When we get into my room, he closes the door behind him and clicks the lock. “We wouldn’t want Lia barging in here on us again, would we?”
“That might have been the most embarrassing moment of my life!” I laugh softly, but my body heats as I recall exactly what we were doing when Lia walked in on us.
“Yours? You were all covered up.” He points at me as he begins walking closer. Tapping his finger on his bottom lip, he says, “If I recall correctly, she got a spectacular view of my ass.”
A playful eyebrow arches up on my face. “Oh, but what a fine ass it is.” He laughs softly, but his demeanor changes as he takes another step toward me. He’s suddenly stalking me like a wolf hunts its prey. My blood runs like molten lava through my veins. My feet are glued to the spot, and it takes conscious effort to inhale an unsteady and lust filled breath.
When Bryan runs his fingertips down my arms, touching the miles of exposed flesh that my lacey camisole affords, I actually shudder with delight.
Dropping his lips down into the crook of my neck, his fingers continue on their lazy exploration up and down my arms and across the creamy flesh above my breasts. His hot breath bathes over me. “You have the most beautiful skin ever.” He nips at my neck and then soothes it over with his tongue forcing me to shudder once again. All I can manage in response is a lazy “hmmm.”
My chest rises and falls between us and he pulls down the straps of my tank top to reveal the upper curve of my breasts, which are threatening to spill out of my pink lacy bra. Bryan’s finger dips into my cleavage and he then traces up around each curve. Instinctively, I move to cover myself, but all I actually do is force my chest up more.
Bryan lowers my arms back down to my sides and snickers at me. “Oh no you don’t. It’s been way too long since I’ve seen you.” He presses his lips to mine and kisses me with more passion, more ferocity than ever before. It’s like he’s trying to climb inside of me. It’s so intense that I have to pull back from him to catch my breath.
“Are you sure you’re okay? We don’t have to do this. We can just talk, you know.” I have to admit that part of me is saying this out of genuine concern for him, but for the most part, I’m saying it out of guilt.
Lucky for me, he doesn’t sense my guilt. Instead, he just laughs—a soft, sexy-as-sin chuckle. “Why on earth would I want to talk when the alternative is getting lost in my beautiful girlfriend’s body for the next few hours?” His words are mumbled against my neck and they make my nipples tighten and pucker against my bra.
He makes a good point.
Two actually.
And tonight, I’d like to get lost as well. I don’t want to think about the horrible thing I’ve done to him—hell, I don’t even want to think about the horrible thing I’m doing to him now, by not telling him.
So rather than confess my secrets, and break his heart even more, I run my hands up the back of his shirt and drag my nails lightly across the valleys and curves of his long, lean muscles. Reaching for the hem of my shirt, he pulls it over my head and unsnaps my bra allowing my breasts to spill free.
When he steps back to drink in the sight of me, he reaches for the hem of his own shirt and pulls it up over his head from behind.
He guides me over to my bed and gently lowers me down on top of the crumpled mass of blankets and sheets.
His elbows rest on the sides of my head as his hands trace lightly through my hair. Our legs are entangled, and even though there’s no light on in the room, the cool-white moonlight illuminates his face. Bryan smiles down at me. “I missed you.”
I don’t want to talk anymore. I’m afraid of what I might say. So I wrap my arms around his neck and pull his lips down to mine. When we kiss, I can feel his desire growing and hardening as he grinds his erection into my hip.
His lips leave mine, but only to kiss a heated path across my jaw and down my neck. Bryan shifts so that he’s next to me on the bed. Reaching out with one hand, he begins kneading and massaging my right breast. My hips buck up at the feel of his fingers tweaking my nipple. A low groan echoes through the room, but I’m not sure if it belongs to me or him. When he leans forward to capture my other nipple in his mouth, I know the scream that I hear comes from me. Wasting no time, Bryan moves his talented tongue across to my right nipple and tortures that one with equal intensity. He nips and bites at my tender flesh increasing my need, and by the feel of it, his too.
I fumble with the button on his jeans, but my unsteady hands are useless. He leans back on his calves and shimmies out of his pants and boxers all at once. “You’re beautiful, you know that?” My words are laced with both lust and amazement.
He just shakes his head and says, “No. I’m not the beautiful one. You are.”
I’m inwardly scoffing at his comment about me being beautiful—are you kidding me? I want to say that I’m the one who got the better end of the deal in this relationship, but I don’t want to ruin the moment.
So instead, I just roll my eyes and pull him down to me to kiss him once more. Before I know it, I’m lifting up my hips so that he can slide my jeans and panties off.
Watching his face melt in pleasure as I stroke him makes me want him even more. I still don’t understand how I affect him so much. But it’s clear that I do as he calls out my name in a garbled mixture of pleasure and need. Swatting my hands away, he snickers at my advances. He rolls to my side in a quick movement. Whispering in my ear he says, “I need to touch you first.”
I whimper. Yes, actually whimper, because I need his touch.
His fingers trace lightly over my hips, and when he moves them across my slightly rounded belly, I shiver. He hooks his leg around mine, forcing me to open for him. Goosebumps spread across my thighs as he continues his torturous journey to my mound. When his finger plunges into me, my hips buck wildly. “You’re so tight, baby, and so wet.”
He moves his finger round and round, in and out, readying me, stoking the fire that he’s already set there. I gasp when I feel him remove his finger, but sigh in relief when he replaces it with two. His thumb gently brushes over my clit and I’m lost in a wave of pleasure. “Oh God . . . Bryan . . .” My words are cut short as he pushes his tongue in between my lips.
He kisses me with the same rhythm that he’s fucking me with his fingers. It’s wildly erotic and almost more than I can take. When he moves his mouth to my breast once more, I lose it completely. Fingers driving in me, thumb rubbing my clit, tongue flicking my nipple. My back arches as my orgasm crashes into me.
He doesn’t stop, though. His hands and mouth continue moving and teasing through the crest of pleasure. He only slows when my head stops thrashing from side-to-side and when he feels the inner muscles of my sex unclench around his strong fingers.
“Beautiful. Watching you come like that is absolutely beautiful” he whispers against my ear and then brings his fingers up to his mouth to lick them clean. Embarrassed and unable to watch him do that, and unable to take his compliment, I just nuzzle into his chest and breathe in his scent.
Lips pressed to his chest, I kiss every inch that I can reach. He arches his neck and groans in pleasure. Raking my nails down his back once more, I pull him so that he covers me completely. With his hips resting in between mine, he’s nudging at my entrance.
“Is it my turn now?” I mumble my question in between our heated kisses, but I don’t wait for a response.
I roll so that he’s now underneath me and I’m straddling his hips. I let my lips dance across his smooth skin. Licking, tasting and indulging in the flavor that’s uniquely his. My tentative licks show just how unsure I feel about my skills, but when Bryan looks down at me and groans, I decide to let go of those uncertainties.
I close my eyes and revel in the feel of his cock passing over my tongue. Bryan sweeps the red veil of my hair out of the way. “Fuck . . . Melanie . . . your mouth is amazing. Oh God!”
The rumbling groans of his appreciation give me the courage to continue. Wrapping my small h
and around the base, I stroke him mimicking the motion of my mouth.
His stomach tightens as does his grip on my hair. “I’m close, baby . . . so close.”
Those words make me pull back and reach for a condom in my bedside table. Once he’s covered, I lift my hips over his.
“Make love to me, please, Bryan,” I beg and he obliges.
Pushing up into me, he calls out, “Ahhh, Melanie. My God, you feel amazing.” In an instant and with what seems to be very little effort, he has me flipped over so that I’m underneath him.
I wrap my legs around his waist and grab at his taut ass, pulling him closer to me. His pace is instantly frantic. Hard, fast thrusts follow one another. I feel my orgasm building, cresting, almost ready to burst, but then my mind takes over. My infidelity is like an ice-bath numbing any feelings of pleasure. In a matter of minutes, he calls out my name one last time as his climax washes over him and mine vanishes completely. He tumbles to my side and wraps his arm around me.
We lie next to each other while our breathing returns to normal. He kisses my temple as he says, “That was amazing.” I just smile and nuzzle into his solid chest.
A few minutes later, he rolls over me, places a sweet kiss to my lips, gets out of the bed and walks into the adjoining bathroom.
Left alone with my thoughts for a moment while he takes care of whatever it is guys take care of after sex, I feel bile rising in my throat. What have I just done? I can tell myself that I didn’t want to hurt him when he was already hurting all I want, but that’s a load of crap. I didn’t tell him because I was too afraid to tell him. Guilt courses through my veins and sits heavily on my chest.
When he comes back in the room and I catch sight of his beautiful and still-naked body, I can’t take it any longer. Panic rises and I bolt out of bed. That horrible sickening feeling returns and the only way to get rid of it is to purge it away.
I sprint past him into the bathroom and slam the door shut behind me. He can’t see me like this—no one can. I hear his concerned voice through my heaving and retching. “Melanie, what’s going on? Are you okay?”
When the vomiting stops and the nausea recedes, I reply, “Yeah, I’m fine. Can you just hand me my clothes.”
He cracks open the door and brings me in my sweats and tank top. “Here you go.”
“Thanks, I’ll be out in a minute.” He nods and walks back out into my room.
I can’t stand to be naked in front of him like this. It’s like my cheating is written somewhere on my body and he’ll see it if I expose myself for too long. So I get dressed in the bathroom and brush my teeth once again. When I look at myself in the mirror, I’m disgusted at my own reflection.
The last few days have beaten the shit out of me. Between leaving Mom all alone, returning to school without Maddy, attacking Peyton, debating about what to tell Bryan, hearing what he had to tell me and then making love to him—it’s all too much. It had to go somewhere; I had to deal with it somehow. There was no keeping it down any longer.
But now, having thrown up, and gotten rid of some of the pain, I feel like I can at least face him again. When I step out of the bathroom, he’s sitting at my desk chair waiting for me with a bottle of water. “I thought you could use this.” I walk toward him and he pulls me down on to his lap.
The cool water soothes my burning throat, but does nothing for my tortured soul.
Bryan wraps his arms around my waist and nuzzles into my body. “You okay?”
I nod and dismiss his concerns. “Yeah, I’m fine. I probably just ate something funky. I’ll be okay.” A pathetically weak smile follows my words.
“I don’t have to leave if you’re not feeling well. I could stay, if you’d like, I mean.” He’s half offering and half asking. Part of me wonders if he’s offering to stay just because he doesn’t want to spend the night alone. This is probably the first time he’s had any kind of comfort since finding out about his parents. That thought alone, keeps me from pushing him away.
Because that’s what I want to do. I want to push him and everyone else away and curl up in a ball and cry myself to sleep. But I can’t. I won’t push him away if he needs me. Part of me hopes that if I can work past these feelings of guilt on my own, if I can convince myself and him that I’m the perfect girlfriend, then I won’t have to tell him just how far from perfect I really am.
That’s when a plan solidifies in my head. I’m not going to tell him. Ever. I can keep it hidden and do everything in my power to never let it out.
Strangely emboldened by my new plan, I say, “Nothing would make me happier than if you stayed.”
Falling asleep spooned in Bryan’s arms, I vow to wake up and be the perfect girlfriend that Bryan deserves despite being the person who deserves him the least.
It won’t be the first time that I’ve had to cover up the real me, to hide my true feelings, but it will be the most difficult by far.
Chapter 8
Saturday, October 27, 2012
“I freaking hate Halloween,” I grumble loudly as I stand in front of my full-length mirror.
Maddy pokes her head out of the bathroom door and laughs. “So then don’t think of it as Halloween. Just think of tonight as any other party except everyone’s playing dress-up.”
“Sure, easy enough for you and your cute little Tinkerbell costume. What is Reid going as anyway? Because I swear to God, if you tell me Peter Pan, I’m going to lose my shit!” Just thinking about her boyfriend wearing green spandex makes me laugh out loud.
Maddy comes out of the bathroom and holds her wings out in front of her. I help her loop her arms through them. “Thanks. And no, he is most definitely not going as Peter Pan. I don’t think he’s wearing a costume at all. I think it’s against some kind of guy code to get dressed up for Halloween.” She adds a thin layer of lip gloss and then puckers her lips. “Is Bryan dressing up?”
“No. Like you said, it’s against some kind of guy code, right? I’m just happy he decided to come. It’s not like he really knows any of you or the guys for that matter.” I know he’ll fit in just fine—he’s terrific and we’re great, but he’s only met Maddy once. I feel like tonight is a test of sorts, and of course, I have to go through this test while in some stupid costume of course.
Looking down at my outfit, I huff and say, “Yeah, but it’s like a requirement for girls to slut it up as best they can, right?” I arch an eyebrow and Maddy turns to the side as she eyes her costume in the mirror.
“You think I look slutty?” She sounds affronted, but I quickly take back my words. “No. No you look great, really you do. I just hate that every costume out there is just a ‘sexy’ version of what should be a normal costume. Why can’t I just go as a nurse? Why do I have to be a sexy nurse?”
“Melanie, I think you look adorable.” Maddy scans my costume. I chose to go as a black cat. I’m wearing black leggings, a cute cheerleader style black pleated skirt, a black long-sleeved billowy top, a headband with kitten ears and painted on whiskers. She’s right. It’s adorable and not at all sexy.
I harrumph and flop on the bed. She doesn’t let me stay there. “Come on, the girls are waiting. You look great, so quit your worrying.”
When we walk out into the living room, Cammie and Lia are waiting for us—as usual. Cammie looks gorgeous dressed as a Greek Goddess. She might freeze her ass off, but she looks stunning. Lia, well I don’t even know where to start with Lia. She is dressed to the nines in fishnet stockings, knee high boots, a ridiculously short mini skirt and a blue tube top. The short pixie length blond wig completes her costume, but I still don’t get it right away. “What are you supposed to be? A hooker or something?” That’s exactly what she looks like, standing there snapping her gum, hip jutted out to the side.
She jumps up and down and claps her hands. “Yes! You got it! Yeah, I’m Julia Roberts from Pretty Woman. I’m a hooker!” I’ve never seen someone so happy to be identified as a prostitute in all my life, but that’s Lia for you.
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My phone buzzes in my hand and it’s a text from Bryan. “Come on ladies. Bryan is downstairs. Let’s go.” He offered to be the designated driver for the night, but I think he had ulterior motives. He wanted to win over my friends and my heart softens at the thought that he wants them to like him.
Of course when we get to the parking lot, he’s holding the door open for the girls. They all slide into the backseat saying “Hi” to him as they pass his extended arm. He opens the passenger door for me and closes it after I sit down. When he walks around to his side, Lia wolf whistles at him and we all laugh. Thank goodness she doesn’t have any time to say anything. I can only imagine what would come out of her mouth. I just hope she can behave for the ten-minute drive to the party.
Bryan gets into his seat and pulls the seat belt across his lap. When he places his hand on my knee a tingle travels up my body. He leans in and kisses my cheek and whispers, “You look great.”
Without even waiting for me to respond, he looks over his shoulder into the back seat and chuckles. “Well, this is the first time I’ve had a Goddess, a fairy and a whore in my car at the same time.”
Without missing a beat, Lia chimes in. “I am not a whore.” She clutches her hand playfully to her chest. “I am a classy hooker. Now drive me to my party so I can get my drink on.” She makes a motion with her hand for Bryan to start driving and everyone else breaks out into loud laughter. He looks over at me from his seat and mouths, “Wow,” as he pulls out into traffic.
When we pull up in front of the party, the girls climb out of the car and immediately race up the stairs. Cammie and Maddy go in search of Jack and Reid, and Lia, well, I’m pretty sure Lia is just searching for some booze.
Bryan takes my hand and we walk into the house together. We weave our way through the large crowd. When we get to the living room, we find Maddy, Reid, Cammie and Jack. Everyone smiles at Bryan as he introduces himself to the guys.
“Nice to meet you, man. You want a drink?” Jack asks as he shakes Bryan’s hand.
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