When I have her hair pulled back and fisted in my hand, she licks at my tip before taking the first few inches in, and in that instant I know this is what heaven on earth feels like. She’s tentative at first, unsure—so I guide her with my hand, never forcing her to go further than she can. She catches her own rhythm, and I am lost to it. My back arches off the bed, and my head falls back. I try to open my eyes, but I can’t. The pleasure is too intense. My heart swells with joy having Maddy love me like this. It’s a feeling I’ve never known, one that I never want to go away.
But when Maddy lifts her head, my bliss evaporates instantaneously. Maddy’s face is replaced with one I had hoped never to see again. Her silky yellow locks are replaced with a short, severe black bob. Green depths with shimmering, vibrant flecks vanish, and cold, empty almost black pools of pure evil stare back at me.
Alex.
I shoot upright in bed. Oxygen will not enter my lungs. I gasp and nearly scream at the image that ended my nightmare—or was it just the beginning? I am sweat drenched and shaking at the thought of her mouth on me, of her body touching mine. Bile rises in my throat, and I have to sprint to the bathroom before I empty the contents of my stomach onto the carpet. Purged though I may be of this vomit, I will never be clean of her.
Alex is the last person who ever got close to me, and she’s the reason my family is gone. She’s the reason my world fell to a million pieces at my feet. Five years should be long enough to erase her from my memory, to absolve myself of this overwhelming guilt. Yet occasionally she makes an appearance in my dreams, which promptly turn into nightmares.
This one is different, though. Images of Maddy morphing into Alex aren’t just haunting; they’re terrifying. On some level, I know this is my brain’s way of telling me I need to share my past with Maddy. In all honesty, it’s killing me to keep it hidden. Part of me wants to tell her, wants to open up to her, wants her to help ease my pain. The other part of me is scared shitless. If Maddy knows the truth, if she learns about Alex and how fucked up I am, she’ll leave me. Of this, I’m certain. No one as sweet, loving, kind, and caring as Madeleine Becker would ever stay with someone who killed his own brother, all because of a girl. The world just doesn’t work that way.
The night after our first date, Maddy has plans with the girls, so the guys and I order some pizza and grab some beer. It hasn’t been just the guys in a long time. There always seems to be a party going on or a revolving door of girls set up for the weekend. Well, now that I’ve got Maddy, the number of girls strutting through here has diminished considerably.
Jack tosses me a beer as he sets himself up on the other end of the couch. He props his legs up on the coffee table and takes a bite of his pizza.
Egging me on, he asks, “So how was your date with Maddy?” His tone mimics that of a middle-school student. Jerk.
“Tread carefully there, Jack. You don’t want to end up looking like me,” Logan warns Jack as he points to the yellow bruise on his cheek.
“It was good, great, actually.” I’m not going to lie about my feelings for her. I really, really like her, so fuck whatever anyone else thinks.
“Seriously? You, Reid Connely, the man who has never spent more than one night with the same girl, not only went on a date, but actually enjoyed it?” Jack is nearly beside himself with shock.
I’m pretty shocked myself, but it’s the truth. “Yeah, I know. But Maddy’s different. I really like her, and I don’t want to fuck it up.” I look over at Logan on that last part. He knows I mean business, so he just holds his hands up in defense.
“Hmm. Never would have thought it, but I understand. It’s like that with Cammie.” Jack may be a guy’s guy through and through, but he’s also been with Cammie forever, and he loves her more than life itself.
“Maddy will probably be around here more often, so I would appreciate it if you guys could hold back on the ‘Reid used to be a ladies man’ routine around her. I’m sure Cammie and Lia have already filled her in on all the gory details of my past. She shouldn’t have to come face to face with them every time she’s here. I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable.”
Logan surprises me when he speaks up instead of Jack. “Of course, man. Listen, I know I was an ass for what I did. I just wanted to say that I’m really sorry for the other day, and not just because you kicked my ass—again. I just honestly never saw you as more than a ‘hit it and quit it’ kind of guy.”
“Well, things change. Maddy makes me want to change. So cut the shit, and we’ll be good from here on out.” I do want to move past this with Logan, but I’d be lying if I said I’d already forgiven him.
“All right, you two. Can you kiss and make up already? I’d like to actually watch some of this game. Logan’s sorry, and you’re in love. Are we good now?” Jack has always had this fatherly air about him. It’s shining through right now.
Logan and I eye each other up, and we both speak almost simultaneously. “Yeah, we’re good.”
“Great, now quit your bitching, hand me another slice of pizza and another beer, and watch the freaking game.” Jack looks at us expectantly, and we hand over his demands.
The guys spend the night busting my balls. I don’t care, though. They can make fun of me for how I feel about Maddy all they want.
I’m happy for the first time in a very long time, and no one is going to take that away from me.
The weeks pass, and the nightmares continue. I wonder if their occurrence, coinciding with the daily calls from a phone number with my hometown area code that I don’t recognize, have anything to do with one another. I push those thoughts into the depths of my brain, though. I have more important things to think about, more beautiful things—like Maddy and our relationship.
Things have been going beyond amazing with us. She’s fun and carefree, and we spend as much time as possible with one another. She spends most nights here, but I’ve also stayed at her place, too. We still haven’t taken it to the next level physically, and oddly, I’m okay with that. We stay up late into the night talking and getting to know each other. Falling asleep with her cuddled up in my arms, her cheek nuzzled against my heart, is pure perfection. I’ve fallen for her hard and fast, and I know it. I’m fairly certain that I fell in love with her that first time we danced, but over the last six weeks those feelings have definitely solidified and rocked me to my core. We’ve become so attuned to one another, and the closeness I once feared to be crippling and horrifying is now my life force, my next breath. I would do anything for this girl, and I know that she feels the same about me. We haven’t actually said the words yet, but it’s there in how she looks at me, in how I hold her close to my side in bed every night, in how her eyes crinkle in the corners when she’s laughing at me, in how I know that I would do anything to make her happy and to keep her safe.
So when she brings up her plans for Thanksgiving, which is in three days, I catch the sadness in her emerald eyes.
“What’s the matter, sweetness? Not a fan of Thanksgiving? How can you be sad over cranberry sauce and turkey?”
She sighs and pours her heart out. “It’s just that I never really got to do the holidays right. I know that my parents must have gone out of their way to make things special for me when I was a kid. I’ve seen the pictures, but it’s like when they died, they took my happy memories with them. They’re gone physically, and when they left, everything good associated with them went away, too. Looking at the pictures is like looking at someone else’s life. And then when I lived with Aunt Maggie, it was just her and me. There was no need to make a huge meal. There was no family to gather around the table and to share stories with.”
My heart hurts for her, and I wish I could give that all back to her. I would hang the moon for her if I could.
“Aw, baby. I wish I could change that for you, I really do. Come here.” We’re sprawled out on her couch at her suite, studying for finals, which start next week after the holiday. She moves in to my side and cuddles up against m
y chest.
“Aren’t you going home with Mel, though?” I ask.
“That’s the plan, but it just reminds me of how temporary everything is in my life. I mean, how many years am I going to go to Mel’s before something changes, before that’s no longer my home, either? Before we left to come here, I just had this distinct feeling that I was going to be on my own. So as much as Mel and Momma would love to have me there, I just feel alone.” She wipes a lone tear off her cheek and says, “The holidays are always rough for me, so I guess I’m just being emotional. It’s not really a big deal.”
A plan blossoms in my head. It’ll take some legwork and some cash, both of which I’m willing to spend on my sweet Maddy. As I’m lost in my planning, the girls stumble through the door, overloaded with shopping bags. You would think between the four of them, they would have all the clothes and girly shit they would ever need.
Melanie sees us on the couch and smiles warmly at us. We’ve been having lunch together every Monday since that first time and I really like her, and not just because she’s helped me with Maddy, but because she’s a genuinely nice person. Maddy’s grown used to our covert operations and more often than not, she just laughs at us, knowing full well that she’ll benefit somehow from our plotting. So when I ask to talk to Mel in her bedroom, no one bats an eyelash.
“What do you have going on in that pretty little head of yours now, Reid? You’ve got that scheming look in your eyes.”
Damn, she knows me too well. “Oh, this one’s a good one, though, Mel, and you’re definitely going to want to help me out.”
Please, please, please with a cherry on top!
She glares at me, but it’s a playful glare. I know she can’t say no to me.
“ Okay, what do you need me to do?” she sighs.
“When were you planning on leaving for Thanksgiving?”
“Maddy and I are done with class at 1 p.m. on Wednesday. Then we we’re stopping here to grab our bags before the three-hour drive home. Why do you ask?” She arches a conspiratorial eyebrow at me. She knows I’m up to something.
“We were just talking about it, and she sounded like she was really disappointed that she’s never had a huge family gathering for the holidays, and I want to give that to her. I know that Jack is already planning on staying here for the holiday because he’s got too much work to do.”
“Which means that Cammie is staying, too. And if Cammie is staying, then Lia is staying,” she chimes in, as awareness of my plan dawns on her.
“Right. So I can talk to Logan tonight and you can invite Bryan, and it’ll be the eight of us, which is more than she would ever expect.”
“ Okay, but where are we going to do this? We can’t fit that many people in the suite. We don’t even have a dining room table.”
My phone buzzes in my pocket, momentarily distracting me. It’s the same number that’s been calling for weeks. I hit “ignore” and return to my conversation with Mel.
“Well, we could do it at my house.” A look of disgust creeps across Mel’s face. She’s trying to be tactful in searching for the right words, but I know what she wants to say, so I beat her to the punch.
“I know. I know. The house is disgusting. But . . .” I drag the word out, trying to convince her, “what if I cleaned the place top to bottom?”
“Reid, you guys would need a power washer and a steam cleaner to even begin to scratch the surface on the filth in that place.”
Damn, she’s right. I guess three college-age men don’t make for good housekeepers. Then the idea dawns on me.
“I’ll hire someone. I call a maid service and have them come in while we’re all out, and it’ll all be good.” See? Simple.
“Okay, but where on earth are you going to get that kind of money? You’re going to need a couple hundred bucks for the maid alone. Add in the cost for food and everything else—you guys don’t even have real silverware or plates! I doubt you even have any pots and pans to cook with, do you? And I’m sure Logan and Jack aren’t going to be keen on coughing up that kind of money for your girl. Can you even cook?”
“If I cover all of the expenses, will you help? I’ve got the money. Believe me, I’ve got more than I know what to do with, and I just want to make this special for Maddy. Help me write out a list of everything I’ll need, and I’ll go buy it all. Fuck, I’ll hire the most expensive caterer in town if it means that I can give her the Thanksgiving she’s always wanted.” My words are sincere, and Mel knows it. I’ve got her hook, line and sinker.
It’s about time all that money went to a good cause.
“But what about my mom, Reid? I can’t just leave her all alone. She doesn’t have anyone, either, and, as much as I love Maddy, I can’t do that to her.”
My phone buzzes again—the same damn number—at the same time that Maddy gently knocks on the door and through it says, “Now, I know I’m okay with you guys being friends and all, but you’ve been in there forever. We’re going to grab something to eat. Want to come with us? Or are you guys too busy plotting to take over the world in there?”
I quickly answer Mel’s concerns about her mom, wanting to end this conversation before Maddy gets too suspicious. “I’ll take care of that, too. I promise. We can work out the details later. I also want this to be a surprise, so don’t tell Maddy, either.”
“Okay. I’m in. Let’s do this.” She claps her hands and jumps up and down a little. She’s just as devious as I am; she just hides it a little better, that’s all.
She responds to Maddy, saying that we’ll be right there, to which I’m certain Maddy just rolled her eyes and scoffed out a “whatever.” I put part one of my plan in motion and sneak Maddy’s psych textbook into my bag. As we’re walking out the door, my phone buzzes again, and I immediately hit “ignore.” I can’t be bothered with it now. I’ve got way more important things to do than figure out who is calling me from that god-awful place I used to call home. That place hasn’t been home in forever.
Here is my home because Maddy is here—she is my home. If things go according to plan, here will finally feel like home for her, too.
Chapter 11
I stand in Mel’s doorway and yell, “Melanie Elizabeth Crane,” in the hopes of getting her to move her ass. We’re already supposed to be on the road to go home for Thanksgiving. She knows I hate driving in the dark down those winding, narrow mountain roads. And as much as I love her, the girl has a serious problem with getting anywhere on time. “Come on, Mel! We’re going to be late.”
“Would you just relax, Maddy? We’re just driving home. You can’t be late when you’re going to your own house, silly. Besides, I’m almost done. Do you have everything you need? What about your psych textbook? I know that’s your first final when we get back.”
“Oh, crap! You’re right. I don’t think I packed that.” I retreat to the living room, where I’ve been waiting patiently for over an hour for her to get ready. I rifle through my bag, and my book is not in there. I scan my desk, only to find that it’s not there, either. I could’ve sworn I had it the other night when Reid and I were studying. Where the hell is it? Shit, maybe I left it at Reid’s house. I text him quickly just to be sure.
Me: Hey, baby—I can’t find my psych book anywhere. Is it at your place?
Reid: Yeah, it’s right here. Want me to bring it over?
Me: No, it’s okay. We’ll stop on our way and I’ll pick it up.
Reid: You mean I get to see that sexy body and kiss those sweet lips one more time before you leave me here all alone all weekend?
Me: Quit making me feel guilty. I said you could come with us.
Reid: Okay, fine, you win. I’ll see you in a bit xx
Me: k xx
There is just something about him texting me kisses that makes my knees go weak. I knew I was falling hard for him pretty much since the first time I saw him, but now I know for sure—I love him. He is everything I originally thought he wasn’t. He’s kind and sweet and so loving. I ha
ve a very distinct feeling that he loves me, too, but I guess we’re both just too afraid to be the first to say it. I know that my walls have come down where he’s concerned. He’s in my heart, and even though it can be crazy scary at times, it’s pretty much everything I’ve ever wanted. I just wish he would let his guard down a little more. I know he loves me, but he’s still hiding something. There’s some wound that hasn’t healed, and he’s keeping me from it. I can’t push him to share it, though; it’s his to share. I’m sitting on my bed, lost in my musings about Reid, when Mel comes in to tell me she’s ready to go.
“Finally!” I huff at her.
We load up the car with our bags and tons of snacks, and then head over to Reid’s to grab my book. It’s not a long drive at all, so we just listen to some music and sing along for the ten minutes that we’re in the car. As we park in front of the house, I notice a change in Mel. She’s extra bubbly—if it’s even possible to be bubblier than she already is on a daily basis.
“What are you up to, Mel?” I ask, leering my eyes in her direction.
She just shrugs in return and says nothing. She hops out of the car, and I follow right behind. She knocks on the door, which is so odd; we never knock here. As the door opens, she steps to the side so that my view is unobstructed. I am stunned at what I see. Reid holds out his hand to grasp mine, and he brings me into the house.
“It’s . . . it’s so clean. What the hell? What is going on, Reid?”
They’re definitely up to something, but neither Melanie nor Reid is saying anything. They’re just sharing glances with each other, laughing secretly. Shock is giving way to frustration at this point, and I nearly yell, “What the hell is going on, guys? I’ve put up with your little secrets for almost two months now and it’s getting a little old.”
The Love Series Complete Box Set Page 11