God's Little Freak

by Franz-Joseph Kehrhahn

  How strange that at the time when the church ruled the world, it was referred to as the Dark Age! Luther is probably one of the most influential people ever in the Western world, because he was searching for truth and revealed the truth.

  In Kevin’s mind the church seems like a poor representation of God. The more he learns about the church, the more confused he becomes. The church Reformation was nearly 500 years ago and some of the things the Catholic Church did then, seem so incomprehensible today, like having to pay money for redemption of sins, or that salvation was determined by the amount of indulgences you owned. Kevin wonders what the churches are doing today that will seem incomprehensible to future generations. “Maybe I could explore something in the church like Luther did,” he thinks.

  Kevin’s fellow catechism students are not always pleased with having him in their class, because he asks too many questions that frequently makes the class 30 minutes longer than it should be. That doesn’t bother him. He wonders if they will discuss sex, wanking and boys who like boys, but doesn’t want to ask. The pastor doesn’t seem the kind that would talk about sex, similar to his father. But he still has hope, because God answered his prayer.

  He learns that according to Luther, sin is committed not only by deeds, but thoughts and words as well. “That is really tough! So even if I only think of another boy in a sexual way I am already committing a sin! It would definitely be easier to just become a heterosexual,” he thinks.

  Every now and then Kevin chats to Brendan. He tells Brendan about his plan to change. Brendan is sceptical and tells Kevin not to have too much hope, because he has been hoping for change for more than five years and nothing has happened so far.

  After the chat, Kevin thinks, “But of course Brendan would fail. He goes to some funny church: not one that was founded by someone who took on an entire church and succeeded. In addition to that, I have always had this special relationship with God, something that some people refer to as childish or even freaky, but now this will definitely help me.” He is adamant and his purpose clear, so he thinks, “I have to find a way to change so that I am not like this.” That is what he wants to discover. This is his mission and he knows that for this purpose, his catechism is more important than anything else he does.

  Chapter VIII

  During the July holidays, Kevin and Michael practice really hard for the piano competition. The piano piece that Michael has chosen is the Four Hand Sonata in C, by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. Mozart composed it when he was nine years old and played it for the first time in London with his sister, Nannerl. It was the first time ever that a piano duet was performed and Mozart the first one ever to write such a piece. Originally, they played it on a harpsichord and not a piano. Kevin thinks it is so cool to play such a piece. It is clear evidence that Mozart was also an explorer, too. He had done something that no one had ever done before, and when he was only nine years old! Kevin thinks that Mozart was an absolute genius.

  The sonata is a big challenge for Kevin and he feels it is a bit difficult, but he is not the kind of person who would back down from a challenge. Also, he never wants to disappoint Michael. Everybody knows how good Michael is, so the pressure is more on Kevin, because if they don’t do well, people will most probably think it’s him and not Michael. Both of them practise separately first and then practise together. During the holidays, Kevin practises until his back hurts and he can’t sit anymore. His continuous practising drives his entire family insane! There are regular arguments between him and his brother and sister.

  They always practise at Michael’s home because he doesn’t have any siblings who can moan and he has a grand piano. Michael always says that it is a boudoir piano. Kevin found it a bit frustrating that when he practised at home, he played his part perfectly, or nearly perfectly, but when he plays with Michael, it is chaos. His feelings for Michael are getting stronger and stronger and sitting next to him for so long makes it really tough to concentrate. Kevin is playing the secundo part, sitting on the left of the piano, while Michael is playing primo on the right. While they are playing, Michael’s arm touches Kevin’s arm and then Kevin gets completely lost!

  Kevin so often just wants to ask Michael if they can have a wank together or just wants to hold him, but thinks it is too risky. Just imagine if Michael takes offence and then they still have to practise together, which would be really awkward. Or even worse, Michael may decide not to do the duet with Kevin anymore because he tried something and the whole world would know. So Kevin decides to do nothing. He can’t wait to get home to finally have a wank before his pants explode. More and more he thinks of Michael while wanking. He wonders what his body is like, how it would feel if he were to touch him, how big his willy is and whether his pubic hair is also blond. Everyone he had wanked with until now had dark hair.

  One late afternoon they are practising at Michael’s home. Once again Michael’s arm touches Kevin’s and he loses his place and stops playing. “You keep pushing me,” Kevin says and sighs deeply. Kevin hopes Michael doesn’t notice the shaking sound in his breathing. “Does it bother you when I push you?” Michael asks teasingly and pushes him again. “Yes!” Kevin says, annoyed, and pushes him back a bit harder. As he looks at Michael, he finds that Michael is staring at him. Their eyes meet and Michael leans over and, just like that, kisses him. Kevin is stunned and surprised and his heart is pounding and it feels as if the whole top half of his body wants to explode. They are actually kissing, he thinks, and he doesn’t want to stop. And Michael doesn’t want to stop. Kevin puts his arm around Michael as he has always wanted to do and holds him tightly. Michael does the same. Neither of them knows exactly what to do next and for Kevin it feels like an eternity, as if he is in heaven. Eventually, Michael pulls away and says, “Sorry, but I always wanted to do that.”

  “You have?” Kevin asks.

  “Yes… You haven’t?” Michael asks.

  “No… I mean yes… I mean there were other things I always wanted to do with you,” Kevin replies while still shaking.

  “Like what?” Michael asks and smiles. He bites on his lip.

  Kevin says, “Like…” At that moment they hear Michael’s mother coming home from work and Kevin doesn’t continue. He jumps up and makes sure that his T-shirt is over his pants.

  “I have to go. I’ll speak to you tomorrow,” Kevin says.

  “OK, OK,” Michael says. “See you tomorrow.” And after he said that, he kisses his own hand and blows it at Kevin.

  Kevin rushes out. He says “Hi!” then “Bye!” to Michael’s mother and runs out. He runs nearly two blocks and then realizes that he went to Michael with his bicycle. He wants to turn around to get it but then rather walks home. He thinks about what has just happened. He is more than happy, more than blissful, and more excited than he has been ever before. This is much better than anything he ever did with Brendan. He has no words to describe it. He had his first kiss. He had his first kiss from Michael. Michael likes him too. He never thought that was the case.

  It is getting cold quickly. Vryheid can become very cold in winter, but that doesn’t bother him now. He is walking, almost running, out of excitement and smiling from ear to ear. Michael likes him too. “This is so perfect,” he thinks while replaying the movie of his first kiss from Michael in his mind over and over.

  At home, Kevin’s mother says that she doesn’t feel like cooking and that they are going to a restaurant that evening. “Put on something warm so that we can go when your father comes,” she says.

  After ordering drinks at the restaurant, Kevin’s mother says, “I’m so glad to see you so happy! You are so lively and excited, smiling as always. What is going on?” his mother wants to know.

  “Yea dude, it freaks me out. It looks like you’re in love. What’s going on?” his brother asks. “What’s her name?”

  Kevin laughs again in a shy way and he looks down and closes his eyes. “I’m happy because I…” then he pauses. He thinks a bit about what he was abou
t to say and then his face changes to someone who is in deep thought. “I’m happy because I think Michael and I might win the duet part of the competition next month. We’re really good!” He makes an effort to hide his exuberance.

  “Hard work is often rewarded and I don’t think there is anyone else that practises as much as you do. Good luck with that!” his father says while looking at the menu.

  Kevin then also looks at the menu, but he isn’t reading at all. He wants to share his experience with his family. Everyone he loves is sitting around one table. He feels that he and his family were always so close and it feels as if they hardly know him anymore and there are so many things he doesn’t share with them anymore. He remembers when his brother told his mother about his first kiss and how excited he was. Kevin then thinks: girls, ooh – yuk. Marcus was in grade 8 then, but Kevin is in grade 7 now. How he would love to rub that under his brother’s nose! “Who’s the big guy now?” he would ask him.

  When the waiter comes around again, he still doesn’t know what he wants, because he is thinking of other stuff. Everyone says what they want and when his father orders a pork schnitzel, he says, “The same, please.” His father doesn’t like it when someone takes too long to make up their mind.

  Kevin is very cheerful, talking non-stop, asking a question and then answering it straight away. He can’t sit still at all, changing his seating position all the time and raising both his hands in the air while talking. “Dude, seriously, what’s her name? I can see you’re in love,” Marcus says again.

  “I’m not,” Kevin says.

  “Leave him alone, Marcus. He’ll have the rest of his life to worry about women. The longer he waits the better. Some men wish they never had any interest in women in the first place!” his father says.

  “Hey!” his mother says and slaps him on his arm. His father grins.

  Kevin is relieved that his father comes to his rescue. “Marcus can be such a prick sometimes,” he thinks. But is he right? Is he in love? That thought never dawned on him until now. But how does it feel to be in love? Is this it? He wants to ask his parents how you know that you’re in love, but knows if he says another word, Marcus will know for sure. When the food eventually comes, Kevin isn’t hungry. He forces himself to eat, so that no one notices anything strange. Klara asks, “Why are you eating so slowly today? Normally, you are finished before everyone else.” Before he can answer his mother says, “Don’t encourage him. It’s better to eat slower.” Kevin smiles at his sister and for a brief moment he thinks about telling his sister. They already share a secret, but then again, she is too young to understand.

  Back at home he tries to chat to Brendan again, but Brendan doesn’t reply. He is curious about what Brendan would say about his first kiss and wonders if Brendan has kissed someone. He is sure Brendan has. He knows of course that he can tell God all about it and that night tells him everything in detail. He knows that God can keep a secret. He rambles on and on out of excitement.

  “I’m so glad you tell me about your happiness. Mostly people only talk to me about their unhappiness,” God says when Kevin is done.

  “I’m so happy I can jump over the moon!” Kevin says. “Do you think I’m in love?

  “That is something else you have to discover. But even your brother could see it. Love is the most beautiful thing and it pleases me whenever I see two people in love. Remember that it takes courage to love,” God says.

  “Courage? It’s the easiest thing ever! There is nothing to fear at all. I can’t wait to see Michael again tomorrow. I wonder what he is thinking now… Has he been telling anyone about this?” Kevin wonders.

  God interrupts his thoughts, “Why didn’t you tell your parents about it? You know you wanted to.”

  “Because… I don’t know,” Kevin says.

  “You do know, Kevin! Why didn’t you? Why don’t you tell your parents what you feel, since it is one of the happiest moments in your life?” God asks him.

  “Because they wouldn’t understand,” Kevin says.

  “Wouldn’t understand love? Are you sure?” God asks.

  Kevin keeps quiet. “Courage, Kevin, courage! It takes courage to love. If you want to keep feeling this way, you’ll have to be more courageous,” God says.

  “You know why, God!” Kevin says and runs his hands through his hair. His mood has changed suddenly.

  “I do. Remember, just be with it and you’ll be fine. I’m so glad that you share this with me. You are surely on the road less travelled. Don’t let the obstacles confuse you,” God says.

  Kevin is glad to hear that he is on the road less travelled; that he is an explorer. He is exploring love and all he thinks about is Michael.

  Chapter IX

  Kevin and Michael are sitting in a huge hall listening to a piano duet, a four hand piece by Franz Schubert. While listening, Kevin thinks about how far he and Michael have come in just over one month. They are secretly “together.” He has wanked several times with Michael. They often kiss, but now they French kiss each other, which is more exciting. He likes everything about Michael’s body and Michael certainly likes his. Twice they fell asleep while holding each other, in what have become regular sleepovers. Kevin wants to do everything with Michael - go explore, play music, do sports, play all kinds of games - and he can’t wait for the summer so that they can go swimming.

  After their first kiss and discovering how they feel about each other, it is now easier for Kevin to concentrate when playing the duet. Even if Michael touches him, it is not distracting at all.

  The Schubert duet finishes. It is a difficult piece of music and Kevin knows he would never have been able to play it. It was too difficult for the pianists too, because they made many mistakes. While everyone is clapping, Michael reaches over and squeezes Kevin’s hand gently to wish him good luck.

  The Master of Ceremonies announces, “And now, Michael Krippner and Kevin Schrödinger will play the Four Hand Sonata in C (K 19d) by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.”

  They walk up to the stage and sit down at the piano. They are a little bit nervous, but Kevin is good at debating and speeches and Michael performs a lot before an audience, so they can handle it. Michael counts them in and off they go. Both of them have perfect focus and enjoy playing.

  After the performance they get up to give a bow to the audience. Just as they bow, Michael grabs Kevin’s hand and they bow together. Kevin feels a bit awkward about this.

  “It went so well I feel like giving you a French kiss right here,” Michael says when they sit down. Kevin giggles and actually feels the same. They have performed together and there is something very special about that. He feels even closer to Michael than before. Michael has already played his recorder piece earlier and still has to play the First Movement of the Moonlight Sonata by Ludwig van Beethoven as a solo performer. Kevin can’t wait for that, because Michael said that with every note, he’ll be thinking of him. Kevin knows this will be true, because Michael doesn’t seem to have to concentrate that much when he plays.

  When Michael plays the Moonlight Sonata, Kevin has goose bumps numerous times. He has heard it several times before but today it is more special by far. He enjoys watching Michael play. At the end, when the audience begins to clap, Michael winks at him before he takes a bow. Kevin smiles from ear to ear and looks down at his hands.

  At the end of a very long day, the prize ceremony starts an hour late at nine o’clock. They had to squeeze the competition into one day because most of the competitors live far away and can’t travel back and forth. Most of the children are already sleeping somewhere in the hall and it looks quite bizarre. Michael and Kevin cannot stop commenting and laughing about the lady who presents the prizes. “She has so much make-up on because she tripped and fell into her powder box!” Michael says.

  The first category announced is for woodwinds, which Michael won playing the recorder. After that, several other categories, like brass instruments, strings and percussion follow. The whole affair is
dragged out by unnecessary pauses before announcements. Kevin is getting more and more impatient. “It doesn’t seem like these people are organised at all,” he tells Michael.

  Finally, it’s time for the piano duet award. Kevin is so nervous. He rubs his hands on his upper legs over and over to clear the sweat from his hands. Finally, the Master of ceremonies says, “And the winner is... Michael Krippner and Kevin Sch... and Kevin Schringer.” Kevin gets up and laughs. “Nobody ever gets my surname right,” he tells Michael while walking up to the stage. He is delighted that he won and even more so that he didn’t let Michael down.

  Micheal goes on to win the piano category, which is the biggest category of all and also the prestigious ‘Best interpretation of a classical work’ prize. While Michael walks up again to collect this prize, Kevin feels an immense sense of pride. “What an honour to know someone who is so gifted! And to know that he won this prize because he was thinking of me while playing the Moonlight Sonata,” he thinks while clapping along with the audience.

  On their way back, Kevin and Michael are sitting at the back of the van. Winning all those prizes impressed everyone and Kevin admires Michael a lot. He knows that Michael had more to do with them winning than he did, but he still likes to win. Michael is extremely tired and eventually falls asleep on Kevin’s shoulder. Initially Kevin has a “What would people think?” thought, but then also thinks that it is dark and nobody can see anything at the back. He likes it that Michael rests his head on his shoulder, but he himself can’t sleep.