Devon opened his mouth to respond, but just then a young kid recognized him and called out. He ran over with a pen and paper. His mother followed. He asked for Devon’s photo and autograph. Jazz slipped her hand from his. Devon turned to her and knew this was the excuse she needed to walk away. He smiled and posed for the photo. Afterward he looked to see that Jazz was still there. She was. The kid asked him a question. Devon answered while still looking at Jazz.
The young boy handed him a piece of paper and said that he wanted to be a teacher when he grew up. As Devon signed, a couple more kids came over. They took photos and began asking him questions about an injury and whether it would hinder his new contract or his ability to play in the upcoming season. He assured them that he was in perfect condition. They took photos with their cell phones as the conversation continued.
Jazz stepped back, and then moved farther away as a few more kids came over to him. Devon joked and laughed, encouraging the kids to stay in school and study hard. Then the moment took on a life of its own. Soon he was lecturing on grades and responsibility. Jazz watched the ease of his commitment to the kids. This was his element. She moved farther back, then turned and walked away. She headed to her car, got in and drove off. Their last conversation still stayed with her.
It was as if he knew her whole life in one glance. Everything he said about her was accurate, and that scared her. She was afraid of being loved.
Devon called twice. Each time he left a number for her to return the call. She didn’t. She didn’t have anything to say to him. Having gone from one famed disastrous relationship to another, she’d learned early on that her finding love was at best impossible.
She anchored her cell phone on the car-speaker jack and called her best friend to tell her about the strained conversation she’d just had. “I actually thought he was going to be different. He pretended to be sweet and charming. I was wrong. He crossed the line.”
“Why, because he saw right through you? In that case, he sounds perfect,” Savannah said.
“Not funny.”
“I’m serious. He obviously sees past your insecurities and defenses. I’d say that’s a solid point in his favor. Let’s face it. Most men are intimidated by you. He’s not. That’s definitely another point in his favor.”
“Actually, Savannah, you’re missing the point.”
“What’s the point? The man sounds like he cares for you.”
“I must be crazy to get myself involved in something like this again,” Jazz said.
“You’re not crazy, but it does sound like, despite your protests to the opposite, you really like him.”
“Savannah, focus. We’re not passing notes in study hall. It’s not about whether or not I like him. It’s about the fact that I know how it’s going to end and I can’t do this again.”
“How is it going to end?”
“Drama, headlines, heartbreak, same as always, or my personal favorite—I won’t live up to his perfect idea of what Jazelle Richardson should be. I’m not setting myself up to get hurt again,” she vowed. “No, not again.”
“So what are you saying—you’ll never get close to anyone?”
“If that’s what it takes, yes.”
“And you’ll live the rest of your life happily alone?”
“My mother did it, and she was just fine.”
“Jazz, stop it,” Savannah said hotly. “You can lie to everyone else. But you can’t lie to me, and you can’t lie to yourself.” There was a pronounced silence. Neither said anything for a few seconds. Then Savannah continued. “You’re assuming that this won’t last. What if it does? What if the woman he’s looking to be with turns out to be you? The man obviously figured you out in record time, and now you’re essentially too scared to admit that he’s right.”
“I’m not scared to admit anything.”
“Aren’t you?” Savannah said. “You can’t lie to me. I know you too well. Don’t throw away something that might just be what you’re looking for. Don’t you think you deserve a little happiness? You said yourself you thought he was sweet and charming, right? Well, girl, you definitely need that right now. After everything that’s happened in the past two years, you need a little kindness in your life. Also, it sounds like he understands a lot more than you think. And if and when Melanie returns with this mysterious perfect woman, deal with it then. You can walk away having had a great experience.”
“What if I can’t walk away? My mother certainly didn’t.”
“You’re not your mother, Jazz, not even close. You’ve never done the other-woman thing, and you never will,” Savannah said adamantly. “So as you can see, there’s a difference. Frank was married at the time your mom hooked up with him. They both knew it. Devon isn’t married. He’s not even close to being married. There’s only this abstract notion that Melanie is looking for someone for him. What does that even mean? I’ll tell you—nothing. So don’t get this all twisted. You’re not having an affair with a married man like your mom. Not even close. So what are you going to do?”
“What I have to do. I can’t get hurt again.”
“Are you sure that’s what you want?”
“Savannah, the man makes my stomach jump a mile high. When he touches me I melt like hot lava. When he looks at me my heart does summersaults and backward flips.”
Savannah chuckled. “You’re falling for him.”
“Whose side are you on?” Jazz asked.
“You know that there’s nothing he said to you that we haven’t already talked about.”
“I don’t care.” Jazz pouted childishly.
“You’re definitely being stubborn today, aren’t you?”
“No more than usual,” Jazz said then sighed. “I’ve gotta admit, he’s got a good heart. You should have seen him with those kids outside the café.”
“He’s got a good heart. That’s an excellent start.”
“They loved him, and he seemed to love being with them.”
“So what’s there to talk about? He’s obviously attracted to you and you to him. I say enjoy the moment.”
“Even if he breaks my heart?” Jazz said.
“Jazz, listen to me. Stop looking at the forest when the trees are right there in front of you.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means enjoy life as it is right here, right now, and stop worrying about tomorrow and the day after.”
Jazz sighed, again shaking her head. The quick memory of them making love distracted her and nearly took her off the road. A driver coming up beside her blew his horn and sped past with an angry expression. Jazz adjusted, grabbed the steering wheel tighter and focused. “Okay, I can’t do this right now. I need to focus.”
“What was that noise—a car horn?” Savannah asked.
“Nothing,” Jazz said, tossing her hat and sunglasses on the seat beside her. “I wonder what this scandal with him last year was all about.”
“Look it up. You know nothing ever disappears once it’s been on the Internet. And if it was a scandal, it was most definitely on the Internet.”
Jazz considered it. “Yeah, you’re right. So, you think I should just enjoy the moment even though—”
“No. There is no ‘even though.’ There’s enjoying and living in the moment. When are you going to see him again?”
“He mentioned that he wanted to show me some films of him playing football tonight. I told him I was busy.”
“Go.”
“But what if—”
“No. There is no ‘what-if’ in life, remember?”
Jazz nodded. Savannah was right. There was no “what-if.” It was a pact they’d made years ago—no regrets, no remorse and no “what-if’.” Life was too short. “You’re right. No ‘what-ifs.’”
Chapter 13
EXTERIOR—SAG HARBOR
The growing circle of fans around Devon had finally begun to disperse. He said his goodbyes, high-fived and fist-bumped fans after accepting their good-luck wish
es and accolades. When the fans first came up to him, he made sure to keep an eye on Jazz, knowing that she would probably step back out of the way. He caught her eye a few times and nodded. She seemed genuinely relieved by the high-energy fans. Then another throng of teens got out of a car, and Devon knew Jazz had slipped away even before he started looking around for her. He looked down the street both ways; she was nowhere in sight. A few minutes later he was surrounded all over again. School had obviously gotten out.
“Yo, Bolt, looks like you need your offensive line.”
Devon turned, seeing his friend Armand driving up in a pimped-out SUV. With the window down he hung out, smiling as usual. Devon waved then crossed the street. They shook hands. “Hey, how are you feeling? I tried calling you.”
“I’m fine. Damn tree grew up overnight.”
“Yeah, I hear they do that a lot,” Devon joked. “But you’re doing good?”
“Oh, yeah. Scotch and pain relievers don’t mix. Lesson learned,” he said happily. “Thanks for stopping by the other night. I appreciate it.”
“I got your back. Nice ride. What you up to?”
“Chilling,” Armand said then glanced around Devon, seeing the small throng of fans still calling out and waving.
Devon turned and waved to them. “Ya’ll take care,” he said graciously. “See you at the games.” They cheered and talked excitedly as they moved on.
“See, now that’s what I’m talking about. I want that again.”
Devon ignored the remark. “So, where are you going?”
“I’m just getting back from training and conditioning. I swear that guy’s a demon. He costs a small fortune and enjoys inflicting torture. My body’s screaming. But he says I look just as good as I did coming out of Penn State twenty years ago.”
“Who is this guy?” Devon asked, immediately concerned that his friend was being dangerously conned.
“Nah, man, get your own miracle worker. I got this one,” Armand said, laughing. Then he winced.
Devon noticed instantly. “You okay?”
“Yeah. I might have overdone it this morning. But hell, it’ll be worth it come next month.” Somebody driving by blew their car horn and cheered for Devon. “See that? That’s what I’m talking about.”
“Armand, you know that’s not real.”
“It sounds pretty real to me. I need that again. I know that’s why Shelia married me, ’cause I played football.”
“Are you sure about that? Weren’t you two in college together long before the NFL contracts?”
“Yeah, but she saw it coming. That’s why we hooked up.”
“Are you saying that she didn’t love you when you married?”
“Yeah, maybe, I don’t know, probably. It didn’t matter at the time, ’cause I wanted her. But she definitely knew I had a career coming.”
“Armand, man, when I was a rookie and you were my NFL sponsor and I hung out with you, Shelia and the kids, it was like the perfect family. I could tell she loved and adored you. You had the perfect life, but you walked away.”
Armand shook his head. “I know. I let someone else…” He paused and looked away angrily. “She turned my head, and I let her. I divorced Shelia and married her, and she ran through my money like it was air. I was damn near broke when she left me. And even then she tried to take what I had left. Shelia told me to get a prenup at our divorce table. I did. I can’t believe I listened to her. That’s the only thing that saved me.”
“Sounds like Shelia still cared about you,” Devon said.
He nodded. “Yeah, I know. She did love me, but I messed it up. All the women I had while we were married. She never said a word. She never complained. I got stupid and full of myself. I walked out on the best thing in my life. So I’m starting at the beginning, back on the line. It’ll be like it was before. Shelia will come back to me.”
“I don’t think it was ever about football with Shelia. I think it was about you.”
“Nah, she wanted a football player, and I’m going to give her that again.”
“All right, man, I wish you luck with all that. I’ll dance at your wedding,” Devon said, hoping his friend knew what he was doing.
“That’s a bet,” Armand said. They shook hands. “Later.”
Moments later, Devon walked back to his car. He waved occasionally as he passed fans and people he knew. He got in and headed home but then decided to head into Eastville first. Devon pulled up to his grandparents’ driveway a few minutes later. He got out and smelled the smoke instantly. Instead of going to the front door, he opened the side gate and walked around back.
The smell of food cooking got even stronger as thick, flavored smoke billowed into the air. His mouth watered just thinking about his grandfather’s grilling. “Hey, now, look who it is. You were right—you told me that he’d be showing up as soon as I got to cooking,” Claymont Everett said, seeing Devon round the side of the house. He fanned smoke and closed the grill lid as he smiled wide.
Pearl, Devon’s grandmother, chuckled. She nodded her head and opened her arms wide. Devon went right straight for her and engulfed her tiny frame in his embrace. “Hi, honey child, what took you so long? I expected you an hour ago.”
“How could you have expected me an hour ago when I didn’t even know I was coming here until a few minutes ago?”
“Never ask the ways of a woman. They have their own rules, and we love them for it,” Clayton said reverently, without doubt.
“You just might be right about that,” Devon said, thinking about Jazz and hoping that he hadn’t completely messed things up between them.
Pearl looked at him intensely. “It looks like she’s got your heart already. That’s good. It’s time.” Devon looked at her. There was never any hiding the truth from his grandmother.
“Who?” Clayton said.
Pearl smiled. “The woman he was with in town earlier. She’s not just any woman, either, is she? I guess Melanie Harte found you someone really special.” Devon didn’t answer. Thankfully the phone rang inside the house, and Pearl excused herself to get it.
“You want to talk about it?” Clayton asked, setting a plate of food down on the table. He took a seat across from Devon and waited for his grandson to talk. “Who is she?”
“Jazelle Richardson.”
“Yelena’s daughter?” he asked. Devon nodded. “You know we knew Yelena. She even came over for dinner a couple of times. She was good people. So, you’re with her daughter,” he said, nodding his approval.
“Not anymore,” Devon said then looked away, troubled. It wasn’t just about what his grandmother had said. It was about what his heart was feeling. Jazz was special. His heart had locked on to her and wasn’t letting go. “Melanie warned me to go slow, but I didn’t listen. I thought I was helping her.” He looked back to his grandfather and shook his head. “I can’t stop thinking about her,” he said quietly. “She’s everywhere. I feel her all the time. I even dream about her. When I’m not with her, I think of her. I’ve never felt like this before with anyone. I want her in my life.”
“So what are you doing here? Go get her.”
“It’s not that easy. I said things—”
“Son, listen to an old man with many, many years of wooing behind him. If you feel this strongly about her, then do something about it. It doesn’t matter what you said or what she said. Don’t just let this go and wallow in regrets later. And believe me, no other woman will ever measure up once you’ve been touched. Recognize the truth. Melanie Harte’s found your heart’s choice.”
“No, Granddad, this wasn’t Melanie.”
“Where’d you meet Jazelle?”
“At Melanie’s party the other night, but she didn’t even set this up.”
Clayton did his cockeyed smile and shook his head. “You think just because Melanie didn’t present this woman to you in some formal introduction that she didn’t orchestrate this?”
“Either way, it doesn’t matter, because it’s not go
ing any further. She made that clear. She doesn’t want anything to do with me.”
“Change her mind.”
“I can’t. She’s blocking me out.”
“You’re a big, strong football player. Go around.”
“I don’t know if I have it in me to even try. How can I trust my feelings about anyone anymore? I loved Trina and Tasha and look what happened with them. They used me.”
“Jazelle has nothing to do with them, so don’t confuse her with them. Trina and that girl Tasha happened last year. After them, you changed. Your grandmother and I sat by watching you become exactly what you always detested—a user.” Devon looked at his grandfather sternly. The disappointment in his eyes showed. He knew he was referring to the player his father was. It’s what he hated about his father. “Well, I’m not going to sit by idly and let it happen. Enough is enough. Ever since that Tasha woman tried to trap you into marriage, you’ve been going out with all these fake, shallow women. You know exactly who and what they are, so that justifies your assumption that women are all alike and should be treated as such.”
“I gave them exactly what they wanted. I never used them anymore than they used me, and I never treated them badly. I was always up front and told them the deal.”
“Don’t go back down that path. That bad-boy image they painted in the newspapers isn’t you, and you know it. Do what you need to do to be happy. Take some time. Allow tempers to settle. Then go to Jazelle and tell her how you feel.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Good.”
“I’m going to be out of town for a few days,” Devon said. “Tell Grandmom that I’ll catch up with her later. See you, Granddad.” Devon got up and walked away. Twenty-five minutes later he pulled into his driveway but didn’t get out of the car. He turned off the engine and just sat there a moment.
He was thinking about what his grandfather had said. He didn’t actually come out and say that he was disappointed, but he knew it was implied. When it came to his grandfather, it was the empty silences and the words he didn’t say that screamed the loudest. He glanced up in the rearview mirror. He looked at his reflection hard. He was the same man he was a year ago, a month ago, a week ago. He looked the same and he dressed the same. Nothing had really changed on the outside. But on the inside he was different. Trina and Tasha had changed him. Then, the first moment he’d looked across the room and seen Jazz, he’d changed again.
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