Just as we’re about to leave, one last visitor enters the room. He looks vaguely familiar. About my height and build, he’s nothing out of the ordinary. I stand to greet him as Katie, Joe and Evan are sitting on the other side of the small room lost in reminiscing.
As I walk towards him, he looks up at me and recognition dawns. Extending my hand to him, I say, “Hi. Dylan Hopkins, right?” He shakes my hand in return and smiles at me.
“Yeah, man. Wow, it’s been forever. I haven’t seen you in what, like four years. Are you still playing ball? I know you always dreamed of playing in college.” He’s right. My lifelong dream was playing Division I baseball for a top school. I was even scouted by a few, but after Shane died, I lost all desire to play. There was no point in having fun when your brother was dead. We move to the side and sit in two chairs that are right in front of one of the many picture boards that line the room.
“Nah. Things changed after Shane died. How about you? You played for a year didn’t you? Down in Florida right?” Dylan was the all-star short stop of our high school team, and there isn’t a memory of playing ball with Shane that doesn’t include Dylan as well. He was our third wheel. I remember being so devastated that Dylan and I lost contact after Shane died. Other than me, Dylan was the only other person who really knew Shane. In the blink of an eye, they were both gone from my life, and I was truly alone. No brother. No best friend. No family.
At the mention of Shane’s name, I notice Dylan’s shoulders slump. Leaning forward in his chair, he props his elbows on his thighs and hangs his head in his hands.
Without looking at me, he shakes his head a few times before speaking. “You never knew did you?”
Suddenly realization dawns and I twist sharply in my seat to look at him. “You mean . . . you two were . . . ?”
Dylan slowly cranes his neck up, and when his eyes meet mine, it’s as if I’m looking at him in an entirely different light. “Yeah, we were . . . together.” His words are whispered painfully. His voice laced with anguish. To Dylan, losing Shane meant so much more than losing a best friend. Involuntarily, I glance across the room to see Maddy talking with Momma and Melanie. I can’t imagine what my life would be like if Maddy was no longer with me. That has been Dylan’s reality for the last few years. My heart breaks for my long-lost friend.
“When? For how long? How did no one ever find out?” I don’t mean for my questions to come out in such a rapid fire way, but I can’t help it. A new light is being shed on my entire childhood and early teen years.
Dylan’s eyes nervously scan the room and I know he fears being overheard. I hate that he has to fear anything. No amount of reassurance will calm him; it never calmed Shane. When Dylan’s eyes settle back on me, he says, “Reid, I promise to tell you everything. But not here.” His words are cautious and timid. He sounds so nervous.
He stands and walks over to the podium where the sparsely filled guest books sits. Grabbing a pen and a scrap of paper from the back of the book, he scribbles down a few things and hands it to me. “Here’s my number. I’ll be in town for a few days. Give me a call and we’ll get together to catch up.”
Clapping him on the back while shaking his extended hand, I say, “Thanks. I will. I’m staying with Joe and Katie until Monday. Maybe sometime Sunday?” I nervously fidget with the paper as we continue talking.
“That sounds great man. Listen, I’m sorry about your mom. I just wanted to pay my respects, but it was good to see you. I’ll talk to you soon, okay?” Dylan’s words are rushed like he needs to run away from the painful memories.
As he walks out of the room, Maddy comes to my side and wraps her arm around my waist. Resting her head on my shoulder, I lean down and sweetly kiss her silky-soft hair. “Who was that, baby?”
“His name’s Dylan Hopkins. We used to play ball together when we were kids.” I say tentatively.
Maddy looks up at me; pure love and adoration make her deep, green eyes sparkle even more. “Well, that was really nice of him to show up for your mom, especially after all of these years.”
“Yeah,” I chuckle softly. “It was definitely a surprise to see him.” I squeeze her tightly to my side and I’m pretty sure she can sense that there’s something I’m not telling her. Before she can ask the question that’s obviously on the tip of her tongue, I answer it. Whispering quietly into her ear, not wanting anyone else to hear Dylan’s secret, I say “He was Shane’s boyfriend.”
Lying in the guest bed at Joe and Katie’s, Maddy is cuddled up against my side, tracing imaginary patterns across my chest. “So, tell me more about Dylan. You seemed surprised that he was there.” Her voice is calm and comforting after a long and emotionally draining day.
I turn on my side and lean my head on my elbow; Maddy faces me and her eyes are sparkling in the cool, white glow of the moonlight. Without even thinking, I reach out and begin running the pads of my fingers across the soft, perfect skin on her upper arm. Scouring my brain for a decent starting point, I lay there silently for a moment before sharing about this part of my past. Rather than the dark, looming cloud that usually accompanies the memories of my childhood, a lighter, happier feeling blooms in my chest. Maybe being here, making peace with my past and with my mom, has finally allowed me to remember the happier times.
A small chuckle comes out as I start talking about how close Dylan, Shane and I were. “Dylan was just like a brother. I always remember him being around, but I guess since Shane died, I sort of blocked him out of my memories. We played ball together for as long as I can remember.” Maddy and I sigh at the same time and a smile curls at the corners of my mouth.
She shakes her head and laughs at our synchronicity. “I used to do the same thing about my parents—block out the memories, I mean. I always thought it was easier than letting them come to the surface, but you know what I figured out?” She leans forward and kisses the tip of my nose. “I found out that the happy memories actually help take away some of the pain. It’s good to share the happy times. Eventually, the good times outshine the bad ones.”
I know she’s right. I can feel the happiness overpowering the sadness right here and now. Who am I kidding? The light has been tackling the darkness ever since Maddy walked into my life.
I allow myself to laugh thinking about my childhood. An even larger chuckle comes to the surface as I remember what a goof ball he was. “You know that picture that’s down stairs on the mantle? The one where Shane and I are all dopey and smiling like idiots?”
“I love that picture. You both looked so happy.” Maddy smiles and runs her fingertips through my hair.
“Dylan was the reason we were smiling like that. He was standing next to my mom making funny faces and sticking his tongue out at us.” The memory is suddenly so fresh in my mind that I can smell the fresh cut grass and newly laid chalk of the ball field.
We lie silently for a few more moments. She’s allowing me my space to remember, to smile. Her curious voice interrupts my thoughts. “But that was when you were kids. You obviously never knew that they were together. Does that change things for you?” I can hear the concern and genuine interest in her voice. Her fingers continue to tangle in my hair, and it’s relaxing and as comforting as her words are meant to be.
“Umm . . . no, I definitely didn’t know that they were together.” I shake my head at the thought. “I don’t even know when that happened. I would have to guess sometime in high school. But no, it doesn’t change how I feel about them. You know, sometimes, I wonder how I turned out so differently from everyone else in town. I mean, why is it that Dylan and Shane’s relationship is okay with me, but not with other people?” I shake my head as if doing so will explain why there’s so much hatred and narrow-mindedness in the world.
Moving her hand from my hair, to my face, Maddy gently brushes her knuckles across my cheek. “Baby, you can’t explain hate. Some people use hatred to cover up their fear. I’m not saying that Shane should have been feared, but there are some things that a
re just so ugly and pointless that no amount of explanation will bring them meaning.” She shrugs her shoulders and a lopsided grin pulls at my lips at her perfect rationalization of an imperfect topic.
“I think he sounds pretty amazing and I wish I could have known him.” She learns forward and presses her soft, lips to my cheek; I can’t help but lean into the feel of them. “Me too, baby. You guys would have gotten along so well.” Again, as if my some kind of instinctual magnetism, I am drawn to her. My hand moves from her arm, up into her long, wavy hair. Pulling her close to me, I slide my other arm underneath her warm body and press my lips against hers for a sweet kiss.
Pulling back from me, she looks up into my eyes and smiles brightly. God, I love her. Everything about her, about us, feels so surreal and unlikely. I’ll never be able to understand how two people—once so broken and guarded, have been able to find the love and compassion that they never thought they deserved.
“I love you, Maddy. God, I love you so much, sometimes . . . sometimes, I just don’t know what to do with it. I know I wouldn’t have made it through today, hell, any day for that matter, if it weren’t for you.” Cupping her cheek in my hand once more, I kiss her—not so innocently this time. Her body melts against mine and she hooks her leg over my hip, pulling me closer to her.
Breaking the passionate kiss, her eyes are now glazed with lust and love. “I love you too, Reid. So much that it scares me.” Her hand starts roaming over the ridges and muscles of my back absentmindedly. “I’ve lost you before because I was being foolish. All this stuff with your mom . . . I’m . . . I’m just so sorry that I pushed you away . . . that I hurt you . . . that I caused us so much pain.” She looks to the ceiling to try and avoid meeting my eyes, but I won’t have that now. There’s no need for us not to be honest with one another. Forcing her to look at me again, I grip her chin in between my forefinger and thumb. As I gently sweep the pad of my thumb over her lower lip, she kisses it tenderly and meets my eyes once more. “I was so afraid that you were going to leave me because of the baby. All that stuff about you needing to make peace with your mom was just a cover for my own issues. I’m so sorry that I did that to you, to us. I love you more than anything, and I can’t believe that I’m lucky enough to have you back.” On her last words, she squeezes me with all of the strength she can muster.
I kiss the top of her head and murmur against her hair, “I love you too, sweet Maddy. I was foolish too. Who the hell walks out on the woman they love, anyway?” We lock eyes again, and now it’s my turn to wipe the slate clean. “I was scared too—of the baby, of what would happen to your life, of what would happen to mine. I can’t say that I was your biggest fan when you kept bringing up my past.” My lips quirk into a small smile and my words carry a sarcastic, playful undertone. I’m relieved to see that she can feel the light-heartedness as well. “But, well, despite all of the heartache it caused, I just . . . well, I’m just glad it all worked out for us. And now, that I have you,” I wrap my arms around her, and crush her supple body against mine, “I’m never going to let you go.”
Her lips press against my neck and I feel her tongue lick and nip at the sensitive skin at my collar bone. Rolling my neck to the side, to give her more access, a groan escapes my lips. My fingers grasp at the soft flesh of her waist and she rolls her hips into mine. She kisses and licks a sensual path across my neck and down towards my chest. Pulling back just the slightest, she reaches her hand down into the elastic waistband of my boxers and wraps her delicate yet sure fingers around my hardening erection. Being next to her, feeling her lips on my body is like a drug—I can’t ever get enough.
Rubbing, touching and caressing my growing arousal, stokes the flames of the fire burning in my veins. I need her, and based on how she’s touching me, I can tell she needs me too. I hook my fingers into her shorts and panties and pull them down over her hips and toss them to the floor. She does the same to me, and then slowly, almost teasingly, I pull her T-shirt up over her head and gaze down at her soft, full breasts. With only the soft glow of the moon, her skin is perfectly illuminated. She’s beautiful.
When I reach out to cup and knead at her tender breasts, she grabs my cock harder and begins stroking with an intensity that I won’t be able to endure for very long. Pushing up into her tight grasp, my words are a garbled mixture of pleasure and torture. “Ahhh . . . Maddy, baby, I love you.”
Lips pressed against my chest, she whispers, “I love you too. Make love to me, please. I need you to love me tonight.” Innocently, she peeks up at me through her long lashes, and my heart swells with pure love for the beauty beside me.
My lips crash into hers with wild passion. Our tongues lap and lick furiously at one another. Lips are bitten and tugged almost to the point of being painful, but never quite crossing the line. She protests mildly when I pull my mouth away from hers, but her whines are subdued when she feels me continue my assault down her neck, stopping only to nibble and lick at the upper curve of her breast. Toying with her nipple in between my finger and thumb forces her hips to jolt forward. “Oh God, Reid. Do that again, please?” Her begging makes my cock swell with even more need than I am already feeling.
“This?” I taunt playfully as I pinch her nipples once more. There’s no response this time. Her head just lolls back and her hips thrust forward.
Unable to go another second without being inside of her, I hike her leg further up my hip and nudge my cock against her waiting entrance. In one swift thrust, I am buried deep inside of her. I can feel her pulsing and fluttering all around me as she adjusts to the feel of being filled by me.
Still entwined with one another, lying on our sides, I begin moving—a slow and sensual pace. I want to feel every slick and wet ridge of her tightness squeezing and encircling me.
Needing to see her as I love her, I command, “Look at me, Maddy.” My voice is gruff and laced with pure desire. Gazing into her eyes as we move together is beyond intimate. It becomes impossible to know where she ends and where I begin. Holding her close, moving inside of her, staring into her beautiful green eyes, I know there will never be anyone else for me. There will always only be Maddy.
On each deep, hard push into her core, I angle my hips forward so that I can hit that spot that makes her go crazy. I feel her body go limp and loose around me as pleasure washes over her. Reaching between us, I run the tip of my finger along the outer edge of her soaking wet lips. When I get to the hardened nub of her clit, I rub circles around it. “Ahhh . . . Reid . . . I’m so close.” Her words are whispered, but the enormity of her feelings is screaming out at me loud and clear.
A perfectly timed thrust and one last teasing touch to her clit has her falling apart at the seams. Watching her come and feeling her orgasm ripple through her body, throws me over the edge and I spill every last ounce of my love deep into her.
While our bodies are still joined as one, I tip her chin up and kiss her with all of the love that I feel. Still breathing heavily, with my body still vibrating with pleasure, I look deep into her eyes to say, “I fucking love you.”
She chuckles and buries her face in my neck. Nuzzling close to my sweat streaked skin, she whispers, “And I fucking love you too.”
Falling asleep in my arms, still naked and entwined with my love, her back softly pressed up against my front, I feel like a new chapter of my life is on the horizon. The possibilities are endless. For once, I don’t feel chained to my past. I feel freed by my future.
Chapter 19
Sunday December 30, 2012
Since Katie and Maddy are planning on having a ‘girlie’ afternoon—nail polishing and hair styling—Dylan and I decide to go out for lunch. He was hesitant at first, not wanting to go out into public. I guess fear isn’t a feeling that fades quickly. I can’t imagine what it’s like to not want to go back to your own hometown because you’re afraid for your life. It will never make sense to me.
When we were on the phone, I asked him if anyone else knew about his and Shane
’s relationship. He told me about how my father threatened him after Shane died, saying that he would kill him if he ever told anyone about Shane. My father essentially scared Dylan out of his own home town. So, I know that being back here is a huge thing for Dylan.
Pulling into the Chili’s parking lot, I understand immediately why he chose a chain restaurant instead of the diner like I suggested. There are plenty of people here. No one will even notice him. We can just blend into the background.
I kill the engine and walk into the restaurant. Dylan is sitting at the bar. That was another stipulation of our lunch—no booths or tables. “Guys getting together to watch the game sit at the bar,” he told me when we made the plans yesterday. So here we are—two guys sitting together, watching some college football game, having a few beers, remembering a common loss.
The bartender slides me a coaster as I take my seat next to Dylan. “What can I get you?”
I eye Dylan’s mostly empty mug, and answer, “Two of whatever that was.”
As the bartender turns to get us our drinks, I notice that Dylan’s leg is bouncing wildly under his stool. He’s tapping his fingers on the bar-top like he’s just had ten cups of coffee. “You okay, man? You’re shaking like a fiend.” He doesn’t respond to my question immediately. Instead, he scans the rest of the bar area like there’s a sniper waiting for him in the corner.
Dylan still hasn’t made eye contact with me. Returning his eyes to the television in front of us, he says, “Yeah, I’m okay. I just don’t like being here, that’s all.” I know that by “here” he means Denning. I hate being here too. He pitches his voice low so that no one can hear him. There are a few people seated around the bar and the tables are all full, but the only one who can really hear us is the bartender who just placed our beers in front of us.
We’ll just have to talk about Shane later. Right now, it’s just going to be about two old friends catching up. The football Gods must have heard my thoughts because at that exact moment, the bar erupts into loud cheers and whistles.
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