by Ricarda Huch
Lyu
JESSIKA TO TATYANA
Kremskoye, 29th June
Dearest, loveliest Auntie,
I think I shall come to visit you soon. The few days that you spent here were so wonderful! Your presence made everyone cheerful and relaxed. Now things are dreadful. Lyu is going to leave us. He says he has to go because his being here has shown itself to be unnecessary and because Mama no longer needs him. To begin with, of course, Mama said she’d never felt as safe and secure as now because Lyu was here. But Papa never liked the arrangement, and he will have told Mama that he no longer wanted it. You know that Papa doesn’t like having strangers around him; even when you were here it affected his nerves. Deep down Mama is certainly sad that Lyu is leaving. And if Velya and Katya go as well! Papa is almost convinced that the best plan would be for them to go to university in Berlin or Paris. Velya is very excited and, of course, Katya is too. I don’t begrudge them it; they love to travel. But then, Aunt Tatyana, please let me stay with you until we move back to the city. Being here on my own is too sad, after such a delightful May. The atmosphere is so stifling. Papa and Mama will agree to it; perhaps it will do them some good to be alone together. Papa will have the best opportunity to relax and the servants will comfortably be able to look after just the two of them without my help. Lyu doesn’t know where he’s going. He told me that if he were to go to Petersburg he would pay you a visit if you would allow. He often raves about your beauty and your mind. Who wouldn’t? Especially
your little Jessika
VELYA TO KATYA
Kremskoye, 1st July
Well, my sweet little sparrow, is your crest all ruffled in anger at your brother because he told you the truth, as is his duty? In the meantime he is working for your, his and all of our benefit. Ever since Papa persuaded himself that we can only obtain a weightier education if we spend a few terms studying in the cultured West, his mood has greatly improved again. He too now thinks it a good idea for us to begin in the more superficial Paris, then progress to the rigorously philosophical Germany. We are to leave soon, for Papa was struck by the sudden realization that all our shortcomings were exclusively a result of our not having experienced the old Western culture. You must, therefore, abandon your studies at once and sort out our effects, which is to say watch while Aunt Tatyana does it.
Lyu is leaving, maybe before we do. I think he’ll come to Paris too, if we’re there, although he has not said anything definite about this yet. We often take a drive together in the motorcar. I had to promise Mama that I’d leave him alone with Jessika as seldom as possible, a totally redundant commitment as he has no desire for that anyway. I’m also being terribly considerate of Papa; I don’t play Wagner any more, because it makes him nervous. He’s really much better now, by the way. Besides his old typewriter he has our trip to keep him happily occupied. He gives me instructions as to which trains we must take, which hotels we ought to stay in, and almost feels as if he could come along too. Be grateful to your brother rather than sulking, which is utterly childish.
Velya
VELYA TO PETER
Kremskoye, 1st July
Dear Peter,
The best thing would be for you to come to Paris with us. My mother, who is also in favour of our going, wants you to accompany us, for she regards you as more sensible than Katya and me. You only need promise me that you’ll refrain from any love-struck nonsense with Katya. But you’re not like that. What you actually feel inside is obviously none of my business. If your departure puts an end to your courses, then so much the better. Papa has enough trouble as it is; it’s not hard to feel terribly sorry for him. We can return to formulating our ideas when we’re back. For my part I’d be very glad of a break. In Paris you will develop politically too; I can already see you as a mature Robespierre bursting into Russia.
Yours, Velya
LUSINYA TO KATYA
Kremskoye, 2nd July
My dearest child,
It has been decided that you and Velya will go to Paris. You’re excited, aren’t you? I think you will be sensible and not spend too much money. After all, you’re old enough to understand our circumstances and behave accordingly. You have the best father, who has never tried to get rich illegitimately, or even in an ungentlemanly way, as so many do. For this reason I hope you respect and love him all the more, and you are proud of the relative modesty of our means. Notwithstanding, he has always provided for you with extravagant kindness; do not abuse his generosity. Overstepping the mark would not only cause him worry, but be seriously unpleasant for him. Within this limit, my darling, you should heartily enjoy your freedom and use the means put at your disposal to turn yourselves into whole individuals.
I think that once you two and Lyu have left, Jessika will go to stay with Aunt Tatyana. A good deal more suffering still lies in store for her tender heart. She will suffer less there than here, so I shall not stand in her way. For her sake it’s necessary for Lyu to go. I shall miss his stimulating manner of talking, combining obvious ideas with more obscure and interesting ones. He never lets go a word that one utters, but catches and develops it further. I cherish this about him, but most of all that he is a person of substance, a man with an intense awareness of all things and a clear will. On the other hand, his leaving will ease my state of mind, and not only on account of Jessika. For me there is something unfamiliar and inscrutable about him, which at times has perturbed me greatly. He has a peculiar gaze; perhaps this is how he achieved such power over Jessika. The fact is, he does not belong to our family and not even his appreciation for very different people can bridge the gap. And then he sleepwalks, which I cannot come to terms with.
After all the agitation of this summer I am looking forward to being alone with Papa. I really am looking forward to it, so please do not worry on our account. You will write us many lovely letters and we will accompany you in spirit to the Mona Lisa, the Place de la Concorde and the fountains of Versailles. It now occurs to me that while we don’t even need to put on hats here, you must have travelling clothes and all manner of other things. There is much that you will no doubt be able to purchase more cheaply and tastefully in Paris. If only you were more practical children! Can I leave it to you? In any event, you need to take a few items from here, so attend to this now. You have on hand Aunt Tatyana, the best adviser. Farewell, my darling child. Please write soon to your father to tell him you’re looking forward to Paris.
Lovingly, Mama
KATYA TO YEGOR
Petersburg, 4th July
Dear Papa,
It is terribly decent of you to let us go to Paris. But some good will come of it for you too, as you’ll be rid of us. Peter might want to come with us, which is fine by me as he is so practical as to be indispensable. For example, he can repair a car, however complicated the problem. This is why Lyu specifically drove into town that time. He replaces a porter, locksmith, decorator, tailor, cook and even cleaning lady – albeit his taste is a little dated. He’s now also very discreet towards me. It seems almost as if he were no longer in love, which in fact is a shame, even though I sometimes found it irksome. But I appreciate that it’s better for our journey. What’s more, he’s just as obliging as he ever was; yesterday he bound a book very beautifully for me and made me a key to replace one I’d lost, which Aunt Tatyana mustn’t find out about.
If Peter comes with us, we’ll save lots of money because he always pays attention to these things. Should I come back again and say adieu? I’d be very happy to do so, but you’d have to send Lyu away first as I cannot abide him and his presence would spoil the occasion for me.
Your littlest one, Katya
LUSINYA TO TATYANA
Kremskoye, 5th July
My dearest Tatyana,
I must tell you that I’m completely over my melancholic mood. There has been a turnaround inside me, because it simply couldn’t go on as it was. One often discovers the dullest truisms; in my case it is the old saying that God helps the brave.
To begin with, it was a considerable effort for me to suppress my fear and look to the future with confidence, but after having done it a few times, all of a sudden it seemed as if I were being borne along by an unknown force, and I was overflowing with cheerfulness. This is partly because Yegor’s good mood has returned ever since he took the decision to allow the children to go to Paris. It causes me such pain to see him so gloomy and helplessly sad. Now I am thoroughly looking forward to the time when we shall be alone. I don’t believe we’ve ever been completely on our own since we’ve had the children. And in the country, with nothing to do, in such beautiful surroundings! It all needs to happen quickly now, otherwise our holiday will be over before they’ve all gone. Yegor is looking forward to it too; he just keeps saying that I cannot live for him and him alone, because I am used to giving myself to many people and many things. In his heart of hearts, however, he knows that I’ll only be in my element when I’m alone with him. When does one finally get older? Ever since my twentieth birthday I’ve been getting ever younger – me! This is not true of my hair and skin, of course.
Dear Tatyana, would you help my little Katya obtain what she needs for her journey? You have such good taste and discernment. If your Peter were to accompany them to Paris, it would reassure us greatly. Although he’s only just older than Velya, it would be as if they were travelling with a mentor. I first envisaged Lyu in this role, but Katya’s aversion to him cannot be overcome. And when I think of how she raved about him to begin with! He was an oracle for all three children. Then on one occasion he called her Katinka instead of Katya and that was that for good. My children appear quite mad at times; God only knows where they get it from. Of course, Tatyana, I don’t believe that his using the wrong name is the only reason for her feelings. I imagine that all manner of things have occurred amongst the children, jealousy and suchlike. In character, Lyu and Katya would actually suit each other rather well, at least better than Lyu and Jessika, but opposites tend to attract, don’t they? At any rate, Katya’s dislike of Lyu is preferable to me than the opposite. I would also be happier if Peter accompanied them. I know that Lyu loves and understands the children. There is something imposing, something versatile about him, and in this respect he would be suited as their leader. But I fancy I’d sometimes be haunted by dreams where he sleepwalks into her bedroom, stands by her bed and gazes at her with that inscrutable look of his.
O Tatyana, there’s something I really have to tell you! When I found that threatening letter beneath my pillow, Lyu said that it could have been placed there by someone in the house who’d been hypnotized by someone else; that was a possibility. Then I thought of his inscrutable look and his nocturnal wanderings, and it dawned on me that he himself might have been possessed by an alien, demonic will. At the time the idea was so grim, I wasn’t able to discuss it with anyone, nor write to you about it. Now I can happily talk and even laugh about it. I told Yegor recently, who found it so funny that I cannot help laughing when I think of it. He said that the more ludicrous the story, the more willing I was to believe it. But I do not think something like that to be altogether impossible, otherwise why would Lyu have mentioned it?
So are you in favour, dear Tatyana, of Jessika’s coming to visit you? If Peter goes abroad you’d be all alone otherwise, and Jessika loves spending time with you. We’d be very happy if she could be of some assistance to you.
JESSIKA TO KATYA
Kremskoye, 8th July
Dear little one,
Do not get angry, but it really is beastly of you to refuse to come while Lyu is here, thereby driving him out of the house. He has not deserved that from us. It is my belief that you think he acted badly towards me, which is not the truth at all. He does love me, but he said at the beginning that he was unsure whether he could ever marry me because he was too proud and that I had to turn my feelings into friendship. Which is exactly what I’ve done, and what is wrong with his being my friend? After all, he’s Velya’s friend too, and indeed was yours until you behaved so disgracefully towards him. He can arrange it so he’s out all day when you’re here. The affair is embarrassing for Papa and Mama too, and as you have so many lovely things to look forward to, you could be considerate in such small matters.
Are you angry, my little bluebottle, for my saying this? You have to admit I rarely moralize towards you. But I suppose you will do as you please. Papa and Mama are now in very good spirits; it’s terribly sweet how they are looking forward to being on their own. They sometimes look like a couple engaged to be married: young, beautiful and mysteriously blessed. I’m delighted that this is rose time; in a few weeks they will all be in bloom and Mama can adorn her table with roses every day, put them in her hair and fill all the vases.
Jessika
VELYA TO PETER
Kremskoye, 10th July
Dear Peter,
Something strange happened to me yesterday. I went to look for Lyu in his room and, as he wasn’t there, I waited for him. Sitting down at his desk, I leafed absent-mindedly through his writing case and noticed a piece of paper with some handwriting that caught my eye. I didn’t know why, to begin with, but then it struck me that the threatening letter Mama found under her pillow had been written in the same hand, or a very similar one. Just imagine, I got a terrible fright for the first time in my life; everything around me was spinning. I wasn’t certain what was actually horrifying me, but in a trice my hands and temples were covered in sweat. My unconscious was probably forming a host of conclusions at lightning speed, the result of which was the horror. I swiftly left the room and tried to collect my thoughts. I swear to you: I was so distraught that I couldn’t think clearly. When Lyu came back I arranged it so that we sat in his room, I leafed through his case, fiddled with the piece of paper and then noted casually how the handwriting was similar to that in the threatening letter. ‘Indeed,’ Lyu said gleefully. ‘I too think one could conclude it is the same. I have tried to reproduce it from memory, so it could be used to trace the writer, but your father does not wish for the matter to be pursued.’ Papa tore the letter up, you see, which is what he always does with anonymous missives. It is simply unbelievable that this could happen to me! I knew that initially Lyu was toying with the idea of finding out who had written the letter, and also knew that he is very interested in graphology! Anyway, when I heard his voice and saw him, my excitement suddenly felt childish. Afterwards I really wanted to tell Lyu the truth of what had happened, but I couldn’t utter the words, I don’t know why. He has absolutely no idea and is delighted by his success; after all, it is a colossal achievement to imitate someone’s handwriting from memory so deceptively.
I tell myself that the reason for my foolishness is that the episode with the threatening letter did in fact set my nerves on edge. If Papa were a different man, I think one would really be afraid, but he exudes such assurance that it seems impossible anything could happen to him. After all, these sorts of horror stories are what one encounters in potboilers, not in one’s own life. Having said that, assassinations do occur from time to time. But Papa said he is not widely hated and the students in question are educated individuals, amongst whom one wouldn’t find murderers. It was clear, he said, that the last letter was intended merely to intimidate him. Besides, one could fall ill just like that and die; one was always confronted with death, so these sorts of things merited no attention. Sometimes I wonder whether Papa’s fearlessness is an advantage or a flaw; perhaps he just has no imagination.
He is now in a very genial mood. His typewriter has fallen to pieces and he spends hours with Lyu tinkering with it, in an attempt to identify the problem. Lyu approaches the matter enthusiastically and seriously; I cannot work out whether he does this to please Papa or because he really is interested too.
Dear God, I will be happy when we are in Paris. There is nothing I can do here to help or change anything. Don’t breathe a word to Katya about my episode with Lyu. Papa says one can travel second class perfectly comfortably in Germany. Th
y will be done, Father; now I just want to get going.
Velya
JESSIKA TO KATYA
Kremskoye, 14th July
Katya, on no account are you to come, do you hear? I just hope you haven’t already left! Look, yesterday the gaffer fell terribly ill. He had cramps, he was twisting and turning and he went blue in the face; it was simply dreadful. First Velya said he was drunk, but we soon could see that it was something different. The maids said he had cholera and made an indescribable fuss; nobody wanted to stay with him. Lyu took everything in hand, he said it couldn’t be cholera, as the symptoms were different; it was probably a typhoid fever with some complications. He prescribed all manner of things and stayed with Ivan, even though Papa and Mama were horrified, because they thought it could be infectious. Lyu said that he didn’t think this to be the case and, besides, he wasn’t worried in the slightest about it, which meant he wasn’t susceptible to it. Ivan stared at him in horror when he came to; I think he doesn’t like having Lyu near him, though he’d never dare say as much. When the doctor arrived he said that everything Lyu had prescribed was appropriate, he himself wouldn’t have acted any differently and he too believed it was typhoid fever. Papa and Mama do not wish you to come under any circumstances, because of the risk of infection. We’re here and there’s nothing we can do to change that, but you should not wilfully expose yourself to the danger, they say. I think they are absolutely right: there’s nothing you can do to help, and Mama would worry, even if the infectiousness is not so bad. For the moment Ivan cannot be transported into town because he is too sick. Poor gaffer! Velya always says it’s a pity about him; he really enjoyed his wine and the schnapps made him very happy.
Now it’s almost certain I won’t see you before you go, my little glow-worm! But I won’t be missing you; there’s too much to do at the moment!