by K. A. Linde
His hands traced their way down my body. Then, he leaned me backward on the bed and used his lips to follow where his hands had been. It was sweet, blissful torture. I wanted him inside me, and he wanted to devour me. He was winning.
His tongue set siege to my clit, and his fingers ravaged the inside of me, bringing me to orgasm twice before he was satisfied. I was incoherent.
There was no separation between me and Landon. There was no space or distance or emotion that we couldn’t bridge. No feeling he hadn’t captured. No touch he hadn’t embraced. Living without him had been agony, and I refused to endure it again.
I flipped Landon so that he was lying on his back and then moved on top of him. He gripped my hips and eased me down onto his dick. I tipped my head back with pleasure at the feel of him filling me. Then, I started to bounce up and down on top of him. My tits were moving with me, and I knew he was enjoying the view.
“Fuck, Heidi,” he moaned. “You’re going to make me come.”
“Come with me,” I pleaded. I could already feel my orgasm building again, and I was eager for him to finish me off.
He wrapped his arms around my waist and held me tight against his chest. Then, he thrust up into me over and over again. His eyes were dark pools of lust, and I was a mirror for his desire.
“Don’t close your eyes,” he told me.
And, when I came, I was looking directly into his orbs and screaming his name as I fell apart. He came with me, and we both lay, panting from exhaustion and satisfaction.
He placed a light kiss on my shoulder. “I think you wore me out.”
“You’ll be ready for round two soon enough,” I told him with a wink before sashaying into the bathroom.
When I came back out, he had his boxers back on and was lounging back on the bed, looking mighty pleased with himself.
“Something you want to say?” I asked, slipping into a pair of panties and an oversize cheer T-shirt.
“Just thinking about you coming three times.”
“Want to try for more?”
“Fuck yes, I do.”
I laughed and snuggled up next to him in the bed. I pressed my face into his chest and breathed him in.
This was real. All of this was real. Landon would be divorced in twenty-four hours. I had my job back. He was going to be working in golf again. The hardships had been insufferable…but they were worth it if I got all of this in the end.
He ran his fingers through my long hair, and I felt myself being lulled to sleep.
“Thank you,” he whispered into the stillness.
“For what?”
“Not completely giving up on us.”
“This is what I want. It always was.”
I felt so fortunate. Landon and I had fucked up. We’d almost been destroyed. But we’d come out ahead. It made me feel like I could do anything. And there were more things that I had left to do.
Forty
Heidi
“Do you…do you want to read those letters with me?” I whispered.
Landon froze. “Right now?”
“Yeah. I just…I thought now might be a good time.”
He leaned over and switched on the side table light. “Let’s do it.”
“You’re sure? You still want to?”
“I think you need to.”
I took a deep breath and then padded into the closet. I carried out the box of letters. It was pretty heavy. The last time I’d counted, there were over three hundred unopened, unanswered letters in there. I was sure it was closer to three hundred fifty now. It was a daunting task but one that I felt I should finally dig into.
My dad had made mistakes, like me and Landon, and I hoped that, by reading through the letters, I might actually discover the truth in all of what my father had done.
Landon took the tub from me and placed it on the bed. We sorted through the letters that were mostly in order by when they had been sent, and I pulled out the very first one.
“Are you ready?” he asked.
I nodded, feeding off his strength, and I tore the envelope open. I was surprised to find that it only had a few lines on it.
My dearest Heidi,
You deserve better than me for your old man. I hope, one day, you’ll forgive me and come visit. I don’t know that I’ll survive this place without you.
Love you, princess.
Dad
My heart stopped over every line. It was so little. So simple. Just an apology. Just his need for me to be with him, and I hadn’t even been able to open it.
We tore through letter after letter. The first fifty were all apologies, pleading with me to answer, to come see him, to understand. Asking for more than I had been able to give during that time of my life. I’d been too upset with him…unable to forgive…never able to forget.
Then, suddenly, the letters changed. The first one that was different started out with one last plea.
Heidi,
My desperation must not be clear enough to you, or you are refusing to respond to my letters. I can understand why you’re upset, but I can’t say that I’m happy that you won’t even talk to me. Even just to tell me to stop writing. I won’t ask again for you to come see me. When you want to come see me, I’ll be here. Same place. Waiting.
And then, of all things, he started talking about my mom. The first time he had seen her. The first time he had gotten up the nerve to talk to her. Their first date. Their first kiss. Their wedding day. The day I was born.
The last six years of letters was a collection of every happy memory my father had ever had of me and my mom…and I’d missed it.
All of these memories that I didn’t have and events that I couldn’t recall. Everything I’d ever wanted to know about my mom and my dad, and they had been sitting in my closet, neglected for the past six years.
There were enough letters of our history to fill a book. And Landon and I stayed up until the wee hours of the morning, reading every last one. I cried through a few of them. We smiled through most of my childhood. And my heart swelled to bursting with each new entry, like I was getting to see directly into my dad’s head in a way he had never done for me when I was a kid…and certainly never after that when he was using.
This was a different man. This was the man I remembered every year with ice cream and a good cry.
He’d been here all along. Sitting in prison, not more than five miles out of town.
We finally reached the last one, and I slowly opened it, unsure of what story I would get to hear next. My eyes were drooping, yet I was still wide awake and anxious.
My Heidi,
I thought of another one that you probably don’t remember. You were only three or four at the time. Tall for your age, of course. You’re still tall. Just like your mama. Just like me. We thought you’d be a volleyball player or even a basketball player. We had high hopes that you’d want to be a professional athlete and get a scholarship to put you through school later. Of course, we couldn’t afford much, so we were always hoping you’d get to live your dream if you wanted.
But you had different ideas. You wanted to be in gymnastics. It was the summer of the 1992 Olympics, and after watching the girls fly through the air, you decided that you wanted to do that, too. Your mama insisted that you go into lessons. I was working three jobs just to get by. I hadn’t opened the bar yet, and we barely had enough to cover rent and keep food on the table. So, I told her no.
Well, your mom had taken some gymnastics lessons when she was young. So, while I was working, she was teaching you how to do crazy backbends and other things I don’t have names for. I came home one day to find both of you hanging upside down, and you had already figured out how to do some kind of walkover thing.
It had only been a week, and your mom, she looked me right in the eye and said, “Hank, you get this girl into gymnastics lessons and let me worry about the expense.”
I never asked how she got the money to cover it. I suspect she begged her parents. Something we
both hated. But you got your lessons, and it was worth it in the end. Because that’s how you got into cheerleading, and I have never seen you happier than when you are cheering. I didn’t understand it much. Didn’t even realize it was an actual sport until you were in it, but I was proud of you.
I wanted you to have the world, and even when I couldn’t always give it to you, I hope you know that I tried.
I always tried.
I love you so much.
Dad
I felt Landon’s hot gaze on mine as I stared down at the last letter. Heat expanded in my chest, and then I burst out laughing.
“Heidi?” Landon asked.
I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t stop laughing. It came out of me completely unbidden and uncontrollable.
“Hey. Hey, what’s wrong? What’s going on? Why are you laughing?”
I clutched my sides and leaned back on the bed as I let the emotions of the night wash over me. “Nothing,” I managed to get out.
“Nothing?”
“I mean…no—God, it’s just…funny.”
“What is?”
“I have had so much stress over these letters. They’ve been sitting in there, in my closet, tormenting me for years. Years, Landon,” I told him, biting back another laugh. “And this is all it is. Memories from my childhood. Memories of my mom.”
“I think it’s pretty amazing. I wish I had something like this from my parents,” he admitted.
I leaned forward and kissed him. “Oh, I love you. You are right. This was so worth it. I should have opened these a long time ago. Though, maybe if I had, I wouldn’t have been as forgiving. Maybe I needed someone to show me that it’s okay to make mistakes. That we can forgive and we can move on from what happened.”
He brought his lips to mine again. “I’m glad that I could be of service.”
“Oh, you have been of great service,” I said, moving my eyebrows up and down.
He laughed. “Are you saying you’re ready for round two?”
“Um…yes, but also sleep?”
“In that order?”
“You’ve convinced me.”
Landon carefully put all the letters back in the box and set it on the floor. “What are you going to do about all of that?” he asked as he climbed back on top of me.
I fell backward on the bed and enjoyed the feel of his body pressing into me. “I think I know exactly what I need to do.”
His eyes swept over my face, and he smiled. “Good.”
Then, his mouth covered mine, and all talking ceased.
The next morning, Landon and I presented our identification to the security guard at the gate outside of the prison where my father was housed. I was dressed in a simple blue sundress and a distressed jean jacket, and I was shaking like a leaf. I’d been so confident when I planned this trip the day before, but now that I was here, I couldn’t believe it was actually happening.
After clearing our IDs, we were told where to go for visiting hours.
Landon put his arm around my shoulders and steered me into the building. “It’s okay,” he told me. “You can do this.”
“I know I can. But I’m…what if he doesn’t want to see me?”
“The man has been writing you letters for six years. He wants to see you.”
I knew he was right, but still, I couldn’t shake the fear from my veins. This could be a disaster.
I took a deep breath and walked inside.
Landon and I found a table at the back of the room, but I couldn’t sit. I was too jittery. Nerves were fighting their way through my body, and I clenched and unclenched my hands. Landon stood by me and was my rock through the whole thing. Other visitors came in and waited, sitting casually at tables. This clearly wasn’t their first time.
A buzzer by the door announced that inmates were being let into the room, and I snapped to attention. My eyes were fixed on the door, as I waited for that moment.
Anxiety crept through my body, and I shook my head. “Maybe we should go,” I whispered.
“We can if you’re not ready.” He took my hand in his. “But I think you’re ready.”
I squeezed his hand. He was right. I was ready. I could do this.
Then, my dad walked into the room. He looked as if he had aged significantly in the six years that he had been here. His hair had thinned and grayed. His skin was pale. His eyes were deep set. He carried himself as if he had a weight on his shoulders. And that weight was about to bury him.
I gasped slightly at the sight of him. I might have noticed all of that at once, but what I saw next was just…Dad. My dad. The man I had sworn I would never see again. The man I’d sworn I would never forgive. The man…who I was giving a second chance.
His eyes scanned the room in confusion. I wondered if he had ever had a visitor in the six years he had been here.
Then, he saw me.
And the world stopped.
His mouth opened, and tears welled in his eyes. A hand went to his chest. I thought he was going to collapse.
I hurried forward with Landon on my heels. My dad stared in awe. His lips quivered, and then real tears fell down his cheeks.
“Heidi?” he whispered. “It’s really you?”
“Yeah, Dad. It’s really me.”
He moved slowly and touched the sleeve of my jacket. When he discovered that I was real, he tugged me against him and held me. I wrapped my arms around him as he sobbed.
“I thought you would never come. I’d given up hope.”
“I know,” I whispered. “But we read your letters, and…I decided that it was time.”
“I’m so glad,” he said.
He hesitantly released me and then seemed to realize that I had someone with me.
“Dad, this is my boyfriend, Landon Wright.”
My dad furrowed his brows, as if he were trying to reconcile Landon Wright being with his daughter. Then, he stuck his hand out, and Landon shook it.
“Good to see you again, son.”
“Pleasure to meet you again, sir.”
“You taking care of my girl?”
“Dad,” I whispered. It had only been a few minutes, and already, he was interrogating my boyfriend.
“She’s the most important thing in my life. I’ll take care of her until the end of time.”
My dad nodded, and they seemed to have an understanding. “As it should be.”
Landon wrapped his arm back around my shoulders and kissed my forehead as my dad moved us to a table.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
“Meant every word. You are and always will be the most important thing in my life. Don’t ever forget that.”
As we turned to go and sit with my dad for the first time in six years, I knew that I wouldn’t forget that. Not ever.
Because, when you found a love that was inescapable, you held on and never let go.
Epilogue
Landon
Two Years Later
I stared down the green in shock. I had just hit the last ball in my very first tournament back in the world I’d thought I lost forever. And, even better, it was on the Wright Golf Club course. The course I had helped design and run for the last two years. It was one of the most rewarding experiences of my life, and getting it added to the PGA docket for the upcoming year was an even sweeter victory.
Not that I had come back with a bang or anything. I’d ended this tournament in the middle of the pack. My recovery had been long and arduous, but it had happened. And my physical therapist, Anjee, continually reminded me that it would have been quicker if I hadn’t been such a shit about pushing myself.
My old friend and caddy, Jake Gibson, had come in for the tournament to play with me again.
He picked up the ball I’d hit and passed it to me. “Congrats, man. It’s good to have you back.”
“Yeah, it’s good to be back.”
“And probably not to have Ryan hounding you.”
I laughed. “True. That part was annoying.”
“Start full-time training next week for the PGA Qualifiers?”
“You bet,” I agreed.
Then, I walked off the course and found my beautiful fiancée waiting for me. Heidi’s face split as I approached, and she bounced up and down on the balls of her feet.
“You did so well!” she cried, throwing her arms around me.
I kissed the top of her head and tugged her in close. “I kind of sucked, love.”
“Well, whatever. You’re golfing again!”
“Dreams do come true.”
“Do you have any other obligations today?”
I looped my arm around her waist as we walked back up to the clubhouse.
“Nothing else today. Why?”
“I might or might not have planned a surprise party.”
“No. No way,” I said. “And, anyway, it’s not a surprise if I know.”
“Oh, you’ll be surprised.”
“Do we have to go now?”
She nodded her head in excitement and bounced around some more. “I’m really, really excited.”
“I can tell that,” I said, grabbing her for another kiss. “Let me just clean up and change. Then, we can head out.”
“Great!”
“You can always surprise me with a blow job if you want.”
“Landon Wright!” she snapped.
I just laughed. “Later then?”
Then, she gave me a mysterious look. “Probably…yeah.”
I grinned devilishly, and she smacked my arm as I passed. I loved her to pieces, and our sex life was unimaginable. I never thought that I could be this happy.
After six months together, I’d popped the question and asked her to move in and marry me, all in one fell swoop.
She’d turned me down.
I should have seen it coming. Heidi was her own incredible woman, and she did things her own way.
After a week, she’d conceded that she had only said no on principle and that she wanted to be with me forever anyway. But, from there, we’d been taking things slow, and we still hadn’t set a date for the wedding. I was waiting for her to tell me when she was ready. If she was in no rush and she was in my arms and my bed every day, then I could wait for her. I thought a part of her was waiting to see if her dad would get out on parole to be there for the wedding. So, I didn’t push her.