Although his threat frightened her, she had to believe good would win in the end. Yet, he was making it very difficult for her to keep the faith. “There is one problem,” she said in a tight voice. “Mr. Knightly won’t believe me. He won’t believe I want to give this plantation to you.”
“Ah, now that is where you will have to start playacting, like you used to do while working in the tavern.”
She glared at him, hating him that much more. “I don’t understand.”
“If you want Mr. Knightly to live, you need to convince him that England is where he needs to be. Convince him that you do not love him and because of your past, you would never make him a good wife. You would only bring shame to his family. He needs to be home with his family where he can take care of them as the Earl of Blackwood.”
She wanted to ask how Robert knew all of this, but didn’t dare. If he had connections in Brazil, she was certain he had them in other countries as well. But just the thought of telling Felix she didn’t love him and didn’t want to share his life with him tore her heart to pieces.
She didn’t have any other choice. If she wanted Robert to leave Felix and her mother alone, she must do what Robert wanted. After all, the plantation wasn’t worth any of this agony.
* * * *
Felix climbed out of bed and then forced himself to walk back and forth in the room as he tried to regain his strength. He didn’t remember much, not after seeing the panicked look in Katrina’s eyes when he told her he’d been hit with a poisonous dart. But he was informed by Pete that Mr. Landon’s doctor had an antidote. Unfortunately, it would still take a couple of days before Felix was fully recovered. That was two too many, in his opinion.
Sleeping was essential for his body to heal properly, the doctor had told him. It had been several hours since Felix was pronounced out of danger, and he was tired of sleeping. If not for the weakness that hindered his walking abilities, he would have been out of this room and in Katrina’s arms. In his mind, she was the only thing he needed to become well again.
So where was she?
An hour ago, he had the servants prepare him a bath, but the effort of washing himself drained a lot of his strength, which put him right back in bed. Now he was up and didn’t plan on retiring until later tonight.
Felix scrubbed his hands over his face, breathing deeply to clear his mind. He had so many hallucinations since the poison entered his body, and he couldn’t wait to see Katrina to talk to her about one of them. He didn’t want to believe he’d dreamed up her telling him she loved him, but then he didn’t want to ask her about it if it wasn’t real. One way or another, he wanted to open his heart to her, and have her do the same.
He changed his clothes, knowing that the evening meal would be coming soon since he was too weak to join the others in the dining room. It was nice to be able to wear nicer clothes after their journey through the jungle, and of course he wanted to look his best for Katrina. She would come see him. He knew it beyond a shadow of a doubt.
But what was taking her so long?
Donning a pair of black trousers, he stopped and relaxed a few minutes before slipping on a white shirt. It irritated him to think he was already exhausted just from this effort. He left the buttons unlatched at his chest, mainly because his arms were already weary, but also because the evening air came through the opened window and refreshed him.
Pete had been to see him a few times, but Katrina hadn’t. Felix wondered if she’d talked with her father yet. Although this was something Katrina had to do by herself, Felix wanted to be with her. He must give her support, and hold her when she needed comfort.
Perhaps that was where she was right now. Still, he couldn’t wait to see her. If she wasn’t here in the next ten minutes, he’d leave this room and go look for her—even if he had to crawl the whole way.
He sat on the edge of the bed and raked his fingers through his hair, wishing once again, he could regain his strength back quickly. He hated being cooped in here and left out of what was going on.
A small knock came upon the door, and he swung his head in that direction. The rhythm of his heart quickened in hopes that his Katrina was here to see him. “Enter.”
Slowly, the door opened and in walked a vision wearing red silk. When he beheld Katrina’s beauty, he blinked a couple more times, praying he wasn’t hallucinating again. This had to be real. When he focused on her once more, she was still standing in the doorway, looking lovelier than he could have ever imagined.
The gown was unlike anything he’d ever seen before. Red silk with black lace hemming around the neck, sleeves, and the bottom of her dress. Her luscious hair was piled on top of her head in a coil, leaving her slender neck bare. Earrings, long and dangling from her lobes, pulled his attention to that part of her body…the part he’d enjoyed kissing while she was asleep.
He took a deep breath once again, only because he’d somehow stopped breathing while admiring her beauty. “You came,” he said softly.
A sweet smile graced her face as she stepped into his room and closed the door behind her. “I could not stay away any longer. I had to see how you were faring.”
He stood even though his legs threatened to wobble. “I’m gradually getting stronger.” He held out his hand and she came forward, taking it in hers. “But all I wanted was to see you again.” He pulled her closer and cupped the side of her face. She stared into his eyes. “Please tell me I’m not dreaming. Tell you are really here and in my arms.”
Her smile widened, and moisture coated her eyes. “You’re not dreaming. I’m really here.”
“True, but all the other times I was hallucinating, you were with me as well.” He chuckled.
“Do you wish me to pinch you so you’ll know this is real?”
“Yes, please.”
She lightly pinched his arm. “Did you feel that?”
“With all my heart.” He took her hand and placed it on his chest. The warmth from her body merged from her palm into his bare chest. Sighing, he closed his eyes and enjoyed the sensations of desire running wild through him.
“You are still a little feverish,” she said as she moved her fingers in small circles on his skin.
“Yes, a little.” He met her stare again. “But having you here with me now is what I need. Your touch heals me quicker than any kind of medicine.”
A second look at her it suddenly hit him she was on the verge of tears, and deep inside he felt something was wrong. Yet he dared not ask. He didn’t want to hear anything bad right now. He just wanted to hold her and imagine that everything was fine. He wanted them to be in the paradise he’d created in his dreams.
“Felix, you shouldn’t say such things.” Her voice broke and she took a deep breath. “There is no way I could replace a doctor or medicine.”
“There you are wrong.” He pulled her to the bed and sat, because his legs were losing strength once more. He continued to hold her hand against his chest. “The one thing that could make me a whole man again—a complete man—is for you to tell me you love me. You know I love you, my darling. Now I need to hear it from your lips.”
Tears filled her eyes quickly, and his heart sank. No! He would not believe she didn’t return his feelings. They had shared too much. She must have the same emotions bouncing around inside of her as he did. He just knew it!
Taking her head in his hands, he brought his mouth to hers, stopping her from saying anything right now. If his words couldn’t convince her of his love and devotion, then his kiss would.
At first her body stiffened, but within seconds, she relaxed as a sigh escaped her throat. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer, deepening the kiss. She clung to him as if she didn’t want to let go. He certainly didn’t.
The kiss was everything he dreamed it would be, even during his hallucinations. Her lips responded perfectly with his demanding ones, and the little gasps and sighs from her throat let him know she felt the passion between them. He now prayed she’d fee
l his love, and that she would accept it.
He broke the kiss only to trail his lips down her throat. A soft moan rattled through her as she titled back her head. He thought he’d heard her whisper his name lovingly. Feeling encouraged, he continued to devour her neck, making her shiver.
His manly urges started getting the best of him, and he knew he had to stop or he’d make her his wife in the Biblical sense right here and now. Taking a deep breath, he laid his head in the crook of her neck and sighed. “Katrina, I love you so much.”
What sounded like a sob came from Katrina and she pushed him away and struggled to stand.
“What’s wrong, my love?” He reached for her, but she scrambled off the bed and stood. Tears filled her eyes and she shook her head.
“Felix, you will never know how it pleases me to hear you say that, but I cannot…cannot…” She breathed deeply. “This love between us can never be.”
He sat on the edge of the bed again only because he worried he didn’t have enough strength in his legs to stand. “I don’t understand.”
She rose to her feet, wearing an expression of indecision as she wrung her hands against her middle. “There is no doubt that I have fallen in love with you Felix, but we cannot be together.”
“That makes no sense, my darling Katrina. If we love each other, our feelings are all that matters.”
“But it’s not all that matters. Don’t you see?”
She walked closer to him and reached for his hand, which he gave gladly.
“Felix, after you had been hit with that poisonous dart, you said some things that made me start thinking about our future.”
He chuckled lightly. “My darling, I was hallucinating. That’s one of the things this poison will do to a person.”
“Then tell me truthfully. Are you the Earl of Blackwood?”
He hesitated, not because he didn’t want to tell her, but because he was still unsure that going to live in England would make him happy. “Yes, I’m an earl. The day we met in Mr. Jamison’s office, I’d received a letter from my grandmother informing me of my father’s death. She wants me to come back to England and accept my responsibilities. I was going to have one last adventure before returning.”
She squeezed his hand. “You had said something like that in your mumblings.”
“But it’s all right, my love. I want you to go with me as my wife.”
“That’s not possible.” More tears filled her eyes and slid down her face. “I discovered something tonight that I really didn’t know. My father explained to me why he had abandoned me and my mother. Apparently, my mother…” Her voice cracked. “Wasn’t very faithful to him, and he didn’t know if I was his daughter. Because my mother…” she took a quick breath, “sells her favors, she has shamed me greatly. If I marry you, Felix, I will bring that shame with me. I cannot do that to an earl. You deserve better. Your family deserves better.”
He was speechless for a few moments, trying to absorb what she’d just told him. Her mother was a strumpet? His gut twisted, not from the lingering effects from the poison, but for Katrina’s agony. How terrible! How could her mother have done that? But what was worse was that Katrina felt she had to take the blame. That wasn’t right.
“No, my darling. I deserve to be happy, just as you do. My family won’t ever know. I’ll make sure of that.”
She pulled her hand away from his. Shaking her head, she took slow steps backward. “There is more.” She swallowed hard. “When I was younger, I had to resort to stealing from other people just to help my mother put food on our table. I cannot have my past revealed to your family or friends. It would destroy all of you.”
“But you don’t understand. I’ll make certain that nobody knows. Katrina, you grew up in Boston. We’ll be living in England. I highly doubt anyone will know you or your mother.”
“Forgetting about my past will not fix the problem. You are an earl, and so you need to find a wife who will be worthy of the title. I’m not that woman.”
“But Katrina.” He stood, reaching for her again but she took another step away from him. “We will make it work, my darling.”
“I’m sorry, Felix. I will not put you through the humiliation that I have gone through in my life. Find someone else to marry. If you want to make me happy, do this last thing for me.” She reached the door and placed her hand on the latch. “Please return to England as soon as you can, and please don’t think of me again.”
As she ran from his room, her sobs echoed down the hallway. Sadness encased him, making it hard to breathe. His eyes filled with tears and his body shook with silent cries of agony. She couldn’t be serious—but she was. He wanted nothing more than to chase after her, take her in his arms and convince her that they could make it work. London’s society wouldn’t have to know. He did want to make her happy, which mean he had to do as she wished.
He would return to England as a broken man who had lost at love. Again. But no matter what happened, she would always have his heart.
Chapter Eighteen
Now Katrina knew why this place was called the rainforest. It had been two weeks since Felix left the plantation, and out of those two weeks, it had only stopped raining three days.
She sat by the opened window in the sitting room on the main floor, staring out at the rows and rows of rubber trees—Hevea brasiliensis—as far as the eye could see. No wonder her father was so wealthy. His plantation was huge!
Because of the rain pelting the plants and ground, the trees and plants looked greener and more alive. The gray clouds were thick in the sky, and mirrored her mood today.
Everyone in this house seemed disheartened. Most of the staff were polite to her and went out of their way to bring her whatever she needed, but there wasn’t anyone here she could consider a friend or confidant. Oh, how she would love to talk to someone and pour her heart out to them. She didn’t dare pour out her feelings to her father. His state was so weak, she didn’t dare burden him with her problems.
Over the past few weeks, she visited with him, and on some days he was alert and all smiles, and some days he could hardly lift his hand. He told her stories about how he had obtained the plantation. Apparently, he had bought it from his older brother. During his time in Brazil, he had made many friends. From what her father had told her, she gathered he was as powerful as Robert claimed to be. Yet she didn’t dare tell her father about his stepson, because what if Robert was more powerful? Someone would definitely pay. A shiver ran through her just thinking about what that crazy man would do to the people she loved.
Spending time with Henry wasn’t as awful as she had initially feared. She still resented him for abandoning her as a child, but she didn’t tell him that. The sickly man deserved a few happy days before he met his Maker.
The more stories Henry told her, the more she realized that he was a very selfish man. No wonder he hadn’t gotten along with her mother—they were so much alike it was sickening. Nonetheless, these past weeks had softened Katrina’s heart toward the shock of learning about her mother’s wicked past. Lucy had done what she could to bring in extra money for their small, neglected family.
So far this morning, the house had been peaceful, mainly because she hadn’t seen Robert for several days and heard his irritating voice grating on her already frazzled nerves. First thing after she’d awakened and dressed, she went straightway to see her father. Unfortunately, he seemed more tired and weak so she didn’t stay long.
With nothing to do, she wandered into the parlor room to sit and stare out the window while memories of Felix resurfaced. Once again, her heart clenched as sadness filled her. Although she hated herself for allowing Robert’s threats to make her do his bidding, ending the relationship with Felix was the right choice. She couldn’t risk his life by keeping the plantation and convincing him to stay in Brazil with her, and she’d heard stories of how society acted in England, especially if one was part of the ton. Katrina couldn’t bring shame to Felix no matter how much
she loved him. He was a good man and didn’t need embarrassment to come upon him or his family. Under no circumstances could she marry such a prominent man.
She wiped away a tear that had slipped from her moist eyes. As much as she’d been crying lately, it surprised her that she still had tears left in her to shed. The pain in her heart from losing Felix was too fresh, yet she was tired of feeling this way. How long would it take before her heart mended? Why hadn’t Robert taken her back to her mother yet so they could leave for Boston? The wait was killing her!
Out of the corner of her eyes, she noticed one of the maids carrying a tray of tea. The woman smiled at Katrina as she walked to the nearest table.
“I’m hoping you would like some tea.” She set the tray down and picked up the kettle and teacup. Hesitating to pour, she watched Katrina’s eyes, waiting for the approval.
The strong, sweet scent she’d detected during the times she had visited her father, was in this tea kettle, too. Never had she smelled tea this potent. It was all she could do not to plug her nose.
“What was your name again?” she asked the kitchen maid.
“Blanca, Miss Landon.”
“I find it funny, Blanca,” Katrina began, “that since my arrival here, I have never been offered any coffee. Do you not have that in your kitchen?”
A blush splashed over the other woman’s face, and she gave a forced laugh. “Forgive me. I was told you liked tea.”
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