I check myself in the mirror once more before applying a final touch of nude lip gloss. Grabbing the silver clutch that Reid also left for me, I head to the door, feeling much like Cinderella waiting to meet her Prince Charming.
When the elevator door opens, Reid is right there waiting for me, single red rose in hand. He scans me from head to toe, and he looks pleased. He should; he did pick everything out, after all.
“Hey, beautiful.” He pulls me to his side and kisses me softly.
“Hey, yourself. Look at you! You clean up real nice.” I’m not used to seeing him in more than jeans and a T-shirt or his workout clothes, but tonight he looks like he could be on the cover of GQ. The light blue button-down shirt makes his eyes glow almost unnaturally. The shirt stretches tight across his broad, strong chest and back. I can see the bulges of his biceps when he moves, and it makes my mouth water. His strong, thick legs and fantastic ass are covered in freshly pressed black dress pants. I didn’t think he owned anything other than sneakers, so I’m pretty sure that the shiny black dress shoes are new. I can’t help but smile at how utterly beautiful he is.
“Ready to go?” I am anxious to leave, to be occupied with us, to not be focused on what I have to tell him over dinner.
“Sure. I just need to do one more thing.” He pulls a long, sleek black velvet box from his back pocket, and I’m speechless.
I’m choking back tears, mostly happy tears—some of guilt. “Reid, you didn’t have to do this. You’ve already done so much for me, spent so much on me. And now this? I can’t accept this.”
“You’re the only woman I know who doesn’t like getting presents. Please let me give this to you. I love you, and I want you to have it.” He cracks open the box and what rests inside is absolutely breathtaking. It’s unlike any necklace I’ve ever seen—not a regular chain and pendant. There are two separate chains intertwined, except they each look like small ropes encrusted in hundreds of small diamonds. One rope is covered with black diamonds, and the other is white. They are braided together, mingling with one another in a simple yet stunning pattern that sparkles and reflects every spot of light in the room.
“Reid, this is too much. I . . .”
He doesn’t let me finish my sentence. Taking the necklace from the box, he steps behind me and sweeps my hair to one side. When the chain is clasped at my nape, he kisses me softly right below me ear and whispers, “I love you.”
He moves in front of me and adjusts the necklace. “When I saw this, I had to get it. It is the perfect symbol for us. I saw the black and white, and immediately thought of our past and all the crap we’ve both had to deal with, and the white made me think of all of the good things we’ve shared together. How they link together and rest on one another made me think of how, without you,” he kisses the tip of my nose before finishing his speech, “I wouldn’t have the strength to move on from everything. You’ve made me realize that life can be good again and that not everything has to be sad. So believe me when I say that when I saw this, I just knew you had to have it, because it was us.”
“That is the sweetest, most romantic thing I have ever heard in my life. Thank you so much, and not just for the necklace—which, by the way, is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever owned. But for bringing out the happiness in me, when all I felt was pain. I love you so much.”
“Not that you didn’t look beautiful before, but that necklace makes your eyes sparkle.” He kisses the tip of my nose and says, “Come on. I’ve got much more planned for the night.” Lacing our fingers together, he leads me toward the doors where the valet is waiting with his car.
Dinner is simply amazing. He’s brought me to a small, intimate seafood restaurant. The candlelight flickers and dances across his face as he talks animatedly about his internship, which starts in a week. I love hearing him talk about helping kids. Shane’s suicide and how his parents treated him afterward really damaged Reid, and I know that being there to help others will help him deal with his demons. It might not chase them away completely, but I know that it will give him a purpose in his life; it will bring him peace, knowing that he’s comforting others . I think that’s why he treats me the ways he does. I can’t be mad that he spoils me, especially when it makes him this happy. But it makes me feel so guilty, because I know I don’t deserve it.
We share a piece of chocolate molten lava cake for dessert, and I am stuffed. “Ugh. I can’t fit in another bite. That was delicious.”
He slides a small gift bag across the table, and I roll my eyes.
“No! I will not accept another gift from you. The dress, shoes, and necklace are more than enough.” I’m practically yelling at him over giving me a gift.
He just shakes his head and laughs at me. “Maddy, just shut up and open the bag, which, by the way, is the only thing I paid for, so don’t get all in a tizzy over spending money on you.”
I roll my eyes at him, but I’m confused. I reach into the gift bag and pull out a small glass jar filled with sand. My brows knit in confusion, and I just stare blankly at him.
He responds to my silent question. “You said you wanted to be able to have a place where you can visit with your parents. We can’t be here all the time, so I thought I would give you a piece of the beach to bring home. Now you’ll always have them with you.”
I’m shocked into silence at his thoughtfulness. “Reid . . . I don’t know what to say.”
“No need to say anything. Come on. Do you want to take a walk on the boardwalk and let everything digest? You know, before the heavy activity?” He winks his baby blues at me seductively, hinting at the other part of his plan for the night.
“A starlit walk on the beach sounds amazing. A walk anywhere sounds amazing, as long as it’s with you.”
He finishes up signing the credit card slip, and he walks behind me to pull out my chair—always the gentleman.
When we get outside, it has gotten noticeably colder than it was before. The breeze that was cool and calm and warmed by the abundant sunlight earlier on an unseasonably warm fall day is now harsh and bone-chilling. We don’t last more than five minutes before we’re racing back to the car to get the heat on.
“I’m sorry, babe. I guess I’ll just have to bring you back here in the summer.” He reaches into his pocket to check his phone, which has just buzzed.
I’ve heard it a few times tonight, but since we were in the restaurant surrounded by other people, I didn’t say anything. It was just an excuse, really, but now that it’s just us here in his car, I know I have to tell him. I can’t let this go on any longer, because the guilt is eating me alive, especially after everything he’s done for me.
“Who is that, Reid?”
He simply dismisses me, saying, “No one.” He moves to shift the car into drive but stops when I keep talking.
“But I’ve seen you check your phone a few times tonight. Actually, I’ve seen you on your phone a lot recently.”
His face hardens, and there’s a palpable tension building in the car. Maybe starting off by accusing him wasn’t the best idea.
He’s trying to force back his anger, but I see it boiling just below the surface. I have to navigate this conversation carefully. He finally says, “I said it was no one—no one important, anyway. I don’t even know the number.”
I reach across the console, and grab his hand and squeeze to try to reassure him. He calms a little, but I know his outburst is inevitable.
“Reid, I have to tell you something. Please don’t be mad.” I register the look of shock on his beautiful face as he careful considers his next words.
“ Okay, I promise that I’ll try not to, but when you’re suspicious of me all of a sudden, it might not happen.”
I see glimpses of the Reid I knew when I first met him—cold, hard, mercurial. I inhale deeply and brace myself for the fallout.
“Back around Thanksgiving, I noticed that you were always checking your phone. One time while you were in the shower—well, it rang, and I picked
it up.”
“You did what?” His eyes widen in shock, and I can hear the hurt in his voice. “Why would you do that? What did you expect to find out?” He’s baiting me and I know he knows the answer; he just wants to hear me say it.
“I . . . I don’t know why, but I just thought it was some girl you had on the side. I knew that you slept around a lot before me. I knew that you had needs, needs I hadn’t met until the night before, and I just figured you were keeping up with your old ways while you were waiting for me to come around.”
He recoils from my words as if I’ve physically slapped him. He roars back at me, “I can’t fucking believe that, Maddy! You’re really going to throw my past in my face like this? Haven’t I done everything in my power to make you realize how much I fucking love you? And one stupid little insignificant thing like a few calls—from a number that I don’t even know—and you automatically assume the worst of me? How could you fucking think that I’m cheating on you?” His voice is venomous and booming; it’s angry, and it’s laced with hurt. He’s clenching his fists at his side and I can see veins bulging in his neck as he’s trying to rein in his rightful anger.
“Baby, I’m . . .”
“Don’t fucking call me baby!” He’s yelling at me, and I can feel tears sting the backs of my eyes. His shoulders slump and he rests his head on the steering wheel. He looks defeated and pained. “I love you and I trusted you with everything, and you go and snoop on me. Tell me, Maddy, who was it? When you picked up the phone, who was it?”
I know that if I start talking, I’ll cry, and I have no right to be upset, to want his sympathy, but I just want him to pull me into his arms and tell me that everything will be okay. When I don’t answer immediately, he slams his fists against the steering wheel, making me jump.
“Who the fuck was it, Maddy?”
“It was a girl. She didn’t say anything more than hello. I didn’t say anything to her. I didn’t know what to say, but when I heard a woman’s voice on the line, I . . . I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions. It’s just that . . . I was scared. I thought you were going behind my back, and I love you so much that the thought of losing you took over in my mind. I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”
It’s menacingly quiet. I know I have to tell him the rest. It’s now or never. I made my bed, and now I have to sleep in it.
“There’s more.” My voice is small, barely a whisper.
“What do you mean, ‘there’s more’? What more can there be? You don’t trust me.”
His quiet and hurt tone makes my gut clench. I messed up so bad. I just wish I could take his pain away.
Now seething, he says, “Fucking tell me, Maddy. Tell me everything.”
Here goes nothing.
“After the call ended, I saw that you had a ton of calls from the same number, so I wrote it down and brought it to Bryan. I figured he could help me find out who it was.”
His sarcasm is getting the best of him—eyes rolling, face contorting in various shapes of disbelief. “And did he? Did you find out what you needed? Why the fuck couldn’t you just come to me? God, Maddy, I don’t know what to fucking do with all of this!”
I can hear the anxiety and panic rising in his voice. In the small confines of his car, he looks like a caged animal.
“I don’t know why I didn’t go to you. I’m so sorry. It’s been killing me.”
“You? This is killing you? Oh, that’s rich!” He laughs sarcastically. “Tell me what he found.” His tone is deadly flat and the calm that’s at the surface belies the fury that I know is simmering below.
“When Bryan told me that it was a cell phone from Denning, I, well, I just didn’t know what to think. I was concerned for you, honestly. I thought it was Alex. I don’t know why she would be calling you after all this time, but I didn’t want her to hurt you again. You had just told me about Shane and your family, and, baby, please believe me. I was really worried.”
His anger recedes marginally, and it seems as if he’s softening to me slightly as I voice my genuine concern.
“Once he told me that the number was from Denning, I immediately dismissed the idea of you cheating. Please, you have to believe that. I can’t apologize enough for going there first. It’s just that I kept my heart guarded for so long that it was a knee-jerk reaction.”
He pinches the bridge of his nose and then rubs his eyes as if that will erase the tension. Regaining his sense of the Reid I know and love, he turns in his seat and looks me in the eyes. “That’s why I never picked it up. It’s not a number I know, but I recognized the area code immediately. There’s no one from there I want to talk to.” He’s trying to explain everything calmly, but he’s far beyond that.
I try to reach for his hand, but he pulls away. He’s right to still be angry with me, but it hurts that he doesn’t want me to touch him.
He sees my hurt, and I can tell he’s debating what to do. The sense of relief I feel when his fingers lace with mine is huge. Maybe there’s a chance we can recover from this.
“Please, Reid, you have to believe me. I’m so sorry. I love you so much, and I will do everything I can to prove that to you. I’m so, so sorry, baby.”
He doesn’t say anything in response. He just holds my hand, running his thumb across my knuckles. I pull our entwined hands up to my lips and kiss his hand tenderly, lovingly. Tears are streaming down my cheeks, not because I want him to feel bad for me, but because of the overwhelming emotion I feel in this moment.
A weight has been lifted that I’ve told him all of this and that he hasn’t gone running from me. I love him so much, and I know I will do everything that I can to make this right. We’ve survived so much worse than this; we have to make it through to the other side.
With his other hand, he reaches up to wipe away my tears. The feel of his hand on my skin makes my heart swell. We’ll be okay. We have to be.
He speaks first, breaking the long, emotion-filled silence. “I’m not going to lie, Maddy. I’m mad—really fucking mad. But,” he pauses and takes a deep breath, “I love you. As much as I don’t want to understand why you thought I would cheat, I do. I was a complete dick before I met you, and I treated you like shit at first. Just promise me that from now on you’ll come to me.”
Just as I’m about to make that promise to him, his phone buzzes again. It’s the elephant in the room at this point, and he just chooses to ignore it. He says nothing; he just hits the “ignore” button and returns it to the compartment in the console. As soon as the phone returns to its cradle, it buzzes again. The sound of it vibrating against the hard plastic of the gearshift reflects the return of the tension that I thought was gone.
“Reid? Why don’t you answer it?”
He gives me a look that suggests I’ve sprouted another head, then sighs in disbelief at my suggestion. “Why? Because there’s no one from that hellhole of a place that I used to call home who I want to talk to.”
As much as he wants to make it seem like he’s done with that place, I can hear the hurt in his voice; I can see the pain in his eyes. He’s a long way from healed.
When it buzzes for the third time, I surprise even myself at the suggestion that I answer it for him. It’s simple, really: if he’s not strong enough to do something, then I’ll do it for him—with him. I will be the rope of light when he is in the darkness.
“Why would I let you answer it? I don’t even know who it is. Nothing good is going to come of it, so let’s just leave it at that.”
Maybe if he knows who it is, he’ll talk to her. Maybe he’ll recall something about the name? It’s a small town, after all; maybe they knew each other. I have to take a chance and share my last piece of information.
“Her name is Katelyn Donovan. She’s a freshman at New Paltz. She grew up in Denning and was raised by her father. Her mom left when she was a kid and hasn’t been back since.”
He looks shocked and terrified at the same time, but he doesn’t say anything.
“
Reid, please let me do this with you. She obviously has something to share with you if she’s been calling this much. Let’s just see what she has to say, and we’ll deal with it. I’ll be by your side the whole time—I promise. I love you.”
Once again the phone buzzes, but this time he picks it up out of the cradle. He just stares blankly at the screen, obviously contemplating whether or not to answer. Sliding his thumb across the bottom, he takes the plunge and answers.
Chapter 18
I’m scared out of my fucking mind, but Maddy’s right. The calls aren’t going to stop until I answer. “Donovan” sounds familiar, but then again, it’s not an uncommon name. Bracing myself for the unknown, I pick up the call.
“Hello?” The word trembles in my throat, and I hate that I sound weak.
“Hello. Is this Reid Connely?” Her soft, sweet voice wobbles with disbelief.
“Yeah, it is. Who’s this?” My weakness is gone. I’ve steeled myself for whatever it is she has to tell me.
“My name is Katelyn.” She pauses briefly before adding her last name.
“What do you want? Why have you been calling?” I’m being harsh—being an asshole, I know it, but honestly, I just want to get this over with and get on with my life.
“Um, well . . . it’s about your mom, Reid.”
My world spins. The phone almost slips out of my hand, but I catch it and pull it back up to my ear.
Slowly, and in as controlled a voice as I can muster, I say, “I don’t have a mother. She’s dead to me.”
I hang up and turn the power off. Shifting the car into drive, I pull out into traffic to head back to the hotel. I don’t look over at Maddy; I can’t. She’ll make me talk about it, and I just can’t right now. It’s easier to just bury it deep down and leave it there.
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