The Codex: An Angel's Guide To Seducing A Human

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The Codex: An Angel's Guide To Seducing A Human Page 3

by Joe Duck


  “’Adventurer’s Guild’?” I flipped through the Codex until I found the entry that described them. My brows knitted together as I read the summary of her organization. “You’re a grave robber?”

  “What? No! We do all sorts of work. From prospecting an area for minerals, to venturing into unexplored forests—”

  “But according to the Codex, adventurers frequently break into tombs and homes, looting everything of value and often disturbing the inhabitants in the process.”

  The Codex chuckled. Oh, I’m sure she does more than just disturb them. I bet she visits the naughty ones in bed.

  Emily’s lips twitched, and she stared at the shutters covering the window. “Well, some of the more specialized guilds would do that. But we are different.”

  Right. Because everyone goes to slay a dragon in his home. Codex pointed out.

  I tilted my head in confusion. “But why would you fight a dragon? And why take me to help you? Do you need me to hold a bag of loot?”

  She let out a breath and rested her palm against her face. “Because it’s my job. As for you… well, when I first saw you, I thought angels were all-powerful beings like I had heard in the stories.”

  “We are.”

  Emily removed her hand and raised an eyebrow. “I doubt that. But you still have a unique ability.”

  What can I do that she can't? I cupped my chin and pondered. My ability to read?

  Yes, the Codex said. That is the sole reason why she wants your help with a dragon. Your ability to read. Because reading, of all things, is an essential skill for anyone wanting to be a dragon slayer.

  I knew it!

  Great. Since you are right, why don’t you ask her to lick your boots in exchange for you teaching her?

  Confident of my superior knowledge, I puffed out my chest and parroted her words. “If you lick my boots, I’ll teach you how to read.”

  Emily gave me an annoyed look. “I can read, you idiot. I’m taking you with me because you can heal.”

  “Heal? But you have all your hair. Or is that a wig?” Reaching across the table, I tugged on a fistful of her dark hair.

  It didn't budge, and Emily cried out, "What are you doing?"

  I released the hair and was smacked in the head with a spoon as a reward. "Oww."

  “As I was saying. Humans can’t heal other people. Not even a paper cut.”

  I scratched the side of my head. “You want me to heal a paper cut?”

  “No!”

  “Then why do you need me?”

  She slammed her fist on the table, rattling the empty dishes. “Because it’s a dragon! He isn’t going to just roll over and die. I need all the help I can get.”

  “So, I am some sort of a healing potion?”

  Emily smiled sheepishly. “They are rather expensive, you know.”

  Before I could scorn her, Emily covered her mouth and yawned. “Anyway, Narius, it’s getting late. Go to your room. We have to wake up early tomorrow and find some horses.”

  Narius

  A slender tongue licked my wing, and I flapped it to drive away the offender. Instead, the mare pressed her nose against my wings again.

  With the horse sniffing me, I rubbed the remaining sleep out of my eyes just as the sun crested the horizon and warmed my wings. I stretched my arms and back while taking a look at the grassy plain around us that seemed to go on forever. “Why are we doing this so early? I bet even the dragon is asleep.”

  “Because it’s a long trip, and I don’t want to spend a night sleeping on the grass if I can help it.” Emily scratched the nose of an elderly bay mare standing behind her and pulled out a map. A few moments later, she pointed towards a part of the plain. “Pannaxx is supposedly hiding in a hill called ‘Adena’s Dump.’”

  I scratched my head. “Adena’s Dump?”

  Emily tapped the map. “Legend has it, it's made of dragon feces. The dragon who supposedly made it, Adena, thought if she collected enough, they would turn into gold, but in reality it’s really just a large mound of dirt. Now saddle up, you oversized pigeon, before the farmers change their minds about lending us their cart horses.”

  I glanced at the hunchbacked horse and shook my head. “I don’t know how to ride one.”

  “Well then, you're just going to have to fly beside me as I ride.”

  Figuring the horses were slow anyway, I stepped towards Emily with my arms spread out. “I have a better idea.”

  With suspicion in her eyes, she took a step back. “W-what are you doing?”

  Before she could figure out my ingenious plan, I charged at her and wrapped my arms around her waist.

  Emily squeaked and struck my armor with her hands.

  I flapped my wings. Dust flew everywhere, forming a small sandstorm around us as I kicked off the ground and rose into the air.

  The village dwindled away below our feet, and Emily screamed.

  Narius

  Once we had been in the air for a few minutes, Emily became eerily quiet. Her arms and staff were lodged against my chest while her shivering legs had twisted around mine and refused to let go.

  With what little control I had, I tried to pry her loose and make her get a better hold of me to make flying more comfortable, but Emily held on like her life depended on it.

  Still, it was nice to be in the air again. The warm summer breeze brushed against my wings, and I enjoyed the silence of the sky as I continued my flight towards the dragon’s lair.

  Perhaps encouraged by my calm manner, Emily stopped quivering and looked over her shoulder down at the ground where the grass wavered in the wind. “Is this what it feels like to look down from heaven?”

  “Nothing like this. On most days, all we can see are clouds.”

  “Oh.” She bit her lip then studied me with a worried look. “Are you all right? You look tired.”

  "Just a little. It's hard to hang onto you."

  Emily's cheeks turned red, and she wrapped her arms around me and pressed her body against mine, making it easier to hold her. “Don’t get any ideas!”

  “Huh?”

  Emily cleared her throat and kept her gaze on the ground. “I-I just need you to be ready when I kill the dragon. This doesn’t mean anything.”

  Oh, I am sure her blushing means something quite naughty, the Codex said.

  I shook my head and drove the book out of my mind to follow up on Emily’s words. “Killing a dragon isn’t the answer.”

  “It is if you don’t have any other choice.”

  I grimaced and whispered, “Then you are not looking hard enough.”

  She didn’t respond, and silence descended on us with only the sound of our breathing keeping us company until she asked, “So, what did you do in heaven?”

  “Clean and dust books.”

  Emily smirked. "Then why did you come down here? Was it because you did something bad?"

  I winced. “Of… of course not. I am a loyal servant of Lord Halfaya.”

  Her smile widened. “Did mighty Lord Halfaya kick you out of Heaven?”

  “No… No?”

  “Liar,” she mumbled. “But you don’t have to tell me if you don’t—"

  It was too late. I remembered. Channeling magic into my wings, I flapped them faster, trying to blow away the shameful memories of the fire that had engulfed the Great Library. With my efforts, the gentle breeze turned into a violent gale that whipped away at our hair.

  Emily shrieked like a banshee, her screams occasionally breaking through the wind.

  Eventually, by the time the painful memories subsided, she quieted and I spotted a massive dirt hill below us. Delighted at my success, I congratulated myself on shortening what would have been a long and grueling journey and slowed my wings. Descending carefully, I settled down on the grassy field that surrounded the mound.

  Emily, with her face a little blue, tugged on my arm. “Let… me… go.”

  I relaxed my hold on her, and she dropped like a stack of books onto the
ground, crushing the grass with her weight.

  She covered her mouth and stumbled a few steps forward. Then she bent over and spurted out a colorful stew-like substance onto the grass, nourishing the land.

  Once the stream of fluids ended, Emily wiped her mouth and wobbled onto her feet to face me. She gritted her teeth and kicked at the shin guard of my armor.

  Her boot struck with a dull thud.

  Yelping, Emily clutched her wounded toe and hobbled backwards. She bit her lip and glared at me. She pointed her staff towards me and took a step back, ready to cast a spell, only to slip on the pool of sludge she had left on the ground.

  Emily’s head splashed into the puddle, sending pieces of half-digested food flying in every direction with some of the gooey chunks lodging themselves in her hair.

  Panic flashed on her face, and Emily sat up on the grass. She raised her hand and touched her dirty cheek then pulled off a sticky piece of bread and stared at it. Her cheeks turned scarlet, and her eyes shone brightly.

  I inched back, fearing that she would kick me again.

  Instead, she dropped her staff, covered her face, and sobbed. “G-go away.”

  Stunned and not knowing what to do next, I searched through the Codex. What should I do?

  Uhh.. umm… I don’t know. Try comforting her?

  Closing the holy text, I knelt next to the blubbering human. I reached out and picked off the pieces of the food that clung to her hair. “It’s only food,” I whispered, trying to reassure her, but Emily continued to cry. "Delicious food? Amazing food?"

  She kept crying.

  With none of my helpful words working and with little else to do, I decided to clean her to remove the root of her despair. So, I flicked my wrist and conjured up a jug of glacial water along with a bit of manna.

  Emily, still busy weeping, provided no resistance as I coated her head with manna by running my hand through her soft hair. Once her dark hair was thoroughly covered in the blue goo, I poured the glacial water over her head. Upon contact with the water, Emily jolted while the manna evaporated, taking away the pieces of half-digested food I had coated with it.

  Emily squirmed as a small trickle of water rushed down her neck, but kept her face hidden.

  With her hair free of foul materials, I pried her hands away from her soiled face, revealing her puffy red eyes. Before she could clam up again, I smeared more manna on her dirtied face and splashed the jug of water on her, erasing the taint.

  She cried out, “What are you doing?” But, upon touching her face and hair, she stopped and stared at me with confusion in her eyes. “How?”

  “I rubbed my manna over you.”

  Emily sniffled and studied the ground.

  I extended my hand towards her and felt the corners of my mouth rise on their own when her soft fingers closed around mine.

  I lifted her to her feet. “Come on. Let’s go find your dragon.”

  Just then, from the large mound of dirt, the sound of a giant creature snoring rumbled the earth in a steady rhythm. “Who knows," I said, glad we had come to the right place. "Maybe we can sort this whole thing out with words.”

  Emily picked her staff off the ground. “No.”

  My heart sank a little. “Why?”

  “Because I am going to kill it.” Emily pulled her hand away and brushed past me. Her face was set, and her eyes focused, but her knuckles were white, and she trembled ever so slightly. “There is no other choice. I want to kill it.”

  I watched her walk away. Liar. Closing my eyes for a moment, I sighed then reluctantly followed in her footsteps. Still, a promise is a promise.

  Chapter Three

  Narius

  We stood at the entrance of the hollowed-out hill. The air shimmered, and sweat trickled down my neck. The heat coming from the cavern was so fierce my wings felt like they were being roasted.

  Inside, a snoring dragon the size of the inn slept, curled up in a tight ball. A jet of flames from the dragon's left nostril briefly illuminated the cavern, revealing a mountain of bones and his dingy, mud-coated blue scales. On his other nostril, a glowing red snot bubble, filled with liquid fire, expanded and contracted.

  The bubble swayed like a flail until it popped, and lava-like mucus dripped to the ground, sizzling as it melted the rock beneath it, before hardening into an orange deposit.

  Emily's eyes sagged as she stared at the pile of bones decorating the lair. “Where’s the heap of gold? Gems the size of my head? Where's my loot?” she whispered.

  I shrugged then summoned a quill and quickly sketched the dragon into the Codex, taking care to draw his mace-like tail. When I returned my gaze to Emily, she was raising her staff at the sleeping dragon.

  I placed my hand on the orb of her staff and lowered the weapon before she harmed the creature.

  She glared at me. “What are you doing?”

  “You can’t do that. He might get hurt.”

  Emily gritted her teeth and yanked her staff from my hand. “That’s the point!”

  The snoring stopped and two green slit eyes opened to focus on Emily.

  “Not another one.” The dragon breathed out a long cloud of smoke, revealing the white hide of the cow stuck between his teeth. “All right, human. Let’s go outside. I’d hate to destroy my home.” Pannaxx yawned and drifted his gaze to me, then to the Codex. “Oh? What is this? A servant of Halfaya? Strange… I’ve never seen one from his flock as young as you.”

  “I am old enough. Probably older than you!”

  “Is that so?" he asked shaking his tail. "I did not expect angels to be such terrible liars.”

  I flinched. “We are brilliant liars!”

  Pannaxx's rumbling laughter shook the ground and knocked down flecks of dirt from the roof of the cave. “You amuse me, angel.” The dragon rose onto his massive legs and exited the cavern. Flinging mud from his scales and shaking the ground with every footstep, he stumbled out onto the plain.

  As we trailed after the dragon, Emily grumbled, gripping her staff like she was trying to snap it in half. “Great, now he’s awake.”

  Before I could tell her about the virtues of fighting fair, Pannaxx stopped, reared up on his hind legs, and raised himself high, just shorter than the four tallest bookshelves in the great library stacked on top of one another.

  He spread his wings, blocking the sun, and roared, his breath sending a gust of hot and sticky wind, along with bits of grass, and cow hide hurtling towards us.

  The orb on Emily’s staff glowed bright blue, and the wind passed us by without lifting a single strand of our hair. Still, wisps of Pannaxx’s breath drifted into my nose, and the rotten smell made me gag.

  The dragon flashed his teeth at us again, smirking. “Sorry. Morning breath.”

  Emily covered her nose, and once the smell dissipated, she pointed her staff at the dragon. "Cough up my money."

  The air chilled, frosting my breath as dozens of frozen arrows materialized above us. The icy missiles were translucent and identical, but before I had the chance to admire their beauty, the arrows flew towards Pannaxx’s yawning mouth.

  The dragon, noticing the shiny projectiles, blew out a puff of flame, vaporizing the arrows in an instant. “That’s it?”

  Emily grunted. Her staff flashed, and hundreds of sharp arrows whistled towards the dragon.

  This time, no flames came. Instead, Pannaxx kicked off the ground and launched himself into the heavens. His great leathery wings slapped away at the air, causing the arrows to waver and fall harmlessly to the ground.

  Chuckling, Pannaxx sprayed spit across the grass, making the ground sizzle.

  Emily fumed and turned crimson. She swiveled to face me. “Narius!”

  Alarmed by her cranky attitude, I took a step back. “What?”

  She marched up to me, pushed her back against my chest, and laid my hands on her stomach. “Get me up there!”

  Suppressing the sudden and odd urge to stroke her stomach, I moved my hands away. “Why?


  Emily pressed my hands right back down against her waist. “Just do it!”

  Annoyed by her tone, I tightened my grasp on her belly, flapped my wings, and took off.

  Emily quivered as we rose, but soon stopped and aimed her staff at the dragon. The orb of her staff glowed bright blue, forming a volley of frozen missiles and sending them flying towards the dragon.

  Pannaxx opened his mouth, sparks already forming at the back of his throat. But before the arrows could be melted away, they exploded, pelting the dragon with tiny shards of ice.

  Pannaxx howled and flew backwards, the fire in his throat quenched.

  Emily laughed, her excitement encouraging me to fly faster. “That’s it, Narius! Close in on him!”

  Following her demand, I beat my wings in pursuit of the dragon. In return, Pannaxx spat smoldering balls of fire our way as he moved back.

  I twisted and turned, just barely avoiding the flames and the inky smoke trails left behind. Still, the scorching breath charred my armor to such an extent that black spots danced in my vision from the heat.

  Suffering through the unbearable heat with me, Emily cursed and fired off one icy volley after another, most of them missing the dragon completely while the rest only skimmed against his scales.

  As I continued my flight, the gap from the dragon shortened with each passing moment, and fire and ice clashed against one another, surrounding us in a cloud of mist. I blinked to clear the vapor from my vision, but it was getting difficult to see and to evade the fiery balls while flying towards where I had last seen the dragon.

  Then as quickly as it came, the mist disappeared, and the huge form of the dragon reared up immediately before us, his green eyes glinting.

  Before I could veer away, Pannaxx opened his mouth, but instead of the scorching fire, he spewed a mouthful of burning ash into my face.

  I closed my eyes just as the hot cinders reached me. Blind and unable to breathe, I flew straight through the burning fumes, coughing. When the air around me felt cool again, I opened my eyes.

  Pannaxx was right on top of us. His blue scales reflected my own horrified face.

 

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