Swiping the tears from under her eyes, she takes a deep breath and grabs for my hands again. “God, this is going to suck, but you’re right. I have to tell him.” She still sounds lost in despair, but if I’m not mistaken, she’s also a bit hopeful that things might work out.
“Are you still going there for New Year’s Eve?” I ask tentatively. I know she was planning on surprising him, but I have a feeling that her current situation might prevent her from doing that.
Pinching the bridge of her nose, she sighs and shakes her head. “No. I mean, I really wanted to, but now with all of this, I just think it’ll be better to deal with it all when we get back to school. It’s only a few weeks away and it’ll give me the time I need to clear my head about it.”
Shaking her head again, she admonishes herself. “I can’t believe I screwed up so badly.”
“Oh, sweetie. It’ll work out. You just have to figure out how.” I pat her hand gently and brush a strand of her fiery red hair out of her eyes.
Grasping my hand, she looks me in the eye and says, “I see how happy you and Reid are now that everything is out in the open with you two. I guess the best I can do is hope that it’ll be that way from me and Bryan too.” With one last deep breath, she shakes her head seemingly ridding herself of the rather touchy subject at hand. “Thank you, Maddy. I love you, girl.” She squeezes me tightly and I wrap my arms around her in return. She’s right; it’s going to suck, but it’s the only way. “Come on. Enough of this serious stuff. Let’s go open some presents.” Her bright smile is a fairly decent attempt to cover up her sadness.
As we stand up from the stairs, she laughs again. Touching my hair once more, she says, “Seriously, though. Go brush that hair before Momma sees it. I don’t think she can hear you all the way on the other end of the house. I just needed to tease you guys.” She smiles widely at me as I nervously run my hair over the rat’s nest that is my hair. “Okay. I’ll be down in a minute. Let’s talk about this later though. I’m here for you. Remember that.” We exchange one last small smile and go our separate ways.
After taming my hair, I go into the kitchen and grab some breakfast. Before long, the four of us are circled around the Christmas tree exchanging gifts.
“Here, open this one.” Mel hands me a small shirt box. As I begin tearing at the paper, she says, “No. It’s for both of you.” She eyes Reid who is sitting right next to me, his arm draped around my shoulders. He scoots closer to me as I finish pulling the rest of the shiny red paper off of the box.
Nestled inside of the green tissue paper is, as I expected, a shirt, but it’s not for me. Holding up a small, frilly, pink onesie, I read the front of it aloud “My Aunt thinks I’m a Princess.” Smiling brightly at her, I say, “Thank you so much, Mel. This is adorable!” Reid just nods. I think he’s a little scared to see something this tiny. I pat his leg gently, and look up into his fearful blue eyes. “It’s okay, babe. No need to be scared of something this small.” I hold the frills up to him and he relaxes a little.
“You know, Mel. It might be a boy.” Reid chimes in and I can see the glimmer of hope in his eyes.
Reid wants a son.
Giving him her best, “do you think I’m an idiot look,” she says, “Of course I know that.” Momma laughs from her perch on the couch. Her eyes are shining with warmth and love watching “her” kids exchange presents.
“There’s more.” She tells us. Reid pulls the rest of the tissue paper from the box and pulls out a black onesie, across which is emblazoned in bright red letters, ‘I’m a Rock Star.’
Reid’s low, grumbling, chuckle vibrates against my back. “That’s more like it, Mel.”
We spend the rest of the morning opening gifts and joking around with each other. For Momma, Mel and I, it’s the standard Christmas morning. A few articles of clothing, some movies, our favorite perfume, and even though we’re beyond grateful to have the opportunity to do this for one another, I know that this is how Christmas is supposed to be.
So when I occasionally, okay, more than occasionally, glance over my shoulder at Reid, whose eyes are wide with awe and amazement, I’m humbly reminded that this is not standard for him in anyway whatsoever.
Reid is completely shocked as Momma and Mel hand him his gifts. In a sad and lost way, he looks at them and says, “You didn’t have to get me anything.”
“Of course we did. You’re part of this family now.” Momma chides and then beams at him. He just shakes his head in disbelief. I know how he feels—like he doesn’t really belong. In that instant, I make it my mission to help him realize that he belongs. He finally has a place that he can call home, a family of his own.
Like a little boy, he tears through the pile of gifts. I’ve never seen him so happy. Mel’s thoughtfulness knows no bounds. She’s given him enough workout clothes that he’ll never have to do laundry again.
“Here you go, Melanie.” He slides a box in front of her and Mel’s face lights up. Ripping the paper to shreds, she shrieks when she pulls out a Kindle and a gift card that’s got enough money on it to buy hundreds of books.
“Omigod! Reid! Thank you, thank you, thank you!” She excitedly rambles all of this as she’s clutching her new Kindle to her chest.
Reid smiles a dopey grin at her. “It’s really a gift for me. Now, with that,” he tips his chin at her new tablet, “I won’t have to look at your bare-chested book covers lying all over the place. You can read your smut secretly now.”
Mel laughs and balls up a piece of wrapping paper and tosses it at his head. He ducks to the side to dodge the paper. “Don’t you dare bash my book boyfriends. I love them and they love me.” Mel sticks her tongue out at Reid who is still laughing at her crazy antics.
“Here. Open this one.” Momma says as she hands him another present. He just laughs and shakes his head at Momma’s requisite gifts of socks and underwear. Looking at me to try and deflect some of his embarrassment, I say “Don’t look at me. I still can’t stop her from buying me days-of-the-week underwear. She’s crazy.” I stick my tongue out at her and she just swats her hand in front of her, shooing away my playful comments.
Momma claps her hands excitedly when she opens his present—a membership to the local spa that she and Linda went to just a few weeks ago. She was raving on and on about it, that he figured she would love having the chance to get back there. .
One present remains, and I can tell by the paper that it’s his big gift. Momma always buys Mel and me something extra special and she wraps it in this shiny silver metallic paper. This year she got Mel and I matching bracelets with a ‘sisters’ charm attached to each. She told us that we might be separated from each other in distance, but never in heart. We both cried the ‘ugly cry’ over it and vowed never to take them off.
As Reid contemplates the silver box in front of him, I can see conflicted emotions running through his mind. I wonder if he’s thinking about his own mother today. I hope he is, but I won’t press him. Instead, I prod the gift and tease him, “Open it already, would you?”
His goofy lopsided grin washes away the turmoil that he seems like he’s trying to hide. Ripping at the paper, he pulls out a small frame in which sits two pictures. Reid’s eyes shoot up to Momma, and before I can even ask him what the pictures are, he’s across the room pulling Momma into a bear hug. The frame falls from his lap and I pick it up and I instantly realize his reaction.
When he’s done squeezing the life out of Momma, he returns to his spot next to me and we both stare down at the framed sonogram picture of our baby. The picture next to it is one of us that Mel took one night while we were studying for finals. The letters etched into the frame read “My love, my life, my everything.”
After Momma wipes away her tears, she says, “I thought that would be perfect for your desk at work. Now, even though you might not be with them every day, you can at least look at Maddy and the baby whenever you want.”
“It’s perfect, Momma. Thank you so much.” He winks at her across the room and
she blows him a kiss. They’re pretty damn cute together.
After presents, we chat and watch the Disney Christmas Day parade—another one of Momma’s silly traditions that she won’t give up. It’s heartwarming to have the three people I love most in the world here in the room with me. Laughing, smiling, loving one another. I have never felt as complete as I do right now.
Feeling extremely emotional, and completely in love, I snuggle into Reid’s side and breathe in his scent. I kiss him sweetly on his cheek. “I love you.”
He squeezes me tightly, and plants a kiss on the top of my head. “Love you too, babe.”
Sometime around noon, Momma and Mel step out for a bit to visit Momma’s best friend, Linda. She’s been Mel’s surrogate aunt and the only family they have. Waving goodbye to them from the front door, Reid wraps his arms around my waist and kisses my neck with passionate and firm lips. Whispering seductively into my ear, he says, “Hmm, what should we do now?”
I swat him playfully across his chest and bat my eyes flirtatiously at him. “We’re going to get dinner started, dear.” I quip sarcastically in my best 1950’s housewife impersonation.
We move around each other in the kitchen with ease, never missing an opportunity for an innocent touch or sweet kiss. Standing by the stove, stirring the sauce for the lasagna, Reid stands behind me and wraps his arms around my waist. He kisses the top of my head and I turn to face him.
“Hey, now. What’s wrong?” The look on his face seems pained, confused, not playful and flirtatious as I would have expected.
Leaning his chin on the top of my head, he pulls me close to his chest. “I’ve been thinking about my mom a lot today. Actually, I’ve been thinking about her a lot since I left. I guess . . . well, this morning just made me realize that I’m ready to go back there. I’m ready to put the past behind us.”
I’m sure he can feel my huge smile against his chest. I won’t hide it. I’m so proud of him. Not because he made the decision he thinks I want him to make, but because he made the decision on his own.
Pulling back from him, I smile brightly at him. I don’t really know what to say, so we stand in silence for a few moments with our hands laced together in front of us.
He breaks the silence. “I was thinking I would go there tomorrow. Maybe call Katie today and see what their plans are. Would you . . .” I interrupt his question with a kiss and then say, “Of course I’ll go with you. There’s no place I’d rather be.”
“Perfect. I’ll go call them now and make plans. Think you can keep things under control in here?” He points at the lone pot on the stove.
“Yeah, I got it. Besides, I’m not the one who freaked out when the garlic bread caught fire.” I pop my hip at him as I stick out my tongue. Turning my attention back to the stove, I’m caught off guard when he snaps a dish towel across my ass.
“Hey! What was that for?” I feign injury as I rub over the spot he just reddened.
“Because I can.” He wiggles his eyebrows at me with a huge smile spreading across his beautiful face. He slings the towel over his shoulder and struts into the other room to make his phone call. Watching his fine ass swagger away from me distracts me from the pot of sauce that is currently boiling over in front of me.
As I’m cleaning up the mess, Reid comes back into the kitchen and slumps, rather defeated for someone who was just swatting my ass, into the chair. His head hangs down low in his hands and before I can say a word, I notice the tears dropping down on the tabletop.
I’m by his side quickly and when he feels me next to him, he just buries his head into my neck and starts sobbing.
“Baby, what is it? What happened?” I’ve never seen him like this, not even after his nightmare about Shane.
Through his deep heaving sobs, he manages to tell me that it’s his mom. “She had another heart attack. She’s stable and everything, but they . . . don’t think . . . she’s not going to make it through the week. Katie says it looks like she’ll be lucky to make it through the night.”
I wrap my arms around him as tight as I can and rub circles around his back. I try to hold them back, but the tears flow freely. I’m hurting because he hurts and I wish there was something I could do to take away his pain.
Running my fingers through his hair, and holding him close to me seems to help him calm a little. When he looks up at me, his eyes are pained and fearful; my heart breaks all over again.
Holding his hands in mine, I try to settle my nerves. “Reid, why don’t we go there now?” I keep my words as calm as I can. I don’t want him to feel like I’m pushing him, but he’s obviously upset. “I don’t want to force you, but well, I just . . .”
“Okay.” His easy acceptance of my offer catches me off guard. He rubs his thumb over my knuckles and leans forward to kiss me. “Thank you, Maddy. For being there for me, I mean. All of this shit with my mom was what drove us apart in the first place and . . . well . . . I’m just better at dealing with it all, about even talking about any of it when you’re here with me.”
I drop his hands and cup my palms to his cheeks. “Reid, you will never have to be anywhere without me.”
We’re out of the house in less than five minutes—the stove and oven are off, but other than that we leave as quickly as possible. We don’t have the luxury of time on our sides. Once we’re on the road, I call Mel and let her know what happened. I know her and Momma understand. I promise to keep them updated as soon as we know anything.
The car ride goes quickly and we’re pulling up to Reid’s mom’s house in what feels like no time. In reality though, it’s been a few hours and the sun is setting quietly in the horizon. It’s peaceful, quiet and serene. I would imagine that most families are gathered around the table enjoying their Christmas dinner, basking in the presence of their loved ones.
Glancing at Reid once more before we exit the Jeep, I wish I could offer him some words, some kind of encouragement. But there are none. No words exist to offer comfort to someone who is about to lose their mother. I know this much from my own life.
In a simple glance across the cabin of the car, we understand each other; we understand that there’s no need for words right now. The only thing that’s needed now is love and we’ve got that in spades.
Chapter 17
Tuesday December 25, 2012
Reaching out to knock on the door, my hand shakes. Maddy sees it and gently places her hand over mine to steady it. As we hear footsteps approach us, Maddy laces her fingers through mine. She squeezes my hand gently and looks up at me with such love and compassion—it’s overwhelming.
I kiss the top of her head. “Thank you for doing this with me. I couldn’t have done it alone.” My voice quivers and I hate this dreadful feeling that’s creeping into my chest.
Maddy leans into my side and says, “You’ll never have to be alone again.”
Whatever else she might have wanted to say is cut short as Katie opens the door before us. Her eyes are swollen and puffy. It’s fairly obvious that she’s been crying all day. Stepping through the door, a sad yet calm feeling washes over me.
Katie and Maddy exchange small smiles. Maddy extends her hand to Katie. “Hi. I’m Maddy. It’s nice to finally put a face to the name.” Her words are quiet and unsure. Everyone’s emotions are obviously on edge.
“It’s good to finally meet you too.” Katie steps to the side and ushers us into the living room. “Why don’t you guys have a seat while I go check with Dad.”
She stops at the threshold of the living room before reaching the stairs and turns around to come back to us. She sits in the recliner to the side of us and clears her throat before speaking. With her head hanging low, she averts eye contact. “I . . . I’m so sorry for all the pain I caused the two of you. I just thought . . .” I know where she’s going with this. Her apologies aren’t needed. For the first time since her phone number flashed across my screen, I’m glad that Katie called me.
I reach out and hold her hand and she looks up
to meet my eyes. “Katie, it’s okay. We’re okay.” Nodding at Maddy, I add, “And I’m glad you called.” I smile—a small, lame smile—to reassure her that everything really is okay between us.
She returns the same defeated look and she excuses herself in search of her father. When Katie leaves the room, Maddy catches sight of the mantle that proudly displays the pictures of me and Shane. I follow behind her as she walks over to them.
She picks up the one of me and Shane in our little league uniforms from so many years ago and clutches her hand to her chest. Looking up over her shoulder at me, I see the tears shining in her eyes. “You guys look so cute together. You look like best friends.”
“We were. God, I miss him so much.” My head hangs low as I cradle it in my hands. Pulling Maddy back to me, I say “But seeing him here, in these pictures, it makes it hurt a little less. I’ve spent so long trying to block out everything, that I never realized I was blocking out the good stuff too.” I take the picture from her hand and get lost in reminiscing about how awesome my big brother was.
Our conversation is interrupted by an “ahem” from behind us. Turing around abruptly, I see Joe on the other side of the room. He looks tired—even more exhausted than when I saw him last. Guilt washes over me immediately just thinking about how I up and left him in the hospital to deal with the news of my mother’s worsening condition.
With Maddy in tow, I walk over to him but words elude me. Joe’s look of understanding is enough to make me realize that I don’t need to explain myself. He claps his arm around my shoulder and gives a tight one-armed squeeze. He holds out his hand to Maddy and she places hers in his. “You must be Maddy. Reid and Katie have had lots of great things to say about you.” He kisses her hand sweetly and adds, “It’s nice to finally meet you. I just wish it were under better circumstances.”
Maddy’s eyes glow with compassion and love. “I wish that too, Joe. Is there anything I can do to help?”
The Love Series Complete Box Set Page 43