‘It’s relevant to me...I mean it was significant enough to make you pack up and leave,’ she replied softly. ‘I don’t want to open old wounds but I do want to understand you better, understand why you won’t return to the place you were born.’
He stood and reached for Claudia’s hand and helped her to her feet ‘Then let’s go inside and forget about this conversation. Just accept my past is something I don’t want to relive. It will do no good. My family and I have all moved on from each other. End of story.’
* * *
Claudia lay in Patrick’s arms that night but they didn’t make love. Nor did she sleep well. She couldn’t. It worried her that there were things in his past he wouldn’t share but they were significant enough to make him leave the country he had called home, leave behind his family and never make contact again and even change his profession.
It was all so confusing.
Who was the man lying beside her? Had she made a mammoth mistake in letting him have a piece of her heart?
She climbed from bed early the next morning and had a shower before he woke. She didn’t want to pry any further. Clearly he had shut down her attempts and she was not going to push him for answers. But she knew she couldn’t continue to see anything between them. Honesty and openness could not be a one-way street. And while he had not promised he would open up to her, in fact he had made no promises at all, she couldn’t plan a future with a man who didn’t have the same values as her.
What if she and the boys did stay in LA to be a family with him and he walked away from them all and never looked back if it became too difficult? Family was everything to her and she and Harriet had already lost those they loved most. How could he not value family the way she did? To not reach out in so many years, to patch up differences and make amends—it was all incomprehensible to her. Even if she had planned on staying in LA, it wouldn’t work between them if he could place such little value on the importance of family and not explain why.
She gathered up her belongings, set them by the front door and sat on the patio and waited for him to wake.
‘I’m guessing you can’t leave this alone?’ he said as he appeared in the doorway, dressed in shorts and a T-shirt. His expression was serious.
‘No, I can leave it alone; in fact it’s what I’m planning to do, but if I do then I have to leave us alone too. I rushed into this,’ she said, shaking her head as she looked around the lovely home they had shared for over a month. ‘I didn’t really know you when I moved in. And I shouldn’t have shared your bed for the past two nights. We’re too different.’
‘We’re not different...’
‘We’re so different,’ she argued. ‘I would give anything to have my mother in my life. And you haven’t spoken to yours in years for a reason you won’t explain so I can’t begin to understand. I think in time we will find more differences and I can’t bring the boys into something that maybe won’t last. What if you up and walk away one day and don’t look back at the boys and me? My life back in London will last. My family is there. My sister. It’s where I belong.’
‘You don’t think we have any future?’
‘Not when you won’t share a past that has fundamentally changed everything about who you were.’
Patrick sat down on the chair opposite her and took in a breath that filled his lungs. His long fingers ran through his hair as he looked at the ground. He realised he had no choice but to share his past or risk losing Claudia completely.
‘It was almost twelve years ago,’ he began without prompting. ‘August seventh, to be precise.’
She remained silent but the fact that the date of his story came so easily to mind showed her just how traumatic the memory was for Patrick.
‘It was a Thursday night and I took a call to assist with a high risk delivery in the county hospital where I worked in Durham,’ he volunteered but the strain in his voice was obvious. ‘I was an OBGYN resident and I loved what I did.’
She waited in silence for him to continue, which he did without any prompting.
‘It was late, about ten o’clock, when a young woman was rushed into Emergency, presenting at the hospital in the early stages of premature labour.’
‘You said you were called in; you weren’t on duty then?’
‘No, I had the night off. I was at the local pub with some friends from med school. It was a warm summer night; one of them had secured a placement at a hospital in New Zealand and we were giving him a send-off. Anyway, I got the call to head back. The senior obstetric consultant had left for London to speak at an OBGYN conference and couldn’t get back until the next morning.’
‘But if you were at the local pub you would’ve been drinking,’ she cut in, her frown not masking her concern at the direction of his story.
He shook his head. ‘Normally the answer would be yes, and by ten o’clock I would ordinarily have had a pint or two. But that night I’d finished my shift at the hospital with a bit of a headache coming on and, since I had an early start the next morning with a surgical schedule, I thought if I had even one glass of alcohol that I wouldn’t pull up well. I stayed on ginger beer all night. I was perfectly fine to take the call—to be honest, I wish I had been drinking and had to refuse but I accepted and headed in to what would essentially be the end of my career in obstetrics.’
Claudia began nibbling on her lower lip. ‘I still don’t understand. You did nothing wrong; you hadn’t been drinking...’
‘I hadn’t...but, with the tragedy that unfolded, some thought otherwise. That was the only conclusion they could find for what happened in the operating theatre. They couldn’t accept that a high risk pregnancy extends to a high risk delivery. Anyway, I scrubbed in and began the Caesarean, but very cautiously as there was a complication, as I mentioned. The placenta was growing outside of the uterus wall and, despite me doing everything textbook and taking precautions along the way, the patient began to haemorrhage. I lifted the baby boy clear of the womb but as there was so much blood I couldn’t see where to begin the repair. The blood loss was too great and, despite the whole team doing everything we could, we lost her on the table. There was nothing I, or anyone, could do. The theatre staff knew I had done everything right and told me as much but the jury were sitting outside in the waiting room and, to be honest, the worst juror was myself. I took the blame before I saw them—they just reinforced my feelings.’
‘Why would you do that? You knew it wasn’t your fault and the medical team knew it wasn’t...’
‘For me, overwhelming guilt that I had not been able to save her and, for them, their own grief turned to anger when they were told I had been seen having drinks at the local only an hour before. It cemented it in the minds of the family that I had to have been drinking and that was why their little girl died giving birth.’
‘Why didn’t you fight? Surely there must have been something you could have done? It’s so unfair that you did the right thing in returning to the hospital and you tried to save the woman and you had the family blame you on circumstantial evidence.’
‘It shattered my world. I was grieving too, and they needed someone to blame for the loss of her life. I decided it was my duty to take that blame.’ Patrick paused and stared at Claudia thoughtfully and in silence for a moment. He didn’t want to tell her any more. He had omitted the most important fact in the entire tragedy. The one that had changed his life completely. But he had to be honest. She deserved to know the truth.
With a heavy heart, he closed his eyes. ‘The young woman who died...was my sister.’
CHAPTER ELEVEN
‘YOUR SISTER DIED having her baby?’
He nodded, unable to bring himself to say the words again.
‘So it was your own family that blamed you? It’s so sad that she died, but why would they do that? I don’t understand—families don’t do t
hat to each other.’
‘It’s not their fault. It was complicated,’ he said, trying to validate their behaviour. ‘No one knew Francine, or Franny, as we always called her growing up, was a high risk so to them her death had to be due to negligence.’
‘Surely your brother-in-law knew there were complications?’
‘No, he had no idea.’ Patrick shook his head. ‘I assume she kept her medical condition from us because she didn’t want anyone to worry. We had just endured another tragedy a few months before, so she was trying to protect everyone.’
‘What sort of tragedy?
‘My younger brother, Matthew, died six months before.’
Claudia covered her mouth with her hands as she gasped, ‘Oh, no.’
‘My father and mother had divorced a long time before; I was young when it happened. My mother raised us. One Saturday my mother went up to Matthew’s room to wake him as he had friends waiting downstairs to head to Brighton for the day. She found him in bed, which was unusual since he was an early riser. She patted his legs to wake him, but my brother was unresponsive so she pulled the covers down and found he was bleeding from the nose and mouth. My mother called out for help from his friends and dialled for an ambulance, hoping the paramedics would somehow revive him. They couldn’t and he was pronounced dead on arrival at the hospital.’ Patrick’s jaw was clenched and Claudia could see he was struggling to make eye contact.
Claudia’s brow was knitted in confusion. She wondered if it might have been a drug overdose but she said nothing. Asking such a question seemed cruel and unnecessary. The details made no difference. Patrick had tragically lost his younger brother.
‘The autopsy report from the coroner’s office came back with suspected lung aneurism,’ Patrick offered without prompting. ‘In simple terms, it’s a ruptured artery in the lungs, which meant he drowned in his own blood. It’s extremely rare and nothing that could have been predicted. Matthew had been a medical time bomb for a very long time.’
‘I’m so sorry.’ Claudia couldn’t find any other words. Nothing she thought to say seemed to be adequate for the tragedy she had heard. His family had been dealt an overwhelmingly sad time.
‘It was the worst time in my mother’s life, in all of our lives. My father attended the funeral but after that he kept his distance again. My maternal grandmother was alive, but only barely, as she was living in assisted care; the shock of the broken marriage was difficult but hearing that her grandson had died was what I believe sent her into a depression that she never really recovered from.
‘Then Franny discovered she was pregnant. It brought some joy back to our mother and to our family. She was focusing on the new baby on the way and I don’t think that Franny wanted to bring her down with worry. She wanted her to hold on to something. The thought of a baby arriving gave us all a light at the end of the tunnel. We knew she was having a boy, that part she shared, and in some way I think the fact another boy would join the family made losing Matthew almost bearable for our mother. I’m assuming Franny didn’t want our mother to be anxious and, while I understand her wanting to protect her, she should have confided in me. I could have ensured the best antenatal care and would have been prepared, going into surgery.’
‘So she never took her husband to any of her obstetric visits?’
‘No, Will never attended any of them.’
‘Still, whether they knew or not, I can’t believe they would blame you.’
‘They didn’t understand, even when I explained that her medical condition translated into a high risk delivery.’
‘But, without any medical knowledge, it still doesn’t make sense to throw the blame your way; it all seems unfair and so wrong.’
‘Don’t forget I’d been seen in the pub; they forgot everything about her condition and focused purely on my supposed drinking.’
‘But you hadn’t been drinking. Couldn’t you have a blood test and prove it?’
‘I didn’t think to have the test the night she died as, since I hadn’t been drinking, it didn’t cross my mind to cover myself and the allegations came out the next day from my brother-in-law’s family. One of his cousins had seen me at the pub and, despite me telling them otherwise, they didn’t believe that I had been completely sober.’
‘But couldn’t your friends corroborate your story?’
Patrick nodded. ‘They tried, but his family was convinced it was just my medico mates covering for me. The whole medical fraternity banding together to protect each other conspiracy theory.’
‘And your brother-in-law believed them?’
‘He was upset, he was half out of his mind and he got swept up in the witch hunt. There was even footage taken on a mobile phone of another celebration in which I featured in the background. It was all over. You have to remember I lost my sister that day. I couldn’t argue in my frame of mind. I was grieving too.’
‘What about the rest of your family? Your mother and father?’ Claudia frowned in perplexity. It all seemed so wrong.
‘My mother was barely functioning and she believed what she was told. My negligence had taken away her beloved daughter.’
‘But you had tried to save your sister, with no knowledge of her medical condition...and I know it couldn’t bring her daughter back, but she had a grandchild. The grandchild that you had brought into the world.’
Patrick ran his hands through his hair in frustration. ‘I was hung, drawn and quartered by the town. There was no coming back from that so I left. It was best for everyone.’
‘Are you sure about that?’
‘The grief blanketed both families and I guess I just couldn’t face the arguing. I made the decision to leave. If either family wanted to look into it further I left the name of her obstetrician, but they never called. They didn’t want to look further than me for the cause. It was their choice to direct the blame at me and it was my choice to walk away.’
‘It’s all so terribly unfair.’
‘Yes, but it’s done.’
‘And your brother-in-law and his son...?’
‘Will named the little boy Todd after his father. Todd turned twelve this August. He’s a tall boy like his father and doing well at school.’
‘So you speak with your brother-in-law then?’
‘No, I haven’t heard a word from him since I left. A friend from university lives not far from him; their boys go to the same school. He keeps an eye out for them and keeps me up to date. I set up a trust fund to cover his college education. Will gave up work for a period to raise Todd and then found it hard to get back into the workforce so had to start again at entry level. I feel I owed him to take care of Todd.
‘So now you can understand why I choose to live over here. It’s simpler for everyone.’
Claudia saw everything so differently. ‘While I understand your need to leave, and I think what happened to you is almost unforgivable, it’s still your family. You can’t turn your back on family. Your mother lost her daughter and both sons within months of each other.’
‘I’m still here. I didn’t die.’
‘No, but you left her life. For a mother it would be the same level of grief.’
Patrick leaned back against the chair. ‘No, it’s not the same. I’m here but she chose not to contact me. Nor did Will.’
‘Perhaps your absence cemented their doubts about what happened. You could have gone back anytime over the last twelve years and cleared it up.’
‘I’m not about to stir up all that again. I have built a new life here and reconstructive surgery has been good to me.’
‘So you gave up obstetrics because you couldn’t save your sister.’
‘Yes,’ he said solemnly and without hesitation. ‘I had nightmares about her lying lifeless on the table at my hands...I lost the will and drive to practice.’
/> ‘But it wasn’t because of anything you did.’
Patrick felt his body tense. ‘I couldn’t face that sense of helplessness again. Being unable to save Franny was something I could not relive.’
‘But you did...with me. And you saved me. You didn’t know I had a serious condition and you saved me from dying.’
‘No, the paramedics came in time to save you.’
Her face became even more serious. ‘They took over but you had kept me alive.’
Patrick knew the best thing he had done was to walk away from obstetrics and his family. And he knew that Claudia was testing that resolve. ‘Fine, I kept you alive but I can’t go back to that. I’m content with my work. I live here now and I’ll never set foot back in the UK.’
‘But your work here, now, it’s not your first love.’
‘No, but you can’t always have everything you want, Claudia, including your first love.’
She couldn’t ignore the resolve in Patrick’s voice. ‘Have you never thought about returning to Durham and facing your accusers and telling the truth?’
Patrick rolled his eyes and did not hide his exasperation. ‘There was no evidence. Nothing to support me and everything to support their accusations.’
She shrugged. ‘But you walked away from your career...and your life...because of lies.’
Patrick’s body went rigid and his voice became harsh. ‘I didn’t walk away from anything. I left to make it easier for everyone.’
‘Why can’t you face the past now then? Rebuild your life in London? It was twelve years ago and I’m sure your mother would give anything to hold you in her arms again. You’re her only living child.’
‘No. I can’t and I won’t go back. My life there is over. It ended the day I left.’
Gaping at him, Claudia exclaimed, ‘That’s so dramatic!’
‘My sister died, Claudia. They all think I caused her death. That is dramatic.’
Twin Surprise for the Single Doc Page 14