I hate telling people this part of me. It’s always met with a pathetic “I’m so sorry for your loss”—what does that even mean? I hate the stares of sympathy and the inadequate words. For the most part, I’ve learned to stifle the urge to yell and scream when someone acts that way toward me, but there have been a few times I couldn’t. So naturally Reid’s reaction cuts me to the quick.
“Makes sense, then,” he says.
I stare at him blankly. “What makes sense, Reid?”
“The walls you’ve put up. Losing someone you love is fucking hard. Losing the two people you love the most and who love you more than life itself must fucking hurt so much that you’ve got no choice but to keep everyone away.” He puts his fingers under my chin and angles my face up to meet his eyes. “Just so you know, your dad would probably have bought stock in Nike with the amount of chasing away he would have done.”
I smile as I think about what my dad would have been like. I never really let my mind go to how things would have been if they were still alive. There’s no point in it. They’re dead, but being here in Reid’s arms makes me feel safe and secure, so I let my mind explore the possibility for a minute.
Reid’s voice interrupts my dreamlike state. “Tell me about them.”
I’m taken back—no, wait, that’s an understatement. I’m shocked and rendered speechless for a minute.
“No one’s ever asked me that. It’s always some pathetic attempt at an apology. But by not asking about them, it’s like saying they never existed. I guess after a while it was easier for me to feel that way, too. It’s been so long since I’ve even let myself think about them. It’s just too painful. But lately I’ve been letting some of the memories come back, and they’re nice in a way.” I smile up at him. My emotions are a little more in check, so I continue,
“My dad was amazing. He always wanted to spend time with me. Not like those dads who work and come home and can’t be bothered. He was always helping me with homework and whatever wacky science project I had to do. He was funny, too. Not like cheesy funny, though—I guess I get a lot of my sense of humor from him.” Reid shoots me a wry look, but I ignore it and go on, “He just looked at life in a different way from most people. A lighter, easier way that just made him seem carefree most of the time, but he was serious, too. And oh, my God did he love my mom. She was beautiful.”
“Well, one look at you, and I can only imagine,” he interrupts, and kisses my forehead again.
“Thank you, but no, she was gorgeous. I can’t remember too many specifics, but I know we have the same eyes. She was just flawless, but what little girl doesn’t think her mom is perfect and that her dad is some kind of super-hero? I’m sure in reality they were far from it, but in my memories they were simply amazing together. I don’t ever remember them fighting. They would dance—like out of nowhere with no music. Dad would just swoop in behind her and twirl her around, and I thought it was the most romantic thing ever. They looked at each other with such love and tenderness. I’ll always remember that about them. So yeah, I guess that’s why I put those walls up. It’s easier to keep people away than it is to have them look at you like that and then be ripped away from you.”
We lie in each other’s arms for what feels like an eternity. I feel as if a weight has been lifted from my shoulders, having shared about my parents. I won’t lie; it hurts to think about them, but the pain is a dull ache instead of the excruciating knife to the heart it usually is. Reid is tracing lazy circles on my back, and I feel sleep claiming me again.
To keep myself from nodding off completely, I say, “I should get going. I don’t want to keep you all day. I’m sure you’ve got better things to do than listen to me gab about my dead parents all day. Plus, I’m still pretty groggy from last night, so I think I’m just going to crash and sleep the day away.” I start to get up, and he pulls me back to his chest.
“How about this instead? I get you some sweats and a T-shirt. You can shower if you want, and while you do, I’ll make you something to eat, and then we can relax all day if you want. I like having you here. If you want, I mean. I can drive you home if you want. It’s up to you, sweetheart. Just promise me one thing?”
His words floor me. I’ll give him anything when he’s being this heartfelt.
“Of course, Reid.”
“Well, two things, actually.” He quirks his eyes up playfully as he adds more to his initial request.
I pretend to be debating his request, but he sees through it. I love when he’s all playful and fun like this; it’s so easy and natural. So of course I nod that I’ll agree to his promises.
He lays his cards on the table.
“One—go out on one date with me. You said you’ve never been on a real date, and I would be honored if you’d let me be your first.”
“And the second thing?”
He laughs as he realizes I’m not going to answer his first question without hearing the second.
“Well, I guess the second thing is more for both of us. We’ll both promise to not put up so many walls. I’m not saying that what’s already there needs to come down right now, but just that we should both be open to the possibility that this thing—” He gestures his hands between the two of us, “—might actually be good.”
Again, I’m floored by his honesty. It’s as if he is reading my mind about letting him in. I’ve wanted to since I met him, but I guess he just took a little longer in coming around. He says he’s got his own walls, too, and I want to push a little to get him to open up, but I don’t have the energy, and I don’t want to change how it feels right now.
Another thing to file away for later.
“I think I can agree to those terms. So you really want to take me out on a date? You don’t have to, you know? If it’s out of sympathy, I mean. I’m a big girl. I can take it if you really don’t like me.”
I’d be crushed and eat my way through a few pints of ice cream to get over it.
But I would eventually.
Like when I’m sixty.
He cups my face in his palms, looks me square in the eye, and says, “I like you. A lot. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be asking you out. I don’t take anyone out, like, ever, so please know that my offer is for real. Will you please go on a date with me? Just one, and if you absolutely hate it, I’ll leave you alone. I promise.” He crosses his heart and looks at me with what can only be characterized as puppy-dog eyes. Damn, he’s adorable.
His face is so close to mine that I can feel his warm breath on my lips. I whisper a “yes” in response, and the second I do, his lips are on mine.
It’s not hard and fast like our first kiss. Rather, it’s sweet and erotic. His tongue dances around mine, and when mine strokes his in return, I’m rewarded with a sexy groan. He picks up the intensity and gently nips and bites at my lips, quickly laving over the tender spots with his tongue. He pulls his lips away from mine, and I groan in protest. The protest stops immediately as I realize that he’s kissing a path from my lips across my jaw and down to my neck. His tongue is tracing wet, hot patterns right below my ear, and I can’t keep the whimper from escaping my lips. His hand is tangled in my hair, and he pulls me close to him so there is no space between us. Every single part of us is touching—chests, hips, legs, toes.
Souls.
Our legs are entangled, and I can feel how aroused he is. I wrap my arms around his waist and let my hands roam all over his chest and back. His lips are back on my mine, and he is no longer just kissing me. He is devouring me. This time I break the kiss and move for his neck. I lick the outer shell of his ear and bite at his lobe, and he pushes his erection into me in return.
“Oh, God, Reid! God, please do that again.”
He does, and I nearly shriek in return. He feels amazing, and I want to kiss every inch of him.
Before I have the chance to, he pulls back, and I immediately feel self-conscious that I’ve done something wrong.
“What’s wrong, Reid? Did I do something wrong
?”
“Fuck no, Maddy. You did nothing wrong at all. A few more minutes of what you were doing, and you would have unmanned me. God, I want you. You have to know that.” He nudges his arousal into me one more time just to prove his point before he continues, “It’s just with everything that happened last night, I don’t want to take advantage. I want to try to do this right. So please know that it kills me to stop this, but I have to.”
He gets out of bed, and I can’t help but stare at just how much he was enjoying himself. The proof is tented in his sexy-as-sin tight-as-hell black boxer briefs. He shakes his head and laughs at me as he catches me staring.
“I need a shower—a fucking cold one.” He turns and walks out the room, and I can’t help but laugh at his frustration.
My laughter subsides when I realize that I’m going to need a cold shower, too.
I lie back and take stock of my current situation. I’m in Reid’s bed after one seriously steamy makeout session, and he said he wants to take me out on a proper date. He likes me, and he’s openly admitted to being an ass these last few weeks.
Hmmm, maybe I should play the lottery. Today seems like my lucky day or something.
He comes back into the room after his shower with nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. He notices me staring and laughs at me again.
“Like what you see, huh?” He chuckles.
I flush a furious shade of red, and he sits down next to me.
“It’s okay, Maddy. It’s perfectly fine to like what you see. I like what I see, too. Hands down, you’re the hottest girl I’ve ever seen. So there, we’re even.” He leans down and gives me a sweet chaste kiss on the lips before gathering a pair of shorts and T-shirt. Thank God he goes into the bathroom to get dressed, because I’m pretty certain I would spontaneously combust if he got naked in front of me right now.
When he comes back out, he’s fully clothed, sadly. “I left you out a clean towel and some clean clothes, too. I don’t have any of that girly shower shit, but there’s soap and hot water, which I’m sure is just what you need after last night. I’ll go make us something to eat while you get cleaned up. Sound okay?”
“Sounds perfect, Reid. Thank you again.”
“Shhh—no need to thank me. You’re the one I should be thanking.” He kisses my cheek and then continues, “I’ll bring your food up here so you don’t have to deal with the guys. See you in a few minutes.”
He was right. A hot shower has definitely helped clear my head, and I feel refreshed when I’m all done. His clothes are huge on me, but I don’t care. I roll the sweats up a few times and tie the string as tight as I can, but there’s really no point; they will not stay up. The T-shirt he’s left out is huge as well. It comes to the middle of my thighs. I take a peek in the bedroom to see that he’s still downstairs. I go to the drawer I saw him pull the boxers out of before and steal a pair. Even though the shirt is long, there’s no need to go around flashing everyone the goods.
He comes in a few minutes later with some coffee and a bagel with cream cheese. He’s just taken a sip of coffee when I tell him that I’m wearing a pair of his underwear. When he all but chokes on it, I realize I should have waited to share that sexy tidbit.
He regains his composure and goes to take a bite of his bagel. Before he does, he says, “Have you got anything else to share with me before I take this bite? Because more information like that, and I might just stop breathing all together.” I laugh and scrunch my face, pretending to think about anything else that might throw him off his game.
“No, I think that’s it, but I’ll let you know if I think of anything else that might make you want to swallow your tongue.”
“Thanks for the heads-up, babe.” He smiles and playfully elbows me in the side.
We eat in companionable silence, and when we’re done he piles the dishes up on his nightstand. Between the shower and the full belly and basically everything else that’s transpired over the last twelve hours, sleep is claiming me quickly.
Reid pulls me into his arms. I rest my head on his chest and close my eyes. He kisses me sweetly and whispers in my ear, “Close your eyes, sweetheart. You’ve had one hell of a morning. Let’s take a little nap, and I’ll take you home later.”
I nuzzle in closer to him and, before I can say anything in response, feeling safe and warm and secure, my lids close, and sleep washes over me.
Chapter 8
I wake up to the most beautiful thing ever—Maddy curled into my side, sleeping peacefully. I can’t help but smile at the scene. Who the fuck would have thought that cuddling—hell, intimacy of any kind—would make me smile?
It’s only 2:30 in the afternoon, so I’ve got a little time before I need to wake Maddy up to get her home. I shoot out a quick text to Melanie to let her know that everything is okay. Her response is immediate.
Melanie: What the hell happened, Reid? I’ve been trying to call Maddy all morning. It just goes straight to voicemail. What did you do?
Me: Nothing bad. I swear. I’m sure she’ll fill you in when she gets home. I’ll have her back by 4ish. She’s sleeping now.
Melanie: “Nothing bad,” really? Like you know anything else?
Me: Yeah, I know, but I’m trying to change that. I promise.
Melanie: Whatever. Maddy seems to like you. Have no clue why, so I’ll try to be nice for her, I guess.
Me: Can you do me a favor? It’s for Maddy.
Melanie: Ummm—sure, but as long as it’s really for her, and not some backhanded way for you to get what you want. You’re on thin ice as it is.
Me: Can I buy you lunch tomorrow?
Melanie: What? You realize that’s my best friend there with you. You’re a sleazeball, you know that?
Me: No!! Not like that. I want to get to know her better, and you’re her best friend, so I’d like to get to know you, too.
Melanie: Oh, okay. I guess so, but it doesn’t mean that you’re forgiven, though. My last class ends at 1:30. I’ll meet you at the student union right after that.
Me: Thanks. I’ll see you later.
Maddy might not have her dad to chase the boys away, but Melanie sure is a close second. I know that if I have any chance at winning Maddy over, I’m going to have to win Melanie over as well.
I feel Maddy start to wake up, and I smile down at her warmly. I can’t help but laugh a little at how far out of my comfort zone this is, yet it feels so natural at the same time. I feel a piece of that wall around my heart crack a little. I want to share why the walls are there in the first place with her, but how can I lay that at her feet? She’s already lost so much and dealt with a ton of pain. I know for certain if she finds out what a horrible person I am on the inside that she’d never give me a chance. No matter how close she gets, she can’t ever know that part of me. If my own family doesn’t want me, why would she want me? I know it’ll push her away for good, and I was already burned once, horribly, irreparably. I can’t chance that again.
She’s fully awake now, and looking up at me all dreamily and sexy as fuck.
“Hey, sleepyhead. Feeling a little better?”
“Much better. What time is it? How long have I been out for?” Her voice is so sultry when she’s sleepy. I’ll have to make a conscious effort to wake up next to her more often.
“It’s almost three. I just got done texting Melanie. She thinks I kidnapped you.”
Maddy chuckles. I guess Melanie is partly right; I did kind of kidnap Maddy. “She would think that! Let’s just say with all the shit that’s been going on with us, you haven’t been her favorite person.” Her arched eyebrow is so fucking snarky. I love it.
“That’s completely deserved on my part. I’ll make it up to her and to you. I promise.” Winking an eye at her, I hope that she’ll let me make it up to her.
I kiss her lightly on the lips and slip out of bed, fearing that if I stay next to her any longer we’ll never get out of here. Don’t get me wrong—I’d love to spend the day and night in b
ed with her, but I’m going to do this right. She deserves it.
As I’m pulling a T-shirt over my head, Maddy comes behind me, and wraps her arms around my waist and presses her cheek against my back.
“Can I ask you something?” She sounds uncertain, and I immediately wonder what I’ve done wrong.
“Anything, sweetness, you can ask me anything.”
Anything except why I hurt. I’m not ready for that yet.
“What do you think happened with me and Logan?” Her voice is a bit uncertain. This is a raw nerve for her, and I know I acted like a fool with her and Logan. Her business is hers. God knows I’ve got no right to be judgmental.
“He told me you guys slept together. And that’s fine, Maddy. I’m in no position to judge what you’ve done.” Suddenly, I regret every sexual encounter I’ve ever had.
The atmosphere in the room shifts as she gathers her words. “And you believed him? Did you ever think to ask me what happened?”
She’s hurt. We’re two minutes into this relationship—or whatever the hell we are—and I’ve already gone and fucked it up.
“I’m sorry, Maddy. It’s just that when I saw you in his clothes coming out of his room, well, what was I supposed to think? Then when I talked to him later he told me that he’d fucked you, so what was I supposed to do?”
So much for avoiding heavy conversation.
“For starters, you could have called me, gotten my side of the story, rather than jump to conclusions.”
She puts things so simply. I am an ass.
I’m definitely going to set Logan straight on this one. Lying to me is one thing, but talking shit about Maddy is just not fucking cool.
I try to lighten the mood and say, “Well, I don’t have your number, so I couldn’t do that, now, could I?”
She rolls her eyes at me and storms off to get her purse. God, she’s adorable when she’s in a frenzy. I love it.
The Love Series Complete Box Set Page 7