “He waited seven years. Five minutes isn’t going to kill him.” Andie said. “What’s wrong with the Megamart guy? Why don’t you want to have lunch with him?”

  “There doesn’t have to be a reason…” Klao sighed again. “Look, Andie, I have to go. I’m watching ‘Grey’s Anatomy’…”

  “Do you now see why you’re single? There you are on a perfectly good Thursday night, wrapped up on your couch eating ice cream, watching ‘Grey’s Anatomy’, and turning down lunch dates from perfectly eligible bachelors.”

  “What’s the big damn deal, Andie?” Klao finally exploded. “I don’t want to go to lunch with that effing man, and I don’t want any advice from you about why I am single! Suppose I like being single? Have you thought of that? Suppose I like wrapping up on my couch, eating ice-cream, and watching ‘Grey’s Anatomy’? What if it is my lot in life, to become the scary Aunt Klao with one hundred cats, who all the little children are afraid of? What is so wrong with that?”

  “Well, first of all, you don’t like cats, so you will not have a hundred of them; second, you don’t like being single. You abhor being single, so I know that is not your lot. You are just damn miserable, and you are going to end up like Sister Rittie!”

  Sister Rittie was a woman at Nathan and Andie’s church. According to Andie, she was a very opinionated old woman who had to be a part of everything, or she would not be happy. Her seat was at the front of the sanctuary, and woe unto anybody who sat there. Sister Rittie had died last year of complications from diabetes. It was after her death that it became known that sister Rittie had lived to 71 years old, and she had never been on a date, had never been kissed, never had a husband, or sex, or a baby.… Apparently, no one had ever been good enough for her, so she went back to her creator exactly as she had come. Andie had related the sad plight of Sister Rittie to her sister and cousins at lunch, and they had all agreed that Sister Rittie was the most unfortunate soul to ever live. How horrible it must have been to be 71, and not know the joy of being held in a man’s embrace; to feel his lips against hers? They all agreed that ending up like Sister Rittie was the worst thing in the world.

  “Well, it is a bit too late for me to end up like Sister Rittie!” Klao mumbled.

  Andie snickered. “Oh yeah! I forgot you gave the nookie to the Guyanese boy!”

  “Shut up, Andie!” Grey’s Anatomy had started again, and Klao un-muted the TV.

  “All I’m saying is that if you want to be a wife, you have to start taking chances!” Andie said with finality. “Go back to your ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ and your ice-cream. I’m going to have sex with my husband!”

  She hung up, and Klao stuck the spoon in the ice-cream and put the container on the floor. She was even more depressed than before. She picked up Minx and held him over her head.

  “Virginity aside, do you think I’m going to end up like Sister Rittie?” She asked him.

  Minx barked, and Klao could not tell whether that bark meant yes, or no.

  “Do you think I should go out with the Megamart guy?” Minx cocked his head to the side and looked at his mistress.

  Klao lowered him to her chest and stroked his fluffy head. He licked her face and she smiled. “Why couldn’t you be a guy?” She asked him. “You are too cute, and you love me. And I loved you from the first moment I saw you. We would have made a perfect couple.”

  Minx made a funny, groany sound, and Klao continued to stroke his head. She thought about the Megamart guy, Matthew St. James. She wondered if Bianca and Andie were right, and that she should go out with him. James Dobson had said one evening that moot issues could be settled on the witness of two or more people. Granted, he was talking about settling legal issues, and testifying against someone in court, but the sentiment could be applied to this situation. Both her cousins – one married, one engaged – had agreed that she should entertain the obvious advances of this man. But on the other hand, neither of them had ever met him. But she had, and certainly was not impressed. Her cousin Kamilla, also married, but to someone
who used to be a scraggly, scrawny nerd-boy until she picked him up and fixed him up, had a mantra. Her saying was, ‘men are like grapes -- you have to pound the crap out of them to make them into something suitable to have dinner with.’

  Klao recalled Kamilla’s husband, Kevin Secrage, from Saturday night. He was no grape. He was a fine, full-bodied glass of wine, aged to perfection, thanks to careful pounding from Kamilla. Klao wondered if she had the patience to pound any man, Matthew St. James included, into what she wanted. She much preferred a store bought, ready-made dress to one she had to fit and try and alter until it suited her. She felt the same way about men. She wanted one that was already complete, not one she had to make herself. At 26, she was far too old to spend time moulding anybody. Anyhow, she thought, as she considered Matt’s saggy, tired jeans, his battered wallet; his deprived taste in ice-cream both brand and flavour, and how badly in need of a makeover he was, that it might be a whole lot of fun trying.

  ***

  “Where are you?” Klao frowned into her BlackBerry.

  “Where are you?” Bianca questioned in return.

  Klao could hear in the background, the incessant bawling of the sick children at the Bustamante Children’s Hospital, where Bianca was doing a three month stint. “I’m in the parking lot, and you should be down here already!”

  “It’s time already?” Bianca almost screamed. “I have something I’m dealing with. I will be there shortly. You want to come in and wait?”

  “No!” Klao declared. She did not want to be anywhere near the inside of the hospital where all brands of germs could get her. She could not understand how Bianca, her brothers, her parents, and her uncle Jeffrey could stand being doctors. “I’ll sit in the car and wait for you. Hurry up!”

  Klao had promised to pick up Bianca from work that Friday evening. Bianca would spend the night at Klao’s apartment, and in the morning, they would catch the first flight out to New York to buy Bianca’s ‘save the date’ cards. Klao was beginning to regret her impulsive decision to accompany her cousin all the way to New York, just to buy save the date cards. She wondered why they couldn’t get them right there in Jamaica, or order them online. She decided, as she pulled her book from her handbag, that her wedding was going to be much lower key than Bianca’s was turning out to be. Over the past few days, she, Bianca, Andie and Samantha had started building a guest list, which had already gone over 150, and they had not added Tevin’s friends or his family’s friends.

  Klao wondered why Bianca’s friend from High School, Sue-Ellen Pollack, who she rarely e-mailed since graduation from sixth form, had to be invited. What could she and Sue-Ellen possibly have in common after all these years? But Bianca had been adamant that Sue-Ellen and a whole bunch of her other little boarding school chums would be at her wedding, and Klao was glad that Uncle Jeffrey’s pocket book was deep enough to handle the reception.

  Klao turned the page of ‘Table for One – A Savvy Girl’s Guide to Singleness’, a book she had ordered online after it had been mentioned on ‘Focus on the Family’. It was a good read so far, and had helped her over the past few days not to be so disconsolate about not having a boyfriend. Camerin Courtney, the author, had some seriously good insights, Klao thought as she read. She was perfectly right. Why should she run and get married just because everyone else – her brothers, her cousins – were running off and doing it? What about waiting for the right spousal figure, a good father-type, for her future children; a man of substance and worth that God had designed especially for her…

  A tap on her car window roused her from her book. Klao looked up, startled. She was even more startled when she looked into the perpetually smiling face of Matthew ‘Matt’ St. James. It had been one whole week since that Thursday he had phoned her at work, since Bianca had ordered her to go out with him, and since Andie had threatened her with the curse of Sister Rittie. Klao had been afraid to answer her phone in case he was calling again. She did not want any reason to believe that God had sent her this man, and she was pushing him away. He had not called, and she had almost succeeded in forgetting about him, and then, bam! There he was!

  She rolled down the window.

  “Hey, there!” He grinned, leaning into the CRV, and Klao wondered if he was ever sad or unsmiling. “This is the last place I would expect to see you!”

  “Why are you suddenly so ubiquitous?” Klao asked, in her most annoyed tone.

  “Sorry!” Matt replied sheepishly.

  Klao scoffed. “You’re sorry for being ubiquitous?”

  “No!” The smile slipped a little. “I’m sorry because I don’t know what ‘ubiquitous’ means. I mean, I’ve heard the word before, but I’m not sure if you’re insulting or complimenting me.”

  Klao rolled her eyes. “’Ubiquitous’ means you are everywhere!”

  “Like God?” He questioned.

  “No, God is omnipresent. There’s a difference”

  “There’s no difference!” Matt argued.

  “You didn’t even know what the word meant till a second ago!” Klao shot. “How do you know there is no difference?”

  “Okay, thou great sage of words! Tell me what is the semantic line of demarcation between being ‘ubiquitous’ and being ‘omnipresent’.”

  “God’s omnipresence is comforting!” Klao spat. “Your ubiquity is just annoying!”

  Matt nodded. “Oh! I see. You go for the jugular every time, don’t you, Klao M. Persaud? I would love to see you in court. I bet you make opposing counsel cry!”

  Klao could not help but smile. Matt noticed.

  “Oh? Is that a smile I see? Is it possible?”

  “Whatever! What are you doing in Bustamante Hospital’s parking lot, anyway?”

  “I’ve come to visit a friend,” Matthew informed her. “What are you doing here?”

  “Picking up my cousin! The one who’s getting married.”

  “I bet you didn’t give her my congratulations!”

  “And I bet I did!” Klao retorted. “And she said ‘thank you’!”

  Matt smiled again, and Klao looked at him – really looked at him for the first time. He was not strikingly handsome like Tevin or Jeremy. He was not an obvious ‘pretty boy’ like Nathan. He was rather cute, other than anything else. He sort of looked like Minx. He had slanted brown eyes, a nicely chiseled nose, full-enough lips, and a goatee that was really trying. But when he smiled, his entire face transformed, as though a light switch had been turned on. That’s probably why he smiled so often. And his teeth looked really white against his dark skin. He was a decent looking fellow, Klao had to admit. He just needed to be fixed up a bit. There was time to do it, too, because he was just a boy. Klao tried to recall how old he said he was.

  “What?” He asked, looking at Klao, who was looking at him.

  “Nothing!” Klao looked away, embarrassed.

  “You really are the last person I expected to see today,” Matthew repeated. “It must be providence that I did, though, because I really wanted to tell you something…”

  “What?”

  “I wanted to tell you sorry for calling you at work like that the other day. It was way out of character for me; and a bit on the creepy side when I think about it.” He sighed. “I would have called and apologised, but that would have defeated the whole purpose of the call.”

  “I should apologise to you for a lot of things, too,” Klao said. “For being rude to you in Megamart, and the office, and hanging up on you. That was out of character for me, too.”

  “We can call it ‘squits’ then!” Matthew suggested, and Klao nodded in agreement. “Under one condition…”

  “What’s that?”

  “That you call me ‘Matt’ instead of Mr St. James, and that you let me take you to lunch.”

  “You can’t count?” Klao asked. “That is two conditions!”

  “Well, the second one then,” Matt decided. “The first one will come naturally once the second one takes place.”

  “I
really don’t think it is a good idea to go out to lunch with you,” Klao said, shaking her head.

  “Why not?” Matt persisted.

  “Because, during the week I am far too busy to take long lunches – the type I’m sure you would want to have - and my weekends are full, especially now that I am going to be my cousin’s maid of honour.”

  “Do you eat dinner? Do you think we could do that instead?”

  Klao was saved from responding. She looked up and saw Bianca run-walking over to her car. She frowned for two reasons. First, Bianca was going to run into Matt and she would have to introduce them. He would smile his endearing smile at Bianca, and dazzle her with it, and she would totally fall in love with him. All weekend long in New York, she was going to have to listen to Bianca go on and on about why she should get to know this man. And second, Bianca was wearing hospital clothes. Klao hated those multicoloured outfits that Bianca wore, and she hated them more when Bianca came into her space wearing them. For a doctor, she certainly did not act as though she was cognisant of the effect germs had on a healthy person.

  Before she could think of a good way of getting rid of Matt, Bianca was at the car.

  “Okay, I’m ready. Sorry I made you wait…” She noticed him. “Who’s this?”

  “Bianca, this is Matthew St. James,” Klao mumbled. “Matthew, my cousin, Bianca.”

  Bianca’s eyes opened wide. “Matthew St. James, from Megamart?”

  “Matt, please!” Matt asked, taking Bianca’s hand. “Klao mentioned me?”

  “Yes, she did!” Bianca’s smile was as wide as Matt’s. “Thank you for saving her forgetful behind that night!”

  “It was my pleasure! Congratulations again on your engagement. I’m sure you are going to make a beautiful bride.”

  “You may very well find yourself at the wedding!” Bianca said, giving Klao a cheeky wink. “Who can tell?”

  Klao wanted to punch her. “Bee, we should go. Mr St. James has to go and visit someone, and visiting hours will soon be up.”