The Bird Market of Paris

  I have not had a drink since that disgusting red beer in Paris on July 9, 2001, and I hope to never have another drink, one day at a time—Poppy would be proud of that, too. Changing my life in that way, breaking the habit, wasn’t easy at first, but now drinking is a glimmer of a memory—a bad memory—and I don’t want to go back.

  I regret not having gone to Poppy’s funeral, for not being an adult at twenty-five but rather a sheltered girl who feared retribution and failed to realize her own power. All these years later, I have never been to Poppy’s grave. I miss Poppy every day, his advice, his magic tricks, our inside jokes. I still carry a lock of his hair inside T. S. Eliot’s Collected Poems and I conjure him every time I read “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock”:

  Do I dare

  Disturb the universe?

  In a minute there is time

  For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.

  I don’t know if I’ll ever visit Poppy’s cemetery plot. I don’t like thinking of him in the ground, only a plaque bearing his name to indicate he was ever here. It’s not fair. It disturbs the universe. I know Poppy wouldn’t want me sobbing over his grave, dressed in dark colors, neglecting life to mourn him. He’d want me eating banana splits and French fries at Swensen’s, laughing with friends, and communing with birds. I think of Poppy when I see pigeons and doves, the harbingers of peace—and I wonder if he’s sending them to me, reminding me that where there’s life, there’s hope—and where there are wings, there is freedom.

  Acknowledgments

  Thank you to Holt, Gillian Blake, and everyone who worked on this book, especially my patient editor, Barbara Jones, who helped whittle this manuscript into a pleasing bird shape out of an entire unwieldy flock.

  I’d like to thank the National Endowment for the Arts, without whom this book would not have been possible.

  Thanks to my very first readers for their thoughtful consideration and notes on this story: Tracey Auspitz, Jacqueline Burns, Margaret Finn, Cheryl Fournier, Ramona Hand, Matthew Kurzban, Carol Matthews, Ed Morgan, Saryta Rodriguez, Eleni Russell, Beverly Wixon, and especially fellow South Florida writer Leonard Nash, whose multiple readings and enduring guidance helped both to improve this manuscript and settle my nerves. I can’t thank you all enough.

  Thank you to Patty Busby, a fellow graduate student at NYU, who said to me, upon hearing my idea for this book and reading a small part of it in workshop: “This isn’t just going to be a book about birds. This is a love story between a girl and her grandfather.” Your lightbulb moment became the spark that lit this story.

  Thank you to my parents for indulging me in birds and allowing me to pursue my avian zeal, despite the noise, chewed furniture, and millet growing out of the carpeting.

  Thanks to everyone who appeared in this book—you are the threads that make up the fabric of these pages. Thank you, too, to those outside of these pages who bolstered me through the writing of this book, which was harrowing at times and ecstatic at others.

  Finally, with the utmost respect and love, I give a mountain range of gratitude for Joy Tutela, my tenacious and brilliant agent—part disciplinarian, part therapist, part cheerleader—without whom this book would not have wings.

  About the Author

  NIKKI MOUSTAKI is the author of twenty-five books on the care and training of exotic birds. She holds an MA in creative writing, poetry, from New York University, an MFA in creative writing, poetry, from Indiana University, and an MFA in creative writing, fiction, from New York University. She has received a National Endowment for the Arts grant in poetry, as well as many other national writing awards. She splits her time between New York City and Miami Beach. You can find her at www.nikkimoustaki.com.

  THE BIRD MARKET OF PARIS.

  Copyright © 2014 by Nikki Moustaki.

  All rights reserved. For information, address

  Henry Holt and Co.,

  175 Fifth Avenue,

  New York, N.Y. 10010.

  www.henryholt.com

  Cover art by Jamie Connel

  Cover bird art © CSA Images

  eBooks may be purchased for business or promotional use. For information on bulk purchases, please contact Macmillan Corporate and Premium Sales Department by writing to [email protected].

  The Library of Congress has cataloged the print edition as follows:

  Moustaki, Nikki, 1970–

  The bird market of Paris: a memoir / Nikki Moustaki.—First edition.

  pages cm

  ISBN 978-0-8050-9651-4 (hardback)—ISBN 978-0-8050-9652-1 (electronic book)

  1. Moustaki, Nikki, 1970—Childhood and youth. 2. Moustaki, Nikki, 1970—Family. 3. Moustaki, Nikki, 1970—Travel—France—Paris. 4. Americans—France—Paris—Biography. 5. Young women—France—Paris—Biography. 6. Cage birds—France—Paris. 7. Markets—France—Paris. 8. Redemption. 9. Alcoholics—United States—Biography. 10. Women authors, American—Biography. I. Title.

  CT275.M673A3 2015

  810.9'9287—dc23 2014012310

  e-ISBN 9780805096521

  First Edition: February 2015