by Teisha Mott
“Mother of God!” She thought, as she sipped her virgin daiquiri. “Life is too short for this!” How the dickens did Ricard and Tevin remain best friends? Bianca had said he was vanilla, and she was so right! Ricard Shalkowski had absolutely no personality!
Matt had a personality! She recalled their date at La Fa. That had been fun. Matt was interesting, and did not take himself as seriously as Ricard clearly did. He had made her laugh. She had first laughed when he told her his middle name was ‘Levi’.
“What’s your middle name?” She asked Ricard.
“Excuse me?” Ricard had been in the middle of telling her some story about some mapping of auditing principles, or something like that. He looked at her, confused.
“What is your middle name?” She repeated.
“It’s Anthony,” he said shortly, and promptly launched back into his never-ending story sans the flying dog.
Klao sighed. Couldn’t he see that she was not interested in his story?
“Why did your parents name you ‘Ricard’? What happened to the ‘o’?”
“What ‘o’?” Ricard asked. She thought he looked annoyed that she kept interrupting his ‘intriguing accounting saga’.
“The ‘o’ that would have made you ‘Ricard-o!”
“It’s not Ricardo,” Ricard said. “It’s Ricard.”
“I know that,” Klao was trying to be patient. “But why didn’t your parents name you Ricardo?”
“I don’t know!” He frowned. “I never asked. Besides, why is that even relevant?”
Klao resisted the urge to roll her eyes. The thought process of one of Persaud Enterprises’ senior attorneys and his society wife who had named their first born Ricardo without an ‘o’ was not relevant, but the nuances of IFRS 39 was? This evening was not turning out as planned, and Klao was less annoyed and more desperate.
“If you had a superpower what would it be?” She blurted out.
“I think superpowers are ridiculous and childish!” Ricard said matter-of-factly. “Unless we’re talking about world super powers. What are your thoughts on ‘Red China’?”
Klao looked at him blankly.
“I think it looks terrific on white table cloth!” He doubled over in laughter at his own pathetic excuse for a joke.
Klao wanted to punch him. She wanted to double her fist and serve him with a left hook that would break his nose. Even the idea of being thrown out of Christopher’s, and possibly locked up for assault, was more appealing than listening to Ricard Shalkowski speak. But she did not punch him. Instead, she looked at her gold Richard Mille wristwatch.
“Oh my word! Look at the time!” She gasped, and then did a double take when she realised it was only eight o’clock. She was only out with Ricard for one hour? It felt like one lifetime! “We have to make it an early evening. I have a full day tomorrow…” She stood and gathered her black camel hair bag.
“Really?” Ricard stood as well. “What are you up to tomorrow?”
“I'm –uh -…” Klao was no good at lying. “I am volunteering at the Wayside Inn tomorrow.”
“What’s the Wayside Inn?” Ricard motioned to the bartender for their bill.
“It’s a soup kitchen. One of my friends runs it. They offer a bath and some food to homeless people.”
“I see!” Ricard handed the Bartender his platinum visa card. “So you are a Mother Teresa!”
“I wouldn’t say that,” Klao objected, trying not to blush. “I’m only going to help. Tomorrow is my first day.”
“That’s very commendable. Good job, Klao. I only write a check every so often and send it to Father HoLung and Missionaries for the Poor. I rate you for actually going where indigents are!”
“Well, someone has to!” She felt absolutely horrible for lying about her work with the needy. Matt would be so ashamed of her.
Ricard collected his credit card and ushered her out to his car. The consummate gentleman, he held the door open, and Klao could feel his hand on her exposed back as she got in.
“Something interesting happened at work yesterday,” he began, as he turned the key in the ignition and the BMW sprung to life.
“Really?” Klao could not listen to one more Accounting story for the evening. She would rip off her arm and beat herself with it if she had to hear about another difference between GAAS and IAS. Before Ricard could continue, she grabbed the first CD her hand touched from the tray. “Oh my God! You have this CD. I totally love….” She paused to see which group it was. “Boyz II Men!”
Boyz II Men? She groaned inside. Who still listened to Boyz II Men? They were so 1990s! Klao could not imagine which was worse: listening to Ricard wax on, or listening to ‘Mowtownphilly’. She chose Mowtownphilly’ and opened the CD case.
“Do you mind? Boyz II Men were – are – my absolute favourite!”
“Go right ahead!” Ricard said graciously. He looked pleased that they had the same taste in music.
Klao managed to block the musical stylings of Mike, Shawn, Nate and Wanya, as she hummed ‘Oh Love that Will Not let me go’ in her head. It was playing on the radio as she drove home from her date with Matt. In no time, thankfully, Ricard pulled into her complex. He parked next to her CRV and walked her to the door.
“So I had a nice time,” he said, as she opened the door.
“So did I!” Lying was, frighteningly, becoming easier and easier.
“We have to do this again!” Ricard continued. He took her hand. “Next time I’m in Kingston?”
“When will that be?” Klao asked, resisting the urge to snatch her hand away. She would make sure she was busy that weekend.
“I dunno. But I will definitely make an excuse to come up.” He smiled and Klao smiled. “Well goodnight!”
Before Klao could answer, his head darted forward as he zoomed in for a kiss. Klao’s reflexes were like a cat’s and she turned her head away just in time. His lips met her ear lobe. Talk about awkward! She felt her neck getting hot. Ricard was also obviously embarrassed.
“I’ll call you!” He said, as he turned away from the door.
Klao waved and tried to smile politely. She watched him get into his car and drive off. Then she locked the door, leaned against it, and uttered a blood curdling scream that scared a good ten years off Minx, who was fast asleep in the couch.
“I’m sorry baby!” She cooed, gathering him to her bosom. She smelled him to make sure he did not smell like a dog. He smelled like apple shampoo. “That was the worst date ever!” She told him.
And it was. Ricard Shalkowski was good-looking. He was cosmopolitan. He dressed well and drove a fancy car. But he insulted her pet and he bored her to death. He had tried to kiss her, but who would want that stiff, pokey, boring man kissing her? Bianca was right. She could never expect an infusion of grace from him. She could expect one from Matt, though, based on the passion with which he preached and played the piano. She sat in the couch with Minx in her lap and turned on the television. At that time last week, she was with Matt. He had dropped her home, and had joked about being ‘Matt Man’. Then there was the kiss that never happened… A Law and Order rerun was about to begin. She wondered where Matt was; whether he had come back from St. Thomas yet. She wondered if she could phone him. She wondered if he would want to hang out with her on that Saturday night. Perhaps not. Ministers did not ‘hang out’. Or did they? Well, she knew for sure that he ‘hung out’ at the Wayside Inn. Klao recalled that she had told Ricard she would be there tomorrow. She hated being a liar. It would not be a bad idea to go and help out…
Klao grabbed the phone and dialled Bianca’s number. Bianca answered after two rings.
“Back from your big date so soon? How was it? Are you going to be Klao Melissa Shalkowski?”
“Not if he was the last man on earth!” Klao said vehemently. “You know what is more interesting than listening to Ricard Shalkowski talk? Watching paint dry! Watching cheese age! Watching limestone turn into stalagmites!”
“I
won’t even say I told you so!” Bianca said with a laugh.
“What’s wrong with him?” Klao asked in awe. “Is he retarded or something?”
“No, he’s Ricard! That’s just how he is. And somewhere in this wide world, there is a girl who is as vapid as he is, who will think he’s awesome. That girl is just not you!”
Klao sighed. “I guess…”
“I’m sorry, KoKo! You’ll meet a nice guy soon!”
Klao knew she had already met a nice guy – a nice guy she was not worthy of. Then she remembered…
“What you doing tomorrow?” She asked her cousin.
“What you want to do?”
“Volunteer at the Wayside Inn? You up to serving rice and peas to the homeless?”
“Sure!” Bianca said, good-naturedly. “It will give me an opportunity to feel out Matt and have a chat with Mary.”
“What about going so you can be a decent human being and help out the less fortunate?” Klao suggested.
“I do that every day at work!”
“You’re paid for it. It’s different when you volunteer!”
“Sweetheart, juxtapose the work I do with the salary I collect – trust me, I’m volunteering!” Bianca informed her. “So, where is the Inn, and what time should we get there?”
“I don’t know. Could you call Mary and find out?”
“Or you could call Matt?” Bianca suggested.
“Bee, I don’t want to call him,” Klao said sadly. “I don’t want him to think I’m volunteering because of him.”
“Aren’t you?”
“No!”
“Whatever you say KoKo!” Bianca did not believe her.
“Bee…”
“Fine! I’ll call Mary and call you back.” Bianca agreed. “But please don’t go down there tomorrow and act like an idiot when you see Matt.”
“Whatever Bee!”
“Okay. I’ll call you back in two!”
Klao hung up and took a popsicle out of the freezer. She sat on the couch and pulled her legs up to her chin and licked her popsicle while she watched ‘Law and Order’ and waited for Bianca to call her back. She was going to the Inn, and she was going to see Matt. Even if he did not want to date her, she would feel better just seeing him again, and perhaps after he spent a whole day with her, he would like her again. Perhaps…
***
“This is it?” Klao looked scornfully at the decrepit looking building that housed ‘The Wayside Inn’.
“It’s a soup kitchen, not a hotel!” Bianca reminded her as she swung her Audi SUV into the available parking spot next to what appeared to be Mary’s Suzuki Swift. “What did you expect?”
“Something a little less… I mean a little more…” Klao was not sure what she expected, but she knew she did not expect this pathetic looking place. There were pathetic looking men, women and children just hanging around… This was Matt’s baby – his cause. She recalled a good portion of the conversation at lunch had revolved around the Inn, and how much help it needed. Matt had said he spent all his free time at the inn – outside of meetings and vestry time and visiting time, but, it still had a long way to go. She looked around the parking lot, and sure enough, Matt’s Tiida was parked up next to a wall. He was not wrong. The Inn needed help. Klao’s mind started ticking. She wondered whether she should call up her investment advisor and ask him to add The Wayside Inn to the list of her charities. It was obvious Matt could do with some financial assistance…
“Did you come here to sit in the car all day, or are you here to help?”
Klao snapped to attention and looked up at Mary who was smiling down at her. Klao smiled. “Hi Mary!”
“We missed you yesterday!” Mary told her. She held the door open, and Klao got out. “But Matt said you had other plans.”
“Well, he had other plans, too!” Klao mumbled. She went to the back of the Audi to help Bianca with the bags of clothes she had taken to distribute to the homeless people.
“I know you said ‘men’s stuff’,” Bianca said. “But we figured women are homeless, too…”
“Of course!” Mary said graciously. “Thanks a lot!” She motioned to one of the boys who had rushed to hug Klao at church, and he came and took the bags. “Come, let’s go find Matt!”
“Don’t act like an idiot!” Bianca mouthed to Klao as they trotted behind Mary.
Klao gave her a withering cut eye. Mary led them to the back of the building where Matt was on a ladder, hammering away. Marvin was holding the ladder and another guy that Klao had never seen before was handing him nails. He appeared to be repairing a roof.
“Matt!” Mary called, but he could not hear her above the hammering. “Matt! Matthew!”
“What?” He finally responded not looking around. “You don’t see I’m busy.”
“You have two new volunteers!” Mary told him.
“What?” Matt turned to glare at his sister, and when he saw Klao, the hammer slipped from his grasp, and missed Marvin’s skull by a millimetre!”
“Yout’, watch it!” Marvin barked, letting go of the ladder. It wobbled and swerved, and Matt held on for dear life.
“Careful!” Mary yelled, covering her eyes.
The guy who was holding the nails grabbed it before it could come crashing down taking the pastor with it.
“You let go the ladder!” Matt accused once he was once more on firm ground.
“You almost took me out with the hammer!” Marvin accused back. “What you would tell Sheena?
“The same thing you would tell Sister Gwennie if you let anything happen to her last viable egg!” Matt returned.
“Are you okay?” Klao asked, still a bit traumatised by what almost happened.
“I’ll live!” Matt smiled, and she almost swooned. “What are you doing here?”
“We came to volunteer!” Bianca said. “Is there anything we can do?”
“So much!” Matt said. He dusted his hands on his tattered jeans and handed his recovered hammer to Marvin. “Come with me. I’m so happy you are here!”
Klao scoped him out as they went inside the building. He looked homeless and sweaty and as though he had been working all morning. It was still early – only 10:30, and, as he explained as he walked, most of the homeless people did not arrive until about midday for a one o’clock lunch. He said first there was registration, and each person would get a meal ticket. Then they had to have a shower, then ‘socialise’. Then there would be worship, then lunch, then distribution of clothes.
“What so they socialise about?” Klao asked.
“They don’t shoot the breeze and discuss whose cardboard box is nicer!” Matt explained. “Sometimes we have clinic or counselling, or once a month, this girl from church who has her own hair dressing parlour comes in and grooms everybody – haircuts and so on. We don’t only have homeless people here. We have people who live somewhere, but really cannot afford much – like clothes, or health care…”
They got to a light, airy room, with another bunch of depressed looking people waiting to get medical check-ups.
“Bianca, I’d like you to meet Dr Alvin Tulloch!” Matt said, introducing them.
“I know Dr Tulloch!” Bianca said with a smile. She recognised one of the consultants from the University Hospital.
“Hello, Dr Persaud!” Dr Tulloch, who looked to Klao, frighteningly like ‘Chien-Po’ from the cartoon movie Mulan, turned to shake Bianca’s hand. “What brings you here?”
“I came to help!” Bianca said, looking proud of herself.
“Dr Tulloch comes in once a month and holds clinic,” Matt explained. “He is one of our members at St. Andrew.”
“Dr Persaud, you came the right day!” Dr Tulloch said. “We have quite a full house today…”
Klao smiled as Dr Tulloch and ‘Dr Persaud’ started talking shop.
“You come with me,” Matt said, taking her hand. “Let’s go to my office.”
A few persons stopped them on the way to ask a question
or get some advice. Matt really was rather ubiquitous. He was the ‘head cook and bottle washer’ at the Inn, and it seemed no one could do anything without his consent or opinion.
“You do this every day?” Klao asked, once they got to the dank, airless room that Matt used as his office.
“Well, we don’t have clinic and grooming and distribution and repairs every day,” he explained, as he rifled through a battered old cabinet for some papers. “But we do serve a meal every day, and we offer a bath every day, and we are trying to get at least twenty beds in, so the homeless ones can have somewhere to sleep except on a cardboard box on a sidewalk.”
“So what do you need?” Klao asked. “I mean, like donations…”
“So much!” Matt found what he was looking for and closed the cabinet drawer. “Toiletries, food, clothes, bed linen … you name it. And with back to school coming up, we are going to need school supplies for the children – uniforms, pencils and the like…”
“Do you need financial donations?” Klao asked again. “I was thinking earlier that I could have my investment advisor write you a cheque…”
Matt looked at her funny. “You’d do that?”
“Of course! This place obviously means a lot to you, and I want to do something to help. Although I don’t think my little bank account can manage all the things you need. Perhaps I can ask Grandpa to write you one, too!”
Matt smiled. “You are too kind! I’m really happy you came today, Klao, and not just because you are giving a donation.”
“Yeah?” Klao smiled wryly. “I didn’t know you would want me around!”
“Why would you say that?” Matt asked, a bit confused.
Klao blushed a little. She was sorry she had said anything. “Nothing.” She turned away.
“No!” Matt put his file to his desk and stood to face her. “No. Tell me what you mean. Why would you think I don't want you around?”
“Because after we had such a nice day last week Saturday, you just took me home, and that was it. You cold shouldered me for the rest of the week….”
“I did what?”
“I didn’t hear a peep out of you! You would normally call or text…”