by Keary Taylor
He hesitates for a moment, and he knows I’m right. “I can take one of the Class 5 ships on The Dominion. They’re in and out of here all day, every day. No one will know it’s me.”
The thought makes my heart jump three inches higher in my chest. My heartbeat increases.
“You’re sure you won’t be followed?” I ask, scared and hesitant.
I sense movement again. Is he already headed to a ship? Is he really so anxious? “Yes,” he responds. “Where are you, Nova?”
A little smile forms on my lips and I press them together, biting them into place out of guilt. “In the S sector. We’ll be crossing into the R sector in just two days.”
He hesitates for a moment, and I can feel him doing mental calculations, planning. “I can be there in six days if I get the right ship.”
Six days? I don’t know what I expected. Really, I expected nothing, because it doesn’t make any sense, what he’s doing, what I asked. But six days feels like an eternity. Even though that’s incredible, considering it’s taken us over a lunar to get here.
“Get the right ship, then,” I say. I’m smiling. I shouldn’t be smiling. I’ve just done a terrible thing. But I can’t bring myself to feel bad.
There’s a moment of hesitation. I feel him, somehow I can almost see him, standing in the huge hull of The Dominion, considering different ships. I can imagine them, all in a line inside the huge, Class 1 ship. Considering which will be the most discreet and the fastest.
“I will be there, Nova,” he says. “Just as fast as I can. And we can talk. Really talk.”
I bite my lower lip and feel myself nodding. “Alright. Fly safe.”
And I swear I can feel it: Valen smiling.
But I don’t linger or dwell on that too long. I’ve done and asked too much. I close the connection, and open my eyes. I sit, smiling like a horrible, guilty fool, alone in the mechanical room.
“Are you trying to be a raging cack-she the last few days, or is it just a really bad cycle?”
Oh, I snap.
I turn, throwing a fist. Only Zayne is pretty quick, so at the last second he moves, and I only barely clip his jaw. But the way I hit, I break a blood vessel in my hand.
“Slag!” I yell, cradling my hand into my chest and turning away from Zayne. I walk away, heading from the command deck, back toward the kitchen.
“You seriously just hit me!” Zayne protests. He follows me, his hand on his jaw, but I can tell I’m the only one who is in pain. “You… What the void is going on, Nova? Why are you so anxious and pissed off lately?”
I dig into the freezer, hoping for some ice. There, toward the bottom, I find a bucket with a few cubes. I fish one out and press it to the back of my knuckles. They’re already a blooming black and purple bruise.
“Nothing,” I hiss. “You’re just getting on every last one of my nerves, okay? It’s tight quarters, there’s barely any room to breathe. I just need some space!”
He looks at me with narrowed eyes. “Guess space is getting to your head. You’re two seconds from blowing up on everyone, no matter if we breathe a word, or just breathe, in general.”
I glare at him, but I know he’s right. I’ve been nervous and anxious and impatient. Every minute of the day, I’m counting down. Every day feels like six. I swear time has come to a standstill.
I’m losing my mind waiting for Valen to get here.
“I’m not trying to be a cack,” I say, letting my eyes fall to the floor. “I’m sorry. Space is just making me crazy, I guess.”
Zayne sighs, leaning back against the counter, crossing his boots at the ankles. “I think we’re all a little stir crazy,” he says. “Maybe we should take a break. Head to a planet a little early?”
I shake my head. “Every stop we make is that much longer until we reach the G sector.”
He shrugs. “What’s the hurry? Maybe we’ll take a break somewhere and find a planet we want to stay on for a while. Or forever?”
My eyes snap to his and I glare. “We’re getting as far from Dominion as we can, remember? I don’t want to be anywhere near them. Do you?”
It’s Zayne’s turn to glare. He looks at me with dark, annoyed eyes, and I realize I’m doing it again. I’m snapping too quick and easy.
“Sorry,” I say, looking down. My hand is nearly covered with the spreading bruise.
Zayne steps forward, taking my hand in his, examining the injury I gave myself.
“Did it even hurt a little?” I ask, annoyed.
He gives a huff of a laugh. “Do you want the truth, or something that will make you feel better?”
“Don’t make me punch you again,” I growl.
He laughs. “Oh, I won’t. I got lucky that time is all. I know you know how to throw a punch, Nova.”
He still holds my hand, and I can feel his words, the flirtation in them. The caring and the teasing.
My stomach twists. So I pull my hand back, turning away from him. I stand over the sink, the melt-off of the ice cube dripping down into it.
I hear him take a step forward, and my heart jumps into my throat when I feel one of his hands on my left hip. I hear him breathe, and then I feel his lips lightly brush against my right shoulder.
“We’re four hundred leagues from Korpillion, Nova,” he says softly. “I know life is never going to be the same, and I’m ready for whatever is to come. Can you think about how that changes things? I’m not the same person that I was three weeks ago, Nova.”
I stand there, frozen. My eyes stay fixed on the cabinet in front of me, my entire body taut and stiff.
“We’re good together,” he says. His hands don’t get more demanding. The one just sits there against my hip, in a position it’s sat a hundred times before. But I feel the heat of his body against the back of me. Warming and close, I know exactly how he would feel if he took just half a step closer and his body pressed to mine.
“Think about it,” he says quietly. And then he steps back, and I hear him walk out of the kitchen.
Think about it.
I have thought about it. I’ve considered it. I’ve imagined. I’ve wondered.
But here I still stand, frozen and stiff with my heart stuck in my throat, choking me.
Zayne isn’t the same man he was when he left Korpillion. But it was circumstance that forced him to change.
I’m not the same woman I was when he loved me and I loved him. I’m not the same person I was a lunar ago. I’m not even the same person I was yesterday.
Every single day, I’m trying to figure out who the void I am.
But I know I’m not the woman Zayne thinks he’s still in love with.
I’ve been pacing all day, but trying not to seem like I’m pacing.
I go from cleaning the command deck, to cleaning the washroom, to cleaning the kitchen three times, and then to cleaning and re-cleaning the bunkroom.
I ran out of spaces to clean halfway through the day.
It’s day six, and Valen connected just after I woke up to tell me he’d locked onto my location and would be arriving just a few hours before dinnertime.
“How does this work?” I’d asked him. “Everyone is going to see your ship. The trackers are going to go ballistic. And I think everyone might freak out if you just walk onto our ship.”
My heart was pounding in my chest. I hadn’t thought this through. This was a mistake.
But I couldn’t fool myself when he said the next words, and my heart fluttered.
“I’ll take care of it.”
I shouldn’t, but I trust him. Somehow I just knew that he would. So I didn’t worry about the details.
But the day was going by so slow.
Reena and Zayne are playing a card game again on the command deck. I’m trying to work on my staff, even though it’s perfectly fine, when Zayne lets out a huge yawn.
“Am I boring you?” Reena says, her tone flat.
“Sorry,” Zayne says, putting his hand over his mouth. “I just got really
tired.”
And, like it’s contagious, Reena yawns, as well.
And I don’t understand what’s happening, but Zayne folds his arms on the table and rests his chin on his forearms. He blinks slow, his eyes heavy and tired.
Reena leans back in her chair, her eyelids drooping. She blinks slower and slower.
My brows furrow when Zayne lays his head down on his arm. His eyes slide closed.
Reena’s head dips, bobbing up once, before it dips again, and her head hangs.
Soft sounds of sleep come out of both of them just a moment later.
My brows furrowed, I stand, walking toward them, but the sounds of my footsteps don’t wake either of them.
I walk back into the bunkroom, and there, I find Dad sleeping in his bed.
I take a deep breath, and there’s the scent of charged oxygen.
“A ship is approaching, Nova.” I hear the Frank’s digitalized voice from the command deck and step back in.
Zayne and Reena are still dead asleep at the table.
“What size?” I ask.
“A Class 5,” he relays. “We are getting a hailing signal from them, requesting to dock together.”
My pulse instantly skyrockets. I hear it in my ears. My palms are sweaty.
“Would you like me to approve it?” the Frank asks.
I look to the side of the ship, where the docking port is. I can hardly breathe. I’m frozen in place. I can’t make my feet move, and I’m pretty sure my heart has stopped pumping blood through my body.
“Nova?” the Frank prompts. “The Class 5 is parallel to us. Would you like me to approve their request for docking?”
For a moment, a scene flashes through my head. Of those eleven miners all lined up, their hands on their heads, on their knees. I see Valen standing there with his mask, gathering Neron from the air.
I see him flick his hand, and the Neron spear shoots through every one of their heads, like a pin sliding through butter.
But I feel Valen inside me. I feel his pain and his loneliness. I feel his words inside of me, I feel his hesitant desires.
I feel him in me, and I feel myself in him.
I close my eyes for just a second, and I recall that look on his face in my vision. I remember the absolute clarity in his eyes.
In mine.
“Approve the request,” I say, before I can think about it one second longer.
There’s the sound of three beeps and then I hear mechanical whirs and clicks. Our ship suddenly does a little jerk sideways, and I feel the two ships magnetize to one another.
Air is sucked and safety locks pop into place. It’s loud in the command deck as the two ships dock to one another, but neither Reena nor Zayne stir, and my father doesn’t come barging out, demanding to know what’s going on.
And I still smell charged oxygen.
It’s the smell of Neron. Lots of it in the air. And too much oxygen.
“Docking complete,” the Frank states. “Doorways will be pressurized in ten seconds.”
Ten seconds? I’m not ready. I don’t know what I’m going to say. I don’t know how I’m going to react when I see him.
“Five, four,” the Frank counts down.
I step forward. I hook my staff on my belt, in it’s usual place.
“Three, two,” he says.
I stand right in front of the port, rolling my shoulders back, holding my chin high.
“One,” Frank says.
There’s a beep, and then slowly, the two port doors begin to rise.
My heart thunders.
My palms are slick.
I swear my vision is blurring.
But when the doors have risen, there is no one standing there in the other ship.
I see an empty side entry.
I blink five times, telling my body to calm down.
I argue with myself for five seconds. What are you thinking? How could you do this?
But still, I take a step forward. Another.
I cross the threshold between our ships.
I step inside the Class 5.
I turn down the hall, in the direction of the command deck. I make my way down it, and just as I make the turn, I stop short, just two feet from running into a dark figure.
Valen Nero stops short. We just about collided with each other. The controls behind him beep and state that they have entered auto pilot mode, pacing with The Corsair.
“Nova,” my name slips past Valen’s lips with surprised reverence.
I stop, righting my balance. “Valen,” I say, with absolute intention.
We both stand there, on the tips of our toes, unsure of what to do, where to go, what to say.
I look back, toward the opening between our two ships.
“Can we talk here?” I ask, hesitantly looking back at Valen. “I…I just don’t feel right…” I can’t say the rest of the sentence, because I feel horrible about saying I don’t feel right about inviting him on our ship. I couldn’t ever look my crew in the eye again if I had to tell them I let Valen Nero board our ship, and that I had asked him there.
“Of course,” he says. Thankfully he doesn’t make me squirm or wallow in my guilt. He steps aside, allowing me access to the command deck.
I step forward, letting my eyes take in the entirety of the ship he flew here. It’s bigger than ours. The command deck has a full, actual observation deck. Huge glass windows span floor to ceiling. There are four large, comfortable looking chairs spread before it.
Behind them is the command center with the controls and screens and everything needed to navigate the skies. There are doors beyond that, going to living quarters, I’m sure.
“What’s wrong with everyone on my ship?” I ask, standing in front of the windows and looking out at the dark in front of me.
Valen stands behind me, not saying a word, and I swear he’s barely breathing.
“I flooded the ship with Neron, increased the oxygen levels, making them tired,” he explains. “The oxygen made them sleep, the Neron is making sure they have the best sleep of their life. They’ll wake up…fully charged, you could say.”
They’re breathing in extra amounts of Neron. I know what Neron can do. Any injury, any cut or bruise is going to be totally gone when they wake up.
As Valen said, it’ll be the best sleep of their life.
I nod, grateful he didn’t do anything more serious to them.
For some reason, I trusted that he wouldn’t hurt them.
“I thought you’d be farther away,” Valen says. He takes a few steps forward, but he’s still behind me, I can’t see him, even in my peripheral vision.
I fold my arms around me, holding myself together and tight. “It took us a few days to decide where to go.”
“I thought you were going to find the Bahiri?” he says, a question and concern in his voice.
“And I thought you didn’t want to know where I was going?” I say as I look over my shoulder at him.
The look on his face tells me I’ve caught him there.
“None of us really know where the Bahiri are,” I say, looking back out the window. “We have a guess, so that’s what we’re going with.”
He doesn’t say anything, but I hear him give a nod.
We’re quiet for a long moment, each of us lost in our thoughts, not knowing where this should go. We both know he shouldn’t be here. There would be consequences for both of us if anyone found out.
“It wasn’t a fluke,” I finally say. I tighten my grip around myself, like it’s somehow going to hold me together. “I hoped it was, but it wasn’t.”
“It only takes once,” Valen says. His voice is low, rough, but calming.
I nod. “We had to go through an asteroid belt,” I tell him. “One of them split apart, and it hit our ship. I could hear it, the air leaking out. I…I fixed the ship.”
I hear Valen take one step forward. “You saved everyone on board.”
I turn back again, looking at him. He wears black pa
nts made of flexible but solid material. He wears a similar long-sleeved tunic that hugs his forearms and shows off the definition in his upper arms. He wears a black vest that buckles across his chest, and a hood that lies against his back at the moment.
He doesn’t carry any weapons, because he can make one at any given time.
Neron is everywhere.
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” I say as my eyes meet his Neron blue ones. “I have no idea what this means for my future, how it’s going to change my life. But using…this, to save everyone I care about? It’s the only moment I’ve felt…good, since I kept that debris from crushing me.”
I hate that I’m so emotional since I left Korpillion. I wasn’t one to cry before then. But out here, in space, with infinite possibilities before us? I’m full of emotions.
They try to rise in my eyes, but I swallow once, forcing it all back down.
“Why do you work for Cyrillius?” I ask the question in a hoarse whisper.
There’s darkness in Valen. I know that without question. It hovers around him at all times. It’s always there, inside him. And I see it there, just a little, gathering in his eyes.
“I didn’t come here for a rebuking, Nova,” he says simply. He steps forward, walking right up to the window. He folds his hands behind his back, looking out at the stars that are so far away.
“Why did you come?” I ask. Because I’m still amazed. Still confused.
“You asked me to,” he states flatly.
I shake my head. Bitterness bites at the back of my mouth. “Don’t you dare brush me off like that. I have been inside your head, you’ve seen the inside of mine.” I take a step forward, toward him. And the desperation in my voice turns his eyes to me.
“You didn’t have to help me,” I say, my tone turning gentler. “But you did. You saved me. You saved my dad, you saved Zayne and Reena. But you helped me, Valen. You know me, and I think I know a little bit of you.” I take another step forward, and we’re only two feet apart. “So, please, help me understand. Why do you work for Cyrillius?”
Valen’s eyes slide over to meet mine, though he doesn’t turn his head to me. He just looks at me for a long moment. I wonder what he sees. Why he can’t look away, just the same as I can’t. I wonder if his mind is filled with as much turmoil and confusion as mine.