“Shut the fuck up, asshole!” I grabbed one of the pillows from behind my head and launched it at him, hitting him square in the face.
“You totally did!” He laughed before asking, “Who is she?”
I faltered for a moment, my brain still stuck on Dylan. If there was anyone I could tell, it was probably Reid, but not now. I still wasn’t ready.
So instead of the truth, Reid got lies, the last thing he deserved. I told him about how I met Alex and how we were going out this week. He seemed to buy it; more importantly, he seemed happy for me.
And with thoughts of possibly seeing Dylan in just a few days, I pushed the lies to the back of my brain. I’d deal with them later, because, for the moment, I was happy too.
Chapter Nine
October 12, 2007
“You’re running around this place like a chicken with its head cut off.” John, my roommate, poked his head out from behind his textbook, calling out to me from across the room. “You’d think the President was coming here.”
His words made me stop in my tracks. Realizing that I was in fact going a bit overboard, I shrugged. “I just haven’t seen him in a while. Guess I’m nervous and excited, too.”
He jumped down from his bed and closed his book before tossing it on the mattress. “There’s a fine line between excited and obsessive. It’s a dorm room. He’s a guy. You haven’t seen him in two months. He’s not going to care what the room looks like. He just wants to see you.” John held my shoulders, shaking me on each reassurance.
“You’re right.” I sighed and John stepped away, grabbing his hoodie and bag from the hook in his closet. “And thanks for staying at Elise’s this weekend.”
“No problem. But we’re still on for later, right?” He slung his bag over his shoulder and stood in the doorway.
“Yeah, man. Thanks again. We’ll meet you at Elise’s around eight.”
If there was ever a contest for “Best Roommate Assignment of the Year,” I’d have won it with John. He stood at about six-foot-four and weighed about two-twenty-five, but there was nothing mean or rough about him. Despite his multiple championship titles in wrestling, and the promise of a huge college career ahead of him, John was anything but the stereotypical asshole jock.
He was a sophomore and, since plans for an off-campus apartment with a few of his wrestling buddies fell through at the last minute, he was stuck in the dorms. By the time he filled out all the residence paperwork, the only rooms that were left were in the freshman building.
After the awkwardness of initially meeting one another wore off, we found that we got along really well.
I hadn’t planned on telling him I was gay right away, but nothing that big ever goes as planned.
We were eating dinner in the student café when the topic of girlfriends had come up. He brought it up, not me. But as soon as the words were out of his mouth, I thought I should have asked first. Maybe it would have made me look more normal.
“So what’s your situation?” I took a sip of my iced tea, staring over the rim of my glass.
Situation? What the hell did he mean?
Panic invaded my system, thinking that he had somehow figured me out. I put my glass down, took a huge bite of my sandwich, and tried my best to keep my cool. Around a mouthful of food, I mumbled, “There’s no deal.” I swallowed my food, and his hard stare held me frozen in place. Growing defensive, my eyes narrowed. “Am I supposed to have a deal?” My spine straightened and my tone hardened.
His face split wide with laughter. “Dude, you should see your face. Chill out! I was just asking if you had a girlfriend back home. That’s all.” John held his hands up in front of his chest, palms facing out in a mock-surrender.
I slumped in my chair, exhausted already from one short and non-threatening exchange with my roommate. I had to learn how to calm down and just be who I was, unapologetically. Otherwise, I’d have a freaking heart attack before the end of my freshman year. John got up to refill his drink and I gave myself the mental pep-talk I so obviously needed.
When he came back to the table, I bit the bullet and, just like I had told my parents right before I left, I blurted out my truth. “I’m gay.”
I waited for him to curse, or spit in my face. To stand up and call me a homo or a fag while everyone else stared on in glaring contempt. But he just shrugged his large shoulders and took a sip of his water. “And I’m straight.”
I stared at him in confusion. That was it? He wasn’t going to say anything? John laughed as he saw me trying to figure out what the hell just happened. He crossed his arms and leaned across the table, keeping his voice low enough so that only the two of us could hear. “My uncle is gay. He’s really close with my mom and my sisters, and I learned very early in life that you love who you love. Gay or straight it doesn’t matter. So I’m good with it. There’s no need to worry.”
I took a deep breath. “Thanks, man. I was worried. I mean it’s not an easy thing to say.”
John twisted his face, processing what I had just said. “Why not? It’s who you are. And if anyone has problem with it, they’ll have me to answer to.” He made a ridiculous pose, flexing his muscles like a body builder.
“You’re an ass.” I laughed at him, but silently thanked God that he really did seem fine with who I was.
Then why was I still afraid?
“Whatever. But listen, this is college. This is where you get to be who you want to be without having to worry about what the hell anyone else thinks. Just know that I’ve got your back. Besides, in the few days I’ve known you, you seem pretty cool. So who the hell cares if you’re gay? Let it be their problem. Not yours.”
After I came out to him, I resolved not to hide who I was to anyone. Like John said, let it be their problem, not mine. That night, he went on to tell me about his girlfriend Elise who lived in an off-campus apartment. They had dated in high school, and came here together. He had a wrestling scholarship, so for her it was an easy decision to go where he was. Her plans for off-campus living hadn’t fallen through, and didn’t that work out just perfectly for Shane and me.
I closed the door behind John and scanned the room. He was right. Shane wouldn’t care how the room looked, but I could barely contain my excitement. The idea of having a whole weekend to ourselves, without having to hide from anyone, made me happier than I had been in a long time.
Just as soon as I flopped down on my bed, sorting out the million thoughts racing around in my head, there was a light knock on the door. I jumped up so quickly, I nearly tripped over my own two feet as I raced to the door.
My heart hammered in my chest knowing that it was Shane on the other side. But when I opened the door and saw the man standing on the other side, it both was and wasn’t Shane. He’d lost weight; enough to make me have to do a double take to make sure it was really him. Even though he had a pair of sunglasses on, I could see the dark circles under his eyes.
“You look like shit, man,” I blurted out, unable to say anything but the first thing that came to mind. He stepped into the room, his shoulders slumped, his frame weak and frail. The duffle bag he was carrying dropped to the floor with a soft thud. After taking off his sunglasses and tucking them into the collar of his grey polo, he looked at me and I saw something more disturbing than the weight loss or the bags under his eyes. Sadness unlike any I’d ever seen pervaded Shane’s usually bright hazel eyes. His gaze fell to the floor.
“Hey,” I tipped his chin up, loving the feel of his prickly stubble, “you okay?” He leaned into my touch and wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his head on my shoulder.
“Much better, now,” he murmured against my neck. We held onto each other for a few minutes, just breathing each other in before we finally closed the door and stepped fully inside.
We moved over to my bed. It was really the only place we could sit. There wasn’t a sofa or anything like that. The room was barely big enough to fit the two sets of furniture a standard double room required.
He kicked off his shoes before climbing onto the mattress. Leaning up against the wall, we sat there quietly for a minute, staring at the trippy tapestry John had hung on the wall behind his bed. I laced our fingers together, stroking my thumb over Shane’s wrist before turning to face him.
“Talk to me, please,” I spoke softly, afraid to scare him away or piss him off. There was definitely something wrong, but I didn’t want to make him talk if he didn’t want to.
Taking a deep breath, he turned to face me, and smiled wide. “I’m good.” His smile took on the dopey lopsided quality I loved so much. “I promise.” He squeezed my hand for an added reassurance and I smiled back.
“So what’s on the agenda for the day?” he asked, a hopeful lilt in his voice.
It was early in the afternoon. There was plenty we could do, but all I could think about was staying in bed with him. I just wanted to be with him. “There are a few parties we could go to. John and Elise want to meet you. Or . . .”
“I like the sound of or.” He pulled my face to his and attacked my mouth with his. His lips we rough and demanding. I loved every second of it.
Thrusting his tongue into my mouth as he pushed me down onto the bed, turned me on and shocked me at the same time. Our hands were everywhere within seconds. I pulled his lower lip in between my teeth, biting him before licking over the same spot. “So, I guess that’s a no on the party,” I joked between kisses.
He smirked against my lips and I felt some of his sadness melt away. After tugging his shirt over his head, he tossed it on the floor and ground his hips against mine. “No. I just want you.” He leaned back on his calves and unsnapped my jeans. “Is that okay?” The rasp of his voice matched the sound of my zipper as he lowered it.
I had no clue what spurred the change in his mood from when he walked in, but when he hooked his thumbs into the waistband of my boxers, pulling them and my jeans down just enough to expose the crown of my cock, I didn’t care. I was more than pleased with the change.
Shane pulled me up and removed my shirt before devouring my mouth again. His lips moved along my jaw, stopping for nibbles and licks along the way. With more force than I would have expected from him, he tugged my too-long hair, angling my neck to the side as he did.
Licking a heated path to right below my earlobe, he leaned in and whispered, “You taste so fucking good.” He groaned against the outer shell of my ear, causing me to shiver in delight. In that moment, I wasn’t capable of more than a low “hmmm” in response.
He lowered me to the bed once more and ran his fingers down my rib cage. Teasing my nipples with his tongue as he licked a hot path down the center of my stomach made me writhe in pleasure. Our eyes met as he worked his way lower. I lifted my hips and he dragged my pants off with painstaking slowness. He got rid of his own pants much more quickly.
When he wrapped his strong hands around my dick, I pushed up into his hand, instinctually. “Your hand . . . fuck, Shane. It feels so good.” We stared at each other as he slowly, but firmly, jerked my cock. When his thumb rubbed over the tip, spreading the bead of moisture around, his name fell from my mouth in a curse.
He wasted no time taking me deep into his throat, over and over, until I felt like I was going to explode. “I want you,” he panted as he worked his tongue up and down my cock. “I want all of you.”
My body was on fire as jolts of pleasure raced everywhere. In one swift move, Shane pushed me onto my side. He moved in front of me, hooking my left leg over his hip. His finger trailed down my spine, and teased the crack of my ass. Our eyes locked once again as he grabbed my leg and pushed it higher, exposing more of where he wanted to go. “All. Of. You.” His words came out in short, raspy puffs of breath. We’d both worked ourselves up into such a frenzy, I don’t think either of us could even see straight.
“Are you sure?” I don’t know why I asked, because if he’d said no, I didn’t know if I’d recover.
He lightly grazed his fingertip over the puckered skin, prodded softly, not intending to penetrate. “I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life. I’ve never been more ready, either.” There was no way to deny the truth that vibrated in his words, the passion that shone in his eyes.
He covered my mouth with his, tenderly this time. Our tongues moved against one another in a velvety slide that made my erection bulge and pulse against his stomach. Wrapping my hand around him, I groaned against his lips, “I want all of you, too.”
“I’m yours.” He leaned his forehead against mine, a quick look of uncertainty passing between us. A touch of awkwardness filled the room. It was an awkwardness born not out of what we were about to do. No, the unease was more about talking about who would top and who would bottom. Not having gotten to this point before today, it wasn’t something we had ever talked about.
Before I could ask “how,” Shane rolled us so that he was underneath me and I was wrapped in his arms. “I want you to take me.” He held my face in both of his hands, his eyes staring somewhere deep into me. “I’ve never been happier than when I’m with you. You’ve given me a piece of myself I didn’t even know was there. I knew it existed, but I just didn’t know how to let it. I can’t ever repay that. But I can give you me. I can give you all of me because that’s all I have.”
I nodded and reached into the cheap set of plastic drawers next to my bed that worked as my nightstand. Not wanting to be unprepared, I made sure to stock up on all the essentials, just in case. I tossed the lube on the bed as I tore open the box of condoms. Shane sat up as best he could with me straddling him. He steadied my trembling hands and took the box from me. “We don’t need those,” he said calmly before chucking them on the floor.
He was right and I’d thought the same, but I didn’t want to assume anything. “I don’t want there to be anything between us.” He snaked one arm around my neck and the other my waist, pulling me down to him. I grabbed the lube, pushed his legs up so that his knees were bent, exposing his ass. I let the liquid drip between his cheeks before rubbing it in with my fingers. Working slowly, I pushed barely a centimeter at a time. I felt him tighten and then relax around the thick digit. Moving in an out slowly, massaging and readying him, I jerked him with my other hand, enjoying the tangled look of pleasure and pain that worked across his face.
Shane’s cock throbbed in my hand and when I pulled my finger out of his ass, he shot me a concerned look. Before he could utter a word, I sank back into him with two fingers. Careful not to go too fast, I took my time, scissoring my fingers, stretching him so that there was no pain.
“Holy fuck!” he called out as I fucked him with my fingers. Reaching under his knees, he pulled his legs up even closer to his chest. “Dylan . . . you . . . I want you . . .” His words matched the rhythm of my hand.
When I removed my fingers, he reached for my hand, tried to move it back to where it had just been. Hovering over him, I grabbed for the bottle of lube on the bed next to us.
I coated myself with it and rubbed the wide crown of my cock over his already-slick hole. His breathing became erratic as I slowly eased myself into him. “God, Dylan. Ahhh . . .”
Despite my best efforts to go slow, whatever control I thought I’d have was lost the second I felt the heat of his body. It enveloped me, swallowed me whole, washed over every inch of my body. Moving again and again in shallow movements, I wanted to be sure I felt him open to me completely.
Hurting him was not an option. It would never be an option.
Reaching between us, I stroked the length of his cock in time to my movements, knowing that I couldn’t possibly last much longer. “I can’t . . . Shane . . . I’m . . . oh fuck . . .”
His cock swelled in my hand and my orgasm ripped through me. “Dylan,” he shouted my name as the first jets of his orgasm landed on his stomach. Wide-eyed and out of breath we simply stared at each other.
There were no words and it seemed as if none were necessary. Anything that needed to be said could just be felt
.
My arms were shaking and I could barely keep myself up. Shane’s fingers dug into my biceps as he pulled me to him. We rolled to our sides, our breathing finally calming down enough to make speech possible.
I ran my hand through his hair, stroked my fingers along his jawline, and stared into his eyes. He leaned into my touch as a contented sigh escaped his lips.
“Thank you,” I whispered, afraid that any words spoken at a normal volume would somehow break the moment.
Shane’s fingers stilled on my chest. “For what?” he asked, genuinely confused, or offended; I couldn’t tell.
I swiped my thumb across his lower lip, which was swollen from our hard kisses. “For you. For everything. For this.”
His lips pulled up into that smile that I knew was reserved just for me. “I’ve been waiting for this forever. So, thank you.” He brushed his lips against mine.
We laid there for a few minutes before getting up to clean up. The rest of the night passed in pretty much the same way that many of our nights as friends had passed as well. We ordered a pizza, watched a ball game, talked about nothing and everything.
But in the most amazing way possible, the one major difference in the night, in my life, was falling asleep in Shane’s arms.
I spooned up behind him and he brought our joined hands flush against his chest. My bed faced the one window in the room and we looked out at the stars flickering in the sky.
Their glow was just for us that night.
The next morning, I caught a glimpse of the clock flashing next to John’s bed. The sun was only partially up in the sky and it was mostly still dark. Shane snored lightly next to me, barely moving as I brushed some hair out of his face.
As the sun lit the room, I trailed my fingers lazily up and down his back. Anger boiled inside of me when I saw a deep purple bruise on his lower back. Looking at it more closely, I could see the yellow and faded marks of a few other bruises. It was in the perfect spot for me to have missed yesterday, but I still couldn’t believe he didn’t mention anything about it afterward.
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