He motioned with his hand for me to head to the front door, and we walked to a café not far from where we were. After ordering, he reached across the table and grabbed my hand. I stiffened slightly, but then relaxed. His face had turned serious. “I’m worried about you.”
“What are you talking about?”
He looked around at the people surrounding us and then said, “Viktor. And yes, I would love to be the one kissing you, but if I can’t be, then you should know he is no good. I wish I could tell you more, but I can’t. His family is dangerous. I’m begging you to say goodbye to him and get out now.”
“You’ve got to give me more than that.” What did he know? He was acting like he knew Viktor and his family were bratva.
He shook his head. “Seriously, I can’t tell you anything. I can only warn you.” He moved closer to me. “I’ve been around him and Jericho almost my whole life. Shoot. Since I was five. I’ve seen stuff. Heard stuff. Believe me, they are bad news, and if I could get away from them without any consequences, I would.”
Our food arrived. He took a deep breath in.
I leaned back in my chair. “You are so confusing. I’m still not sure, but I’ll consider what you’ve told me.”
“That’s all I can ask for. Thank you.” He sat back, letting go of my hands.
“I suppose if you’re right, I should be thanking you. I’m lucky to have you as a friend. Anyway, I’m starving.” I picked up a fork to dig into my eggs. “I sure like the non-serious you better.”
“Really?” He rubbed his hand over his face. “Putting my non-serious self forward.”
It was fun hanging out with a normal boy, but I was concerned that I was leading him on. We laughed and talked for the better part of an hour, and then I announced that I had to get back.
“Unfortunately, I’ve got to get to work, too. My employer is such a beast.”
“Oh,” I said, excited to start this conversation as we stood to leave. “I didn’t know you worked. Where do you work?”
“Be prepared to be underwhelmed—the docks.”
I stood up straight, my shoulders tightening and a dizziness seeping into my head. “Really? The docks?” Was this the connection?
“My parents own a shipping company. I help with the books and scheduling. Next week is going to be busy. We have three ships sailing.”
We made it to the sidewalk, and an ache rose up in my chest. My intuition was telling me something.
“Wow! People around here don’t play around, do they? No one’s a captain of a ship at Bell—they gotta own the ship and the captain.”
He chuckled. “It’s not as glamorous as you might think. The piers stink, and the people who we employ aren’t always the best—if you know what I mean.”
“Are you telling me you aren’t rich?” I laughed.
He put up his hands. “I didn’t say that.” He gave me a breathy laugh. “I’m just saying it’s not the best business to be in. That’s all.”
I nodded. “You mean you don’t want me to come visit you at work?”
He stopped for a second. “You’d want to come see me?”
I hated to lead him on, but if it was his shipping company that was moving the bratva’s stolen cars, it would be practical to get closer to him. “I’ve never been to a real, working pier. I’ve been to the ones that they’ve been turning into parks, but that’s about it.”
“Maybe we can work something out.”
“Let’s see, you live in Brooklyn. Do you operate out of Red Hook?”
“That’s the one.”
Tingles spread through my body. Red Hook it was. “No way. Isn’t that one of the most dangerous areas in New York?”
He nodded, and we started walking again.
“I’m not sure I want to go there.”
He didn’t reply.
“But I guess if I had you to protect me, I’d be okay.” I squeezed his solid upper arm.
He chuckled. “I’ll see what I can do.”
We walked in companionable silence until we reached the brownstone. My mind was like a rocket, speeding through the implications of the possible and most probable connection between the bratva and Carson and his family.
I stepped onto the first stair and said, “Thanks for breakfast and the company. I had a great time.”
“Thanks for coming. It was fun.” He looked at his feet and then back up at me. “I hope I can trust you not to tell Viktor or anyone about our little conversations.”
“Of course,” I assured him. “If Viktor’s the bad guy, we need to keep him in the dark because bad guys do, well, you know, bad things to people who betray them.”
He didn’t smile. He seemed to go a little pale, though, so I said, “Don’t worry, Carson. I would never do that. Ever. You saved me from being a wallflower, remember?” I gave him a sheepish look.
“Thanks…See you on Monday.”
“I’ll be there with bells on.” I watched him get into a BMW across the street. I’d so hoped he had nothing to do with this whole mess, and now it was turning out that he might be smack dab in the middle of it.
Chapter 22
No one was at the brownstone, so I changed to meet with Viktor. I couldn’t wait to tell everyone what I’d learned.
Viktor met me outside the café. He leaned in and kissed me, not a quick peck, but a full on, minute-long kiss. My face flushed with a fury.
“You look so cute when you’re embarrassed.” He stroked my hair and looked around, a look of gloating on his face. He wanted everyone to see him kissing me, owning me.
I looked at my feet then pushed my face into his chest and kept my head down so that he couldn’t kiss me again. He chuckled and led me inside. We took a table. “So, do I have plans for dinner Sunday?” I gave him a bright smile.
“You do.”
I grinned and threw my hands in the air. “Seriously?”
“Seriously.” He leaned in to kiss me, and I shifted so that he kissed my cheek.
“Don’t do that again,” he said. His eyes darted around the café, making sure no one had seen me diss him.
“What?”
“Dodge my kiss. You are mine, and when I want a kiss, I can have a kiss.”
“Remember what I said about manners?”
He huffed.
“I told you PDA was hard for me. Give me a chance to ease into it.”
He flared his nostrils and pushed back in his chair.
I pocket texted Jeremy. It’s on. I couldn’t help but bemoan the fact that he hadn’t ever responded to my earlier text. I decided to text the other agents too. A hollow feeling covered my chest. I’d never had to wonder if Jeremy would protect me and be there for me before. Why was I worried about that now?
Viktor left as soon as we’d eaten and I had all the information about the next night’s dinner.
I found Jeremy, Halluis, and Ace around the kitchen table when I got back. Both Halluis and Ace were eating apples and peanut butter. Jeremy didn’t eat any, and I happened to know he loved peanut butter.
“He’s picking me up at five. Dinner’s at six.”
“Do you know if they’re expecting you to lift cars tonight?”
“I think so. I haven’t heard otherwise. Viktor said I’d be busy all weekend.”
“I bet the shipment is going out early next week.” Jeremy ran his fingers through his hair. “Christy has been picking up at least eight cars a night, Mikado six, and those two girls have lifted eight since Sunday. On top of that, Viktor said Alexander was busy with work this week. It seems logical to assume that the shipment goes out at the beginning of next week. If we’re going to get that car back, I figure Christy is going to have to locate the car by tomorrow, and we’ll have to act on whatever information she finds as soon as we get it. We can’t let that car leave the country.”
“No pressure, Christy,” Halluis said.
“We knew it was a long shot from the beginning. If the shipment sails before we get our hands on the car,
no one will be able to blame us.” Ace rubbed the back of his neck.
“Whoa! Whoa!” I said. “You’re all acting like it’s already over. It isn’t. Not by a long shot. I think I know what pier the ship will sail from. At least we can know it pretty quick.”
“What are you talking about?” Halluis asked.
“Carson’s family owns a shipping company.” I let that sink in. “It uses Red Hook terminal, and three ships are sailing this coming week.”
Ace stood and headed for the stairs, calling over his shoulder, “I’ll get on it.”
“Wait up,” Halluis called after him. “I’ll go with you.” And he, too, disappeared up the stairs.
Jeremy pushed back hard in his seat but didn’t challenge me or tell me to be safe or anything. Something was very wrong. He refused to make eye contact with me and tapped his fingers on the table. He acted nervous, upset even.
“We will get the car back,” I said. “You’ll see.”
Jeremy stood and headed for the back door, again without any explanation, but I stopped him, putting my hand on his upper arm.
He shrugged it off and kept moving toward the door.
“Stop, Jeremy, please. We need to talk,” I said, a bit louder than I’d intended.
Jeremy sighed and turned halfway toward me, a note of exasperation in the press of his lips. “What about, Christy? I have things to do.”
I’d laid out a calm, rational argument in my head, detailing Jeremy’s odd behavior and professionally asking for an explanation, but when faced with his show of indifference, I found myself speechless.
Jeremy shook his head and turned again to leave. “There’s nothing to talk about. Good luck tomorrow.” He left, shutting the door behind him.
I only paused for a second before wrenching the door open and racing down the few steps to Jeremy. I grabbed his arm, but he kept moving toward his car. “What am I doing wrong?” I demanded.
He turned back and faced me, both of us breathing hard, standing just inches apart in the pool of light cast by the porch lamp. “You want to know what you’re doing wrong? You’re being too reckless, that’s what!”
I dropped his arm and took a step back. “Too reckless? What are you talking about?”
“You put yourself in one dangerous position after another, throwing yourself after these psychopaths and criminals without a second thought!”
“Throwing myself after them?”
“Yes! I told you to get close to them—you were not supposed to be kissing them. Do you have any idea how reckless, how dangerous that was?”
“You’re treating me like some inexperienced kid—you’ve been treating me that way all along. Don’t you think I know exactly what I’m getting myself into? I’m the one out there. I’m the one who has to make the call and decide what I have to do to get what we need. I am doing everything I can to accomplish this mission—”
Jeremy gripped me by the shoulders, and stared intensely into my eyes. “And have you ever once stopped to think that this mission might not be worth everything you’re risking?”
That stopped me in my tracks. The look of anguish on his face as he held me, his face only inches from mine, was enough to smooth away any trace of defensiveness I felt. “I—I—what are you saying?”
His words came out just barely above a whisper. “Christy—what could possibly be worth losing you?”
His hand moved to my cheek and I pressed into it, even though it felt soft and tentative. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, but I didn’t dare doubt it. He pulled me closer and our eyes locked. I bit my bottom lip, and his eyes fell to my mouth.
Way too slowly, his perfect face moved toward me until his lips were a breath away from mine. My lip quivered, and a desperate thrill went through me. I savored his breath mingling with mine before his soft lips touched mine. The rush of emotion that pulsed through me was foreign. This was all new and wonderful. His lips moved gently across mine, his mouth warm in the cold night air, and a pleasant shiver traveled up my spine.
A soft moan escaped his lips, and then he pressed his hungrily to mine. Fire ripped through me, and we crashed into each other, our hands pulling us closer and closer together. My body fitted his as electric desire, hot and sweet, raced through me.
His hands moved gently over my back and drifted over my neck. I pulled him even harder to me and couldn’t imagine ever taking my lips off his. My heart was beating so hard I thought I might faint.
Then, something changed suddenly and just as explosively as it had started, it ended. He pulled away, eyes wide, hands trembling on my upper arms.
“No.” He stepped back and curled his lips over his teeth. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have…that was not…” He swung his head to the side and closed his eyes. His chest rose and fell in a quick rhythm. “Oh, Christy. That shouldn’t have happened.”
I stepped toward him. “Don’t you dare take this moment away from me, Jeremy. Don’t you dare. I’ve waited for this moment for so long, and it was beautiful and right and—” My lungs hitched up, and I couldn’t breathe.
He stepped back. “No. It wasn’t right. It can’t be. I’m your handler. We can’t…” He pressed his palms to his forehead and moaned. This was a different moan than the one only seconds earlier. This was a moan of agony, not of pleasure.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have, I was wrong to—” ”
“You weren’t wrong. I want this, and—you want it, too.” That discovery had sent my heart soaring just moments before, but now my heart wrenched inside me. It was our first kiss. It didn’t have to be so complicated. It had been the most beautiful thing I’d experienced.
“It doesn’t matter what we want. This isn’t allowed.” He moved his hands back and forth between us. “If anyone found out, we’d lose our jobs.” He tilted his head to the side. “I can’t take this away from you, Christy. You’re too good at this job to throw it all away—everything you could do in this world—just for me.”
I knew he was right, but I shook my head. “It’s not fair. We shouldn’t have to choose.” My heart pounded, but all the beauty from earlier had left the beat.
“I know. But we do. And the truth is, we can’t think only of ourselves. You are an incredible spy.” He put his hand under my chin, his thumb sliding over my bottom lip. “And I refuse to take that from you.”
I wanted to say something, anything to keep him there, to convince him that it would be all right, but no words came.
“I’m sorry,” he said, finally breaking the silence. “I’m sorry for how I’ve been acting. I guess I’ve been kind of a jerk.”
I laughed softly. “I thought you were doubting me. I thought you had lost faith in me.”
“Never,” he whispered, shaking his head. “You have been doing an amazing job—every break we’ve had in this case has been because of you. I just… I hate watching you put yourself in danger every day. I can’t bear the thought of losing you. It’s wrong, but I can’t help how I feel about you, Christy. It makes me kind of crazy sometimes.” He turned to go, but I grabbed his hand and pulled him back.
“If we can’t be together, and this is our last moment like this one, then kiss me, one last time.” He couldn’t refuse me, could he?
The moment stretched on between us until he bent down and brushed his tender lips along my jaw, ending with them on my lips. It was a soft, succulent kiss that buckled my knees and left me paralyzed long after he had left me there and drove away.
I put my fingers to my lips, swearing never to forget what it had felt like to have his lips on mine and wishing things were different. I made my way into the house and went to get ready for some car lifting, my heart aching and yet full at the same time.
Chapter 23
The next day, when I should have been planning and preparing for my dinner with Viktor’s uncle, I found I couldn’t concentrate on anything but Jeremy. I had pushed away any feelings I had for him for so long—telling myself that I admired him only as a s
py and cared for him only as a friend. I’d told myself I only wanted his approval as my mission leader. But when his lips had met mine, it was as though every lie I’d told myself melted away, and what was left was the searing truth that I was falling in love with him. And he cared for me, too—not just as a handler or as a mission leader, but as a man cares for a woman. Knowing that, and knowing it was impossible, set my heart aching.
My thoughts were awhirl, and I knew I had to do something. I needed to prepare for the challenges I’d be facing that evening, but I could barely even focus on putting one foot in front of the other. Jeremy had told the truth—what we had to offer the world was so much more important than anything we might want for ourselves. It wasn’t fair, and it didn’t feel good, but it was true. I needed to focus my mind on the mission. When I searched my heart, I knew just what to do.
I found a church nearby and attended the service in hopes of finding inspiration and peace. And not surprisingly, I did. I felt centered and ready to tackle the dinner and whatever followed with a renewed vigor and desire to set things right. As I left the building, I thought I saw Jeremy out of the corner of my eye. When I turned to look more intently, there was no one.
I’d packed a lunch in my car, and after the service drove to Central Park for a picnic. The air was cold and crisp, but the sun was out again today and had melted all the snow except what was in the shadiest parts of the city. The ground squished under my feet. I would go over my plan in my mind again with my new focused energy.
As questions arose in my mind about the bratva, stealing cars, or container ships, I looked them up on my phone. It surprised me to learn about the massive ships and how efficient they were when loaded and unloaded. And it surprised me to discover how well-balanced they had to be. The cargo master, the man who mapped out where all the different containers would go on the ship, had to be a great organizer because he had to think about so many different things while mapping. Putting 15,000 containers in just the right spot would be a difficult task. I stayed there until I absolutely had to get back and get ready.
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