by Cenarth Fox
‘Congratulations, again,’ said the husband.
‘How’s Simone?’
‘Dreaming about her famous mother.’
Myles popped the cork, which frightened Rufus, poured two glasses of Veuve Cliquot, and handed one to his wife. He proposed a toast.
‘To the outstanding lawyer, the wonderful wife and mother, and the next Premier of Victoria.’
Glasses clinked, and the couple sipped their champers. Then Jessica put her glass on the island bar in their stunning kitchen, took her husband’s glass, and put it beside hers. He wondered what was happening. She wondered what was happening. It sure was unusual as Jessica did something for the very first time.
She stood close to Myles, put her hands on either side of his head, and gently pulled his face towards hers. She looked into his eyes from this intimate distance then kissed his lips with a tenderness neither knew she possessed. Ever so slightly, Myles recoiled.
They looked at each other in a new way, in a way they never thought would happen. Then, without hesitation, they kissed each other for seconds, and then more seconds. They had to break because Rufus started barking. He’d never played this game before.
Myles was a tad confused, but nice confused. Jessica felt bad or sad or both. Was her kind but unusual behaviour driven by guilt? Did Jessica Reid have a tricky conscience?
10
‘HELLO. You are talking to Doctor Eszes.’
‘Annuska, hello, it’s Bernie. I’m sorry to call you so late.’
‘Bernie, how good to hear your voice. Tell me, how is your love life?’
He hesitated.
Is this woman a clairvoyant as well?
He spoke cautiously. ‘How did you know about that?’
She hesitated. ‘I don’t understand. I asked about your love life.’
Bernie twigged. ‘Oh, I see. Yes, thank you for asking. My love life has suddenly become very interesting.’
‘Really? Can you call to see me and tell me all your news?’
‘I can. When would you like me to visit?’
‘Why now, of course.’
‘Now? It’s not too late?’
‘Too late? Bernie, for lovers like you and me, the night is young. I will powder my nose and elsewhere in anticipation of your visit. Viszlát.’*
(*Hungarian for ‘see you soon’.)
She hung up. Bernie smiled. A woman in her 80s, presumably a lesbian, spoke in a way, which both fascinated and frightened him.
Outside his parents’ Hawthorn home, he used his Uber app, and then climbed into a VW Golf in Burwood Road, and twenty minutes later knocked on a certain door in Balaclava.
‘Ah, it’s my favourite caller,’ grinned Annuska. ‘Come away in.’
They entered the cosy sitting room where Dorothy worked on The Age crossword.
‘Good evening, young man,’ said Dorothy. ‘Had I been given more notice, I would have offered you at least one cinnamon doughnut.’
They sat and Annuska gushed. ‘I am hoping my nosy neighbour saw you arrive. I want to make her jealous.’ Bernie didn’t know what to say, and Dorothy rolled her eyes.
Annuska became impatient. ‘News, you said you have news. Your love life is booming?’
‘Blooming,’ said Dorothy, not lifting her eyes from the puzzle.
‘It is,’ said Bernie, both the literal, and the other one.’ Annuska looked confused. Even Dorothy turned to see Bernie. Annuska spoke.
‘What other one? You have two new drugs?’
‘No, I have one new drug, and one new girlfriend.’
Annuska fell into deep shock. ‘Oh Dorothy, did you hear that? Bernard is cheating on me already.’ She dropped her voice. ‘So tell me everything, especially about the sex.’
Bernie hesitated then celebrated. ‘First the drug, Dr Annuska Eszes, it works.’ He almost shouted. ‘It works!’
Dorothy forgot her crossword. Annuska sat forward and beamed.
‘You have found a human guinea pig?’
‘Two,’ said Bernie.
‘Two human guinea pigs!’ exclaimed Annuska.
‘And both have been an outstanding success. More than we could have hoped for.’
Annuska was spellbound. ‘You have a trial result already?’
‘I have. Both subjects are men who have been treating their families badly. The men were given the drug surreptitiously.’
Annuska’s face showed confusion. ‘They did not take it orally?’
Dorothy explained. ‘Yes orally; surreptitiously means they didn’t know they were taking it.’
‘Of course,’ said the Hungarian. ‘I did know that. Please continue.’
‘It took up to 24 hours for the drug to work. Both men became seriously stressed and unhappy. I saw one with my own eyes. It worked, right in front of me, just as you predicted.’
‘Me?’ replied Annuska. ‘I predicted nothing. You are the genius who created the drug.’
‘But based on your research and notes, and with your advice, and your leads and recommendations.’
‘Congratulations, Bernard,’ said Dorothy.
‘Yes, congratulations,’ added Annuska who suddenly became worried. ‘But who else have you told about this? And please don’t say you have told someone at Labcope.’
‘I haven’t, although …’ Annuska groaned. ‘There is a third human guinea pig yet to take the drug, and the person administering it works with me.’
‘She’s a spy,’ said Annuska.
‘No, no she’s not a spy. I trust her. And we’ve already spoken about the need for secrecy.’
Silence filled the room. Bernie was thrilled to be able to share his news with the woman who gave him invaluable advice. Her previously ignored and long forgotten research notes played a major role in the creation of his drug.
Dorothy stood. ‘I’ll put the kettle on.’
‘Coffee?’ boomed Annuska. ‘This calls for champagne.’
‘No, Nussy. You know what happens when you drink champagne. And we don’t want to embarrass our guest.’
Bernie pondered that last remark.
How does an octogenarian embarrass her guest?
They settled for coffee and cake. Annuska wanted all the trial details. Bernie provided same, and Annuska showed great interest in Mother.
‘So you say this lady is old?’
‘In her eighties,’ replied Bernie.
Annuska scoffed. ‘That is not old. Young man, I am 85 and …
’86,’ said Dorothy arriving with orange cake.
Bernard couldn’t believe Annuska’s age. It wasn’t so much her appearance but her behaviour. How many women in their mid-eighties display the joie de vivre this retired scientist exudes?
Annuska changed tack. ‘Now Bernard, I am worried that you did not obey the code when we spoke on the telephone before.’
‘Yes, I’m sorry. I was confused because you asked about my love life and, by coincidence, I’ve only just met a young woman.’
‘A young woman,’ exploded Annuska. ‘You mean I have a rival.’
‘Ignore her,’ said Dorothy. ‘Imagine what she’s like with champagne.’
Bernard smiled and saw Annuska’s grin grow bigger and brighter.
‘That is the most excellent news, young man,’ she said. ‘Now please, I would like verse and chapter.’
‘Chapter and verse,’ added Dorothy passing the cake.
‘Well her name is Kate, she’s a graphic designer, and I hope we’ll be having dinner this week.’
‘You must bring her to me.’
Bernie choked on his cake. Dorothy became annoyed.
‘Forgive my friend, Bernard.’
Annuska acted as if Bernie was absent and addressed her lover. ‘Mr Slim is my protégé. I have a responsibility to ensure he is happy, and not mistreated by anyone, especially someone of the female species.’
Bernard looked at Annuska and then at Dorothy, who spoke.
‘There you are, Bernard. Apparently you’re dating a species.’
The trio paused and then laughed con brio.
Bernie couldn’t sleep. There were messages on his phone from estate agents about his parents’ house. There was a text from Lois about her mother coming home on Sunday. And, best of all, there was a thank you text from Kate promising to call him tomorrow. It finished with xox. And she included her mobile number, just in case he’d lost it.
Bernie didn’t speak advanced Emoji but knew the shorthand for a kiss and a hug. Was that part of the promised “double serve” of reciprocity? Roll on tomorrow.
He went to work, chatted with Lois, then went upstairs to Marketing worried that Josh may have died, had a relapse, or quit Labcope because his wife had thrown him out. Bernie developed a twitch.
Once the effect of the drug wears off, will the patient lose their moral compass? Is backsliding the default position?
All was well; better in fact. Josh came over wearing a smile with bells and whistles. He led the scientist away from the other staff, and grasped Bernie’s hand. There was no tap on the shoulder, no weeping or wailing, just a look of deep gratitude.
‘Great, great news, mate. My lovely wife still loves me.’
‘That’s brilliant. So how’s your head?’
‘Fine, perfect, never felt better. Once I confessed, and she saw I was sincere, once she got over the shock of course, she said she forgave me.’
‘That’s fantastic news.’
‘Mind you I had to promise to never cheat again, and you know what, I wanted to make that promise.’
“I’m really happy for you, mate.’
Josh became nostalgic. ‘It was the first time I cried in front of the missus since the Pies won the flag.’
‘Go Pies,’ said Bernie, who followed Carlton, and always enjoyed a rush of schadenfreude every time Collingwood lost.
Bernie struggled to believe the success of his MCP.
‘And look, Bernie, thanks for coming to see me. I really appreciate it.’
‘No problem. Actually, I’ve got a small favour to ask.’
‘For you, buddy, anything.’
‘I have a friend who’s a graphic artist. She pitched her work before, but I wondered if she could bring more of her samples to show you guys.’
‘Absolutely, be happy to see her. Get her to give me a call. If she’s a friend of Bernie Slim, I’m sure she’ll be brilliant.’
‘Thanks Josh, I appreciate it. Her name’s Kate Naismith.’
Bernie shook hands with his guinea pig colleague and left. In the corridor, he took out his phone and called Kate.
‘I was just about to call you,’ she said.
‘Well I thought I’d let you know that Marketing are happy to let you pitch your ideas again whenever it suits.’
‘Really? Bernie, that is fantastic. You are such a star.’
‘No promises but at least you’ve got your foot in the door.’ He gave her Josh’s number. ‘And make sure you mention my name.’
‘I will. I’ll ring him today. And now it’s reciprocity time, Mr Bernie Slim.’ He liked the sound of that. ‘I insist on taking you out for dinner, tonight, if you’re free.’
Bernie quietly bubbled.
‘Sure, that’d be great.’
They decided to select one of the eateries in Swan Street, and planned to meet by the Dimmeys’ mural at seven.
When Bernie entered the lab, Lois looked at him.
‘Now I know what the cat that got the cream looks like.’
Bernie found it easy to laugh.
Upstairs in his executive suite, Ralph hit the link to a web site on recipes. He clicked on Recipe of the Day and scrolled down to the section marked Comments. There he found a response from Peregrine. Ralph read.
I found this recipe delightful, and have shared it with my friends.
This was code for “News is available”. Ralph closed his computer, and went for an early lunch. The nearby Royal Botanical Gardens attracted tourists and locals alike, and the CEO joined the masses. He headed for his dead-letter-drop location.
Making sure nobody saw him; Ralph collected the envelope, and moved to a garden bench. He read the contents.
Target A spending time at home of Target B. Listening device set in Target A home, with device in Target B home due soon.
The Hyphen destroyed the note. Meet Mister Meticulous.
Bernie panicked. He couldn’t make his dinner date. Shit. He had no choice. Dealing with his parents took priority. Putting off estate agents to go out with a new “girlfriend” just wasn’t on. He made appointments to see agents at his parents’ home at 6 and 6.30, and sent Kate a text asking if they could meet at eight instead of seven. She readily agreed.
Madeline was spending more time with her parents now, and felt great. Her children were safe in the care of their father, Bernie’s second guinea pig triumph, Bruce, the man who recently apologised profusely for his wayward behaviour. So far, Bruce’s promise to be a great husband and father held firm.
Cousin Chloe was the perfect aunt-sitter, and having his wife well cared for made Gus a happy camper.
Bernie dealt with both estate agents and, after discussion with his sister and father, chose the second. A contract was signed.
In the street, Bernie spoke frankly to the chosen agent.
‘The reason we’re selling is pretty obvious. My Dad has health issues but now, sadly, so too does my Mum.’
‘I’m sorry,’ said the agent.
‘Can I ask that you tread carefully when bringing prospective buyers to the house? Our cousin is living here, so please give her, or me or my sister, plenty of warning before you arrive.’
‘No problem. We’ll be super sensitive. I’m in charge of the sale, and I’ll make my colleagues fully aware of your situation.’
‘Thanks,’ said Bernie and meant it. He switched on his phone. ‘Sorry, I’ve gotta fly. I have a date with a gorgeous girl, and need to call a cab.’
‘Where are you heading?’
‘Richmond.’
‘Perfect. I live in Cremorne, and I’m heading home. Jump in.’
‘That’s great,’ said Bernie checking his watch. He had 20 minutes so sent her a text.
On way. See u soon.
He wanted to put an x or an o or both but decided against it.
Maybe she’s taking me out to dinner to say thanks, and doesn’t fancy me at all.
The car pulled up by the Dimmey’s mural. Bernie shook hands with the agent, and felt excited. The agent came across as a real pro, and Kate’s smile gave Bernie’s heartbeat a serious boost.
The couple strolled along Swan Street, and chose Chinese. The food was great and the girl even better. Bernie spoke naturally. He didn’t try to impress but he did, and that made him even happier.
They chatted about work. Kate was a Sydneysider who followed her boyfriend to Melbourne. Bernie’s stomach lurched at the word boyfriend.
‘But things didn’t work out,’ said Kate. ‘He’s back in Sin City, and I’ve decided to try my luck in Melbourne.’
‘His loss,’ said Bernie, and meant it.
There was a pause as they looked into each other’s eyes.
‘I’m staying in a hotel off Bridge Road before moving in with my cousin, who is about to lose her flat mate.’
Bernie liked the use of the female pronoun.
‘And you spoke with Josh in Marketing?’
‘Yes, and I have an appointment next week. He sounds really nice.’
Bernie had a flash of Josh’s rampant womanizing. ‘Oh he is.’
‘So tell me about your work, Bernie. Are you a boffin who lives in a laboratory, and teases mice?’
Bernie laughed. He felt good. He wanted to talk about his work. He wanted Kate to like him, to find him interesting and fun. His mind buzzed but confusion reigned.
My work is boring. The only exciting thing I’ve done is create a new drug, which might make a person do good rather than bad. In short, I may have made an amazing scientific breakthrough. Or
not.
But Bernie couldn’t speak about that. He kept hearing Annuska’s warning about spies, so he stuck to the standard script. Kate seemed interested, and asked questions.
Ah, but is she just being polite?
They finished their meal, Kate paid, leaving Bernie feeling a tad awkward, and he offered to walk her home.
‘But you live that way,’ she said, pointing south.
‘True but I need the exercise,’ said Bernie. They wandered along Swan Street, and headed up Lennox.
They talked about family, and Bernie found himself opening up about his folks. It must have been Kate’s friendly nature or her ability to listen, because by the time they reached the hotel, she knew everything about Gus and his wheelchair, and Daphne’s dementia.
‘Your parents are lucky to have such a caring son as you, Bernie,’ she said and leant forward and kissed his cheek.
Wow. Move, my son; keep the action flowing.
Before he could initiate any follow-up activity, Kate got in first.
‘Are you interested in art?’
‘Ah,’ Bernie struggled.
‘There’s an exhibition I want to see, and I’m going tomorrow. It might not be your cup of tea but …’
‘I’d love to come,’ said Bernie, his adrenalin getting busy.
‘It’s just over the river off Chapel Street. I’ll be walking so can pick you up if you like. How does three o’clock sound?’
‘Sounds great,’ said Bernie. He told her his address. ‘And thanks for the meal.’
‘It’s the least I could do. Till tomorrow. Good night.’ She smiled, blew him a kiss, and disappeared into the foyer.
Bernie waved, and walked home. His mind got busy.
How do you read the mind of someone you find attractive? She asked for a second date. But is that because I helped her get work? I’m hardly Bachelor of the Year, more Bachelor of the Wet Weekend.
First thing on Saturday morning, Bernie went to his see his folks. The agent, called Jackson, had a couple who were very interested in the property, and wanted to inspect at 11.
They loved the Slim home, and with Madeline there, plus Chloe keeping her aunt and uncle happy, the inspection was a breeze. Later, the agent got Bernie and his sister alone.