It had been the well-respected head of this emergency department who’d stopped him that day, when he’d come here to confront Emma. He’d smelt the alcohol on his breath and had practically frog-marched him into his office and away from making any more of a spectacle of himself.
Stuart had read him the riot act and told him to sort himself out. That while he could sympathise with what he was going through, the way he was acting wasn’t going to help anyone, least of all himself.
Jack had walked out. Just to get his head together, he’d told himself. Stuart was right. He was in no state to talk to Emma. But the mess he was in seemed to get bigger and bigger and so he’d kept on walking. Packed his bag and gone in search of a place where it didn’t feel like the world was exploding around him.
It was possible that Stuart Cameron had been left with the impression that he’d pushed Jack too far and maybe he’d felt at least partly responsible for his vanishing act, which meant that Stuart was one of the people well up on his list of those he needed to make peace with.
‘Is he...? Did he...?’
‘He’s fine.’ Emma’s smile was soft and her eyes looked bright enough to suggest unshed tears. ‘We got him straight into the cath lab and they got his artery open in time to prevent any major damage. He’s resting up in the coronary care unit at the moment. I’m going to go up and see him as soon as I get a chance. Hopefully soon. I won’t say the dreaded Q-word but it’s looking a bit calmer out there right now.’
‘Please pass on my best wishes when you see him. I owe him a big apology, too, but I’d better do that myself.’ Jack’s frown deepened. ‘It’s not right that you’re having to work such long hours. Isn’t someone else coming in to relieve you?’
‘Not for a while. The morning staff are going to try and get in a bit earlier but we were short-staffed anyway. There’s a lot of flu going round at the moment.’ Emma blinked, clearing away the glimmer in her eyes. ‘Hey, I’m fine. I’m not the only one who’s stayed on. And the others were planning a Christmas party in the pub after work.’
‘Weren’t you going to go?’
‘Oh, no...I was going home. To...you know, do the usual kind of Christmas Eve stuff you do when you’ve got children.’
Jack tried to imagine what that kind of stuff was and he could feel himself frowning. Maybe Emma had misinterpreted the frown as disapproval because she dropped her gaze and changed the subject.
‘The good news is that you haven’t broken any bones, including your skull. We’re going to shift you into a side room to clear this resus area and we’ll do some RICE treatment while you’re under observation. I don’t want that haematoma on your leg leading to a complication like compartment syndrome.’
‘I don’t need to be observed. I can get right out of your way if you discharge me.’
But that would mean he’d have to find somewhere to go.
Somewhere that would put him a long way away from Emma.
He wasn’t ready for that. There was too much that still needed to be said.
‘I’m not discharging you until I’m sure you haven’t got a head injury we might have missed. That light’s bothering you, isn’t it?’
Jack lowered his hand but he couldn’t stop himself squinting against the brightness.
‘Have you got a headache?’
‘No worse than a hangover.’
A flash of something that looked like anger crossed Emma’s face. ‘That’s not funny, Jack.’
He sighed. ‘It was supposed to be. I haven’t had a drink in nearly a year, Red. And I hadn’t been coming in to do a theatre list that day, no matter what everyone might have said. I’d only been coming in to see you. To find out where Lily was...’
Emma echoed his sigh. ‘It’s certainly what everyone assumed but...it’s good to know that, Jack. I never really believed that you would have put your patients in danger.’
That’s what the difference was.
Jack realised that some of the tension he’d seen in Emma’s face, from the moment she’d seen him again, had gone. She was ready to hear his side of the story. She wanted to listen and maybe she would be prepared to forgive?
Something had definitely changed and Jack knew this was an opportunity he might have struggled to find otherwise.
Maybe fate had known what it was doing, to have given him the fright of his life and then put him here—under Emma’s care. On this particular night, when the memories and emotions were so raw they provided a background where things could be said that might have otherwise been buried forever.
And Emma was in no hurry to get rid of him.
That flicker of hope he’d felt when he’d been holding her hand gave a tiny spurt and became a steady glow.
Was it his imagination that he could see that glow reflected in Emma’s eyes?
Or was it because she was smiling?
‘Let’s get you sorted,’ she said, standing on the pedal that released the brake on his bed.
‘I can walk.’
‘I don’t think you’ll be weight bearing on that leg any time too soon. And certainly not until it’s properly bandaged. Oh...’ Emma let go of the bed rails and headed to a corner of the room behind him. ‘We’d better take the rest of your gear.’
The scraped helmet was a sad sight. The bag Emma put beside it on the end of his bed was a surprise. He hadn’t noticed that the paramedics on the scene had taken it from the pannier of the bike.
The flap of the soft rucksack flopped open as Emma put it down and the bright green Christmas paper with a cheerful snowman print could be clearly seen.
Emma hadn’t missed it. She seemed frozen to the spot as she stared at it and when she raised her gaze, she looked almost shocked.
‘You’ve got a Christmas present in your bag?’
Had it always been so obvious that he was a complete Scrooge? That he loathed the festive season, and the big day in particular, so much that he wouldn’t touch it with a ten-foot bargepole?
‘It’s just something for Lily,’ he muttered. ‘A bear that has stuff all over its clothes. Like zips and buttons and buckles. Apparently it’s educational. And very popular.’
He couldn’t decide whether Emma looked like she was about to laugh or cry.
Her voice sounded equally precarious.
‘She’ll love it. She’s got the busiest little hands ever and she’s at her happiest when she’s trying to figure something out with them. It’s...it’s a perfect choice.’
Jack nodded but one of those words seemed to have gone to his throat via his ears and was sitting there as a lump.
‘She’s...happy?’
‘Always. Here...’ Emma reached into the pocket of her scrubs and produced her phone. ‘Mum took these tonight after I’d told her I couldn’t get home when I’d thought I would.’
There was Lily, in a pink jacket, with silver tinsel in her hair and a big carrot in her hands. And then she’d looked up with the proudest grin on her face and that had been captured in the next photo.
Jack couldn’t identify the wash of emotion that flooded his senses. Those dark curls... That joyous grin...
She looked so like Ben had looked as a child.
And Ben had been his own mirror image.
He couldn’t begin to articulate how he felt—it was too big.
‘What’s with the carrot?’ he queried, his voice gruff.
‘It’s for the reindeer. It’s one of those things you do on Christmas Eve. You put carrots and water out for the reindeer and some milk and cookies for Santa.’
‘Oh...of course...I’d forgotten.’ Or he’d tried to. Hadn’t he and Ben watched through a window one year when the ‘real’ kids in that foster family had got to do exactly that?
Focusing on something as trivial as a carrot hadn’t made t
he big feeling get any smaller.
‘Can you find my wallet in there? In the side pocket?’
Emma looked puzzled but did as he asked. Jack opened the old, leather flap and then searched for an internal pocket he hadn’t touched for a very long time. The scrap of photographic paper he pulled out was creased and had tattered edges but the image was still perfectly clear. Two small boys, in their Sunday best, standing hand-in-hand on a London bridge.
‘It was our fifth birthday,’ he told Emma as he handed her the photo. ‘Mum took us to see the sights in London as our birthday treat. She died not long after that.’ It felt painful to swallow. ‘It’s the only photo I’ve still got from our childhood.’
‘Oh, Jack...’ There was no doubt that tears were winning any battle for Emma right now. ‘Look at you both... Lily’s got your smile. Exactly the same hair...’
‘She’s a Reynolds, all right...’
He could identify that big feeling now. It was recognising a bond of limitless power. The kind of bond he’d had with Ben as a child that had meant he would never be alone in a huge and terrifying world. A bond that had given his life a meaning it would never have otherwise had as an adult.
The bond of family.
Love...
Was it possible that he loved Lily?
He hadn’t seen her in so long. She’d been no more than a distressed and miserable baby and the only feeling he’d had coming through the onslaught of grief had been...fear. Fear that he couldn’t deal with the overwhelming responsibility that had just been dumped into his life.
Fear that he could never even begin to love her because he’d just been reminded of what it was like to lose the people that you loved...
And yet, here he was, feeling the stirrings of that kind of love without even trying. It was just there...
He had to clear his throat. ‘She’s beautiful,’ he said softly. ‘And she does look so happy.’ His gaze held Emma’s. ‘How can I ever thank you for what you’ve done?’
‘You don’t have to,’ Emma said. ‘I made a promise to Sarah that I would never have broken. I didn’t realise it at the time, but it was the most amazing gift I could have ever received. I couldn’t imagine life without Lily now.’
She caught her lip with her teeth, as if she could hear the echo of her vehement threat of not letting Jack take Lily away from her. There was something very different showing on her face now. Something very vulnerable.
‘Actually...there is a way you can thank me.’
‘Tell me.’
The deep breath that Emma took advertised that this was something huge but if he could do it, he would.
‘You could be part of her life. Maybe even enough to be the father figure she’s going to need.’
Oh, man... This was even bigger than he’d imagined. Despite the fear she’d displayed when she’d thought he was coming back to try and take Lily away from her, she was prepared to open a door into her life and invite him in?
She trusted him.
And that felt as big as the concept of taking on a role as a father figure.
Too big?
There was a voice in the back of his head, telling him that this was the time to warn Emma he was only here to visit. To make peace so he could move on with the rest of his life.
But there was another voice. A much softer one. So soft that it was more of a sensation than a sound. And it was asking him how on earth he thought he could move on and...and leave his family behind...
Emma clearly sensed that he needed space to absorb her suggestion.
‘You good to go? I’m supposed to have this resus area cleared by now.’
Jack nodded and she folded the flap of the rucksack to cover the brightly wrapped gift.
‘I’m sorry I didn’t bring a gift for you,’ he said as he felt the bed start to move. ‘I’m not good at this Christmas stuff yet.’
‘Oh, but you did, Jack.’ Emma’s smile was the loveliest he’d ever seen. ‘You brought yourself.’
CHAPTER FOUR
THE DECORATIONS IN the corridor leading to the coronary care unit made Emma smile.
Long strands of green tinsel had been attached to the pale walls in the shape of an ECG trace of a heart rhythm. Whenever a green length ended, red tinsel had been used to make a heart shape.
Very Christmassy, but it wasn’t going to offend anyone with over-the-top jolliness if they were on their way to visit a loved one who was critically ill with a heart condition.
The joy of the season was very much with Emma as she slipped quietly into the private room at the end of the unit, where Stuart Cameron lay resting on the bed. The steady, soft beep of the cardiac monitor was as reassuring as the smile coming from this patient.
Emma took hold of his hand as she sat on the chair beside the bed, carefully avoiding the IV port taped into place. It was a long moment before she could trust herself to speak.
‘Don’t ever give me a fright like that again, Stu.’
‘I won’t, lass.’ He squeezed her fingers before letting go of her hand. ‘Sorry about that. What a night to choose, hmm?’
‘Mmm. They tell me you’re doing very well, though. Your enzymes are dropping fast and your ECG looks almost normal again. Any chest pain?’
‘I thought you came here as a visitor, not a doctor.’
Emma grinned. ‘As if you wouldn’t be giving me the third degree if it was you visiting me.’
‘That’s the downside of being a doctor sometimes, isn’t it? Often it’s more about who we are than what we do.’
‘Which is why you never retired when you were supposed to.’
Stuart shrugged. ‘It’s my life. I don’t intend to stop now, either. With the new set of pipes they’ve given me, I’ll probably be good to go for another ten years.’
Emma shook her head. It wasn’t the time to suggest that the stress of running an extraordinarily busy emergency department might not be the best way to continue his contribution to medicine.
‘How’s it going down there? I’ve been lying here worrying about you.’
‘Well, you can stop doing that right now. We’re under control, obviously, or I wouldn’t have been able to escape up here for a bit. Alistair stayed on, bless him. He’s a great right-hand man. He’ll page me if anything else big comes in.’
‘Anything else? What’s come in so far?’
‘Ah...’ Emma wanted nothing more than to confide in this man who was a real father figure for her, but she wasn’t about to give him any unnecessary stress. He needed to rest. ‘We got a couple of stabbed Santas a while back. A turf war in the middle of town about who had the right to sell the twinkly earrings and necklaces, apparently. Oh, and those reindeer horns with the flashing stars—you know the ones?’
Stuart snorted. ‘I’ve seen them.’
‘Anyway. One had an arterial bleed that Alistair had to control with forceps and then tie off and while he was doing that, the other one crashed with a rather dramatic tension pneumothorax. I got dragged in and ended up demonstrating a finger thoracostomy for my new registrar.’
‘Successful?’
‘Textbook. He’s since put a drain in himself. He’s doing well.’
Stuart’s glance was shrewd. ‘What was it that you had to get dragged away from?’
Emma’s glance slid sideways. ‘Nothing important. Motorcycle MVA. He’s okay. Bit bumped and bruised. I’m just keeping him in to watch for any signs or symptoms of a head injury.’
She was trying to keep her voice light enough to make the report completely impersonal but Stuart knew her too well.
‘What’s going on, Emma? There’s something you’re not telling me.’
She summoned a smile. ‘I didn’t come here to give you something to worry about, you know. It’s nothing
.’
‘If you don’t tell me, I’m going to lie here and worry even more. Given everything I’ve seen in the far too many years I’ve been doing this job, I can assure you that my imagination will conjure up far worse things than whatever is bothering you probably deserves.’
Emma started to get out of her chair but then sank down again, biting her lip. ‘I guess you’re going to hear about it soon enough anyway, given how fast gossip goes along the grapevine around here.’
‘Everybody tells me everything.’ Stuart nodded. His smile was almost mischievous. ‘And if they don’t tell me what I want to know, I’ll go and find out for myself. If you disappear now, I’ll give Alistair a call before you’ve had time to get back downstairs. Or maybe Caroline...’ He nodded slowly. ‘Yes...she always knows what’s going on.’
‘It’s not that big a deal,’ Emma said hurriedly. ‘Honestly. It was a bit of a shock that it happened today, that’s all.’
‘That what happened?’
‘Jack Reynolds is back,’ Emma said quietly. ‘He was the motorbike accident victim.’
The beeping of the monitor beside her didn’t change its tempo or rhythm and Emma felt herself relaxing into the silence that followed her words. What took her by surprise was that Stuart’s hand covered her own and gave it a pat. Looking up, she could see that he understood exactly how hard that had been for her and that he was ready to give her whatever support she might need.
That was enough to bring tears to her eyes.
‘Oh, lass...what a day to have chosen, hmm?’
‘He says that’s why he came. Because it’s Christmas and...and he wants to make peace...’
Stuart closed his eyes, nodding slowly. The hint of a smile touched his lips. ‘At last... I’m so pleased about that.’
‘Why do you say that?’
The older consultant opened his eyes again. ‘He’s a good man, at heart. I always knew that. He had his demons—more than most—but I had a feeling he’d be back to do the right thing one of these days.’
‘The right thing?’ It was Emma’s heart that was speeding up after missing a beat. ‘He swore he hasn’t come to take Lily away from me...’
Their First Family Christmas Page 5