by Неизвестный
“He came out of the worst of it about midnight. I couldn’t get hold of you. Where were you?”
He leaned back in his chair. He could try to lie, but that would make things worse with her. And Riley guessed it was time to grow up and do what was right. As it turned out, he didn’t have to say anything.
Janie’s brow furrowed. Reaching out, she ran her fingers down the side of his neck. “What are these scratches? Did you get them…” Her voice trailed off. Then, “Those aren’t from work two nights ago, are they?” He shook his head. “They’re fresh.” She raised her eyes to his, the bruised expression in them cutting to the bone. “They’re from fingernails.”
“Janie, I’m so sorry.”
“Sorry?” Her eyes were bleak. “Sorry? You broke the most solemn vow we made to each other. I still wear the ring…” She just stared at him. “And you know how important fidelity is to me because of my mother.”
“I was wrong. Very wrong.”
“Who is she?”
“It doesn’t matter. I don’t have feelings for her.”
“Oh, God, and you think that makes it better? That you acted a like pig as well as a cheater?”
“I don’t know what to say.”
Suddenly, she bolted up and rushed into the house. He found her huddled over the toilet in the bathroom vomiting.
As he looked down at her, he thought, This is what you did, Gallagher.
# #
Week #1 of the breakup.
Abby drove the car up to the curb in front of their parents’ house, stopped and reached over to take Riley’s hand. “You can do this, buddy.”
“I hope so.” He swallowed hard. “I want to.” He faced his sibling, who had proved her love was unconditional. “You’re a good big sister, Abs. Thanks for taking care of me.”
Riley had been a basket case when he showed up on Abby’s doorstep two days ago. She’d sat him down at her kitchen table, gave him coffee and listened to what a shit he’d been. She’d agreed, then stood by him. They’d talked through the nights about his resentments — and the origin of them — about what kind of man he wanted to be, and Abby selflessly reminded him of some stupid things she’d done in her life, too. By today, he was ready to take the next step. “I’m going to get our new foster kid right now,” she told him. “But I’ll pick you up later. Call me.”
He kissed her cheek, left the car and trudged up the walk like a little boy. He remembered when he’d been playing ball and broke a neighbor’s window, and when he got caught flirting with another girl and when he’d almost buckled under pressure when the kids at school taunted him about nerdy Jane. Each time when he came up this walk, his mother had been disappointed in him, but his father had taken him out back and talked about what a real man did in those situations. Funny, he hadn’t remembered those incidents over the ten years he’d been hating the man.
The door flew open and his mother rushed out and hugged him. “Oh, honey, I’m so glad to see you.”
He held her tight. “I hope he is.”
“I told him you were coming, like you asked, so you didn’t shock his heart.”
“Thanks.”
Once he reached the second floor of his house, his heart was pounding as if he’d run a marathon. Still, he went down the hall and knocked on the door of his old room. “Come in,” his dad said in a gruff voice.
Riley stepped inside but stayed by the entrance. His father lay in Riley’s old bed, seeming smaller and weaker than he ever had before. His face was pale and Riley could see the heavy rise and fall of his chest. He really was sick.
“Hi, son,” Ben Gallagher said in a gravelly voice. Immediately, he began to cough.
Riley crossed to him and when his father stopped coughing, he poured him water and handed it to him. “Drink this, it’ll help.”
After he downed the water, his father gestured to a chair that had been pulled up to face the bed. Riley wondered briefly if Janie had sat in this seat when she’d come to see his dad. Then pushed the notion away. He couldn’t let his problems with her interfere with what he needed to do today.
His father gave him a weak, uncertain smile. “Your mother told me you were coming. I’m glad you did.”
“Thanks for seeing me.”
“Of course.”
Edgy, he fidgeted in the seat. “You’re sick. I’ll pay for health insurance until you get on your feet.”
“I don’t want your money.” He uttered the words without rancor and with…longing.
Now Riley’s heartbeat went into overdrive. “I’m offering more.”
His dad just stared at him.
“I’ve been a shit all these years about you.”
“You had reason. I let you down bad, Rye.”
“Still, other people tried to help you.”
“You had more reason to hate me.”
“No, Dad, don’t let me off the hook. I gotta get a handle on my anger and resentment. I gotta change and start with facing the truth.”
Wisely, his dad nodded.
Riley glanced up at the ceiling, praying for help to find the words. “I think it’s because we were so close. I couldn’t believe…” He trailed off, biting his lip to contain the emotion he felt.
“You couldn’t believe I’d done such an awful thing?”
“That, too. But I think I just couldn’t believe I lost you. You were so important to me.” His voice cracked on the last words.
His father laid back and briefly closed his eyes. “That was the worst of the nightmare for me, too. I missed Mom and Abby, real bad, but you…gone from my life…I didn’t care if I lived anymore.”
Riley caught sight of his father’s hand on the bed. It was withered from the life he’d been leading. Slowly, he reached out and clasped it in his. Held the hand that, until his downfall, had comforted Riley all his life. He captured his father’s gaze. “I’d like…” for a moment he couldn’t go on “…I’d like a chance to see if I can put this all behind me. I want to do that, if you’re willing, Dad.”
Now, his father’s eyes clouded. “I’d like that, Rye. Very much.”
# #
“Riley, would you take him his breakfast? You seem to be the only one able to keep him in bed.”
Riley smiled over at his mother. “Yeah, sure.”
Her eyes warmed. “I’m so glad you came home yesterday. That you’re talking to him. Staying here.” He’d moved out of Abby’s and into her old room at his parents’ house.
“We got a long way to go, Ma.” Riley had discovered letting go of his anger took more than talking with his father.
“I know, honey. But first steps are important.”
Now that he’d taken those first few steps with his dad, Riley let in what had happened with Janie. Would he ever get to mend his very broken relationship with her? The notion that he might not cut him to the core.
# #
The next day, he once again carried upstairs his father’s breakfast, knocked on the ajar door of his old room and stepped inside. Now that he wasn’t so vomit-at-the-notion anxious, he took in the pictures lining the tops of the dressers and nightstands. Mostly they were of Janie, which dug the knife in his heart a little deeper, but there were also many of him and his dad, which maybe he needed to see.
When the old man caught sight of him, Ben Gallagher’s face broke out in cautious smile. “Hey, son. Your mother got you playing nurse again?”
He set the tray table over his father’s lap. “I don’t mind.”
His dad grabbed his hand. They’d always been an affectionate family. “Can I say again how much I appreciate this second chance?”
Riley’s heart contracted in his chest. He could still see Janie when she left their house, broken and near collapse. And he’d found the ring he gave her in high school in the garbage. “Yeah, well, now I guess I believe second chances are important.”
His father studied him, took a sip of his coffee. Since Riley had brought a cup for himself, he mirrored his dad
’s actions. “So, why hasn’t Janie been over here to see me?” his dad asked.
“Because she doesn’t want to see me.”
“I figured that. I’m sorry if it’s because I showed up again.”
“No, it’s me. I’m a stupid asshole.”
His father chuckled. “You’re a guy. We’re all stupid assholes sometimes.”
Riley didn’t think anything could make him smile after Janie’s dismissal of him from her life but the joke did. “I guess.”
And with that simple humor, the tight knot in his stomach began to loosen a little. Maybe Riley was going to be able to do this right.
# #
The next time he visited, he found his father watching a ballgame. “The Yanks winning?” Riley asked casually.
“Yeah, wanna watch for a while?” His father’s eyes widened. “Or are you too busy?”
“Not too busy. I go back to work tomorrow.”
They sat in easy silence broken by comments about the game. At one point, Riley went to get snacks. It was easier doing things together and not harping on the hard feelings of the past. After the play ended, his father turned toward him. “Rye, I hate to ask you something so personal, but I can’t enlist the women. Could you help me shower? And shave, maybe?”
A week ago, he’d have thought he had a better chance of going to Mars than assisting his father with personal hygiene. So much had changed.
“Yeah, Dad, I think I can do that.”
# #
Week #2 after the breakup.
“Hey, Tony. I’m leaving. Have a good night.”
Tony smiled up at Riley from his desk. “You, too.” He watched Riley for a minute. “You’re doin’ good, Rye. I’m proud of you.”
“It was a tough pill to swallow but when your ego’s tromped on…” and your heart broken, but he didn’t add that “…even the guys’ ragging on you doesn’t matter.”
He drove quickly to the Anderson County Fire Academy like he’d done every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at six p.m. both this week and the one before it. Hard cases needed regular sessions. He entered the big chrome and glass and stone building, took the elevator to the third floor and went to the office he’d first visited two weeks ago when his life had fallen apart.
“Come in.”
Riley entered.
Jack Harrison sat in a comfortable chair, leafing through some papers. Probably summaries of Riley’s fuckups. “Hey, Riley,” he said, glancing up.
Dropping down onto the couch opposite him, Riley gave him what passed for a smile. “How come you always look like you’re happy to see me?”
“Because I am.” Jack chuckled. “I expect you to excel here like you do every place else.”
Riley snorted.
“Besides, I have good news today. I checked up on your lieutenancy revocation.”
Riley forced despair away. He needed to stay positive, about his job at least. It was all he had left. “Yeah?”
“The paperwork’s been amended. I asked Noah Callahan if I could tell you…” Riley had let all the brass know he was in therapy “…and he said yes.”
“Shoot.”
“The revocation of your lieutenancy is only temporary now. In six months, if you’ve had no more incidents, you get the promotion.”
“Oh, God.” He frowned. “I wish I could share the news with Janie. Shit!”
“Maybe you can tell your dad instead?”
Riley nodded, still stinging from thoughts of Jane.
“Have you seen her?” Harrison asked.
“No. She said not to call her.” He took in a breath. “Let’s not talk about Janie. I’m into this retooling of my life whether she lets me back in hers or not.”
Harrison smiled. “Yep, you’re gonna be my best client.”
# #
Week #3 after the breakup.
Janie pulled up in the driveway to find Riley’s truck parked in its old spot. He’d texted her, asked if he could come over to do repairs on the deck and weed out the garden; she’d said yes, she’d be out while he was here. And she’d left. But she didn’t expect him to stay so late.
As she went into the house, she lectured herself that she shouldn’t want to see him. But they’d been together all their lives and three weeks without talking to him, touching him, had been hell. Maybe she just needed a little dose of him. No, it was probably better to avoid him. Like it was better to throw out the little ring she’d always treasured.
Vowing to head right upstairs and stay there, she snagged a bottle of water from the fridge, and keeping her eyes averted, walked past the open sliding door to the backyard.
Loud barks came from outside. Barks? She had to be imagining things. She’d always wanted a dog, but they both realized their unusual working hours wouldn’t be fair to a mutt.
She had to look.
On the grass, Riley, dressed in plain blue shorts and a yellow shirt that highlighted his dark hair, was throwing a ball to a little cocker spaniel. Though the pink bow around the dog’s neck dwarfed her, she was doing pretty well retrieving the miniature toy.
Jane stepped out into the deck and both man and dog halted, though the puppy tripped over her feet. Then she rolled onto her back as Riley approached her; he scooped her up with one hand and headed to Jane.
Their first face-to-face since she discovered he cheated on her was hard. Really hard. God, she loved this man so much. She knew she’d never get over him, but she had to learn to live without him. And she’d have to see him some time.
He devoured her with his eyes. “Hi,” he choked out in a hoarse voice.
“Hi.”
He held up the dog. “Happy Birthday, since I had to miss the day this year.” Which she’d refused to celebrate with anybody.
“The first time in 16 years.”
His look was questioning.
“That you missed my birthday.”
“I’d say I was sorry, but I know sorry’s not enough.”
She took the dog from him. “Hello, beautiful. Aren’t you adorable?” She peered back up at Riley. “Why did you get a dog for me? We decided it wasn’t a good idea to have a pet with our crazy hours.”
“I knew you wanted one, so I made arrangements for her. The Smiths next door are going to watch her when we…” he swallowed hard “…when you work. I’m paying both Bobby, who’ll be responsible every day you’re not here, and Evelyn Smith, who will take over when he’s in school.” He gave her a half smile. “And Frank on the other side said he’ll spend some time with her if they can’t.”
Oh, how thoughtful. “Wow, thanks.” She cuddled the dog to her chest and made a show of looking around. “You fixed the steps. And the flowers look great.”
“Yeah, I’d like to come back again. There’s more to do.”
“I can do it.”
“No, Janie, please, let me get the house ready for summer for you. Yard work is about the only thing you hate to do.”
“All right.” She kissed the dog’s head, and caught Riley staring with a look of such longing, it broke her heart all over again.
Still, some things couldn’t be changed.
Slowly, she turned from him and walked inside. She squeezed the pup so hard that it yelped. Jane battled back her feelings and hurried upstairs.
# #
Week #4 after the breakup.
“Seriously, Rye. You sure you want to do this before we go?” Ben Gallagher sat in Riley and Jane’s backyard under a snazzy blue umbrella Janie had bought.
“Yeah. Jane’s out with my mother for the morning, and our appointment isn’t until one. It won’t take long.”
“I could help.”
“Nope, I promised Mom you wouldn’t do anything. You’re still recuperating.” His father was recovering well, though Riley had noted his ragged breathing at various times in the past month.
Thinking that some things were working out, Riley headed to the side of house and the dog followed him. He tried not to read too much into the fact
that Janie hadn’t named her. Was she not planning to keep the pup because she’d been a gift from Riley? Did that mean there was no chance for them? Riley banished the notion, having already admitted he hadn’t given up hope of getting her back.
He began digging the footers for the pen that would stretch the length of their backyard. Doggy would have room to run and Riley would teach her how to use the space for exercise. He located the pen on the side of the house so the Smiths had easy access to it, too.
The sun beat down on him as he worked; the sweat and grind felt good. One footer…two… finally one side was done. He turned when his dad came up to him. “Here’s some ice water. Drink it. You’ll have sun stroke if you don’t.”
“I already put the hat on you gave me.” Having his dad do fatherly things again, take care of him like he used to was weird.
By noon, he’d finished the running pen. “I’m going to shower,” he told his dad. Most of his things were still in the closet. Unless she gave them to Good Will.
From a chaise, his dad said, “Okay, I’ll just close my eyes.”
Riley’s whole body ached from exertion but not as much as his soul when he walked into their bedroom. He sniffed. It smelled like her — jasmine lotion, lemon shampoo. He couldn’t help himself. Like some pervert, he crossed to her dresser, opened one of the jars there, and inhaled her sweet scent.
Jesus. He was losing it! Hurrying to the bathroom, he stood in front of the mirror. Jane had been right all along. He liked the man he saw there a whole lot better than the one he’d seen the morning he found her note. More than the man who’d suppressed so much anger and bitterness for years. It felt good to be letting go of the negative emotions. If she never took him back, he planned to always be that man. With those positive thoughts, he showered, shaved and went downstairs.
His father was in the kitchen. Riley saw the shadows in his face. It hit him suddenly. “You’re nervous, aren’t you?”
“Hell, yeah. This thing, you know, between us is so new. I…” He shrugged.
Riley clapped his father on the back. “Don’t worry, Dad, Jack Harrison is a good guy. He’ll help us both.”