Felix didn’t have to issue assignments. The men knew to gather wood and what food they could find. He worked diligently on erecting his own tent. When it was completed, he stood. Immediately, he searched for Katrina…but she wasn’t by her tent. His heart clenched, and he moved in the direction he’d last seen her, scanning his gaze quickly over the small area. If something happened to her, he didn’t know what he’d do. He couldn’t take losing another person he cared about.
Then he saw her. She stood away from camp, facing the waterfall that, thankfully, wasn’t very close. Her head tilted up toward the sky. Sunset settled on the land, bringing beautiful shades of yellow and orange mixed with black and billowy clouds of purple. Even as many times as he’d seen an Amazon sunset, he would always be in awe of the magnificence God had created.
Suddenly, he wanted to share the sunset with her since he knew she’d never seen one in the Amazon before. It had been too long since he enjoyed such simple pleasures with a woman. Had he ever held a woman and contentedly stared at the sun descending into the horizon? Sadly, he’d never shared that breathtaking moment with anyone.
He closed the distance between them and stopped behind her. She didn’t move, and he wondered if she’d even heard him. He didn’t want to startle her by announcing his presence, so he waited for a few awkward moments, hoping she’d realize someone was behind her.
“It’s very lovely. Breathtaking, in fact,” she said softly.
He breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that she was aware of his presence. “Indeed, it is.”
“Strange to think, I have never taken the time to watch the sunset. I have never taken the time to look around me and appreciate God’s creations.”
He laid his hand on her shoulder, caressing it gently, but she remained still. “Your life probably flashed before your eyes when that croc came for you.”
“Yes.”
“Usually when this happens, one realized those things that are normally overlooked in life.”
She folded her arms, rubbing her palms up and over her elbows. “Yes, that’s what happened.” She took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. “I didn’t like what I saw.”
“Are there things you wish you could do over?”
“Plenty of them, but then what I wanted to do requires money. My mother and I were very poor. There was only so much we could do.”
Sadness laced her voice, tugging at his heart. He really couldn’t think of anything to say. Yet there was so much he wanted to ask, so he spoke the first thing that came to his mind. “You are an amazing woman, Katrina Landon. Never have I known anyone like you.”
Finally, she turned and faced him. Her eyes were wide and teary. “Wh—what did you say? That I am amazing?”
“Indeed, you are, my dear. After all you have been through and all you have overcome in your life, especially out here in the jungle, I believe you are truly amazing.”
A tear slid down her cheek and her lips trembled when she smiled. “I cannot believe you said that.”
Using the pad of his thumb, he swiped away a tear. “Why? Do you not think I appreciate brave women?”
Chuckling lightly, she shook her head. “First I’m amazing, and now I’m brave? However did I manage that?”
He smiled. “Indeed you are both, my dear.”
“Thank you.” Her voice lowered. “No man has ever said such things to me.”
He took hold of both of her arms, loosely. “So tell me, dear Katrina, besides being raised poor, is there anything else about you that I should know about?”
The shade of her face turned pale and her eyes widened. Once again, he witnessed her panicked expression. His chest clenched. What else would she tell him? He was almost sorry he’d asked.
* * * *
Dread washed through Katrina. Just as she was seeing that her poverty didn’t bother him, she was certain this new bit of information about her past would make him turn away from her for good. She was quite sure he’d run as fast as he could in the opposite direction.
She really didn’t want to tell him about that part of her life—those few times as a child when she was forced to steal from others just to have enough money to put food on the table. Whenever the tavern was slow, she and her mother always went without a meal or two. Sometimes Katrina just couldn’t take it any longer, and wandered out into the cold night to find something—anything she could steal to sell for money.
She’d only done this for a few months, until she couldn’t take the guilt any longer. Stealing was not the way to get what she and her mother desperately needed. Not long after that had happened, the owners of the tavern moved her from the kitchen into the serving room. Only there had she made more money and never had to steal again.
When Katrina had thought the crocodile was going to kill her, things had flashed in her memory that she now wished had stayed hidden. This was something she had prayed that would have never happened to her.
Men didn’t want to court women with sordid pasts…or scandals that had been in their family.
She wasn’t saying that Felix wanted to court her, but she had certainly been thinking differently about him lately, and she really didn’t want him to know what she had done. Yet she knew she had to tell him.
He sighed and cupped her face gently. “Katrina, you can tell me anything.”
“I fear this little secret may make you think differently about me.”
He shrugged. “I’m sure many people have had bad things happen in their lives. We all move past them.”
“How about you?” She cocked her head, keeping her gaze with his. “Have you done bad things in your life or things you feel ashamed about?”
Chuckling, he dropped his hands to his side. “Yes, I have.”
She arched her eyebrows. “Do you wish to share them with me?”
A lazy smile stayed on his face the more he looked at her. “I suppose it’s only right.”
“Yes, it is. If I’m telling you secrets, you should tell me secrets.”
“Very well, then.” He nodded. “I have not been entirely honest with you about my identity, either.”
She hitched a breath, anxious to hear what he had to say and hoping it wouldn’t be terrible news.
“My father was the Earl of Blackwood. I was the second son, and therefore expected to become a vicar or enter the military. I wanted neither. I was the son who was always in trouble, mainly because I didn’t want the life that was being forced on me.”
“What sort of things did you do?”
He shook his head. “Let’s just say I was an embarrassment to my family. At the age of eighteen, after I was out of school, I fell in love.” His gaze moved away from her toward the sky. “Well, what I thought was love. Back then, I would have done anything for Eva.”
Katrina wished he would continue, but right now he seemed lost in thought. Patiently, she waited, hoping he’d tell her more about the woman he thought he was in love with. Within moments, a frown claimed his face and he looked back at her.
“Eva and I had known each other for years, but soon we didn’t see each other as an awkward girl or foolish boy. She was the spoiled daughter of an earl, and she had many men vying for her hand in marriage. Eva knew my feelings for her, because like a fool, I couldn’t keep my mouth shut.”
When he grinned, she chuckled. “For some reason, I can’t see you blurting out your affections for her.”
“I was a different man back then, young and extremely unwise.”
She nodded. “Please, go on.”
“Eva led me to believe she had feelings for me. Little did I know all she wanted was a quick lesson in passion.”
She sucked in a breath. “Really? A woman of quality?”
He nodded. “Yes. I’m sure it would shock you to know there are women in England like that. Anyway, I met her behind the stables a few times and satisfied her eager curiosity about men. I really thought she was falling in love with me and wanted to be my wife. Within a week, I discovered
she had been betrothed to a marquis. When I confronted her with it, she sneered in my face and treated me as if I were so far beneath her that she couldn’t even step on me to cross the street.”
Even as the sun was setting and shadows played over his face, the evidence of his pain was etched in his expression. After all these years, the woman’s betrayal still left a mark on his heart. Katrina wished she could take him in her arms and comfort him, but she remained still and allowed him to finish his story.
He took a deep breath and slowly released it. “So, now here is the part where I tell you what I did that I was ashamed of and I wish I had never done.”
“Go on.”
“Eva hurt me and humiliated me so much I wanted to strike back at her in any way I could. I wanted her to experience what it felt like to have her heart ripped out of her chest and crushed. I didn’t want her any longer. But I didn’t want any other man to wed such a vicious woman, either, so I spread rumors that I had seen her and another man together on several occasions. I also mentioned that she was with child.”
“Oh, my.” Katrina put her hand to her mouth. “That is bad.”
“Indeed it is. After all, what gentleman of quality would want a woman like that? True gentleman don’t like their love interests to have such disgrace in their lives.”
“True. However,” she touched his chest, “it’s probably something I would have done, too. Nobody hurts me like that and gets away with it. Revenge is sweet, is it not?”
After she said it, she held her breath. Silently, she cursed her own inability to hold her tongue instead of voicing her thoughts before thinking them through. He would definitely think poorly of her now.
But instead of seeing accusation in his gaze, his eyes widened and soon a loud laugh followed. “Oh, Katrina.” He slid his arms around her waist, and pulled her closer. “What a gem you are. Your thoughts of revenge are just as wicked as mine.”
She laughed. “They certainly are.” She stroked the side of his face. “I’m sorry you still hurt from what that evil woman did to you. If I could take away your pain, I would—”
Before she could say anymore, his mouth swooped down and covered her in a searing kiss. Her heart slammed against her ribs and for a moment, she lost her breath. Heat from his passionate kiss poured through her, making her limbs weak.
Excitement rushed through her like never before. He was kissing her! Actually kissing her, even though he knew her background.
She wrapped her arms around his neck, mainly to hold herself up, but there was no way she would swoon due to his tight embrace. He kissed her like a man starved for love, the same way she responded to him. For indeed, she was starving. There wasn’t anything that she wanted more than his love and acceptance.
Happiness overwhelmed her and she relaxed in his arms. She threaded her fingers through his hair, holding his head to hers as she answered his eager kisses. Love bloomed inside her chest, and she didn’t want to stop it this time.
But she must. She hadn’t told him about her younger years of stealing.
As hard as she could, she tried to build the wall around her heart once again. When she told him the truth, he would not want her. In his very own words he’d said about Eva, what gentleman of quality would want a woman like that? If Felix’s friends and family ever discovered Katrina’s past, she would bring shame upon him. She couldn’t bear that kind of rejection.
But she didn’t want to stop the kiss. Never had she felt such contentment. But she had to end it before her heart became anymore involved. He would never want a woman with her upbringing. They were literally from two different worlds and could never be together.
Turning her head, she broke the kiss. “We should return to camp. It’s getting too dark to be out here without a light.”
He kissed her forehead. “You are correct, my dear. When kissing you, time seems to stand still.” He stroked her cheek. “But then you seem to do that to me quite a bit lately.”
Her heart clenched, wishing he wouldn’t say such sweet things to her when she knew he’d take those words back soon.
“Let’s return to the others so I can help with the meal.”
“As you wish.”
He took hold of her hand and walked them back to the camp. Some of the men grinned at them, but thankfully didn’t say a word. Felix seemed to be in a more chipper mood, and it nearly killed her to see him this way when she knew that it wouldn’t last.
Oh, Lord! Give me strength to endure the pain that would eventually come to me.
Chapter Fourteen
Tonight the full moon shined brightly upon the small camp. Their location was mostly underneath the stars, which told Felix they were getting closer to the plantation.
Felix sat by the fire, stirring a stick around in the burning embers. For half of the night, he kept a small fire stoked as he took the first watch. Everyone else slept in their tents, and occasionally the soft snores of the men drifted through the air. For certain, this particular noise would scare away small animals and other creepy-crawling things in the jungle.
But it was the larger animals he worried about. Like jaguars.
Being out here by himself gave him time to think about a lot of things. Sadness crept over him when he thought about the way Carlos had died. None of the men knew the crocs would be by the waterfall. It could have been any of them—even Felix. Even Katrina. It was so senseless, and he wanted to scream from the injustice of it all.
Something…no, someone was out there causing all of this mayhem. How else would the crocs have gotten there if someone didn’t place them in that location? Felix would find the ‘bad spirit’ even if it was the last thing he did.
However, he didn’t want it to be the last thing he did. Now he had something to look forward to, a future he never imagined he could have. He’d met so many women like Eva, he assumed they were all made that way. Even some of the poorer women in Macapá were only after his money. Charming him was a like a game to them because they knew he’d pay well.
Now he’d met the most amazing woman. His very own Katrina. It frightened him to think a woman could soften his heart in only a few short days, but they had been through many things together and shared passion, laughter, and heartache, times he’d never experienced with any other woman. He could honestly admit he was falling in love for the first time in his life. What he felt for Katrina was far different than what he’d felt for Eva.
He put down the stick and stood, stretching his legs and back. Exhaustion was starting to take over his body. He needed to wake one of the other men to take over the second shift so he could get some sleep.
Looking over his shoulder, he zeroed in on Katrina’s tent. He’d go in there and snuggle with her tonight. A grin pulled at the corners of his mouth. He wouldn’t wake her, but just enjoy the closeness until he drifted off to sleep… what a wonderful way to rest.
Anticipation hummed inside of him, and he moved to Pete’s tent and peeked inside. Pete snored so loudly Felix feared his friend would wake the dead along with the living.
“Wake up.” Felix shook his friend.
The snoring became choppy until it came to a stop as Pete blinked awake. “What is it?” he muttered.
“I need you to take over now. I need to sleep.”
Pete rubbed his eyes and yawned. “I will.”
Felix waited outside the tent until the other man crawled out. He stood, stretched, and then scrubbed his hands over his face.
“Are you going to be all right?” Felix asked.
“Yes. I splash water on my face.”
“Splendid. In three hours, wake Emilio and have him stand watch.”
Pete nodded.
“See you again at first light.” Felix clapped his hand on the other man’s shoulder and squeezed. “If there are any problems, call out or come get me.” He motioned his head toward Katrina’s tent. “I shall rest in there.”
Pete snickered. “Uh, sure you will.” He walked away chuckling.
Felix’s chest shook with silent laughs as he crawled in to Katrina’s tent. His men knew him well, that was obvious, yet what they would not realize was that he’d never do anything with Katrina like he had with those other women. Katrina was too special. She was the marrying kind.
Once again, his face hurt from smiling too wide. He did want to marry her, and he’d take her to England with him to be by his side as the Countess of Blackwood. To be sure, his mother and grandmother would not approve of Katrina’s background, but none of that mattered to him. Katrina would make him happy, and he would be proud to introduce her as his wife.
He hoped she would enjoy life in England. Having Katrina with him would make life bearable over there. If only he could stay here, though. This was where he truly wanted to be.
She lay curled on her side, facing away from him. Quietly, he moved behind her and adjusted his body to spoon with hers. As he slid his arm under her head, she stirred a little but didn’t wake up. He draped his other arm around her waist. Immediately, her body stiffened, but within seconds, a soft sigh escaped her throat and she relaxed against him.
Ahh…so nice.
He pushed his face against her hair, breathing in her intoxicating scent of flowers. He didn’t think it fair that women always smelled so good even when they sweat. Nonetheless, he was content to inhale her fragrance and fall asleep this way.
With gentle care, he stroked her arms that were crossed over her bosom before moving to her waist. She wasn’t thin like most women he’d touched, and now he knew why. Indeed, she was used to hard labor. He couldn’t imagine what it would have been like working in a tavern, but he was certain her beauty had drawn men to her like bees to honey. She had probably spent a lot of her time fighting off drunken men.
Sighing, he kissed her neck. No more would she have to work. Not as his wife. The only work she would do was those affiliated with running a household and watching their children.
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