by Debra Kayn
His throat spasmed and his lighter mood disappeared. Prison would be the hardest thing Jett ever experienced. It'd either break him or make him stronger. His son would have to remember where he came from. He had Rollo as a grandfather, Chief as a father, and almost three hundred men in Brikken who believed in him.
He nodded to himself until he could speak again. "Fuck this shit, son," he whispered back.
The door alarm sounded, and the nurse stepped inside, gazing at him. "There's one inmate ahead of you. I'll be with you soon."
"Take your time." Chief laid his head back and closed his eyes.
And, then he listened to the soft voice that spoke with his boy while he got stitched up, and enjoyed being the dad for once.
Chapter Eighteen
The Brikken property gate opened. Johanna waved at D-Con and drove into the enclosed area. Stopping in front of the clubhouse door, she shut off the car and popped the trunk latch.
Greggy and Skidd jogged over to her vehicle. She stepped out and pointed toward the building. "Everything needs to go in the kitchen."
Skidd looked in the back of the car. "Did you buy out the grocery store?"
"Practically." She laughed, reaching around him and picking out two sacks. "I'm tired of hearing you guys complain there's nothing to eat on Saturdays when everyone comes to the clubhouse."
"Did you get pretzels?" asked Greggy.
"Shit." She groaned. "No, I forgot. I'll call Chandra or Vikki and have them pick up a few bags before they head over here."
The men passed her, propped open the door, and entered the clubhouse. Following them to the kitchen, she set the two bags down on the counter and went back outside to bring in more groceries.
Halfway to the car, a rumble of a motorcycle started, tripping her step. She spun around at the familiar noise, searching for Chief's Harley with excitement before she remembered that it was impossible. Chief sat in prison. He'd been there over a year.
Following the sound, she approached the garage and stopped in the open doorway. She spotted Chief's motorcycle parked beside the make-shift office and swallowed. His bike had been such a huge part of his life. A sign of power, of acceptance, of dedication.
Olin walked toward her. "What's up?"
"His Harley..." Her throat closed up.
Olin nodded. "I start his bike every day, keep it running smoothly for him."
She shook her head, looking everywhere but at him. There were more motorcycles in the garage than there were members inside the clubhouse. She glanced behind her. Her stomach rolled. The line beside the door half filled with bikes, she knew the ones inside the garage, besides Chief's Harley, weren't personal motorcycles.
She looked at Olin and bile burned her throat. Nothing had changed. Brikken continued to chop stolen motorcycles, rebuild, and send the new bikes away.
Olin reached for her. She jerked away from his touch and ran away from the garage. She failed to make it to her car before Olin grabbed her arm stopping her from leaving.
"Let me go." She swung out and hit his shoulder.
"God damnit, Johanna. Stop for a minute and think before you drive away pissed off." He shook her. "Chief would kick your ass if you got in a wreck."
"Your dad isn't here," she yelled.
"He wants us to continue with the business. This is for Brikken." Olin let her go and put his hands up. "Think about it."
"Think about...?" Rage shook her. "Are you kidding me? You guys will all end up in prison. Every single one of you."
Olin's mouth hardened. "Open your fucking eyes, Johanna. This is all Chief's. Before him, it was Rollo's. Someday, it'll be Jett's. It's who we are, and will always fucking be. If some of us or all of us take one for Brikken, our families will continue to be provided for, our women will be protected, our children will thrive."
She backed away, shaking her head. "You act like he planned everything. Did he plan to go to prison?"
"It's not the first time he's spent time behind bars," said Olin.
She gawked, gasping for air. "What?"
"Before you." Olin shrugged. "Before he had kids."
None of that was true. She paced. Chief would've told her.
For him to willingly choose a criminal path for himself, for his MC brothers, he'd be calculating and...and insane. Her stomach rolled. It would mean that everything she believed about him wasn't true. It would mean that she didn't even know him. It would mean that she couldn't trust him when he said he loved her and would never leave.
"I'm not listening to this." She walked away, past her car, the clubhouse, and kept going.
Her confusion took her to the creek before she realized she couldn't run far enough to escape Olin's accusations and her hurt. She shook with anger. Anger at Chief for leaving her. Anger over his decision to ruin everything when she'd finally got what she'd wanted with him.
It wasn't fair.
Left on her own, she couldn't handle any more changes. She needed Chief. No one understood how much she was hurting. He was a part of her. The strength behind everything that made her happy. Without him, she had nothing.
She wanted him back, and as long as she believed he would return, she'd do her best to survive the next three years.
God, what she wouldn't do to see him. Just once, to look into his deep brown eyes and feel loved by him.
She lowered herself to the ground and pulled her knees up, wrapping her arms around her legs. It took exactly forty-two minutes to go to the prison.
Twice, she'd driven the distance and parked near the fence, hoping for a sight of him. A foolish errand, considering the yard where the prisoners were let out in was in the middle of the huge compound, and out of view of the public. She'd sat in her car, staring at the brick building, praying he could sense her near. In her irrational hope against hope, she wanted to believe that being close would make her feel like he stayed with her. In the end, she'd left, because he was locked away from her.
"Johanna?"
Recognizing Karla's voice, she turned her head. Elation swelled inside her until common sense washed over her, leaving her cold.
She turned her face away and hid behind indifference. Karla had become another person on her long list of people who'd left her. She'd waited for Karla to contact her after she'd moved to another house in Tacoma. Giving her the benefit of the doubt, even the excuse of "busy" would've been better than simply deserting her.
Karla stepped beside her. "Can I sit with you?"
She stared out into the water, flowing over the rocks, never stopping. "I don't know why you'd want to. You chose to leave my life without even a goodbye."
Karla kneeled in the grass. "I'd like to explain myself."
"Why now?"
Several awkward seconds passed, and Karla said, "Because I'm angry."
"Join the club." Johanna planted her chin on her raised knees. "I had a lot of respect for you. I even grew to love you during the time I lived with you, but I'll be honest. It's been over a year since I've seen you and you hurt me when you moved away and refused to see me. I have bigger worries in my life now than to spend what little energy I have left wondering why you're here. So, if you want to go visit everyone at the clubhouse, don't let me stop you. I'm sure Nene will be here soon. Maybe you'd feel more comfortable with her since you have so much in common."
The major shade she threw caused more tension. She pursed her lips. At the moment, she'd rather deal with Nene than Karla.
"I put the blame for you being in Chief's life on him, but there came a point where you were behaving as if you were a grown woman when you were a child, actively pursuing him, and you're equally to blame." Karla sighed. "He was like a father to you."
"That's not true."
"It is true. You leaned on him, looking for parental love, and he took advantage of you. He made your relationship more than it should've been when you were a child," said Karla.
"He loved me. Don't turn it into something ugly."
"Outside the bounda
ries of Brikken, Chief would've been arrested for what you two—"
"You know what?" She stood. "I'm not discussing this with you."
"Johanna, wait." Karla pushed to her feet. "Chief's business is his business, but I cared about you like a daughter, and I know how hard it is to be alone when he's in prison. I thought, I thought if we talked and we worked through our feelings, I could help you."
"All I can see is that you're pissed that he loves me." She crossed her arms. "Maybe you should take a hard look at what's going on in your life. I've been around since I was eight years old and not once has Chief ever denied you were the mother of his sons. He took care of you so you could take care of them. You don't have the right to judge us. We've always had a connection, and not you or Nene or anyone here will understand because you didn't have that special relationship with him."
Karla flinched.
Johanna's pulse raced, feeling stronger. "I have things to do and a club depending on me, so excuse me."
She marched back to the clubhouse, each step making her more determined to prove Karla wrong. Chief wasn't to blame for her loving him.
Throughout the years, she'd kept her feelings to herself, because she understood people would view Chief as the one responsible. She'd been young, but it was impossible to grow up in a society that warned children about predators not to know what others would think about her feelings and how Chief kept their relationship going over the years. She even faintly remembered her mother telling her to tell an adult if she felt uncomfortable with any of the people who were in charge of her care.
Chief took care of her. What they felt was special to them. It was nobody's business what went on between them. They had no right to judge.
The only person who had a right to question her feelings was Chief. He trusted her, and she trusted him.
Inside the building, she inhaled deeply. That's what she'd do. Trust him.
It would no longer matter what Olin, Karla, or anyone else said about Chief or her.
She headed toward the kitchen. Because of their age difference, it was obvious Chief had a past. Sexually, personally, and within Brikken. What mattered was the time they were together.
Keeffe walked into the room behind her. She looked over her shoulder. "I stocked up supplies. We were low on everything."
She picked up the bags of potato chips and stepped over to the cupboard. Sensing Keeffe still behind her, she turned. "What's wrong?"
He held out a phone. "Chief's going to be calling in five minutes."
"On this phone?" She took the cell from him. "It's not time yet. How can he call me?"
"We got a throwaway phone into him. He uses it for Brikken business." Keeffe backed up a step. "I'll close the kitchen, so you can have some privacy."
"Hey, Keeffe?" She waited until he looked at her. "This isn't Chief's first time in prison, is it?"
He shook his head.
Questions came to her faster than she could process. Chief told her to seek out V.P. if she had any questions the first time she'd talked to him after his incarceration. It'd taken her two weeks to figure out V.P. stood for vice president and not the initials of someone's name in Brikken.
"You'll be able to talk openly on that phone," said Keeffe quietly.
She looked down at the burner cell at the same time it rang. She answered, "Hello?"
"Jesus Christ, Johanna. What the fuck is going on there?" said Chief.
She reached out and held on to the counter. "What do you mean?"
"Olin opens his fucking mouth, and you take off by yourself, and then you talk to Karla, that's what I fucking mean."
"I-I talked to both of them, but everything is okay." She lowered her chin to her chest. "How do you know what happened? I mean, it just happened."
"I told you, I'm taking care of you." He exhaled. "You're okay?"
"Yeah, I'm okay."
"Fuck, I can't take this shit. Me being here, and you being there."
"Really, I'm okay."
"Olin told me what he'd said and that you were pissed," said Chief. "I would've liked to have told you this shit in person and helped you understand everything, bug."
"You're not here, though." She sighed. "I knew something was...different about the family, I mean, Brikken, but I guess I never wanted to believe you'd do anything like that because you wanted to stay with me. It's so risky, and I didn't know that when you told me, you wouldn't leave, that there was a good chance that you would go to prison." A lump formed in her throat making it hard to talk. "It hurt to learn the club is more important to you than I am."
"Johanna..." Chief cussed. "Use your head, bug. How long have I loved you?"
"Since I was eight," she whispered.
"How hard was it for me to wait to have your pussy and make you mine?"
"Hard?" she said softly.
"No, bug. It was hell. Pure fucking hell. Do you think I'm going to give you up because Olin opens his big mouth or Karla acted like a bitch?"
"I guess n—"
"You've got me, bug. The only way I'd leave your life is if I'm six feet under the fucking ground. I don't give a shit that I’m locked up. I am here for you, and I will get out. You understand?"
Warmth flooded her. "I love you," she whispered.
"We good?"
"Yeah, but Chief..." She took a deep breath. "I'm fine with Olin, and I handled Karla. It sucked, and I wish neither one of them had talked to me about you, but I dealt with it, and I worked through my feelings, and I was okay before you called. Though, I'm really happy to hear your voice and talk about us. We don't get to do that when you use the prison phone."
"Same here, bug. But, I have to be careful and not use it much. I don't want anything to come up that makes me stay in here longer and keeps me away from you," he said.
"Right. Three more years." She looked at the door and lowered her voice. "Can I please come visit you?"
"You're not supposed to—"
"I know, but Keeffe said I can talk freely and I've been dying to ask. Please. Please." She leaned her hip against the counter. "Can I?"
"No." He sighed. "If I see you, I'm going to lose my shit because I'm going to want to touch you. It's easier on me, to put in my time, not to have you come here."
She understood that their separation was more difficult for him. He lived in a cell, and the conditions were volatile and depressing. Locked up around dangerous men, he worried about what was going on at home and had to deal with his inability to fulfill his duties to the club. "Keep your spirits up."
"You, too, bug. I'll talk to you Saturday."
"Okay. I love you." She disconnected the call and let her head fall back on her shoulders.
Caught between wanting to cry over talking to him and bawling for her own selfish reasons, the intense conversation hit her hard. She'd take one call where she could talk to him about how he was feeling to ten calls where they dodged questions and talked around what they were really saying.
Chapter Nineteen
A year and a half after fifteen Brikken members were carted off to prison, the remaining family left behind stood out in the rain in front of the clubhouse. Johanna watched Olin and Thorn from underneath the umbrella she held in her hand. The two brothers stood ahead of the crowd, waiting for Jett to arrive.
As the first of the members to be released from Seattle Penitentiary, and the youngest, Jett brought hope back to the Brikken family members.
The weather couldn't dampen the good mood. She turned her head the other way. As hard as she tried to be happy—and she was—she was envious of Jett gaining his freedom.
Chief still had two and a half years left of his sentence. The smile she wore only touched the surface. Her mixed emotions made her grumpy and selfish.
"Here he comes," shouted Chano.
The familiar rumble distracted her from her pity party. She stood on tiptoes to see past the men in front of her. Over the last eighteen months, Keeffe updated everyone on Jett's stay behind bars. It came
as no surprise that he survived. He was his father's son.
Finally, she caught sight of the truck behind the two riders who rode escorting Jett. All the members moved forward while the women stayed back, giving Jett time to get out and take the back slaps and congratulations.
She caught sight of Karla standing out in the rain, unaware of her clothes getting drenched. Jett's mom clasped her hands under her chin and beamed a smile of happiness toward Jett. Johanna blinked tears out of her eyes, not letting herself be jealous.
Jett walked past the men, spotted Karla, and headed in her direction. Karla ran toward him, and Jett caught her, lifting her off her feet in his exuberant hug. Johanna discreetly wiped her cheek and smiled at the mother/son reunion.
"It's great to have Jett come back to Brikken," said Vikki.
She looked at Vikki. "It is."
"Soon, Chief will be back, and everything will return to normal." Vicki held a black garbage sack over her head, though the raindrops ran down the front of her jacket. "I bet this makes you more excited."
"Mm..." She smiled. Soon was a depressing way to describe two and a half more years.
Jett broke away from his mom and headed toward the clubhouse. Johanna walked forward and intercepted him.
"Welcome home, Jett." She reached out with one arm and hugged him. "There's food set out when you get a break from everyone swarming around you and your room upstairs is clean."
He kissed her cheek. "Thanks, Johanna."
The quietness and deeper way of talking took her back. She stepped away and smiled at him. He'd aged. Only five years older than her, he now wore dark circles under his eyes and sported two scars on his face. One on his forehead and one under his eye.
She wanted to ask him what happened but realized he probably wanted to forget his time spent in prison, so she kept smiling and watched him head toward Chandra and sweep her off her feet.
Jett never stopped, he carried Chandra inside the clubhouse.
"Jett's going to get him a piece." Olin laughed behind her. "He'll be done in three minutes."
"I've got a ten spot that he doesn't last more than five minutes," said D-Con.