by Dawson, Zoe
Still feeling oddly disconnected, she just stood there.
“Poe, are you all right?” Callie said. It was an effort to raise her eyes to her friend’s face, and, to her horror, her own face crumpled and she sobbed into her hands.
“Oh, God. What’s wrong?” Brooke put an arm around Poe’s shoulders. “Jared, get her some water.”
“I couldn’t have come in second. It’s not enough.”
“What is she saying? I don’t understand her,” Callie said
Embarrassment infused her and she her face flushed, hot tears sliding down her face.
“Poe,” Jared said. “What’s wrong? Calm down.”
“Poe, it’s just a silly competition. Why are you so upset?” Harper asked.
“It’s not a silly competition. I was doing it for my mother. She’s going to lose her house, and it’s all because of me.”
“What?” Harper said. “You needed money? That’s what this competition was about?”
“Yes.”
Harper stepped back her face ashen. She bit her lip. “This is my fault.”
A rush of surprise paralyzed her. “How can this be your fault?”
“I paid off your partner to drop out.”
“What?! Why would you do that to me?!” Poe stared at Harper, the sense of betrayal like a shot to her heart.
“I needed,” she glanced at Jared.
Bracing his hands on his hips, Jared closed his eyes and tipped his head back, his body perfectly still. He didn’t move for the longest time, then he let his breath go in a heavy sigh and rubbed his eyes. He swallowed hard, then he finally spoke. “She needed me to become your partner so I could protect you.”
She just stared at him. The monumental effect of his words kept exploding in her ears. He knew Harper. He knew her. And the betrayal doubled, tripled and went infinite. She felt like she was on the deck of the tipping Titanic, slipping and sliding, scrabbling to get a grip before being plunged into the frigid sea.
Poe continued to stare at him, the dread she’d experienced moments before compounding into something cold and heavy, her heart laboring as if it were encased in wet cement. Everything they had shared had been based on subterfuge, a lie.
Her face taut with strain, Harper said, “I was worried about you, Poe, and when you refused my offer of a bodyguard, I took the matter into my own hands.”
“And assigned Jared to me? Who do you think you are?”
“I’m your friend,” Harper said firmly.
“Not from where I’m standing.”
“Poe,” Brooke said, “don’t say something in the heat of the moment you’ll regret.”
She turned on Brooke. “That I’ll regret! Did you know about this?” Her gaze jumped to Callie. “You?”
“We only just found out.” Brooke looked at Harper. “Believe me. We had a heated argument about it.”
“Oh, you did. That’s nice.”
“Let me make this right, Poe. How much do you need?” Harper reached into her purse.
“Typical, Harper. Throw money at it.”
“I don’t throw money…”
Annoyance flicked through her, and her chin came up. “Yes, you do. Brooke’s going to jail. Throw money at it. Poe won’t cooperate. Throw money at it.”
“Harper didn’t pay me to protect you.”
She turned her head and gave him a caustic stare, her tone flat. This betrayal hurt so bad.
“Then why, Jared? To take advantage of a vulnerable woman?”
The bleakness in his eyes shredded her insides and telling her more than words ever could. But he’d hurt her and he’d lied to her. She couldn’t let that go and the pain mingled inside her until it was one terrible weight in her stomach. “No. You should know me better than that.”
“Know you?” Two words, Two lousy words. The hurt was deep and fast, and Poe stared at him, the damage spreading. “I don’t know you.”
“Don’t blame Jared,” Harper said. “I was the one who asked him to do this.”
It was enough her friends thought she was incompetent. But this man, this funny, beautiful man had only been with her as a favor.
Feeling horrible, an ugly thought popped into her head. It helped to put distance between them and she latched onto it. “Is it Harper you really want, Jared?”
He took a step forward, but Poe stepped back.
Letting his breath go in a ragged sigh, he finally spoke. “After what we shared, I can’t believe you asked me that, Poe,” he whispered, his voice breaking.
“I can’t believe you lied to me.”
“I didn’t lie to you. Everything I told you, except about Daisy and the burst pipes in my apartment were true. I didn’t hide who I am.”
She tightened the leashes in her hands, The Terrible Two restless and reacting to the tension surrounding them.
“That’s funny. I knew exactly who my father was every day of my life until he betrayed my trust, too. For what? To protect me. I don’t think I ever knew any of you.”
“Poe,” Brooke said, “I think you should take some time to process this before you make any rash decisions.”
The rage exploded, and she twisted around, her eyes blazing, the angry tears slipping out and rolling down her cheeks. The air sizzled with tension. She folded her arms, trying to still the terrible fury twisting in her gut. “Seems like I can’t make any decisions at all, Brooke,” she said coldly.
She went to brush past Jared, but he caught her arm. His chest expanded on another rough intake of air, his voice choked as he said, “Poe, let me explain.”
She used the move he’d taught her, twisting away. “Don’t touch me!” At those words, Jared stared down at her; then he tightly closed his eyes as a heavy tremor coursed through him. The exposed emotion in him made her tears well up again, shocked that she wanted to comfort him, even now. She eased a deep shaky breath past the nearly suffocating tightness in her throat. Unable to take any more pain, she backed up and on a sob, spun on her heel and ran.
“Poe!” Harper called.
But she didn’t look back.
#
Poe stood at the window that looked out to the street. His truck was still there.
Anger settled in her stomach to swirl around with the other emotions exploding inside, until there was an ugly firestorm burning her up.
She stared hard at his truck, unable to make him out in the cab. He had a lot of nerve showing up at all.
Her expression drawn, she turned away from the window and his tangible presence.
When she’d gotten home from the competition, she’d changed, packed up Jared’s belongings and set them outside in the hall. The hollow, sinking sensation that overwhelmed her after she shut the door persisted.
She’d turned off her cell phone when it kept ringing. Refused to answer the door when they knocked.
She’d only felt this way one other time in her life. A time when she had saved up enough money to take the bus to the subway, then the subway to the shelter where her father said all the strays he’d collected went to find new homes and lived happily ever after.
But that hadn’t been true, and at ten, she had felt like her belief in her father had been shattered. When she’d gotten home, she’d had to endure the wrath of her parents. They were beside themselves with worry. She’d told them where she’d gone and why.
So, life was tough. It wasn’t all rainbows and unicorns. She knew that now. But last year she’d formed a bond with three women who she thought were her friends, and now they had done the same thing her father had done when she was a child. Left her out in the dark and decided what she could and couldn’t handle.
But the hardest betrayal was from the man who sat outside her house still trying to protect her. That was some irony there. He was the one who had wounded her deeply.
The feeling didn’t diminish.
In fact, it got worse. Heartsick and overwhelmed by her despair, she finally let the tears come, tears that welled up from the ble
ak emptiness inside her. She’d been hurt in the worst possible way. By the sin of omission, he’d—they’d—betrayed her. But what was most unforgivable of all was they thought it was for her own good.
She woke at first light the next morning, a cold wash of dread snaking through her. That dread turned to a terrible nausea that churned in her belly. She flew out of bed and emptied the contents of her stomach into the toilet.
Sitting back, she closed her eyes. Could it possibly get any worse? Now she was getting physically sick over it.
Tears burned her eyes, but Poe pushed herself up from the floor. She only had a few days left at St. Mark’s. She had to finish up her practicum. She’d answered several ads and received several requests for interviews. One even as far away as California, although she wouldn’t even consider leaving her family or her friends in NYC. Now the prospect seemed more and more appealing.
A fresh start.
She got up and prepared for the day. Taking her boys out for a walk, she pointedly ignored Jared’s truck. Her cell rang as she was headed back to her apartment. It was the police.
“Hello.”
“Dr. Madigan, we’ve apprehended the mugger. We’ll need you to come down to the station when you get a chance. We already have him on another charge, but want to close out your case. He’s already confessed. Not like he could conceal the dog bites.”
“Thank you. I’ll be down later this afternoon.”
On her way back, she passed Jared’s truck, but refused to look at him. Just as she was about to cross the road, she turned back. Marching up to the driver’s side, she rapped on the window and he rolled it down.
“You don’t have to do this anymore, Jared. They caught the mugger and I’m no longer in danger.”
She didn’t want to see it, but the raw emotion in his eyes, the gut-wrenching pain almost did her in. But she strengthened her resolve, pulling her anger around her like armor against her still tender feelings for this man. He held her gaze for a long moment, then he looked away, the muscles in his throat contracting. He let out an unsteady breath and spoke, his voice roughed with emotion.
“How do you know he’s the one sending you the threatening letters?”
“The police said he confessed. So you’re off the hook and can now pursue Harper.” She lied because she couldn’t stand to have him sitting outside her apartment anymore. It was like a terrible bruise on her heart to see him and still want him.
She turned away, but didn’t get far when she heard the truck door slam.
She refused to turn around and have him shred her heart. “Poe! I have something to say, and you’re going to listen.”
“You have nothing to say that I want to hear.”
“Poe, give me a chance to explain.”
“There’s nothing to explain.”
She crossed the street, but stopped dead when she heard him shout at the top of his lungs. “Poe, I love you!”
Chapter Fourteen
Jared watched her retreating form pause, and his heart and lungs tied up into knots. The words he said were still sending aftershocks through him.
It was true, though. He loved her. Unable to drag his eyes away, he watched her approach, a swell of love and longing clogging his chest. She was so uniquely beautiful, and his breath caught in his throat at the sight of her. It was Poe, and she was wearing thigh-high black and white striped stockings with red hearts at the tops, a short stretchy red mini-skirt with tiny teacups around the hem. She was so unique and he was on the verge of losing her and her rare and colorful personality. That thought almost knocked him on his ass.
He’d never felt this kind of fear, even when his life was on the line, his blood dripping onto the warm desert sand. The terror in his chest expanded when she took a step forward. Then without warning, she whipped around, her eyes blazing.
She crossed the street and walked right up to him.
“I-I-can’t do this right now. I’m still so angry at you. Don’t complicate it by saying those words.”
He was dying without her. He had nothing to lose.
His chest expanded on a rough intake of air, his voice choked as he said, “Complicate it. Fuck, Poe, it makes it simple. Okay, so I did this for Harper. It was a favor for her. I made her a promise that I would keep you safe.”
“There goes your accent again. Don’t try to seduce me. I want honesty, Jared, not coddling. I don’t need to be coddled anymore. I’m a grown woman.”
Desperation hit him, the muscles in his throat contracting. He let out an unsteady breath and spoke, his voice roughened with pain. “I know that. But I made her a promise I wouldn’t tell you, and I couldn’t go back on it, no matter what it did to me to keep the truth from you. I couldn’t fail her, and I couldn’t fail you. I didn’t know I would fall so hard for you. It started with your sweet voice on my phone. Even then, I knew I was in trouble.”
“It’s not Harper you wanted?” Poe just assumed he’d really done it for her. That he had somehow been seduced by her beauty and money. But deep down, she knew it wasn’t true.
“No. She’s like a sister to me. There’s no one I want but you.”
She took a step back, shaking her head. “I just can’t handle this. I can’t talk about this anymore.”
“Poe, no, please. This isn’t really about betrayal, and you know it.”
“What? It is—”
“It’s about being with me. I’m a warrior. I protect because it’s in my nature. It’s about what I do for a living, and you don’t want a white knight in your life. That’s what you think I’ll be. Wrap you up in a cocoon and take away your independence. You’ve got all those past emotions from your father tangled up in your emotions for me.”
“No, that’s not it.”
“It is it. I won’t—”
But she ran from him, and he clenched his fists so hard his knuckles turned white. There was nothing else he could do. He had to let her go. She was everything to him…and he had to let her go.
When Jared got to Nate’s apartment and knocked, Nate opened the door with a half-knotted tie around his neck and his hair still wet.
“Hey, you look like shit, son. Come in. What happened?”
“Let me just say I know how you feel now, and, man, I didn’t give you enough sympathy.”
“Aw, shoot! Poe?”
“Yeah. But that’s not what I came to talk to you about. I came to return Daisy.” A pang stabbed him right in the heart. The basset gave out a mournful sound.
“Doesn’t sound like she wants to come back.”
Jared closed his eyes. He knew then he couldn’t give her up. Technically she was Nate’s dog, but the bond with her had grown and strengthened.
“You’re right. I’m keeping her.”
“It’s a good thing. Can’t separate a boy and his dog.”
Jared laughed despite his pain, shoving at his brother’s shoulder.
“Just breathe, man, and the next breath comes a little easier.”
He nodded.
When he got back to his truck, he drove home and fell into bed, but couldn’t sleep. The sight of Poe’s soft, crumpled face replayed in his mind over and over again. His heart caught when Daisy settled right next to him and put her muzzle on his arm, making a comforting, growly noise.
“Thanks, girl.” He rubbed her head and she barked.
He sat up and got dressed in a pair of jeans and a muscle T. He was going to need his arm bare.
Down on the street he hailed a cab, and once inside said, “The Ink Club.”
#
Poe hadn’t been back to her mother’s house for a month. When she walked up the stairs, her heart contracted. This was the place she’d grown up, skinned her knees, had her first kiss, and her first broken heart.
Apparently it hadn’t been her last.
She wouldn’t think about Jared and those words that had settled deep inside her heart and wouldn’t budge. He loved her. What was she supposed to do with that? What did he expect?<
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Her stomach was queasy again. The turmoil of the last few days was really weighing on her. It seemed like her stomach would never settle.
She knocked, and to her surprise, her sister, Austen, answered the door. “Poe. Wow, what a surprise. Mom’s in the kitchen finishing up a batch of those molasses date cookies you love. What a nice happenstance. You look amazing. You have that firefly look.”
“Hello, Austen, how are you?” Poe worked up a smile and hugged her sister. The firefly look was from when they were kids. It was a way to say they were glowing with happiness. “I don’t feel glowy.”
“Well, you look it. I’m doing all right, but tired. Running a school full of preppy brats is exhausting.”
“I love kids. I thought you did, too.”
“Kids and animals. That’s you. Oh, I do, too. I’m just spouting off.”
Poe breathed deep of the delicious aroma of flour, sugar and molasses wrapped around moist, delicious dates that permeated the air.
“I hope she has some out of the oven.”
“Don’t burn your tongue. They’re still cooling.”
“Geez, Austen, I’m not two years old. I think I can figure that out all by myself now.”
They found her mother stirring the batter for another round of cookies. When Hummingbird Madigan saw Poe, she ran to her and threw her arms around her neck.
“It’s so good to see you, baby. What brings you all the way home? How is the practicum coming along?”
“I came to talk to you and to give you something. The practicum is almost over.”
“That must be exciting,” Austen said. “Now you can actually start making some money.”
“Well, that’s the other reason I’m here. Mom, come and sit down.” Her mother wiped her hands and grabbed a plate of cooling cookies.
“Coffee?”
Poe nodded and Austen got the cups and saucers down. “The last time I was here, I saw the notice from the bank.”
“Oh, dear.”
“What notice?” Austen said.