by Debra Kayn
Ink flung back his head, satisfied when his skull connected with Kurt's forehead. "Lilly!"
Remmy got in Ink's face. "We're calling Rain."
"Go ahead," Ink said, clenching his teeth. "Call him. It'll save me a fucking trip."
Kurt grunted, pulling Ink back a foot. "I'm not losing a brother because his head's up his ass."
Lilly ran toward him. Ink strained against Kurt. Fury, dark and cold, left him panting.
Mascara smudged the skin underneath Lilly's eyes. Her hair whipped behind her. She stumbled and righted herself over the rocks on the hill. Ink flung himself forward, breaking away from Kurt and caught her before she tumbled.
"I got you." He wrapped his arm around her, cupping her head and holding it against his chest. "I'm here."
"I'm sorry." She squeezed her arms around his waist. "I was only trying to help."
"Sh." He kissed the top of her head. His heart raced. He couldn't go on this way. If she were his woman in the club's eyes, she wouldn't be standing here upset. He'd never allow anything into her life that brought tears to her eyes.
She struggled to catch her breath and her body shook. He turned his back to the men ready to jump to Lilly's defense and protect her. No one would come between them. Lilly was his. She'd always been his woman.
"Ink." Lilly straightened and lifted her gaze. "Oh God, I'm sorry. I didn't even know you were with the others. I heard you yell my name, and I'm so mad. I'm so sorry."
"You're fine. Not a whole lot they can kick my ass for now." He kissed her forehead, holding her close. "You've done nothing wrong."
"But, I messed everything up." She flinched. "You're going to hate me."
"Never." He swiped his thumb under her eyes, drying and cleaning up her face. "You need to calm down, tell me what happened, so I can fix it for you."
She swallowed and whispered, "I was talking to my mom."
"Ace..." he whispered, tilting back his head already seeing where this was going.
"No. You don't understand." She hooked the back of his neck with her hand and brought him back to her. "She's always known I wanted you. She talked to me about my...obsession with you when I was little. That's not why I was upset. Dad's coming to Federal to talk to me about some business venture for me. I don't want to return to Pitnam. I don't want to leave you, so I told mom about the warning you got last night and how I couldn't leave now."
"What did she say," he asked, holding her firmly.
"She...she thinks I need to take some time for myself...away from Federal, until I can see what is happening between us more clearly."
"Your dad knows about us," Ink said, defeated before he even got a chance to talk with Rain.
"No. Mom wouldn't say anything to him. It was a private conversation."
Ink softened in resignation. "Ace, I can guarantee you if your mom knows, she's not going to keep that information from Rain. That's not how they work."
"But, she..." Her brows lowered and she groaned. "I refused to go back to Pitnam, and dad took the phone from her and said if I wasn't going to talk about my life with him, he and mom are coming to Federal."
If their reason for coming weren't about him, it soon would be when Kurt talked to Rain about the warning. "I'll handle this. I want you to go inside. I need to talk with Kurt, and then I'll check on you later."
She held on to him, refusing to let go. "I'm not going back to Pitnam and leaving you."
He framed her face with his hands, stroking her cheek with his thumb. His heart squeezed and a pleasurable ache settled in his chest. Numbed over the news, only her vehemence over the situation touched him somewhere deep and buried.
"Ace..." He closed his eyes, inhaled deeply, and promised himself that no matter what happened, he'd never leave her. He couldn't leave her. He wouldn't leave her. "Trust me."
"I do," she whispered. "I'm scared, and I'm so sorry. What if they strip you of your patches?"
He kissed her forehead and stepped back. "Let me worry about that."
Lilly hugged her middle, her brows lowered in frustration. He mouthed, "It'll be okay."
Lilly lifted her chin, firmed her mouth, and met his eyes. Her strength to put on an act that she was okay cut right through him.
She nodded and mouthed back, "I know."
He turned around and pointed at Beckett. "Make sure she gets back in the house and don't you ever put your fucking hands on her again."
"Ink?" Kurt stepped in front of him.
He held up his hand. "Give me an hour, and I'll meet with you."
Ink walked to the club. His skin crawled, and he held himself back from jogging to his room. The others watched him, and he wouldn't give them more ammunition to use against him.
Inside the club, Jojo and Alana stopped him in the hallway. Words tumbled out of his mouth, making excuses, and he gave no other thought to the girls. Hell, he had no idea what he told them. He only needed to get away.
He took the stairs three at a time, and went into his room, locking the door. He pulled the suitcase out from under his bed and fingered the lock. It took him three tries to get the right numbers to line up, because his hands shook.
His weakness was right in front of him. Lilly's dad would see right through the ink to the scars he'd placed on himself over the years, and judge him his worth. He could hide his fears, his rejections, his insecurities, but he couldn't hide the scars well enough for Rain not to see right through him.
Once Ink had everything open, set up, and plugged into the electrical socket, he took off his vest and shirt. He wiped the area over his right set of ribs with alcohol. Without waiting for it to dry, he dipped the needle of the tattoo machine in a mini cup of black ink, and set it to his skin. After coloring an inch, beads of blood dotted the surface of his skin. His hands continued to shake and he pressed harder to stop the tremors. He continued to work, concentrating on the lines.
He could stop the urge to take out his knife and carve up his arms, his chest, his thighs. Sweat trickled down his forehead, stinging his eyes. He had to focus, because he was no longer the kid who needed to extract pain to numb himself. He had to keep feeling, because Lilly was at stake.
Straight lines.
Shading.
Blood.
He blinked the moisture out of his vision. Lilly depended on him, and he wouldn't fail her. He'd figure out what to do as soon as he was done. The answers would come after the pain settled around him and he hid more of his scars.
He couldn't lose her. He wouldn't lose her.
Chapter Eighteen
Kurt sat in his chair at the head of the table in the meeting room. Ink stood, gripping onto the back of his appointed chair. Gone was the MC brother he depended on to have his back. Kurt faced him as the president of the Federal Charter.
Ink's shirt rubbed the sensitive skin of his tattoo he'd finished only ten minutes ago. He fought the urge to pull the material away from his side. But to do so would be a sign of weakness. No one knew why he covered himself in tattoos, and no one ever would.
He needed more time. There were still scars to cover. He looked down at his arms and despite the full sleeves of tattoos, he could still see the marks placed on his skin by the knife that brought him comfort growing up.
"It would've looked better for you if you would've gone to Rain before the warnings," Kurt said
"Yeah, I know." Ink swallowed. "Where's Lilly right now?"
Kurt leaned back and put his boots on the edge of the scarred table. "She's in the kitchen with Risa and the Silver Girls."
It was good that she hung out with the girls. He breathed easier. They'd help keep her mind off what was going on with her parents.
"What's your plan?" Kurt picked at a loose thread on the hole in his jeans. "You've got everything from me to go forward. You weren't exactly cool about keeping the fact private that you're attracted to Lilly. You received a warning, and then I gave you a second chance. Last night, you opened your mouth and I can't ignore what you told
me or turn my back on how you feel about her. Today, you stood in front of four members and all but claimed Lilly. That's not something any of us can ignore."
"I'm not asking you to," he said.
"Dammit, Ink." Kurt's mouth tightened. "We all knew Lilly was after your ass. We also knew you had a soft spot for her. Hell, every single man in Bantorus MC would lay his life down for her, because she's our sister. Our baby sister."
Kurt expected him to explain his next step, his reasons, his choices. He gritted his teeth, buying himself time. How could he condense years with Lilly into something meaningful when he couldn't understand it himself?
"I'm not robbing the cradle, man," Ink said. "She's a grown woman."
"Never said you were."
"You're thinking it." Ink smacked the top of the chair with an open hand. "That's what everyone's thinking. They want to know when it all started, and I can tell you. It started when that girl was twelve years old and I was twenty-four, except I had no idea it'd turn into this. If I could go back..."
"You'd do what?"
He closed his eyes an extra beat and faced Kurt. "I'd do exactly what I'm doing, except she'd be here by my side and not in the other room worried about breaking her family apart."
"What's stopping you?" Kurt shrugged. "It wouldn't be the first time a brother took a Bantorus woman. To protect our women, we have rules. All you had to do is bring yourself to the table and get permission before you act. Then you go on from there with whatever decision is handed to you."
Ink shoved the chair. "You don't think I have gone to Rain?"
Kurt's brows lifted in surprise. "What did he say?"
He laughed harshly at the insanity of it all. "Rain isn't going to let anyone but who he wants into Lilly's life."
"Lilly's his only daughter. I can't say I blame him." Kurt rubbed his hand over his chest. "What's Lilly think about Prez telling you no?"
If he'd given Lilly a chance, she'd say a lot. Too much for his comfort. She loved unconditionally, and would throw her whole life away to be with him. He wasn't going to allow her to take responsibility over his problem. Besides, Rain had a point. He wasn't good enough for Lilly.
"She doesn't know I asked permission from Rain, and she won't know. What we're talking about stays in this room." Ink sat down.
The tenderness in his side from the new tattoo reminded him that things had to give. He either had to step away from the club, ask Lilly to walk away from her family, or cut Lilly out of his life.
"I can't walk away from her," he said, clearing his throat. "I won't."
Kurt put his boots on the floor and stood. "Fair enough. Then you stay away from her until Rain's here to deal with it. You can talk with her out in the open, but don't touch her and don't try to see her privately, or you'll lose your patches. No warning, you'll be stripped and dealt with."
"Right," he mumbled. "When's Rain getting here?"
"He'll be here tomorrow afternoon." Kurt opened the door.
"Good." Ink rubbed his face. "Then everything is settled, for now."
Ink walked out into the hallway, peeked into an empty kitchen, and headed straight to the main room where he found Lilly. He paused. Like every time he was around Lilly, his body settled. His new tat no longer bothered him. His thoughts centered on her.
Lilly smiled at Carrie, unaware that he watched her from the doorway. He blew out his breath, because he couldn't feel the carefree mood that allowed him to smile. He couldn't see the good past the worry. Hell, he couldn't understand where she found the strength to keep loving him and having faith that nothing would tear them apart.
His life would change the moment Rain stepped into Federal. Because of Ink, Lilly would have her family ripped apart. He'd take everything that brought her security and force her to walk away, because he had no doubt she'd follow him wherever he went.
Kurt stopped beside him and slapped his hand on Ink's shoulder. "Away from the table, bro to bro, I'll kill you if you hurt her. I've watched her grow up. She's more than Rain's daughter, she's family."
"You don't think I've thought this through? I've had years to wrap my head around the fact that she's it for me. There are no others." Ink glanced at Kurt. "I never wanted to hurt her."
"You've had more women than most of the men put together...except Remmy," Kurt said.
"I was looking for a way to get Lilly out of my head. I tried like hell to find something in other women that would pull me away from her to save her from loving me...nothing." He looked at Kurt and lowered his voice. "Don't you think I know that she's too young for me? I can't walk away. I've never been able to tell her no, because I need her," he said, ending on a whisper. "She gets me, man."
Kurt squeezed his shoulder and dropped his arm. "For what it's worth, I'll put a good word in with Rain for you. I don't want to lose you as a lifer, and I know he's not going to want to lose Lilly."
"I won't let her lose her family," Ink said, meaning his promise. "If it comes to that, I'll strip the patches myself and disappear."
Lilly turned, spotted him, and pressed her hand to her chest without making a move toward him. He inhaled deeply. What the fuck was he going to do if Rain refuses to give him permission to claim Lilly?
Kurt said, "I'll tell her it's okay to talk with you, just make sure you keep your hands to yourself and stay in the main room."
"Thanks, Prez." He walked over and sat at the table farthest away from everyone.
They'd been in the same room a thousand times, and yet never when he'd let on that anything was between them. Today, everyone knew what he was here for, and everyone had Lilly's back. The club was the only thing he had. It'd been that way since he was a teenager.
Now he'd hung himself by the balls, and he had to make sure Lilly survived.
Lilly circled the table and sat down opposite of him, glancing at the others. "Are you sure this is okay?"
"Ace, look at me and forget they're here for a few minutes." He leaned forward and planted his elbows on the table.
She scooted closer and focused on him. Hope swirled in his head. He couldn't hold back the smile that she brought out in him. Take away the club, her family, and nothing stood in their way. She'd never ask him to prove himself, because she accepted him for the man who sat opposite the table as her.
"You are so fucking beautiful, Ace," he said, his voice low and deep.
She closed her eyes and bowed her head before giving him her attention again. "Ink, I will fix this."
"I told you, there's nothing to fix. We've been gambling for years, sneaking around, keeping things between us. It wasn't fair to you, and that's on my back." He reached out his hand and retreated before she could grab ahold of him. "Look what I'm doing to you."
Her eyes filled with tears. Her usual smile that graced her face now fought against the trembling in her lower lip.
"You're scaring me," she whispered.
He shook his head. "Do you know what a pain in the ass you were when you were a teenager?"
A tear slid down her cheek. He tapped the table to keep from swiping it away. He wanted to come clean and make her feel better.
"It was never about sex with you." He chuckled in realization, almost relieved that the day of his crucifixion had come and he had to face her dad. "Well, it was when you were eighteen years old, because all of a sudden I wasn't walking away and you kept reminding me that all I had to do was take you."
"It's not about the sex." She sniffed. "You know me."
He nodded. "Better than anyone else, Ace."
"I don't know what keeps you from asking my dad." She rubbed her cheek dry. "I'll talk to him too. It's just the way we have to do this, Ink. You're a lifer, and while I love my parents, I must follow the rules or I undermine Dad's position within the club. He'll let us be together. I know he will."
She had no idea he'd already tried, and her dad shot him down.
"You'll let me handle it." He looked away, wishing they were somewhere else. "Just one more day, a
nd you'll have your answer."
"What if...?"
He gazed back at her. "What?"
"What if something happens and my dad says no?"
He reached under his vest and pulled his shirt from his skin. Fuck, he'd been down this road too long, fighting to keep a life that was always out of reach. He'd kept her from worrying about gaining her dad's permission. In her eyes, Rain couldn't do anything wrong. He'd never burst her bubble, and he'd kept the truth from her. His reasons for claiming her had nothing to do with breaking up her family.
"We'll face that problem when it happens," he said. "Until then, I need to do a few things and I want you to stop thinking and trust me."
"I do, but—"
"Lilly, it's something I have to handle."
She pressed her lips together and then said, "Please, let me just talk with—"
"Ace." He held her gaze. "Trust me."
She frowned, nodding. "Okay."
"All right." He stood and leaned over the table, bracing his hands on the smooth surface. "You need me, use your phone, huh?"
"Yeah." She remained sitting.
She rubbed her lips together in worry, her brows squeezed together, and her body quivered from her leg under the table bouncing in frustration. He wanted to hold her, take away her frustration over the situation, and calm her down. The last thing he needed was a pissed off Lilly when he couldn't calm her down without touching her.
"It'll be fine, Ace." He winked, gave her a smile he wasn't feeling, and walked away from her. He'd spent a lifetime of always being the one to walk away, and he was tired.
At the door, he stopped beside Remmy. "Do me a favor, bro?"
"Always," Remmy said.
"Go over there and talk to Lilly. Give her a fucking hug or something that makes her smile again." He paused, because there was so much to say and Remmy was the one person he thought would understand. "She's going to flip, and when she does, every brother in the room will notice."
Remmy's gaze softened. "I'll take care of her."
"Thanks, man." He knuckle bumped Remmy, and walked out the door.
Outside, he stood to catch his breath and ease the pressure in his chest. He trusted Remmy, and knew deep down, he'd take Lilly's anger for what it was. A rage of not getting her way, and realizing she was powerless to try to fight for Ink. Remmy would protect her, because if any of the other MC brothers saw what he could see when she threw a fit, he'd be fighting off each one of them.