by Macy Farmer
The happiness and joy I felt vanished. My body went rigid, stilled, when I felt someone watching me. For a moment fear swept through my body, and my breath caught. Less than a second later, a tingling sensation warmed my body, chasing the fear away. Bradley stood nearby, watching me, I was sure of it. I could feel it.
Unsure where he was or why he hadn’t shown himself, I jumped to my feet and raced back to the front of the house. Walking up the steps to the front porch, I heard the sound of my quad’s engine running. The garage door opened and Bradley sped out of it, on my quad, shooting dirt and gravel into the air, ripping across the driveway towards the trees.
Seager was lounging on the porch. “Where’s he going?” I asked.
“For a ride. Why didn’t you tell us you were going for a walk?” He looked at me and rolled his eyes. “Never mind. Like you, he needs alone time, too.”
I didn’t respond, although it did bother me that he left without saying where he was going. I guess it was only fair since I did the same thing to him. Not to mention that I hadn’t paid any attention to him since the encounter with his father. I can’t change the past, only the future.
My magic…
I decided to find out why I couldn’t use it. I went up into my room and searched through ‘The Book’ until I found notes from my mother and how she experienced the same thing, where she couldn’t use her magic.
As suspected, my fear was the root cause of my magic failing me. Apparently there was only one way to prevent this from happening again, don’t give into the fear. Stand up to it, fight it but never give into it. Well, that is easier said than done!
My mom went on to say that the best way to get my magic back was to face my fears. I had already started that. I did a little more research before heading downstairs to see if Bradley had returned yet and to get something to eat.
Bradley hadn’t returned yet. I glanced out the window, surprised that it was dark outside already. Although concerned about Bradley’s absence, I wasn’t overly worried. Our bond kept us connected, he was nearby comforting me from afar like he had been since the day Andrew attacked me.
Using my craft, I successfully whipped up some dinner for Seager and me. It didn’t taste that good, but it was edible. Happy to be able to perform magic, we sat quietly, enjoying dinner. Afterwards, my lessons continued starting with cleaning the kitchen and the living room. When that worked, I simultaneously cleaned my room and did the laundry, all from the luxury of my sofa.
About ten that evening I had finally finished cleaning the house. Bradley still hadn’t come home. Grabbing my pillow and blanket, I decided to relax on the sofa and wait for his return. After a few hours I went to bed alone.
The last time I laid in our bed was the morning Bradley woke me with a smile, licking and tasting the flavor between my thighs. It was such a beautiful and memorable morning. That was the same day, just a few hours later; he insisted I go into hiding with Bill as my protector. Since that day, since the day Bradley brought me home after being attacked, I refused to sleep in our bed. Instead, I slept on the sofa in the living room. Fear kept me from sleeping in our bed, fear of Bradley lying beside me, fearing his touch. Worst of all, I feared that I’d never ever feel his touch again without being afraid, without the memory of what Andrew did to me.
Feeling my emotions, my fear, Bradley hadn’t made any attempts to hold me since the night he saved me. When he made attempts to hold me while I slept on the couch, I’d wake screaming. Or, when his cold hands touched me my body stiffened, reminding me of Andrew.
Wanting to get past my fears of being touched by a man, I wished for Bradley’s return. After putting on the television I got undressed, shut off the lights and climbed into our bed. It felt too big and empty without Bradley.
I fought against sleep for as long as I could. The last time I saw the clock it read two in the morning, he still hadn’t returned.
A restless night made it difficult to sleep heavily. After a few hours of tossing and turning, I decided I wasn’t going to get any real sleep. Still dark outside, I knew he was in the room, but I was unable to see him with the lights out. Instinctively, I reached out, searching for him in the darkness. Finding his arm first I pulled myself towards him. The closer I got to him the more my fear disappeared. As my naked body touched his, my heart stuttered. Recognizing the feeling, I longed to be in his arms, to be touching him. An agonizing sigh slipped through my lips. It felt like I couldn’t get close enough to him.
His reaction wasn’t the same as mine, it was cautious. His right hand rested lightly on my hip while the other was folded under his head.
Slipping my leg between his, I pulled his leg slowly up over my hip. Giving me no resistance, allowing me to intertwine our bodies at my own pace, he made it much easier for me.
For a brief moment anxiety reared its ugly head. Inhaling deeply, I fought the pending fear, keeping it at bay.
Skimming his chest with the back of my left hand, moving it upward, along his neck and chin, I searched for and found what I desperately sought, his lips. Tracing them with my fingertips, my body trembled and my breath caught. Bradley licked my fingers; the electricity flowed between us, seemingly drawing my body closer to his, for our lips to touch.
Breathlessly I whispered, “Bradley…” before my lips were on his, my hand running through his hair, tangling it between my fingers, crushing his mouth on mine, deepening our kiss. Reacting as I had hoped, Bradley’s cold hard lips fused with mine.
The more passionate my kiss got the heavier his breathing became. He tightened his grip on my hip and the panic within me started to rise, but I quickly pushed that emotion aside, telling myself, ‘I’m with Bradley, he would never hurt me.’ Feeling my raw emotions Bradley released his tight grip on my hip, holding it softly.
He tasted delicious. Unsuccessfully, I tried to press my breasts against his sculptured bare chest. I was still sore and bruised, both physically and mentally. Pressing my lower body closer to his, I felt his hard erection.
I need him… I miss him… I want him… I love him. There’s no doubt of any of that. I’m just not ready to take it any further than what we’re doing. Right now I needed him to want and love me unconditionally, to not make any sexual advances. I also didn’t want to tease him, that wouldn’t be fair. Using my magic, I lit a few candles.
“I’m sorry, Bradley…”
He placed his fingers over my lips, “No ma’am, I’m sorry.” He leaned his forehead onto mine, “I do want you, Natalia, but I will not try anything until I know you are ready. I’ll wait forever if need be.” He gazed adoringly into my eyes. My favorite sexy smile spread across his face. “Sometimes ‘it’ has a mind of its own. It’s been a while since you’ve touched me like this.” He hesitated as if he’d been unsure whether to say aloud what he was thinking, “I don’t mean to sound selfish, Natalia, but I feared that you didn’t want me anymore, that Andrew had taken you from me. Feeling you touch me again like this, I’m so thankful. I love you.”
I could see that he wanted to kiss me -- no that he needed to -- but didn’t want to push me. So I made the first advance and kissed him. He sighed with relief.
Extracting my lips from his I admitted, “You’re right; I’m not ready for that. I need to feel safe…” He backed away and removed his hand from my hip. Reaching for his hand I placed it back on my hip. “I feel safest in your arms. I’m confused right now about most things but one thing I’m sure of is that I love you. I’ve been home for days but it hasn’t felt like it until I was in your arms, here in our bed. Still, I’m not fully home.”
I looked sincerely into his eyes, “Bradley, I so desperately need to feel your arms wrapped tightly around me…” He instantly went to fulfill my wish but I stopped him by pressing my hand against his chest. “My entire body longs for you, but I’m not ready. I don’t want to lead you on or tease you. If it’s too much for you to be in our bed, our bare bodies touching, to hold me tightly while kissing me…” I blush
ed as I rambled on, “…then I’ll understand if you don’t want to. Right now this is all I can do.”
My eyes started to fill with tears. “Right now, Bradley, this is what I need from you.” I showed him an image of us without having sex. This time I didn’t stop him from reaching out and fulfilling my need tenfold. For the first time in a long time I slept without having a dream, good or bad.
I woke to the sound of Bradley’s horrified gasp. My eyes whipped open, sitting up I searched the room. “What Bradley, what’s wrong?”
When he didn’t respond I looked at him. He stared at my body with a disgusted look on his face. I covered up, saddened by his stare.
“I’m not… it’s you, Natalia. You’re beautiful. It’s the bruises. I hadn’t seen them until now.” He jumped into bed next to me and wrapped his arms around me. “I’m sorry for what he did to you and for my rude reaction.”
I got up and walked over to the mirror then opened the blanket to see for myself. I did look disgusting with all the bruises, in all the wrong places. I couldn’t imagine what he was thinking. Covering myself back up, I returned to our bed and gazed into his gorgeous eyes.
“Had you not saved me when you did, it would have been far worse. He tried to rape me but I was able to fight him off until you…” I paused, thinking about that for a moment.
Although I couldn’t use my magic to throw him off me, I had been able to stop him from penetrating me. I recalled those moments, remembering that he tried several times, but he couldn’t. That’s when he’d hit me over and over again. And, that’s why I had the bruises on my inner thighs and buttocks, from him trying to force himself into me. Had Bradley not saved me when he did Andrew would have won. I was becoming too exhausted to fight back. Looking over at Bradley I wanted to tell him what had happened, but from the shocked, disgusted expression on his face I unintentionally showed him. I put up my shield.
“Please don’t do that. Although I can feel your emotions, they are quite confusing right now. They’re hard for me to read.”
As he requested I let some of my shield down and thought about how it would be nice for the three of us to take a walk.
“Natalia, if you would like to go for a walk I’d be more than happy to fulfill that wish for you, but first, may I ask something of you?”
Nervously I replied with, “Sure, what?”
“May I kiss you?” I could tell he needed it just as much as I did.
A smile spread across my face, “Yes, of course you may.”
Gently he ran his fingers across my bruised jaw. His eyebrows pressed together, wincing at my memory of that night. “I love you, Mrs. Jenkins.” He leaned over and kissed me. His love for me raced through my entire body.
Pulling me onto his lap, straddling my legs around him, I pressed my naked body gently against his. Gently kissing the bruised area on my jaw, then moving down my throat and back up again. He repeated the path several times. My breathing became loud and rapid.
Forgetting that my shield had been down I imagined having sex with him. The thought had me kissing him more passionately. The soft smooth touch of his hands rubbing up and down my back didn’t help my resolve. Throwing my head back, gasping for air, Bradley’s lips roamed my throat aimlessly. Even though I was scared I wanted to feel his lips on my breasts, I wanted it badly. More than I had realized.
“Natalia…”
I looked into his eyes. “Would you think less of me if I asked you to do something so soon afterwards?” My vision blurred from my tears.
“Never, Natalia. But I don’t think you’re ready for that.”
“You’re right; I’m not ready for that. I was thinking… I really want to feel your lips on my breasts. I am a little frightened, but I’d really like to try.”
“I know, I heard you the first time. Are you sure? I don’t want to frighten you.”
My heart started to race nervously, “I’m hoping you can help me to get him off of me.” I started crying. “I can still feel him on me. I’ve taken many showers and scrubbed myself raw, even jumped into the creek yesterday, and still I feel disgusting and unattractive. I know I’m asking a lot. I’m not ready for us to make love, but I think baby steps will get us there quicker. I know what I said last night but after being in your arms all night I feel a little better.”
He hesitated.
“Please, Bradley…”
Again, he put his fingers on my lips. He stared at them, longing to kiss them.
“As long as you promise to let me feel your emotions and hear your thoughts. I don’t want you worrying about my feelings. And I promise you that no matter what you think I won’t do anything more than that.”
“I promise.”
His lips were on mine in seconds.
Again, he gently kissed my jaw, and began to move slowly down to my breasts. The closer he got, the more my anxiety and fear started to show their ugly selves. He felt it also, so he started to move his lips upwards.
“Bradley, please keep going. I promise I’ll stop you if needed. Please.”
He moaned softly before he murmured, “Are you sure?”
“Please,” I practically begged.
“You are so beautiful.” Gently, he cupped my breasts with his hands. I let out a low, audible gasp. It felt just as I remembered it.
His breathing became unsteady. Against his better judgment, he wrapped his lips around my nipple. The feeling was indescribable. Pure pleasure ran through me. I squeezed him tighter. My breathing became loud and embarrassing. I couldn’t believe what was about to happen. I’d missed him so much.
Unable to control myself I grabbed his hair, pulled his mouth from my breasts, and bit his neck as my body exploded from my orgasm.
Breathless he begged, “Natalia, don’t, please you need to stop.”
I felt his hard shaft on my thigh. I wanted him badly -- no I needed him. I kissed him while reaching my hand down to take hold of him. Between kisses, and before I fully positioned myself over him, I said, “Bradley, I was wrong, I want to try.”
“No, you’re too bruised.” I knew he was more concerned about hurting me. He wanted to. Forgetting I had my shield down, he responded to my thoughts, “Of course I am and of course I do.”
I didn’t give him a chance to finish what he wanted to say. I positioned myself over him and slowly slid his shaft inside me. It felt so good I cried out with pleasure. Tears ran down my face at the thought of never being able to feel this way again.
“I love you,” I cried.
Slowly we moved in sync with each other. Both of us quickly lost control. “Bradley, if you want, right here is okay.” I showed him where I protected myself. Our movements were too slow and his hold to light, frustration built inside.
“Are you sure, Natalia?”
I knew what he meant, “Yes please.”
Slowly he laid me onto the bed and positioned himself on top of me. He watched me closely as he started to penetrate me. My bruised thighs hurt from his thrusts. It caused me to freeze, I even stopped breathing. I opened my eyes to find his full of worry and concern. Seeing it’s him on top of me, a huge smile grew on my face. I lifted my legs higher and grabbed hold of his buttocks.
We started again. It didn’t take long until I started crying out for him, begging for more. He fulfilled my requests and avoided hurting me.
I cried his name a few times before exploding with pleasure. Slowly, so as not to scare me, he pressed his lips on my neck and whispered breathlessly, “Are you sure?” I nodded my head yes.
As his razor sharp teeth penetrated my skin I once again cried out with ecstasy. I felt him release after thrusting his shaft deep inside one last time. He moaned, continuing to suck on my neck.
I was stunned by how I felt next. My feelings changed from happiness to fear in seconds after we finished. I don’t know why but I suddenly wanted him to get off of me. My voice trembling I whimpered, “Bradley, please get off.” He was already moving before I even finished my request
. Just as he was off, my feelings changed again. “Boy this is so confusing.”
“You’re not kidding. Suddenly, it feels like you want me back on top of you. Your feelings are all over the place.” He once again fulfilled my needs and held me. “You weren’t ready yet. It was wonderful all the same, but you weren’t ready. I went against my instincts and let you seduce me but…” He lifted my face forcing my eyes to look into his, “…it won’t happen again until I feel you’re ready. My job is to protect you, even if it’s from yourself. It’ll be easier for me if you don’t do that again. You know how painful it is for me when I have to tell you no.” He kissed my nose and lifted us from the bed. “Let’s go for that walk.”
Chapter 13
Bradley meant what he said. There has been no sex whatsoever for weeks. Every day and night was the same. In the morning he woke me with a kiss and immediately jumped out of bed. All day long he kept me busy, exhausting me with a variety of activities. In the evening he refused to come to bed until I fell asleep or when he did, he was fully clothed.
Since Dave and Cheryl were still working on Bill’s vampire training, Bradley and Dave were getting behind with their orders. So Bradley recruited Jesse and me to help him. If we weren’t working, we went hiking and even painted the downstairs. I wanted to use my magic to help get him caught up and to paint but he insisted that we do it the normal way.
Doing things without magic was his way of keeping me busy so that I’d be too tired to do anything else, especially sex. He’s concerned that it’s too soon. I’ve tried to tell him several times that I was ready, but he says I’m not.
The next time we were alone I decided to bring it up nonchalantly over a cup of coffee. “How do you know I’m not ready? I know me… I’m ready, Bradley.”
“You’re very persistent, I’ll give you that,” he laughed, making his eyes sparkle.
I scowled at him, “What makes you think you know me better?”
Bradley’s rejecting me was getting very frustrating. Every time I attempted to touch him sexually he walked away or held my hands against my sides, telling me no. He should know by now that I don’t like to be told no.