I clenched my fist until the fork bit into my hand. “There are more survivors?”
“Several,” he admitted. “Most will make full recoveries. A few may never be whole again.”
Metal scraped against bone, and still I tightened my grip. “How is that possible?”
As if realizing he had said too much, Murdoch gave me his back. “It doesn’t matter.”
I shoved from the table and approached him. “Do you realize how many have died from the plague? Whole clans have been devastated by it. Yours was not. Yet there you stand—with nerve enough to tell me it doesn’t matter how that’s possible?” I jabbed him with my fork, and he spun. He plucked the utensil from my hand and tossed it to clatter across the stones. “Tell your paladin to send word to all the clans. Gather their physicians. Let them see your survivors. With luck, the cause for their recovery can be determined.” Excitement lent my voice a high pitch. “They might find a cure. Can you imagine? No more lives lost. No more sickness. No more loss of livestock.”
No more grim nightly work for me. Oh, to enjoy the luxury of idle hands.
Murdoch’s expression shuttered. “That’s enough, Kaidi.”
“What did I say?” Only that I wished for a cure. How could he begrudge me that?
“Finish your meal.” He pointed at the plate gone cold behind me.
“In a minute.” I touched his arm. “Why are you angry? What have I done?”
His gaze skittered to the window. “Do you really have to ask?”
“Don’t change the subject.” I dismissed our earlier spat with a wave of my hand.
“I will say this, and then I will say no more.” He grasped my shoulders and pegged me with a beseeching look. “The plague has been every Araneaean’s priority. We have all sought a cure. We have all sought answers. We have all waited for a sign the end of our suffering was near.”
Some odd note struck me in his speech. I snapped my fingers. “You said have. Not are.”
His brow creased. “A slip of the tongue.”
“No. It’s more than that, more than accidental. It’s the lack of urgency, as if you don’t care.” Giddiness overcame me. “But it’s not that, is it? You know something. Tell me. I lack the richest sources of gossip since I’m no longer part of a paladin’s court. You must hear everything. Well?”
Murdoch turned me loose. “Who would spread gossip to a girl who can’t hold her tongue?”
I bounced on the heels of my feet. “So you do know something.”
“It’s time for us to go to bed.” The room was dark except for a few scattered tapers. He went to the nearest candle and extinguished it. “I would offer you the chance to read before turning in, but you’ve made it abundantly clear you don’t care for the material I have available.” He pinched a second flame between his fingers. “Therefore, I will assume you would prefer sleep to study.”
Frantic for a reason to keep him chatting, I wracked my brain for some telling scrap. “Plague victims die within days of infection.” Days after that, they rose. “A cure would have to act fast.”
His exhale told me nothing except of his desire to escape me.
“For your surviving clansmen to have recovered so quickly, their symptoms must have been mild.” Except Isolde’s claims sounded extreme. Was that due to her age? Fragile health? Or was her illness merely an excuse to indulge in eccentricities such as dying her hair outlandish colors?
“Think what you will.” He dismissed my talk as brainless musings.
“I have little choice,” I groused. “No one here seems willing to speculate.”
“Speculation is an attempt at forecasting the unknowable. I prefer to deal in absolutes.”
I ignored his disdain and pushed ahead. “Do you think there’s a connection between the way the plague affected Cathis and the similar, mild effects it had on the people of Beltania? What is the commonality? A shared water source? Plant life? Whatever it was had to be in direct contact with livestock. If nothing else, we can prove that the plague is transmitted through them.”
Murdoch leaned a shoulder against the wall, his face cast in shadow. “Did you happen to notice Isolde asked how you had learned your…skills….yet she failed to ask why you cultivated them?”
I clamped my mouth shut. “Perhaps she wanted to make polite conversation.”
“No.” He guffawed. “Isolde is not the sort of female who engages in idle chatter.”
“But I am?” I was no idle chatterer. “I am trying to speak to you on important topics.”
“As am I.” He warmed to his speech. “What else I find interesting is she didn’t ask about the bodies. She merely complimented your skill. Don’t you find that odd? A former maven, who discovers her clansmen have been violated by some feckless girl, and doesn’t say a word on it?”
I had wondered where Isolde’s anger was, why it failed to reach the heights her son’s had.
“That is what makes me curious.” He tapped a finger at his temple. “Always thinking is our Isolde. She saw something to your methods that made her curious. What was it?”
Dread soured the food resting in my stomach. “I think you’re right. I am ready for bed.”
He wore a smirk around the room while hefting a plush chair and plopping it down near the window. The door he left unguarded. Or so I thought until a shadow glided past and light from the hall was broken for an instant. Straining my ears, I heard a low voice sing a bawdy tune.
“Lleu?” I asked, slumping at the realization how well I was corralled.
“He asked for the detail.” Murdoch sank into his chair, and it was then I saw the book in his hand. “You must have made an impression on him. Lleu is not overly fond of such quiet work.”
I rolled my eyes. “I don’t see why the paladin gives him leave to do as he does.”
“They’ve been friends since childhood.” Murdoch lifted his novel and shielded his face from me. “Be wary of any insults you hand Lleu if you want to continue enjoying the paladin’s favor.”
I picked at a pillow on Murdoch’s bed. “If he favored me before, he won’t after tonight.”
“Isolde is capable of defending herself. She doesn’t need her son to hold a grudge for her.”
That I could believe. “Vaughn’s interest in my wellbeing isn’t genuine anyway. All he wants is for Hishima to arrive and see me clean, well-tended and smiling, so I can vouch for Mimetidae guards and declare them the best and most fit champions for our people. As if Hishima listens to me.” I tossed the pillow at Murdoch. “No one listens to me. You think I talk too much, and I may, but I’m the only one who ever listens to me. I might as well be good company for myself.”
“Tell me something, then.” He caught the pillow and set it neatly on his lap. “You want an ear to bend, have mine. Tell me whatever’s on your mind, and I won’t judge you for it. I swear.”
“Tempting.” I dropped onto his bed and let my feet dangle. “From my lips to whose ears?”
Murdoch gifted me a rare smile, a real one that made me reassess his temperament. Where I had seen only stern lines bracketing his mouth before, I began to notice those around his eyes came from laughter. Despite his grumpy disposition toward me, others might find him less…prickly. Perhaps a soft female like Nerys was better suited to his quiet kind of humor.
Once, I had been soft too. What might have happened if that version of me had met this version of him? Would we have smiled warmly and genuinely at one another, or not at all?
Would he have purchased baubles in my store and flirted until I let him walk me home?
Would I have let him walk me home? I flushed to consider the possibility.
“Tell me something of little consequence,” he offered. “Something I can keep to myself.”
I almost scoffed at him. Instead I found myself saying, “I hate what I have become.”
He jerked, struck by my unexpected admission. “Then stop. Put down your spade. Let others shoulder the burden of curing the plague.
Orchestrate the deal between Hishima and Vaughn, do your duty. Follow Hishima home. Put your heart into becoming a maven worthy of your people.”
Sad laughter was my response. “If every person shrugged aside the burden because it weighs too heavily on their shoulders, then who is left to carry the load? I will do my duty by my people. I owe them that much.” For my uncle and others who had survived. They deserved a measure of peace, no matter how tenuous. Despite my warnings, they refused to see the true danger to us all came from within. But turning a clan against its paladin was treason. Treason was punishable by death, and to a clan who had lost so many lives, it was wasteful, slanderous, and not to be borne.
The best hope I had was by manning Titania’s walls, I armed my clan against the inevitable.
He rubbed his chin. “That sentiment is worthy of a maven.”
I didn’t say I was no maven. What was the point when he was content to cast me in that light no matter my objections? The problems facing my clan, facing our nation, would not be solved if each person tasked with finding a solution handed the issue to the person standing behind them. I acted not as maven, but as the steward of a family the plague had all but snuffed from existence.
I had one final question before I caved to slumber. “When will the funeral pyres be lit?”
“Not for a few more days. Families are still performing rites.” His voice hardened. “Why?”
I picked at my fingernails. “Will the bodies be left in the field until then?”
“Yes.” He emphasized, “Under heavy guard. Heavier guard since you arrived.”
“What would you say if I told you I could help you?”
He paused before answering, “It depends on what area you think I require assistance.”
“Your paladin tasked you with finding the missing males of your clan.” I tore my nail to the quick. “I won’t make you any promises, but I have an idea of where you can find your answers.”
Exhaustion beat me to finishing my task. There were still bodies in the field that might rise. I don’t know why I offered, except that Murdoch’s glimmer of faith in me bolstered my desire to have a confidant. Maven or not, I craved shoulders broad enough to share my burden. Murdoch’s were wide and strong. If he balked, I would be none the worse off considering Hishima would ride for Cathis soon. If Murdoch witnessed a rising, what might he do then? Spare me? Aid me?
“What do you want in exchange?” he asked cautiously.
“You can’t give me what I want.” I crawled beneath the covers and tried to get comfortable.
“Why offer now?” He came closer. “Why this sudden generosity?”
“Is it generous, I wonder, to gift someone with the same nightmares I experience?”
“You’re not making sense, Kaidi.” He stood over me, staring into my face, seeking answers.
“I’ve changed my mind.” I reached for him. “I do want something.”
His expression relaxed. This he must feel he could handle. “What do you have in mind?”
“Hold my hand.” When he recoiled, I snapped, “I did wash the gore from under my nails.”
“It isn’t that.” He wiped his palms on his pants.
“Then what is it?” At his mute frown, I rolled away from him. “It was foolish. Never mind.”
“Tell me why you asked.” His voice beat against my spine.
“I dream of graves, Murdoch. Rows of them. Fields of them. Some filled with bodies. Other ones are still empty.” I released a shuddering exhale. “There is always one deeper, darker, colder than the others. No matter how I try to avoid it, I find myself skirting its edge. Just before I might slip and topple in on my own, skeletal hands grasp my ankles and drag me down screaming.” He treated me to another prolonged silence. “Just for one night, I would like to enter that field and not fear the fall. I want to close my eyes knowing there’s someone here who will pull me back.”
Murdoch thrust his hand before my face. “There. Hold it.”
I clasped it so he couldn’t change his mind later. I linked our fingers, and his filled the gap where my ring finger should be. To his credit, he didn’t seem to mind its absence. He didn’t recoil or even comment, just let me drape his arm over my shoulder. I breathed in the scent of his wrist. Herbs. Perhaps he used an ointment for any number of the injuries I had dealt him. Beneath that scent, warm, solid male.
“How long should I stand here?” He gave a cursory test of my grip.
“Until I fall asleep.” I snuggled lower beneath his comforter, drawing his arm tighter around me. I had shared a bed with Hishima early in our relationship. Some nights, after we made love, I slept with my cheek pressed to his chest. I would listen to his heartbeat and picture our glorious future together. Even then, when he had made me believe he loved me, and when I had loved him wholeheartedly, I did not enjoy the blissful sense of security I felt with Murdoch’s arm clutched to my chest. It should have worried me more that I used this near stranger’s arm as my light against the darkness growing inside me.
But his hands were large and capable. His grip on me was tight, too tight, perfect.
Unnerved by the comfort he gave me, I sat up and relinquished his hand. “I can’t sleep.”
He pressed down on my shoulder when I tried to stand. “Where do you think you’re going?”
I glanced at the window. Moonlight glowed softly beneath the faded tapestry. “Hunting.”
Although I did my best to appear to be reformed, Murdoch flat refused to leave the city with only himself to watch over me. He did a good job of selling me on why Lleu ought to accompany us. What it boiled down to was Murdoch’s fear I would muster another escape and that it would prove successful. Lleu, for his part, was thrilled with the idea of a nighttime trek into the woods.
“Come to finish the job, eh?” Moonlight glinted off Lleu’s cheeks.
“Hush.” I waved him on as our trio walked until we reached the edge of the trees.
Standing close to my failed escape route tempted me, but it was the best place to keep watch if we wanted to observe the downfield area I had been too weak and tired to reach with a spade.
“What are we looking for, exactly?” Murdoch’s warm breath hit my neck.
I shivered. “You’ll know it if you see it.” It wasn’t every day the dead rose, thank the gods.
Hunkered down, we three sat shoulder to shoulder and waited.
Hours passed. Lleu began fidgeting. Murdoch began scowling. I let my eyes go out of focus. I was used to kneeling until my legs lost feeling and my feet became cold and disconnected from me. I would have thought both males would have similar experience, being guards. Murdoch had more patience than Lleu. He surveyed the field with his keen eyes and a waning spark of interest.
“I fail to see how this helps me locate the missing males,” Murdoch whispered.
“Perhaps they are deserters.” Lleu shrugged. “Their families might sneak them food at night. For all we know, they might be sneaking into Cathis. Most knew of the grotto’s exit. What if the males entered the grotto from the forest side at night? They could slip away before the sun rose.”
“What would be the point?” I asked.
“If they were alive and well, they couldn’t simply stroll down the street.” Lleu scoffed.
“Why not?” After so much death, I would have thought their clansmen a welcome sight.
“Deserters are hanged.” Murdoch drummed his fingers on his kneecap.
“Ah.” I didn’t mention I would embrace even the cowards after suffering such losses.
“Is that what you think we’ll see?” Murdoch stared at me. “Are there deserters here?”
Had Lleu heard the longing in his voice? The wish he would not discover more bodies?
“I would rather let you see for yourself,” I hedged.
If nothing rose, then they had given me a perfect excuse. I would say deserters gathered here but that Lleu and Murdoch’s conversation had driven them to hiding in order to save their nec
ks.
If someone did rise, well, the eyes proved in seconds what hours of words failed to illustrate.
“Fine.” Lleu shifted to his right so he could lean his head against a tree.
Murdoch didn’t move. We sat flush from hip to shoulder. He was a warm wall of muscle on a balmy night, but I was tempted to follow Lleu’s example and make Murdoch’s arm my pillow.
Recalling that sense of belonging he radiated, I withdrew. Such comfort was addicting.
Instead, I strained my senses and waited for the telltale hum to set my earring vibrating.
But none came.
Night stretched long between us. No one moved or spoke again until dawn kissed the towers with pale light that grew blinding as it raced over the field toward us. When it hit us square in the face, Lleu yawned and pushed off the tree to stand. He reached down a hand for me to grasp, but Murdoch clasped my arm, lifting me when he stood. I tottered unsteadily on my feet and severed contact before he could. His lips were tight and his brow drawn. He was angry. As so many had been before him. He probably expected I had a scheme up my sleeve or a reason for being here.
“Well that’s one night’s sleep I’ll never get back.” Lleu sounded chipper despite his words.
“I don’t understand what you sought to accomplish by bringing us out here.” Murdoch gave me an assessing glance. “Were there deserters? Or was an ally supposed to meet you out here?”
“I have no allies.” Not a one.
“There’s a reason for that,” Lleu said almost conversationally. “You can’t trust a liar.”
Heat swept through my chest and made my neck and face burn. “I didn’t lie.” This time.
“You claimed you could find my answers.” Murdoch rubbed his eyes. “Did you not hear the question? Were you confused as to what I hoped to achieve? Is this yet another of your games?”
“It’s not a game.” I cradled myself with my arms.
“No. It’s not. Games are fun.” Lleu shook his head. “The closest we came tonight was where did that stick go?” When I frowned, he pointed to his arse. “Yeah. I don’t want to know either.”
Araneae Nation: The Complete Collection Page 66