As the door clicks behind her, I lose it. Sobs wrack my body at the fear of losing this baby that I already love so much, and at the relief of knowing that things might be okay.
Reid wraps his strong arms around me and coos into my ear. “Shh, sweetheart. You’re okay and the baby is safe.” He whispers “shh’s” into my hair and caresses my back in a vain attempt to calm me down.
He pulls back from me and holds me at arm’s length. His eyes meet mine—deep blue stare into emerald green and it calms me somewhat.
He pushes a piece of hair behind my ear and kisses away my tears. Gently pressing his lips to mine in a soft, innocent kiss, he says, “We’re going to make it through this. You and me, and our baby, are going to be just fine.”
My lips curl into an involuntary smile. “You said it.”
He looks at me and cocks his head to the side in confusion. “What did I say?”
Reaching up to cup his cheek in my hand, I pull his lips back to mine. “You said our baby.” I take this moment to confess my unabated fears from that moment nearly a week ago when I told him I was pregnant for the first time. “In all of our arguing and fighting from back when I pushed you away, you never once said you wanted this baby. You kept saying over and over again how much you loved me and how much you wanted us to stay together, but you never said anything about the baby.” Fidgeting with my hands and twisting my fingers together distracts me marginally for the stress of this conversation. “So I . . . I thought you didn’t want the baby. I thought you didn’t love it, and that it would just be easier for you to forget about me, about us, since I was suddenly a burden to you.”
He pulls me back into his arms and laughs a small, pained laugh. “Maddy, yes, I’ll admit that you telling me that you’re pregnant was the biggest shock of my life. I didn’t handle it well, but just because I was surprised and scared doesn’t mean that I stopped loving you or that I didn’t want this baby.” He pauses and pulls back from our hug. Tipping my chin up with his finger, he kisses me sweetly again. “I’m not saying I have all of the answers just yet, or that I ever will, but I love you and I want you. I love this baby,” he pats his pocket indicating the sonogram picture. “And I want our baby more than anything. Seeing it on the screen and hearing the heartbeat, well, that just has to be the most beautiful thing ever. Except for you, of course.” He ends his proclamation of love by raining down sweet little pecks all over my face—my cheeks, my nose, my lips.
“Come on. Let’s get you dressed. I’m sure Mel is waiting out there for us.” He angles his head towards the door and the waiting room beyond it. In all of the emotional chaos, I had completely forgotten that Mel would be waiting here.
A few minutes later, we enter into the waiting room and see Mel nervously pacing across the floor. She’s obviously been crying, but when she catches sight of us walking towards her with smiling faces, her lips crack into a small, uncertain smile as well.
She runs to us with outstretched arms and hugs my tightly. “I was so worried about you, Maddy. Is everything okay? Is the baby . . . ?” The uncertainty of everything makes her unable to finish her sentence.
Reid speaks for me as I just hold onto her tightly and cry at my best friend’s concern. “She’s just fine and the baby is fine too.” He kisses the side of my head reassuringly. “She just needs to go home and rest and drink lots of water.”
I feel Mel nod her head from our sisterly hug. She steps to the side and wraps an arm around my shoulder.
“I’ll go pull the car around and you walk her to the front.” Reid walks out in front of us and I can’t help the feeling of peace that bathes over me. The last time I saw him walk out of a hospital, I thought I would never see him again.
Now, I know for certain that I will never have to be without him.
Melanie helps me walk out to the car, and as I slide into my seat, she tells me that Momma is out for the weekend. Apparently, Linda landed some last minute passes to a spa weekend and Momma was all too quick to take her up on the offer.
After I’ve got my seat belt clicked into place, she says, “I’ll run to the store and pick up some food and whatnot and I’ll meet you guys at home.” She gently closes the door and walks away.
Reid starts the engine of the truck and pulls out of the parking lot. As he drives us back to the only home I’ve ever really known, I can’t help the small smile that curls at the corners of my mouth.
Reid notices it. “What are you smiling at over there?” His playful voice brightens my smile. Things feel good. They feel right.
“Nothing really. It’s just that the nurse called you ‘Daddy’ and you didn’t freak out. I’m happy, I guess.” I direct my smile over at him and I notice that his eyes are dancing with happiness.
“She did, didn’t she? I guess it hasn’t sunk in just yet. I mean, I know there’s a baby, but until she said it, I didn’t think of myself as a daddy.” He leans against the door and looks over at me, and it’s like I’m seeing him for the first time all over again, but in a completely different light this time.
I recall Momma’s words of advice to just let him get used to the idea of a baby on his own time table, to let him love me the way he knows how, to have faith that things will work out.
Looking at him now, in this moment, I can see the truth in her words of advice. He loves me; he wants this baby. It’s just space that he needed to make the decision on his own.
I reach out for his hand and he places his in mine. “I love you, Reid.”
“Love you too, babe. Now let’s get home and eat. I’m starving.” He kisses our entwined hands and returns his attention to the road ahead of us.
I call Momma on the way home. She starts crying immediately, but when I tell her that I heard the heartbeat and that the doctor is hopeful that everything will be alright, she calms down a little bit. She grills me all about Reid showing up and about what we talked about. I can’t say much with him right next to me, shooting me wry looks as I’m trying to evade her probing questions. I promise to fill her in on all of the details when she comes home. Before she hangs up, she tells me she loves me and I return her words. I miss her and right now, completely exhausted and emotionally over-wrought, I could use a hug from the only woman I’ll ever consider my mom.
Reid, Mel and I spend the rest of the afternoon watching a few movies and vegging out in the living room. As evening approaches, Mel tells us that she’s going to go out with a few friends. She leaves the house at around nine p.m. and tells us not to wait up for her.
Reid and I watch one more movie, and about a half an hour into it, I can’t stop yawning. I’m completely exhausted but the thought of sleeping on the couch again makes my back tense up.
Reid sees that I need to get some sleep and offers to make the couch up for me.
“No, that’s okay, babe. I’d rather sleep upstairs in my own bed. I’ll just go slow.” I move to get up from the couch, but Reid’s voice causes me to stop.
He looks at me sternly. “Like hell you will. The doctor said no stairs. Now, if you want to go upstairs, I’ll carry you.” I open my mouth to protest, but he doesn’t let me say anything. “No, Maddy. I’ll carry you. No arguing.” The finality in his words shuts me up, but it also lightens my heart. I know for certain that he loves me and now that I beyond any doubt that he loves our baby, I can breathe a little easier.
He bends down and hooks his arms under my knees and shoulders before effortlessly lifting me in his strong, caring arms.
I plant a sweet kiss to his neck. Inhaling his uniquely masculine scent makes desire swirl low in my belly. I kiss him again, this time not so sweetly. I feel him laugh lightly at me.
He pulls away from me and looks down into my green eyes. “I never thought I would say this Maddy, but no. You heard what the doctor said. Believe me, I would love to be with you tonight, but not until the doctor says it’s okay.” I nod at him; he’s right and I know it, but I still want him.
He carries me up to my room and p
laces me on the small twin-sized bed that’s pushed up against the wall. Rummaging through my drawers he finds me some pajamas. “I’d rather wear your shirt.” I smile coyly at him. Really, I just want to watch him take it off.
“Fine then.” He pulls it up over his head from behind in one smooth motion. “But you’re still not getting laid.” He tosses the shirt at my face and we share a laugh.
He steps into the Jack-and-Jill bathroom that connects mine and Mel’s rooms and calls out, “Pink or purple?” It takes me a minute to realize that he’s asking about my toothbrush. “Reid, don’t be ridiculous. I can stand long enough to brush my teeth!”
He doesn’t even acknowledge my statement. He just repeats his question at which point I toss my hands in the air, giving into his antics. “Pink. Mine’s the pink one.”
He walks back into my room, toothbrush in one hand, upon which sits a dollop of tooth paste, and a cup of water in the other. He shoves the tooth brush in my face playfully. “The doctor said not to walk if you didn’t have to. I’m here so you don’t have to. Brush.” He instructs and I comply.
When he comes back a few minutes later, he smells minty fresh. “You didn’t use Mel’s toothbrush, did you? She’ll have a fit.” He shoots me an “are you kidding glare” and shakes his head no.
Arching an eyebrow in addition to the glare, he says, “My mouth has been all over your body, so I figured borrowing your toothbrush was not a huge issue.”
Thinking of the things he can do with his mouth—and oh lord, that tongue—is enough to silence me. He crawls into bed next to me and I curl around him. It’s almost like a routine—head on his chest, arm around his waist, leg hooked around his.
He starts running his fingertips gently through my hair and in mere minutes I’m drifting fast asleep.
Through a yawn, I tell him that I love him.
I feel him press his lips to my hair and say, “I love you too, beautiful girl. And I love that you’re having my baby. Now, sleep, Maddy. You need your rest.”
Chapter 12
Sunday December 16, 2012
I wake up before Maddy does, so I decide to go out to the kitchen and make us some breakfast. I pull on my jeans and look over at her curled up in her bed, wearing my shirt. I can’t help but think that she’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I shake my head at my rather Romeo-like musings and quietly close the door behind me.
The whole mess from yesterday has me thinking about my mom all over again. No matter how much I want to push all thoughts of her from my head, I can’t. I know walking away from her, Joe and Katie wasn’t the right thing to do. It was an asshole move on my part, but I don’t want to deal with the pain. Over the years, I’ve gotten so good at keeping everything and everyone shut out, that the thought of letting them all in scares the shit out me.
Apparently, I’m also really good at running away too.
Maybe I should call Katie. Maybe I should go back there. Maybe I can at least start to talk about it. I can’t get my fucking head on straight. Dealing with my mom, Maddy and the baby, I’m just a fucking mess.
I know I’m a coward because rather than dealing with my mom, rather than forgiving her like I know I should do, I ran. I know I’ll have to face her soon, but part of me wants to just ignore it for now. I’ve got more important things to worry about anyway.
Pushing thoughts of my past down as far as I can, I make my way to the kitchen in search of something for breakfast. Thank goodness that Momma is away this weekend because walking into a kitchen with some shirtless guy rifling through your cabinets is not exactly a calming start to a Sunday morning. I pull out the eggs and bread. Just as I peek my head out from behind the fridge door, I see Mel leaning up against the door frame snickering at me.
She waves her pointer finger in front of her chest from side to side. “I wouldn’t do that, if I were you.” She starts walking to me as she points to the eggs. “Those will make Maddy throw up in about two seconds flat.”
“Oh, shit. I had no idea. Thanks for the heads up.” I turn to place the eggs back in the fridge and hold up the bread. “Toast should be good, then right?”
As she nods, she says, “Yeah, just don’t burn it. That’ll definitely make her throw up.”
Mel busies herself with the coffee pot and I’m suddenly very thankful that she’s awake. Watching Maddy hurl all morning would definitely not have been a good start to the day.
As I’m about to pull two slices of bread out of the bag, Melanie places her hand on top of mine to stop me. “Why don’t you let her sleep a little bit? She’s been worrying herself sick all week about where you were and what would happen to you guys. Add in what happened yesterday and I think she could use as much sleep as she can get.”
She sits down at the small eat-in kitchen table and pats the chair next to her. “Sit down. Let’s chat.” Her words seem innocent enough, but I know that an inquisition is waiting for me.
She leans forward and steeples her hands together in front of her. “So, what gives, Reid? Why did you just up and leave her?”
I huff a small insincere laugh. “Is that what you think happened? You think I just up and left my pregnant girlfriend?” I look at her in disbelief, but a part of me knows that she’s right. Maddy may have pushed, but I didn’t push back.
Her eyes narrow in on my face. “Well, what else am I supposed to think? You were gone for a whole week and you never once tried to get in touch with anyone. No one knew where you were. Maddy was certain that she’d lost you forever and that she was going to be on her own with the baby. So, if you say you didn’t leave her, then please, clarify for me what exactly happened.” Her last words are more than a little sarcastic and snide, but I know Melanie well; she’s just protecting Maddy.
My lips curl at the corners thinking about how much she loves Maddy. I can’t help but agree with her, but I’ll be damned if she’s going to accuse me of not wanting to be with Maddy, of not wanting my baby.
I lean back in my chair and lace my fingers behind my head. Deliberately pausing to gather my thoughts pisses Melanie off something awful. She starts impatiently bouncing her knee up and down shaking the table as she does so. The coffee pot finishes brewing and I stand to make up our cups. I take my sweet ass time too.
I slide Mel’s cup in front of her as I sit back down in my chair. Her glare has intensified and she just looks at me expectantly. “Oh for Christ’s sake, Reid. Will you just start talking already?” She’s nearly yelling, but when she remembers that Maddy is still sleeping, she clamps her hand over her mouth.
I chuckle at her crazy over-protectiveness and finally relent in giving her the details she’s obviously in search of. “First, I didn’t leave her.” Mel’s only response is a highly arched eyebrow. She doesn’t say anything, but her facial expression is screaming “really?”
I hold my hands up in front of my chest in a mock gesture of surrendering. “Okay, fine. I did leave, but I never intended to walk out of her life. We were being really shitty to each other. And, yeah, it was a chicken shit thing to do, but in that moment it was easier to walk away than to fight.” She lets out a deep breath and seems to relax a little now that she at least knows that I never meant to hurt Maddy.
Melanie’s eyes soften and her face takes on a concerned look rather than an icy stare. “But, the baby, Reid. How could you walk out on your baby?” Her voice quivers with the pain I know I caused Maddy.
I nervously pick at my short finger nails in a desperate, yet futile, attempt at avoiding the question. Mel places her hand on top of mine to calm my nerves, but mainly to draw my attention back to the conversation. Our eyes meet across the table and I roll mine in frustration. I’ve had enough of this “feelings” shit over the last few weeks, but I know Mel isn’t going to let me get away with not talking to her.
I fold my arms across my chest before speaking. “You want the truth?” She just stares me down, as if she would actually accept anything other than the truth. “I was scared sh
itless. I’m only twenty-one years old. And Maddy is so mature and independent and amazing, but fuck, she’s only eighteen. We’re so young, and you can hate me all you want for walking away, but I was scared. So was Maddy, for what it’s worth. She was so scared she pushed me away. Told me I didn’t love her because I couldn’t forgive my mom.”
Melanie’s face contorts in surprise and confusion and I immediately realize my misstep.
“What does your mom have to do with it?” Her voice is calm and quiet as if she’s afraid of scaring off some kind of timid animal.
I shoot up out of my chair and clench my fists at my side. I want to punch the wall, but somehow I don’t think Mrs. Crane will appreciate a hole in her kitchen when she returns. After pacing around the small kitchen for a few minutes, I calm down enough to return to my chair and start talking.
I tell her everything. From Shane being gay, to me being disowned by my parents, to Katie’s recent calls, to my hesitance to contact my mom, to Maddy’s ultimatum, to my visit home last week—she just sits silently and takes everything in. I’m extremely surprised at how much easier it’s becoming to talk about this part of my life. Part of me can’t help but wonder if the people with whom I’m sharing it, have anything to do with the ease with which the story can now be told. Melanie and Jack, and of course Maddy, have worked their way into my life—Maddy into my heart. For the first time since Shane died, I finally realize that I have people who care about me, who matter to me and to whom I matter in return. It’s a strange, but not wholly unwelcome, feeling.
After I’ve finished saying my piece, Mel takes a few moments to gather her thoughts, before saying, “Well, that sure as hell is screwed up beyond anything. All I can say is that it’s fucked up.” She emphasizes her last two words to make her point even clearer. “But, Reid,” her tone has softened a little, “don’t you realize how the world looks from Maddy’s point of view?”
I pause to consider her question. There’s nothing to consider. Maddy’s got everything under control. She’s calm and pretty much in the driver’s seat with everything. But there’s something in Melanie’s words that makes me second guess my initial assumption about Maddy’s character.
The Love Series Complete Box Set Page 35