by Pamela Evans
‘Not immoral?’ said Mick cynically. ‘She was married to me and sleeping with you. You can’t get much more immoral than that, mate.’
‘The fact that she was married to you was only a technicality at that time,’ Giles solemnly pointed out. ‘You’d been gone for years, she wasn’t to know you’d ever come back. You could have been dead for all she knew.’
‘The bitch . . . the cheating bitch!’ said Mick, ignoring the other man’s comments. ‘She was lucky I didn’t kill her.’
‘Jane . . . oh my God!’ gasped Giles as the implication registered. ‘What have you done to her?’
Without waiting for a reply, and leaving Mick slumped against the wall, he rushed next-door.
Jane had locked the doors to keep Mick out while he was in such a violent mood. Feeling bruised and sore, she was in the kitchen bathing Davey’s cut lip when Giles knocked on the door, announcing himself at the same time.
‘He paid you a visit then?’ she said, noticing his dishevelled appearance. ‘Are you all right?’
‘I’m fine,’ he assured her. ‘It’s you I’m worried about ... and Davey.’
‘We’re okay,’ she said. ‘A bit shaken up but we’ll live.’
‘You’re more than just shaken up, both of you,’ he said, looking at the angry red marks on her face and Davey’s bleeding lip.
‘I’m sorry, Uncle Giles,’ he said. ‘It’s all my fault. I told Dad about you being Mum’s boyfriend. I didn’t mean to say anything. It just sort of came out. I’m sick of all the arguments . . . and seeing Mum so miserable. I just wanted everything to be nice like it used to be before he came back.’
‘Don’t worry about it, Davey,’ Giles reassured him.
‘It’s best out in the open anyway,’ said Jane. ‘I should have told your father when he first came back.’
‘How about you, Pip?’ asked Giles, looking at the girl who was sitting at the kitchen table looking very pale and sad. ‘Did he hit you too?’
‘Daddy would never hit me,’ she said emphatically, tears streaming down her cheeks. ‘He wouldn’t have hit Davey either if he hadn’t been so horrible to him.’
‘Come on now, Pip,’ said Jane, leaving Giles to finish seeing to Davey while she went to her daughter and put a comforting arm around the sobbing girl’s shoulders.
‘Leave me alone,’ she said, scrambling off her chair and staring at her mother with undisguised hatred.
‘Pip, calm down,’ said Jane gently.
‘This is all your fault.’ She stared at her mother and then at Giles. ‘And yours. You’ve hurt my dad and put him in a bad temper. That’s why he got rough. He wouldn’t have done it otherwise.’
And with that she stormed from the room and thundered upstairs.
‘God, what a mess,’ said Jane with a helpless shake of her head before she left the room to console Pip.
When she was halfway up the stairs, there was a knock at the front door. Had it not been for the fact that she had pulled the bolts across, Mick would have used his key.
She was tempted to ignore him and leave him outside. But the subdued way he had knocked indicated that his mood had become conciliatory. Anyway, there had to be a showdown some time. Things couldn’t go on as they had been. Not after what had happened here tonight.
There’s no time like the present, she thought, going down the stairs to open the door to her husband, full of trepidation.
Chapter Twenty One
‘But I’m not happy about leaving you here on your own with him,’ protested Giles a short time later as Jane ushered him firmly out of the back door.
‘I’ll be perfectly all right . . . don’t worry.’ The children were now in bed and Mick was sitting quietly in the living room, full of contrition. For all his faults, he’d never before been violent towards Jane. ‘He’s a lot calmer now.’
‘I think I should be here, even so.’
‘Thank you for being so caring, Giles,’ she said in a warm but firm manner. ‘But I’d rather you didn’t stay. Mick and I need to be on our own . . . to talk this thing through.’
‘It’s the police you should be talking to,’ he said, his gaze lingering on the strawberry-coloured marks and swellings Mick had left on her face. ‘About a charge of assault.’
‘Look . . . I know he probably deserves it but that isn’t the way to deal with this.’ She was adamant. ‘I’m not trying to make a martyr of myself, I just happen to believe that this is something Mick and I have to sort out between ourselves. Trust me, Giles . . . I know what I’m doing.’
‘But, Jane . . .’
‘Just go home and leave this to me, Giles . . . please.’
‘Oh, all right, if that’s what you really want,’ he agreed reluctantly. ‘But promise you’ll call me if he gets stroppy again? Just knock on the wall.’
‘ ’Course I will . . . and thanks for everything. You’ve been wonderful.’
‘There’s no need to thank me,’ he said, looking pale and strained. ‘Just make sure you call me if he starts to get nasty again.’
Having seen him off the premises, she hurried upstairs to make sure the children were asleep. Then she went into the living room, closed the door firmly behind her and settled down in a chair opposite Mick.
‘You’ll never know how much I wish I could turn the clock back, babe,’ he said, putting his head into his hands in despair. ‘I didn’t know what I was doing.’ He looked up at her bruised face with a sharp intake of breath. ‘I can’t believe I did that to you. I’ve never hit a woman before in my life.’
‘I know.’
‘What a mess.’
‘I’m glad to hear you admit it at last,’ she said. ‘Because our marriage is a mess and it isn’t going to get any better.’
‘You can’t be sure . . .’
‘Enough is enough, Mick,’ she cut in. ‘You and me staying together is destroying us all. It’s making you violent, and that isn’t the Mick I used to know.’
‘You want to be with him, don’t you?’ he said miserably.
‘Giles has nothing to do with this,’ she said. ‘Our marriage is over because we’ve grown apart. You must know that as well as I do, in your heart. You can’t honestly say you feel happy when you’re with me, can you?’
‘That’s only because you’ve changed so much,’ he muttered.
‘I can’t stop nature taking its course,’ she told him.
His face was grey and haggard, his eyes dull with pain.
‘I just can’t bear to think of you with another man,’ he said. ‘It was always us two. Neither of us ever wanted anyone else.’
‘Before you went away that was true.’ This was very painful for Jane because she still cared for him, despite everything. ‘But can you tell me truthfully that in the years you were away, there hasn’t been another woman in your life?’
His hesitation confirmed her suspicion.
‘I thought so,’ she said.
‘Patsy and I were never serious.’
‘Just a casual affair?’
He remained silent, avoiding her eyes.
‘It was more than that, wasn’t it?’
‘I suppose so.’
‘Did you live together?’
‘For a while, yeah.’
‘Oh, Mick,’ she admonished, shaking her head. ‘You’re making all this fuss about my finding someone else when you’ve been living with another woman. Honestly! Talk about double standards.’
‘You’re in love with him, though,’ he said. ‘I never was with Patsy.’
‘You were fond of her, though?’
‘Yeah, she’s a good sort,’ he said, looking utterly dejected. ‘But she could never mean the same to me as you do.’
It was incredible how this man could fill her with fury and pity almost simultaneously, she thought. Even more distressing than the frustration of not being able to make him recognise the truth about their relationship, was the knowledge that what had changed between them was beyond her control.
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‘You’ll always be very special to me, Mick,’ she said. ‘You were my first love and nothing can ever match that.’
‘Surely that in itself is something for us to build on?’ he suggested hopefully.
‘It isn’t enough,’ she said. ‘We’ve grown too far apart.’
‘We could give it one more try . . .’
‘I’ll always love you, Mick.’ Jane hesitated, knowing she must be brutally frank. ‘But I’m not in love with you any more.’ She saw him wince but knew she must continue. ‘I had stopped being in love with you a long time before I met Giles. It happened gradually over the years you were away and when I saw you again I knew for certain that it was over. I’m sorry to hurt you but I want to be honest with you.’
He heaved a sigh of resignation. ‘Yeah, I know, babe.’
‘I hope we can part good friends,’ she said truthfully. ‘Obviously you can see the children whenever you like.’
‘Pip maybe. I’ve given up on Davey,’ he said. ‘He hates my guts.’
‘I don’t think he does . . . not really. He’s upset by everything that’s happened, that’s all. And you haven’t really made much of an effort to get along with him since you’ve been back, have you?’
‘He was so hostile to me, I didn’t know how to handle it.’
‘I thought that was probably what it was.’
‘He obviously thinks more of your boyfriend than he does of me.’
‘At this moment in time, that’s probably true,’ she said frankly. ‘He’s seen a lot of Giles over the last few years. After his wife died he spent time with us because he was lonely. As Kevin was usually in here with Davey anyway, it seemed sensible for us all to be together. I was glad of the company.’
Mick lit a cigarette, looking at her through a cloud of smoke.
‘Giles was there for Davey, you weren’t, so it’s only natural Davey began to see him as a father figure,’ she continued. ‘You must also take into account the fact that a man like Giles is a hero to an impressionable lad of Davey’s age, being games master at school and founder manager of our local youth football team. Now that Davey goes to the school where Giles teaches, he’s become even more important to the boy. You know what children are like about their teachers - they either hate them or put them on a pedestal. The ones who teach PE and games usually get into the second category with the kids who are keen on sport.’
‘I don’t stand a chance with Davey against that kind of competition,’ said Mick gloomily.
‘That isn’t true. You are his father, Giles isn’t,’ she pointed out. ‘But I think you need to start from scratch and build a new relationship with him rather than trying to breathe life into the old one. Davey was only four years old when you went away so you were a stranger to him when you came back. Once you’ve moved out of here, you might find it easier to communicate with him because there won’t be any arguments between you and me to complicate matters.’ She gave him a hard look. ‘It might also help if you were to stop showing quite so much favouritism towards Pip.’
‘She has time for me, Davey hasn’t, that’s the reason for it.’
‘You always favoured her, though, even before you went away.’
‘That’s fathers and daughters, isn’t it?’
‘Maybe. But if you want to make headway with Davey, don’t make it quite so obvious.’
‘I’ll try not to.’ Mick drew on his cigarette and stood up, looking defeated. ‘Well, I’d better be making a move.’
‘There’s no need for you to leave tonight, Mick,’ she said. ‘It’s very late.’
‘I think I should.’ He looked at her bruised face. ‘Before I do any more damage.’
‘As you wish,’ she said. ‘Shall I tell the children you’ll be in touch about seeing them?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Okay.’
It was as though all the fight had gone out of him as he packed his suitcase. Seeing him off the premises was so formal it was almost like saying goodbye to the man who’d come to read the gas meter.
But at the door he asserted himself by saying, ‘I’m not going to agree to a divorce. And I’ll make things as difficult as I possibly can if you start proceedings.’
Bitterly disappointed but knowing this wasn’t the moment to pursue it, Jane said, ‘Okay, Mick.’
‘Just so long as you know where I stand on that one.’
Avoiding too much physical contact, she kissed him lightly on the cheek.
‘Let me know when you want to see the children.’
‘Yeah, I’ll give you a bell,’ he said, and went striding down the garden path to his car, carrying his suitcase.
Jane went into the living room and sat down, weeping silently. In hurting Mick she’d inflicted pain on herself because he’d been a part of her life for so long. She remembered how proud she’d been to marry him and how happy they’d been together for so many years. Part of her was as regretful as Mick that those days had gone forever, as she knew they had. Even if they stayed together, they couldn’t recreate the past because their love was dead and they both knew it. Even though Mick refused to admit it.
Mick had to pull off the road into a lay-by on the way to Brighton because his vision was blurred by tears. He leaned his head on the steering wheel and sobbed. So it had all come to nothing. He had lost the only woman he could ever really love. His powerlessness over the situation frightened him, as did the violence he had used on Jane and Davey tonight.
In a way he was glad to be out of the marriage; the anger and misery of the whole damned situation, the constant rows, the frustration of not getting his own way. Fitting into the strictures of family life had been difficult for him after the easygoing lifestyle he had in Brighton. Although he could barely admit it to himself, being a weekend husband and father had been more than enough for him.
But a recalcitrant streak in his nature made him cling to the desire to be a family man, admired and in control. He could go ahead and buy a posh house, of course, but without Jane there was no point. She had become synonymous with the lifestyle of his dreams.
He tried to substitute Patsy in the picture and found himself smiling through his tears. She wouldn’t thank him for any of it. He’d had enough trouble getting her to accept her position in a decent block of flats.
Dear old Pats. A longing to see her bore down on him. He needed the comfort of her accommodating body and the reassurance of her unconditional love. He dried his tears and continued on his journey.
‘A boring schoolteacher,’ he muttered to himself, still unable to accept the real reason his marriage had failed. ‘How could I have lost Jane to a schoolteacher who can never give her the sort of life I can offer?’
The word ‘schoolteacher’ lingered in his mind, inspiring him with an idea. Mick was feeling wounded and wanted to hit back. Suddenly he knew how to do it without any physical violence to anyone. He’d teach that bugger to steal another man’s wife!
Revitalised by a new sense of purpose, he increased his speed, eager to get back to Brighton. Oh, yes, the time had come for that teacher to learn a lesson!
The fire at the shop and subsequent events with Mick, then having to tell the children that their parents were splitting up, left Jane in a state of nervous exhaustion.
Pip didn’t help matters by blaming her mother for Mick’s departure, which she saw as the end of their family. In the same way as Mick’s first departure had traumatised his family, so did the second. Jane was patient with her daughter because she knew how fond she was of her father, but having constantly to deal with tantrums and hurtful accusations was very taxing.
‘She’ll probably feel better once she starts seeing her father on a regular basis,’ Giles suggested. ‘Children never cease to amaze me with their ability to adjust.’
‘Mick certainly knows how to create emotional havoc,’ she said.
‘Once Pip gets some stability back in her life, she’ll be all right,’ he replied. ‘And also . . . once she
gets used to the idea of us.’
Jane frowned, chewing her lip.
‘Actually, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that.’
‘Oh?’
‘I think we ought to keep things casual for the moment.’
‘Because of Pip?’
‘Not just because of her,’ Jane explained. ‘This whole business with Mick has left me feeling drained and I just don’t feel able to take up where we left off, not at the moment. I still love you, Giles, but I need time to recover ... without being committed to anything too heavy. Also, Mick doesn’t want a divorce so he’ll make trouble if I start proceedings, and that will block our plans anyway. If we keep things cool for the moment, there’ll be nothing to incite him to revenge against you. I still don’t trust him as regards that.’
‘I thought you said you’d parted in a civilised manner, with him being sorry for the violence and accepting the fact that your marriage is over?’
‘He seemed to accept that it’s over but I’m not sure if he’s really accepted the reason,’ she said. ‘I think he still blames you and will make trouble for you if he can. Best he isn’t provoked. He’ll make it his business to find out what’s going on between us from the kids.’
‘Mick doesn’t frighten me.’
‘No, but I think we ought to keep things on a friendly basis for now,’ she said. ‘After all, there’s still your position as a teacher to consider, with my being married and not able to make our relationship legal.’
‘I’m prepared for that.’
‘I’d rather keep things light for the moment,’ she insisted. ‘All right, Jane,’ he sighed, looking disappointed.
‘Thanks for being so understanding.’
‘There’s no need to thank me,’ said Giles, putting a brave face on it. ‘I love you and want what’s best for you. I know all about emotional exhaustion, having had my fair share of it after Lena died.’
‘It won’t be for long,’ she said. ‘Just until the dust settles. And we’ll see each other around all the time anyway.’