by Cenarth Fox
Luca pressed the paper against the outside door. Ralph quietly rejoiced.
I’m back in the game.
Both doors opened, and Luca strolled in.
‘This time I’ll have coffee, Mister Barista.’
Ralph glared, but did as ordered.
The man is a moronic criminal, but bloody hell, he’s got the formula. Don’t ask why, just take it.
While the coffee brewed, Ralph returned to his sitting room.
‘You liar,’ scoffed Luca, pointing to the scene from Breaking Bad.
Ralph picked up the remote, and killed the screen.
‘Let me see the formula,’ demanded the CEO.
Luca held it back. ‘Say please.’
Ralph snatched the paper, and read.
‘So?’ asked Luca. ‘Can you understand it?’
‘Almost. I have a PhD in science, majoring in chemistry, and you, knuckle dragger, have shit for brains.’
Whoa! Ralph does have a death wish. Luca’s body language screamed anger. He stood over Ralph. ‘Is that the right formula?’
‘Yes and no.’
Luca dribbled. ‘What the fuck does that mean?’
‘You’ve been sold a pup, Wog Boy. Big Pharma use this formula every day. This ain’t new.’
‘Y’mean it’s useless?’
‘Not if you’ve got a headache. It’s a formula for migraines.’
Luca fought to control himself. He snatched the piece of paper, and shaped to smash the CEO. Furious, he stormed out leaving doors open.
Ralph followed him calling. ‘Were you born in a tent?’
The CEO no longer cared what anyone thought of him.
Luca seethed.
That scientist is gunna give me that formula.
Bernie battled through a Balaclava garden jungle. He reached the front door and knocked. Lights came on and, in dressing gowns, Annuska and Dorothy opened the door.
‘Come in, darling boy, come in.’
Bernie carried two items — an overnight bag, and a cat basket.
In a cab, 20 minutes earlier, he rang with the message that his ‘love life was crushed’. Annuska ordered him to attend forthwith.
He indicated the cat basket. ‘I’m worried about Albert. I didn’t bring a litter tray.’
Dorothy turned practical. Within minutes a cardboard box, some newspaper, and soil from the vege patch, appeared in the laundry. Done.
Back in the lounge room, the women craved news. He spoke softly.
‘Ladies, it’s bad. The enemy is within. My girlfriend is a spy.’
‘Kate?’ gasped Dorothy. Bernie nodded.
The women were stunned. ‘What’s happened?’ whispered Annuska.
‘Before I explain, may I ask if you have ever discussed my invention?’
‘All the time,’ said Annuska.
‘And where do these discussions take place?’
‘Usually in bed,’ said Dorothy. ‘It’s our ritual to chat about things before going to sleep.’
Bernie put a finger to his lips, stood and beckoned. They went to the bedroom. The women watched Bernie explore under the bed, on top of the wardrobe, behind the dressing table, and finally, on the windowsill.
Kate had pulled the same trick twice. There, in an indoor plant, Bernie produced a listening device. The women stared, speechless.
Bernie removed the batteries, put the device in a padded envelope, then inside a drawer, and closed it. The trio repaired to the lounge room where Bernie told all.
‘I am so sorry, ladies. Kate bugged my home and yours too. Please, forgive me.’
‘I am the fool, the big, big fool,’ groaned Annuska.
‘It must have been when she used the loo,’ despaired Dorothy.
Bernie told them everything — seeing Kate in the Botanic Gardens with the Hyphen, her Sydney lies, her fake then real listening device in Bernie’s home, and the piece de resistance, the criminal and the unknown old folks in his parents’ former home. The women despaired.
‘I told you this from the start, Bernard. Labcope is a den of wipers.’
‘Vipers,’ murmured Dorothy, stressed at their situation.
Annuska began to cry. ‘And you gave the criminal the formula.’
‘Not quite. There is some good news.’
When Bernie explained how he gave the criminal a headache formula, the black mood lightened a little. Annuska took control.
‘They will try again, Bernard. You are right to come here.’
‘Thank you, Annuska, and you too Dorothy.’
Annuska spoke in a manner serious. ‘I would invite you to share our bed, only Dorothy snores, and besides, she is a very jealous woman.’
The sudden silence puzzled Bernie.
Me, sleep in the same bed as Annuska and Dorothy?
The women grinned then giggled, and, for the first time in ages, Bernie joined them in laughing with gusto.
But they knew the situation was serious. ‘Ladies, if there’s been a listening device here, then my boss, the Labcope CEO who hired Kate, must know this address. I’m so sorry. I may have put you both in danger.’
The gloomy mood returned. Bernie checked the windows and doors. Annuska fetched a kitchen broom, and waved it. She did Winston proud.
‘We shall fight on the beaches. We shall fight in the fields and in the streets. We shall never surrender,’ she declared.
‘Normally she rides that,’ chipped Dorothy.
Their laughter sounded hollow, and eventually everyone retired.
Bernie slept alone. His usual sleeping partner, Albert, made do with the laundry. Both struggled in their new setting, but had they been in downtown Cremorne, things might have been far worse.
After fuming at his restaurant, Luca drove Animal back to Hawthorn and then to Cremorne. Both houses were black and empty.
Animal offered a suggestion. ‘You want me to firebomb ‘em?’
Luca snapped. ‘Will you forget the bloody violence? We want the formula, not the cops.’
‘So whadda we do?’
Luca drove south. ‘We’ll give that CEO prick a slap. He’s hiding something. I’ll tell him I have the real formula. He’ll let me in, and then you rush him.’
‘Slappedy, slappedy, slap,’ grinned Animal.
They parked in The Righi where Luca explained.
‘Just remember, we need him to talk. Okay?’
Animal didn’t answer.
‘Animal?’
‘Sorry boss. Yeah, ah, I feel a bit crook.’
Luca didn’t care. The South Yarra wise guy would know where to find Slim, and Slim would hand over that formula — or else.
‘Shut up and get out of the car.’
They headed to Ralph’s abode. Suddenly Luca was alone. He turned and saw Animal leaning on an expensive car.
‘Jesus, Animal, stop muckin’ about.’ Luca went and grabbed him.
‘I’m sorry, boss, I feel shithouse.’
Luca shook Animal who collapsed on the car setting off its alarm.
‘Oh, for fuck’s sake,’ hissed Luca, dragging Animal back to their car. House lights came on, and locals appeared as Luca drove away sans headlights.
Did they see my number plate?
One local sticky-beak was Ralph Hetherington-Smythe.
In an angry silence, Luca drove Animal home. His Preston weatherboard was sad and dark, with no family inside or out.
‘Get some sleep. I’ll call you, tomorrow,’ said Luca. ‘Be ready.’ The words, “I hope you’re okay” or “Get some rest,” remained unspoken.
Luca drove away leaving Animal in the street. The thug sat in the gutter, his face in his hands.
Jesus, my head is killing me.
18
ALBERT MEOWED. Breakfast in Balaclava did not appeal.
I want my old smells.
Bernie felt safer at Annuska and Dorothy’s place, especially now that Kate’s listening device was kaput, but he knew things needed sorting. His conscience drug inventi
on threatened to explode.
‘I’ll be a tad late tonight, ladies,’ he told the women at breakfast. ‘I have to check on my folks in their new nursing home.’
Annuska worried. ‘I think we need a big talk, young man. This situation cannot continue.’
‘I know, and if it’s okay, I’d like to stay here to look after you ladies; just until everything is sorted.’
‘You are a gentleman, Bernie Slim,’ said Dot. ‘And we’re very grateful.’
‘We are. But your wonderful drug has grown to a life of its own,’ said Annuska. ‘Now we have spies, criminals and worse, the government.’
Bernie nodded. He knew it was serious.
‘I understand,’ he said. ‘Tonight we talk.’
He spent time with Albert, said his goodbyes, and set off for work.
Luca counted cash at home. With Murphy finished, Luca’s drug empire boomed, and this money would be “washed” in his restaurant tonight.
His mother appeared. ‘You’ve got a visitor.’
Luca looked through the new reinforced-glass window, and saw Animal standing by the front gate. Luca buzzed his lackey inside.
‘I told you to be ready, not to come here.’
‘It’s important, boss.’
They went to Luca’s study.
‘You look like shit. What’s up?’
‘There is no easy way to tell you, boss.’ He paused. Luca stopped counting, and looked at Animal. ‘I gotta quit.’
Luca sat stunned. ‘What?
‘You remember how crook I got last night. Today I’m totally ratshit.’
‘What’s wrong with you?’
‘I dunno.’
‘You quit, and you’re dead.’
‘I gotta quit.’
‘You’ve gotta death wish.’
‘You don’t need me. I’ll be a gardener. Lots of work around, boss.
‘A gardener!?’
‘I’m sorry for all them people I hurt, boss. And I need to find ‘em and apologise.’
‘Apologise? You can’t even spell it.’ Luca twigged. ‘Hang on, hang on.’
‘Geez, my head hurts.’
‘Have you got this conscience disease?’
Animal shrugged; ignorance being his strength. ‘Dunno, boss.’
‘You have. What happened in that house with the scientist?’
‘Nothin’. He give me the formula, and I left.’
‘Did you eat or drink anything?’
Big pause.
‘You idiot. What did you eat?’
‘Nothing.’
‘If you’re lyin’, I’ll kill you.’
‘I might have had a beer.’
‘In a bottle?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Did you open the bottle?’
‘No. He did.’
‘Did you see him open the bottle?’
Big pause.
Luca grabbed Animal’s shirt, and roared. He wanted to grab Animal’s throat. ‘You’ve been drugged, you fucken moron.’
Animal looked like he wanted to cry.
‘Please boss, I wanna go back to bein’ a gardener. I can get work with me brother.’
‘You wanna confess to murder.’
‘No, boss, no way.’
‘You can’t help yourself.’
‘I can, I know I can.’
‘The only way to stop the headaches is to blab to the people you bashed.’ Luca screamed in frustration. ‘To Murphy’s mob!’
‘I’d never do that, boss, never, never, I swear.’
‘Too bloody right you won’t. I’ll fucken kill you first.’
‘Help me, boss, please. You’ve gotta help me.’
Luca had a problem. A blabbing Animal on the loose would be trouble. He thought aloud.
‘I’ll fix it. I’ll find that scientist and get something to fix the pain.’
‘Yes, please boss, please.’
‘Get home and stay there. Speak to anyone, and I’ll kill you.’
Luca pushed him towards the front door.
‘Thanks, boss. But hurry up will ya?’
‘There’s gotta be a drug to reverse the drug. I’ll get it. Now go!’
Jessica answered her phone. It was the nurse caring for Genevieve.
‘Janet? How are things in Lorne?’
‘Bad news Premier. She’s gone.’
‘What?’
‘Your Chief of Staff has escaped.’
Jessica went walkabout.
‘I told you to never let her out of your sight.’
‘It was only a few seconds.’
‘Where is she?’
‘Don’t know. We set off for the beach, and at the gate, she said she’d forgotten her hat. She didn’t return so I checked, and that was it.’
‘And?’
‘I think she caught a cab to Melbourne.’
Like Luca, Jessica screamed in frustration.
Luca rang the Premier on her personal mobile.
‘Mr Parisi, what a coincidence. I was about to call you.’
‘We have a problem.’
‘Join the club.’
‘We need a meet, madam. Still no missing item, and now the problem has spread.’
‘Comprende. So, we meet in my carpark in 30 minutes. Be there.’
Jessica’s bad mood grew darker. Her best friend had gone rogue. If Genevieve confessed her sins, most of which involved the Premier, Jessica was a dead woman walking.
To make a bad situation worse, the only person who could fix the problem was the problem.
Only Genevieve can fix Genevieve.
Jessica phoned the top cop in the state of Victoria.
‘We have a serious problem, Chief Commissioner. Can you be in my office in 45 minutes?’
He could.
Was Jessica insane? She chose to deal with the law and the lawless, with the lawkeeper and the lawbreaker. Surely that way madness lies.
But that’s how I’ve always worked. I walk the tightrope. Take risks. I tackle a massive problem with a massive solution. None of this tip-toe-around-the-edge crap. I always attack head on.
Mind you, any political journalist would give their texting thumb for the scoop on this tale. The headlines wrote themselves.
Top Cop arrests Drug Boss in Premier’s carpark
Or
Drug Boss shoots Top Cop in Premier’s office.
Jessica met Luca underground. The conspirators moved to a corner of the car park. Cue the Deep Throat setting. She spoke first.
‘My Chief of Staff has escaped.’
‘Snap,’ said Luca, and Jessica thought he was taking the piss until he explained Animal’s situation. Luca explained Animal’s back-story.
‘We trapped the bloke who invented the drug, but he tricked Animal who drank a spiked beer. Now the stupid bastard wants to confess to multiple assaults, and murder, plus the odd kidnap. If he blabs, I won’t be finding your formula, ma’am, I won’t be in the country.’
‘Well my drugged Chief of Staff was under wraps until today. Now she’s free and nobody knows where. If the press gets a sniff, I’m history.’
‘You could be my friend in low places.’
The man has half a wit, thought Jessica, who made a special request.
‘I don’t suppose your man could remove my woman, with you sending your boy to join the fishes?’
It took Luca a few seconds to understand the request.
Did the Premier just ask me to have two people knocked?
‘I can’t believe I’m in this conversation,’ he said.
‘So tell me,’ she said. ‘How can we save our respective bacons?’
‘Skip the country.’
Neither knew what to say. Their careers, their lives were in the hands of people who’d consumed a drug manufactured by a slightly overweight cat-lover keen on cinnamon doughnuts. Bizarre didn’t even come close.
‘We might be okay if there’s an antidote,’ said Jessica.
‘I thought of that,’ sa
id Luca. ‘We kill the effects of the original drug.’
‘Saves a shootout,’ said Jessica, who had never even touched a firearm.
‘But does an antidote exist?’
‘Everything points to Slim,’ she said. ‘You capture him; force him to hand over the drug and formula, and hopefully, its antidote.’
‘I told you, we tried that using his old folks as hostages.’
‘And?’
‘He pulled down our pants.’
‘What about bribes, or threats to other family members, lovers, pets, treasured possessions?’
Luca admired the thinking of the politician.
‘When you give up politics, Premier, you can come and work for me.’
Jessica grew impatient. She hated Luca being relaxed.
‘We’re running out of time. Put Slim under pressure. Make him sing.’
‘Right, and that’s your only idea?’
‘No. I’ve got a friend of yours upstairs. Apart from you setting up a hit squad, the Chief Commissioner looks like my only option.’
Luca’s jaw collapsed. ‘You are kidding?’
‘Desperate times, Luciano, desperate measures.’
‘You’ve got the crims and the cops working on the same job?’
‘I thought I’d call the two-pronged special op, Get Bernie.’
Luca shook his head. He wanted the formula of Bernie’s drug. He could make a squillion blackmailing anyone with power or money. He could impress the 'Ndrangheta in Calabria. But could he trust the Premier? He made a demand.
‘I’ll consider your snuff movie, but I control the whole operation.’
She looked at him, and shook her head. ‘No way, Jose. You look after the boat rentals, and I’ll run the army.’ She pointed at him. ‘You head-kicker, me mastermind.’
He watched as she walked away. No one from The Washington Post huddled in the shadows.
The Chief Commissioner was decidedly middle-of-the-road. He had no academic record, no study trips to Harvard, was never fast tracked, just old-fashioned policing in country Victoria with steady progress through the ranks. Steady hand summed up Raymond Constable Metcalfe.
Jokes about his middle name ran forever.
‘He’s a cop called Constable.’
It was his mother’s maiden name.
Ray was already in the job when Jessica became Premier. They enjoyed a few cordial meetings but were hardly intimates. Jessica had no idea how to broach her delicate problem, and more importantly, how the man might respond.