Winter

by Michelle Love

  I can’t help but remember the last time Max took a ride in a helicopter. He ended up in the Gulf of Mexico. That doesn’t sound like fun to me. I get in the car and Max slides in beside me. “I, umm, let me see, how, oh, my, it’s, I…”

  His lips touch mine and shut me up. He pulls back and smiles. “There’s that stammering I love so much.”

  I take his hand and press it to my rapidly beating heart. “Feel that?”

  He gives my breast a squeeze. “I sure do, but that’s out of the question right now, Lex.”

  I slap his shoulder. “Not that, ding dang it, Max. My heart, it’s all reeved up at how nervous I am. You know I hate to bring it up, but the last time you drove one of those things you about died.”

  “That’s exactly why I need to get back up in the air. It’s like falling off a horse, you have to get right back on. It’s been a long time I’ve waited to get this chopper done. You’re going to feel so much exhilaration as you move that chair out the door and experience what I designed and made so much money from.”

  My head shakes violently. “Hell, no!”

  James laughs and Max’s eyebrows go clean up to the top of his face. “Cursing!”

  “Well, flippin’ piano strings, Max. I’m scared enough just to ride in the thing and you want me to ride outside it. No freakin’ way, man!”

  His forehead rests on mine. “Okay, princess. On this ride you can stay inside the chopper, but next time you have to try out my invention.”

  Well, at least not this time!

  “Thanks.”

  As we pull up at the airport where the helicopter was brought to I see a very shiny and pretty, jet black helicopter. “There she is. Do you like it, Lexi?”

  I nod. “It’s very nice, Max.”

  The car stops and Max gets out then reaches in for me. I take his hand and go with him to check out his smancy new toy. A tall man wearing overalls has a rag in his hand and smiles at us as we walk up to the helicopter. “You been waitin’ a while for this thing, huh, Mr. Lane?”

  “I have and am dying to get behind that stick, Mr. Jones.” Max squeezes my hand with his excitement.

  “Is this your wife?” the man asks.

  “No!” I say maybe a little too quickly, earning me a frown from Max. “Not yet, anyway.” I add to soften the blow he apparently felt.

  Max holds up my hand which sports the monster rock he gave me. “She said yes when I asked her, but won’t settle on a date just yet. I guess she’s still on the fence about me.”

  I blush and look away.

  The man doesn’t need to be telling our private business to a stranger for the sake of Pete!

  “I’m sure she’ll find no one better than you to marry, Mr. Lane.”

  “I hope not,” Max says and puts his arm around my shoulders. “She’s the love of my life after all.”

  With a smile I look up at him. “As you are mine, Max. I’ll marry you one day, you’ll see.”

  His eyes brighten and he laughs. “We have the chopper, let’s go to Vegas and get hitched today!”

  Seems the bottom has dropped out from under me. “Max. I uh, you know, we…”

  He frowns. “Okay, just kidding anyway, kinda.”

  The tension mounts as he places me in the contraption and buckles me in then puts some headphones on me. He gives me a thumbs up sign and I give it back to him though I don’t know that everything is all hunky-dory or not as I feel tightly secured but so insecure it’s hard to tell if I’m safe or not.

  Max climbs in the driver’s seat or whatever it’s called in a helicopter and straps himself in. Headphones go over his ears and he gives the Mr. Jones man a thumbs up and starts the thing up. Even with the headphones on, it is very loud. I grip each side of the seat as tightly as I can while trying very hard not to puke.

  “Nervous?” Max asks me and I hear it in my headphones.

  I nod and squeeze my eyes shut. Maybe if I don’t look I’ll feel better.

  He taps my shoulder and I open them. “Don’t be afraid, Lexi, I promise you it’ll all be fine.”

  A weak smile I give him and he moves the stick thing and we come up off the ground and my stomach is in my throat. I swallow hard to get it to go back where it belongs and I swear it just laughed at me and stayed lodged in my throat.

  I wonder if anyone has ever died of a heart-attack while going on their first ride in a helicopter! I’ll probably be the first.

  A bit higher we go and my whole body tenses like it never has before. So many bad words are fighting to come out of my mouth, but fear has me frozen and my lips won’t move to let them out. I glance at Max who is beaming as he flies through the air.

  How can he like this? How can anyone like this?

  He moves the stick a little and we lean over to the left and I want to scream, but again the frozen in fear thing has nothing leaving my mouth. I clutch at the sides of my seat and am pretty sure I haven’t taken a breath since we left the ground.

  “Wanna take the stick, Lex?” I manage to shake my head a bit. “Aww, come on, princess, take the stick. Just hold it.”

  His hand pries mine from the kung fu grip I have on the chair and he places it on the little stick and I wrap my fingers around it and try very hard not to shake and kill us both. I look up at him with terror in my eyes.

  His smile melts me a little, and he runs his hand through my hair which is blowing around a bit with the wind. He seems so dang happy and I find myself breathing again. This makes him happy, me up in this thing with him makes him happy and I find tears welling up in my eyes at how simple a thing this is and it’s making him smile like he hasn’t since I lost the baby.

  “I love you, Max.”

  “I love you, Lexi.” The words in my ears break something in me and I relax. Max has me, I’m safe with him. I always will be. Even in this little thing moving through the air so fast, I’m safe with him.

  “How do I make it turn?” I ask.

  With a touch of his hand, he moves mine and we go a little bit right, leaning to my side and I turn and look out my window. It’s really far down to the ground and I get dizzy then feel his hand on my shoulder and blink then look back down at how cool everything looks from up here. “It’s cool, isn’t it, baby?” he asks.

  I look back at him and smile. “It really is.”

  “I’ll take it from here, princess, great job!”

  “You’re sweet,” I say and kiss my fingertips then touch his tan cheek.

  He takes my hand and kisses my fingertips. Heat flows through me and I wish like hell he’d make love to me when we get out of the sky. I wonder if I told him we could go to Vegas and get married right now if he would do it then.

  Max

  The air flows around us as I take the chopper home. The landing pad is just underneath us and I land and find I’m more excited than I’ve been in what seems like forever. Lexi finally got into it and she had fun. I knew she would.

  The girl is making me crazy with this waiting to marry me shit. I unbuckle myself and see her looking at all the belts holding her down and laugh as she has no clue how to get herself out. “Wait, I’ll get you, princess.”

  She smiles and makes my heart skip a couple of beats. “Thank you, I’m more than confused.”

  I get out and go around. “I can see that.” I set her free, and she slides into my arms and places a kiss on my lips.

  “Thank you for making me do that, it’s was completely cool,” she says and runs her hand along my cheek.

  “I’m glad you came with me, Lex. I knew you’d love it. There’s nothing to be afraid of.” I take her by the waist and walk towards the house.

  “Will you teach our kids how to fly that thing?” she asks.

  The thought that someday we will actually have kids seems like a dream that may never come true. “If we ever have any, yeah, I probably would.”

  “If?” she asks with a laugh. “We will, don’t worry.”

  I do worry though. It seems like life is
against me more often than it is with me. My money wasn’t even a thing I ever asked for. It just came to me with the idea I had. Maybe that’s all I get is great wealth. Maybe a family isn’t in the cards for me.

  Lexi sure as hell isn’t chomping at the bit to marry me. There’s always a chance she’ll take off again. Stranger things have happened to me. If she leaves me again, I don’t know what I’ll do.

  Her arm goes around my waist as we walk inside and she looks up at me. “Max, let’s go to the bedroom.”

  “Why, it’s like four o’clock in the afternoon, Lex?”

  Her smile is mischievous. “I know that, I’m not tired.”

  Oh crap! The thrill of the ride has made her horny!

  “Lex, that’s like such a bad idea. Let’s go out and get something to eat or go bowling or shoot some darts or anything to get your mind off that.” I let her go and move a couple of steps away from her.

  “No,” she tries to close the distance between us, but I keep just out of her reach. “Max, come on.”

  Stopping, I take her by her narrow shoulders and hold her away from me as she reaches out and tries to get her hands on me. “I don’t want to use a fucking rubber and I don’t want to come all over you like I did before.”

  “It was no big deal, Logan did that to me too,” she says and I find I’m pissed.

  “Don’t do that!” I let her go and walk away from her. “Don’t you fucking ever tell me what you did with him. You made promises to me and didn’t keep them. I kept mine to you. Don’t ever remind me of what you did to me. I nearly killed myself over your ass and you were over there fucking another man!”

  “Max!” she looks at me with her mouth open.

  “I have to know one thing, Lexi. This has eaten at me for a long time. Did you ever tell him you’d have his baby? Because when your family and he were here while we looked for you, I overheard him tell your brother that you and he were going to get married and you had agreed to start working on getting pregnant.”

  Her stunned silence answers my question and I feel sick to my stomach. “Max, I don’t know why I agreed to that, but it was a mistake and thank God it didn’t happen.”

  “But you did that with him. You made love to him and hoped to have his child.” I turn back and look at her. “How could you do that to me?”

  “Max, this is so out of left field for you.” She comes towards me and reaches out for me, but I don’t let her touch me. “I thought this was all behind us. I thought you forgave me. All we’ve both been through, it made me realize how much I love you and no one else. Please stop this.”

  “You shouldn’t have brought it up, Lexi. Now all I can see is the two of you fucking the days and nights away as I drifted in the God damned ocean and fought off sharks and nearly drowned as a storm sent waves from hell crashing down on my ass.”

  “It wasn’t even good, Max. The sex was without the spark we have,” she says and now I’m seeing red.

  With a flick of my wrist, I toss over the end table I’m standing next to and it flies through the room. “How could you have stayed there with him, having sex that obviously meant nothing to you while I lay drinking myself into oblivion over you?”

  Tears pour from her eyes. “Max, stop! I don’t know and I can’t change the past.”

  “Stop crying!” I yell. “Just stop crying! It’s me who should be doing that, not you. It’s not you that hurt. It’s not you who lay alone and stayed true to what we’d agreed to. It was going to be me and you exclusively, but you lied and left me and tore me in two.”

  I walk away from her and leave her standing in the room alone. “Where are you going?” she yells.

  Without looking back at her I say, “Away, let you see what it feels like for a change.”

  “When will you be back?” Her words are broken as she gasps from crying.

  “Tell you what, Lex, I’ll surprise you, like you did me. I didn’t get to know, so neither do you. Let’s see how you like it.”

  “This is cruel and not like you.”

  I turn and look back at her. “And what you did wasn’t?”

  “I was a mess, Max. You know that. Fear ruled me,” she says and moves a few steps towards me.

  “Yet you told another man you’d marry him and have his children, then you went off and left his ass too. You refuse to marry me though you’ve said you would. How am I supposed to believe a word you say?”

  “I’m not a liar, I’ve been a fool, but I’m no liar. I do love you and the truth is this depression you’ve gone into since I lost the baby is scary to me.”

  “You didn’t lose the baby, my mother killed it. I have a right to be depressed over that. You did lie to me and don’t act like it wasn’t a lie. If you didn’t intend on staying with me, why did you say you would?” I look her in the eyes and wait for her answer.

  “I don’t know.” She walks over and falls on the sofa and starts really bawling and instead of feeling bad or sorry I feel nothing and turn and walk out the door.

  Alexis

  My eyes burn as the tears flow from them. Max left and I have no idea where he went or when he’ll be back and what type of condition he’ll be in if he comes back. My past caught up to me and now I realize how badly I hurt him when I moved in with Logan.

  That was the biggest mistake I ever made and it may screw up my future with Max. So much pent up resentment he has. It should’ve been dealt with when it happened as it has fermented inside him all this time and exploded out at me with no warning.

  I hear someone coming and sit up and wipe my eyes, praying it’s him. But it’s Hilda who walks into the room. Her eyes go wide as she sees the state I’m in.

  “Lexi, what’s wrong?”

  “Max left me,” I say and break into sobs again.

  Her arms go around me as she hugs me tightly. “Why?”

  “Because I had planned to marry that man, Logan, and have children with him.”

  “You did?” she asks and tightens her arms around me. “Why on Earth would you tell Max about that? He never needed to know that, Miha.”

  “It wasn’t me who told him, he said he overheard Logan tell my brother that. I don’t know why he waited so long to ask me if it was true, but when he did I had to tell him it was and he exploded.” I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand. “Do you think what we have is over, Hilda?”

  She lets me out of her arms and hands me a towel from her apron pocket. I dry my eyes and wipe my nose as she says, “I have no idea. The man went to a dark place when you left him. He hasn’t been the same since you lost the baby that’s for sure.”

  “I don’t know what I’ll do if he breaks things off with me. It seems losing the baby was the worst thing that could’ve ever happened to us. So many bad things have happened already. Maybe our being together isn’t meant to be.” I look at her and see if she agrees.

  “Sometimes people have it harder than others. I don’t think it means you weren’t meant to be together, it just means you should try a little harder than others have to. Max needed to get that off his chest. You did hurt him and that should be acknowledged.” She pats my back. “When he comes back I’m sure he’ll be calmer and then you can apologize and things can go back to normal. Or as normal as they can be as he mourns the loss of the baby.”

  “I kinda think he’ll stay depressed until I get pregnant again. And I’m not really happy with how he’s hating his mother. The thing is, I’m afraid if our children get into a bad part of their lives he’ll turn his back on them too, just like he has his mother.”

  “Have you told him this?”

  “I have talked to him a little about it.”

  “Communication is essential in a good relationship. I think any concerns you both have should be expressed. I know I’m no longer married, but before my husband passed away ten years ago, we had a very good marriage and we talked about everything. No matter how hard it was to bring it up, we did, and it helped us stay together, till death did us part.”


  “You’re right.” I stand up and smile. “I’m going to get myself cleaned up so when he comes home we can have a calm talk about our future together. I’ll apologize for what I’ve done wrong and tell him what I feel about our future kids and see where that leaves us.”

  “Great! Good luck,” Hilda says as I leave the room.

  Max

  Oranges and yellows fill the sky as the sun sets and I drive along the road that runs along the beach in Galveston. The last time I saw this place was just before I wrecked my chopper into the ocean. Such a bad place I was in then, both physically and emotionally.

  I thought I’d gotten past that, but after my outburst, it’s pretty obvious I haven’t. The love I have for Lexi doesn’t seem to be enough to get over all she’s done to hurt me. I’ve made excuses for her behavior, but it still affected me more than I realized.

  Tossing furniture around and yelling isn’t something I do. Making women cry isn’t a thing I do, either. It’s time to really think about the future and look at the reality of our relationship.

  Point one, Lexi will not commit to a date to get married, yet she will commit to getting pregnant, and that makes no damn sense. The next point is she still feels like a flight risk. How am I to live with the constant thought in the back of my head that she’ll leave me again?

  I feel at some point, especially when Sissy gets released from rehab, that Lexi will shove it down my throat how I need to let her live with us and I don’t ever want that. I never want to see the woman again much less allow her to live with us.

  All these things are adding up to a whole lot of this isn’t working for me. The lingering resentments of how bad she hurt me are just too much to live with. I turn around and head back home. It’s time to end this.

  The ride back takes less time than I had anticipated and I’m feeling nervous at how Lexi will take my news. I’m tired of the crying and just want this over and done with.

  A light from the television shines underneath the bedroom door, so I’m sure Lexi is in there. I take in a deep breath and muster up the courage to do what I have to do to get my life moving again.