by Pamela Evans
He’d been wonderful. So helpful to her and kind to the children. Her brow creased into a frown as a wave of nausea forced her to wonder how he would feel if he knew she was expecting a baby.
It was only the last few days she had faced up to the fact that she was pregnant. She’d put the sickness and exhaustion down to the stress of Mick’s departure, which had left her too stunned to keep proper track of her periods. Even when she’d realised she had missed, it was easier to put it down to tension rather than confront the real problem. Because, from a purely practical viewpoint, another baby was a major disaster and Jane didn’t know how she was going to manage. But for all that, she wanted it so much. It made her feel as though she hadn’t lost Mick altogether, somehow, having his child growing inside her.
Had she realised her condition before she’d moved into the flat, she would have been honest with Mr Ashton. But at that time, the biggest problem in her life had been getting the children housed and the symptoms hadn’t been identified. Now she was putting off telling her landlord in case he asked her to leave.
After all, having two entertaining children of a civilised age in your house was one thing; having a brand new baby with all the attendant noise and chaos was quite another. But the children were so happy here at Lang Road, she was loath to uproot them again. And there was no need to say anything to Mr Ashton for a while yet. She wasn’t even four months down the road if her reckoning was correct and she had conceived on the night of Davey’s birthday party.
She didn’t intend telling anyone until it became embarrassing not to. Her father was going to be very upset. This would be yet another stick to beat Mick with. Leaving a wife with two children was bad enough; add pregnancy to the scenario and her normally even-tempered father would explode.
Thinking of her father recalled her to the present for they were going to visit him this afternoon for tea, calling in on Marie on the way. Jane finished the dishes and went down to the garden where she found Davey and Pip kneeling on the grass stroking the tummy of Tibs, Mr Ashton’s marmalade cat, who was rolling around on his back with his paws in the air, purring.
‘Time to come in and get ready, you two,’ she said, the sunshine feeling pleasantly warm on her face.
‘Do we have to come in?’ asked Davey.
‘Yes.’
‘Why?’ put in Pip.
‘’Cause we’re going to see Granddad and you have to get ready,’ Jane explained.
‘Can we take Tibs with us?’ asked Pip.
‘No, darling.’
‘Why?’
‘He’d get lost,’ put in Mr Ashton helpfully. Tall and thin, dressed in a baggy brown sweater and corduroy trousers, he was standing on the lawn, resting his rake on the ground.
Davey squinted up at him. ‘Why?’
‘Because he’d go off somewhere. You can’t stop cats straying like you can dogs. And cats can’t find their way home when they’re in a strange place. They have to have time to get to know the area.’
‘Oh. We’d better not take him then,’ said Davey, convinced.
‘Indoors, quick,’ said Jane, clapping her hands and smiling. ‘We’re going to see Roy and Melanie on the way to Granddad’s.’
That got them moving. They trotted to the back door and Jane removed their muddy shoes in the small lobby, whereupon they ran into the house, squealing with high spirits and trying to beat each other up the stairs to the flat.
‘Thank you for being so patient with them, Mr Ashton,’ she said from the back door. ‘It’s very kind of you.’
He walked towards her and leaned the rake against the wall of the house.
‘It’s a pleasure, my dear,’ he said. ‘I enjoy having them around. They’re nice kiddies.’
She glowed. A compliment to her children was always more appreciated than one to herself.
‘Thank you.’
‘They seem to have settled in very well here,’ he remarked, walking towards the back door.
‘We all have,’ she said, stepping into the kitchen so that he could get into the lobby. ‘It’s so much better for all of us, including my father.’
‘Good.’
‘How about you?’ she enquired conversationally. ‘Are you happy with us as tenants?’
He nodded.
‘No complaints about the housework then?’
‘None at all, my dear,’ he said. ‘It’s all worked out very well.’
He took his gardening shoes off, left them in the lobby and put on his slippers. From upstairs came the thunder of running feet.
She raised her eyes.
‘I hope that racket doesn’t bother you too much?’ she said, moving towards the door to the hall which stood open.
‘Not at all.’
‘That’s good.’ Jane was finding it difficult to get away because he seemed to want to chat. It wasn’t the first time this had happened and she guessed he was very lonely.
‘It’s just youthful high spirits.’
‘I’m glad you see it that way,’ she said, inching nearer to the doorway. ‘Anyway, I must be going . . . I have to get the children looking presentable for visiting. Dad likes to see them on a Sunday.’
‘He’s a lucky man,’ said Mr Ashton wistfully. ‘To have grandchildren.’
‘You don’t have a family, then?’
‘No. My wife and I would have liked children but they just didn’t come along.’
‘That’s a shame.’ She was beginning to feel really uncomfortable. He seemed so terribly sad and alone. Some sixth sense warned her not to be too sympathetic, though. There was something about him that gave her the creeps. ‘I’ll be off, then. See you . . .’
As she turned to go, he passed her on his way to his living room and brushed against her, lingering for a moment, stroking her bottom. Stunned, she moved away quickly, cheeks flaming.
‘You keep your hands to yourself!’ she said, but he was already walking away.
‘Mr Ashton,’ she called, feeling that she couldn’t let the matter pass.
Turning, he said casually, ‘What is it, my dear?’
‘You heard what I said.’
‘Did I do something to offend you?’ he asked innocently.
‘You know very well you did.’
‘I’m sorry, did I nearly knock you over in my hurry to get past?’ he said. ‘There’s something I don’t want to miss on the radio.’
He was so convincing, she thought she must have imagined it.
‘It’s always a bit of a squash in this hallway,’ he continued briskly. ‘I do apologise.’
And before she could say another word, he disappeared into his living room and closed the door, leaving her feeling embarrassed for having overreacted.
Surely she must have misjudged his intentions? she told herself on the way upstairs as she replayed the incident in her mind. Mr Ashton was a perfect gentleman, he wouldn’t have deliberately touched her up. It must have happened accidentally.
The celibate life is giving you delusions, Jane admonished herself, and hurried up to the flat to get the children washed and changed. But she felt uneasy just the same.
Finally she resolved to put it out of her mind. She had quite enough real problems to cope with, without imagining more.
Chapter Five
In common with people all over the world, Jane and Marie were deeply affected by the disaster in Wales when a slag heap slipped down a hillside, burying the local school and killing a hundred and sixteen children and twenty-eight adults.
‘When you’ve kids of your own, it really brings something like that home to you, doesn’t it?’ said Marie to Jane one wet and windy morning in late-autumn soon after the tragedy, when the two women were having coffee and a chat in Jane’s kitchen.
‘Makes me want to weep every time I think about it,’ she said, spooning instant coffee into mugs on the makeshift worktop.
‘The one place you do expect your children to be safe is at school,’ said Marie, sitting at the kitchen table.
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Jane nodded in agreement.
‘A major disaster like that makes your own problems seem small in comparison, doesn’t it?’
‘Compared to the people of Aberfan, we don’t have any.’
‘Well, actually,’ began Jane hesitantly, turning to face her friend, ‘I have something to tell you . . . something you might see as a problem for me.’
‘Oh?’
‘I’m pregnant.’
The howling wind and rain lashing against the kitchen window filled the silence as Marie digested this news.
‘Well, I can’t pretend it isn’t a bit of a shock,’ she said at last, in a low voice because the children were next-door in the living room and the kitchen door was open.
‘It was to me too!’
‘Since Mick’s been away for four months, you must be quite far gone?’
‘Yes, I am. I only admitted it to myself a couple of weeks ago, though,’ said Jane, leaning against the sink unit waiting for the kettle to boil.
‘That must be why you’ve been off colour lately?’
‘And I was putting it down to stress.’ Distractedly, she ran her fingers through hair that had grown out of its stylish bouffant and now hung heavy and uneven to her shoulders. ‘I suppose I just didn’t want to face up to the truth.’
‘Too late to do anything about it now,’ said Marie.
‘I wouldn’t anyway,’ said Jane, shocked at the suggestion.
‘All right. No need to jump down my throat,’ said Marie. ‘I was only thinking how difficult it’s going to be for you in the circumstances.’
‘Oh, it’ll be that all right,’ she said, quickly adding, ‘can you keep it to yourself for the moment? I don’t want my dad to know until he has to. He’ll be worried to death.’
‘I suppose you must be a bit miffed about it yourself.’
‘I was when I first realised ’cause of the sheer worry of having another mouth to feed. And I daren’t even think about how I’m gonna keep my job at the factory with a new baby to look after,’ she confessed. ‘But I’m thrilled to bits now that I’m used to the idea. Makes me feel as though Mick’s still a part of my life.’
Marie was worried about her friend. She’d been through so much and looked permanently pale and exhausted. She had coped with the trauma of Mick’s leaving better than anyone had expected, considering the fact that she and her husband had been like one person. The way Mick had protected her and made her so dependent on him, it was a wonder she hadn’t fallen apart. But she’d kept her head and been strong for the children. Marie was full of admiration for her. A new baby, though. How would she stand up to the added problems that would bring?
‘It won’t be easy for you, though, Jane,’ said Marie gravely.
‘I know . . . but I’ll manage.’
‘I’ll do what I can to help, of course.’
‘Thanks, Marie.’ Tears sprang to her eyes at the warmth of the other woman’s friendship. ‘I don’t know what I’d have done without you this last few months.’
‘I’m only too pleased to help,’ she said. ‘It’s the least I can do since my brother isn’t where he should be.’ She paused, shaking her head. ‘My God, he’s got a lot to answer for! Just wait till I get my hands on him. I’ll throttle him!’
Jane threw her a sharp look. ‘There isn’t much likelihood of your ever being able to do that, though, is there?’
‘He’ll be back.’
‘You reckon?’
‘Oh, yes.’
‘What makes you so sure?’
‘Being around the two of you since your very first date, I suppose,’ said Marie thoughtfully. ‘I’ve never seen a man so much in love with a woman as Mick has always been with you. I’d almost go so far as to say he was obsessed.’
‘Which makes his going away even more of a blow to me.’
‘Yes, I can understand that.’ Marie pondered a moment. ‘But that sort of feeling doesn’t just disappear. He’ll be back as soon as he’s got things sorted. There’s no way he’d stay away from you and the kids permanently.’
‘You seem certain that I’d take him back?’ Jane commented evenly.
‘That’s because the two of you are a natural pair,’ said Marie. ‘You belong together.’
‘I know you and Mick have always been very close, Marie, and it’s hard for you to see any wrong in him,’ said Jane reasonably, ‘but it was a rotten thing to do, running out on me.’
‘You don’t have to tell me that! As I’ve said, I could kill him for what he’s done to you. But I still think that what you and he have between you is very special and worth hanging on to.’
‘I always thought so, too, and that makes it even harder to bear.’
Jane turned away and made the coffee to hide the fact that she was struggling against tears as the pain of missing him cut deep, intensified by the new life growing inside her. The kitchen felt damp and smelled musty, the windows steamy and running with condensation. The poky little room had an ugly old gas cooker and kitchen fittings consisting of one bent and crooked formica top next to the sink. Thoughts of how different this was from the luxury kitchen Jane had grown used to inevitably led to memories of her life with Mick, adding to her wretchedness. Biting back the tears, she added milk to the coffee, determined not to break down and cry in front of Marie because she didn’t want to upset her.
‘Anyway, despite all the practical problems it will cause, I really do want this baby,’ she said, putting two mugs of coffee on the table and sitting down opposite Marie.
‘In that case, I’m pleased as well,’ she said, reaching across the table and giving Jane’s hand a friendly pat.
‘I don’t know how my landlord will feel about it, though,’ said Jane with a wry grin. ‘He seems happy enough having Davey and Pip in the house, but I’m not sure how he’ll feel about having a new baby about the place.’
‘Another baby will move you up the council waiting list, if he does give you notice, though,’ Marie pointed out hopefully.
‘That’s true.’ Jane sighed. ‘But this place suits me for the moment because paying such a low rent means I can feed us without tearing my hair out. It will be a bit crowded when the baby comes, but it won’t be too bad until it starts running around.’
‘And you don’t find Mr Ashton’s housework too much?’
‘It’s no trouble at all. He’s out all day so I do it in my own time.’ She paused. ‘I told you he lets me use his washing machine, didn’t I?’
‘Yeah, you do that while he’s out too, I suppose?’
Jane nodded.
‘It’s almost like having my own house during the week,’ she said. ‘And I try not to get in his way in the evenings and at weekends.’ She paused thoughtfully. ‘Though he often seems to want to chat to me. He’s a lonely old boy . . . never seems to have any visitors.’
‘He seems like a real gent, from the little I’ve seen of him,’ said Marie who had met him when she and Eddie helped Jane to move in.
‘I thought he was a groper the other day,’ she said lightly. ‘He brushed past me in the hall and I thought he’d touched me up.’
‘He didn’t, though, did he?’ asked Marie, sounding concerned.
‘No, ’course not. He touched me accidentally as he passed and I started imagining things.’
‘So long as he didn’t,’ said Marie seriously. ‘’Cause you can’t stay under the same roof as someone who’s that way inclined, no matter how convenient it is.’
‘He’s harmless enough,’ said Jane. ‘I just hope he doesn’t notice my waistline thickening, for the time being.’
‘Make sure you wear baggy clothes until you’re ready for people to know.’
‘Don’t worry, I will, not least to keep it from the parents. They’re gonna do their nuts when they know there’s another baby on the way,’ said Jane. ‘Except, perhaps, for your mum who never makes a fuss about anything.’
‘A fully trained doormat,’ said Marie.
‘Tha
t isn’t very kind.’
‘It’s true, though. I’m always telling her to be more assertive. But she’s let Dad walk all over her for so long, she seems to have lost the will to do anything else now.’
‘She’s nice, though.’
‘One of the best,’ agreed Marie. ‘She deserves more from life than waiting for Dad to come home so she can wait on him hand and foot.’
‘She seems happy enough doing it, though,’ remarked Jane.
‘Yeah, I suppose so.’ Marie gave her a warm look. ‘She’s ever so pleased you still take the children to see them.’
‘Why wouldn’t I?’ asked Jane. ‘They’re her grandchildren. ’
‘She thought you might turn against her and Dad, because of what Mick’s done?’
‘That’s the last thing I’d do,’ Jane assured her. ‘Mick’s a grown man. They’re not responsible for his actions.’
‘No . . . but he is their son and what he does reflects on them,’ she said. ‘They feel really bad about it. I do too, come to that.’
‘You’ve no need.’
‘Well, you know how it is with family.’
‘Yes, but in this case it isn’t necessary.’
‘My dad will have a field day when he hears about the baby,’ said Marie. ‘There’s nothing he likes better than finding fault with Mick. There’s always been friction between those two.’
‘Mick’s spent his whole life trying to impress your father.’
‘The trouble is, they can’t both be the centre of attention,’ said Marie.
They fell into a comfortable silence, drinking their coffee.
‘Of course, a new baby means you won’t be able to get a daytime job when Davey and Pip go to school, doesn’t it?’
‘Not for quite a while.’
‘I’m going to try to find some sort of employment once mine are off hand,’ said Marie. ‘But it isn’t quite as easy as you might think, not if you want something to fit in with school hours.’
‘Perhaps you could help with the dinners at the school?’