Secrets Kept

by Allie Everhart

  "I'm glad we didn't wait," I tell him.

  "Same here. But now I'm even more starving."

  "I'm hungry too. Let's clean up and go find some food."

  "In a minute. I'm still recovering." He rests his head on my shoulder.

  I laugh and run my fingers through his hair.

  Once his breathing is back to normal, he lifts up on his forearms and looks at me. "I've never felt this way."

  "What way? You mean about the sex?"

  "I mean about you. I've never felt this way about a girl. Like I can't get enough of her. Can't stop thinking of her. Want to be with her all the time. But that's how I feel about you."

  I smile. "Since when?"

  "Since I met you. I know it sounds crazy but when I saw you at my parents' house that night it was like there was something drawing me to you. I don't know what it was or why I felt it." He grins. "Maybe love at first sight really does exist."

  "Maybe not love but...attraction, maybe."

  Gavin moves off me and lays on his side. "You ever been in love?"

  "No. I mean, I thought I was with guys I dated in the past, but looking back I think it was more lust than love." I turn to face him. "How about you? Ever been in love?"

  "I'm not sure yet. I think the answer is yes but since it hasn't happened before now, I might need another week or two to confirm it."

  Is he talking about me? Is he saying he might be in love with me? Am I in love with him? I find myself constantly wanting to be with him, missing him when he's not around, thinking about him. Is that love? I think it's too soon for that but I guess it's possible.

  "What about Leighton?" I ask. "You talked about marrying her, but you weren't in love with her?"

  "I thought I was, but there was always this feeling that something wasn't right between us. I wanted to love her, and I tried to, but part of me knew I didn't. I just didn't want to admit that to myself."

  "It's a good thing you didn't marry her."

  He smiles slightly. "We shouldn't be talking about our exes, especially when we're in bed together."

  "You're right."

  He takes my hand in his. "So how are you feeling about this? Us?"

  "Better than I felt about any of my past relationships." I pause to think. "I feel...I'm not sure of the right words...maybe calm? Secure? In the past I was always waiting for something to go wrong, always thinking the relationship's about to end. It's not like I'm a pessimist or anything. It's just that the guys I've dated tend to be immature, always looking for a good time. They'd get bored easily so when they'd had enough of me, they'd move on. And then I got hurt. But it's my own fault for dating those guys. I tend to be drawn to bad boys."

  "So why are you dating me?"

  I lean over and kiss him. "Because you're hot. And sexy. A gentleman. You're mature but have a bad boy side I find irresistible." I run my hand down the center of his muscular chest.

  "You think I'm a bad boy, huh?" he asks in a flirty tone as he grabs my ass and pulls me against him.

  "You are in the bedroom," I say, my eyes going to his. I see how turned on he is. I can feel it, his erection pressing against me.

  "I'm feeling the need to be bad right now." He shoves the sheet back and kisses his way down my body.

  I smile. "We're never going out, are we?"

  He doesn't answer, his mouth too busy pleasuring me.

  We eventually do leave the room, but not until eight that night when we finally go out to eat. He takes me to a hip, trendy restaurant that has live music and a small dance floor. We end up hanging out there until one in the morning, having drinks, listening to music, and people-watching. It's a great night, and not just because we're in New York. It's great because I'm with Gavin. I have so much fun with him, more fun than I've ever had with a guy.

  ***

  The next day, we head home and get back to my apartment just after lunch. Megan is there with Decker and the two of them are snuggled on the couch, watching TV. Megan jumps up to standing as we walk in.

  "What are you doing here?" she asks, her hair a mess, her t-shirt inside out. "I thought you weren't coming back until tonight."

  "Gavin had to get back early to work on a paper for class." I smile at her. "Did we interrupt something?"

  "No." She smooths her hair. "We were just watching TV."

  "Hey." Decker stands up next to Megan. His plaid shorts are wrinkled and his white button-up shirt isn't buttoned right.

  "Hey, Decker. Megan," Gavin says to them. He leans down and gives me a kiss. "I'll call you later, okay?"

  "Yeah." I wish he could stay but it's probably good we have some time apart. We can't be together all the time.

  He leaves and I'm left with Megan and Decker, feeling awkward, like maybe I really did interrupt something. Given the state of their clothes, I would've thought they've already done it but maybe they were just getting started when I walked in.

  "I think I'll go for a run," I say. "Maybe stop at the grocery store when I'm done." I check the clock. "I'll probably be back in a couple hours."

  "Yeah, okay," Megan says, like she's urging me to hurry up.

  I go in my room and change clothes. My phone dings with a text from Gavin.

  Think we got there at just the wrong time?

  Definitely. I think they'd just started something when we walked in. I'm going for a run. Give them some alone time.

  You want to run to Moorhurst? I heard there's a guy there who really wants to see you.

  I think that guy just spent the weekend with me.

  And yet he still wants to see you.

  Then maybe I'll stop by later.

  You can always hang out in my room while I write my paper.

  I don't want to bother you. Besides I feel like I should work out.

  You didn't get enough of a workout this weekend?

  Different kind of workout.

  How about dinner? Pick you up at seven?

  Sounds good. See you then.

  We hadn't planned to have dinner but we can't seem to stay apart for longer than a few hours. That's probably not a good thing. We both need our space, but we get plenty of space during the week when I have work and he has class.

  As I'm out on my run, my dad calls. I haven't talked to him since I left his house.

  "Hey, Dad."

  "Hi, honey. Are you still in New York?"

  "No, we got back around noon. Gavin had to work on a paper."

  "Did you have lunch with his parents yesterday?"

  "Yeah."

  "And? How'd it go?"

  I stop running and sit on a large rock that's just off the trail. "It went okay."

  "Which means it didn't go well."

  My dad is always reading between the lines. That's the cop in him, always trying to find out what's really going on.

  "It was fine. His mom didn't seem to like me, but I don't think she likes anyone. She's kind of strange."

  "And what about his father?"

  "He was friendly. A lot friendlier than he was at the party I catered at his house a few weeks ago."

  "What do you mean?"

  "He was really serious that night. Not very friendly. But he had some kind of meeting he was in charge of so his mind was probably on that."

  "Meeting? I thought you said it was a party."

  "It was a dinner party but they had some kind of meeting during the dinner."

  A guy runs past me with a dog and it barks at me.

  "What was that?" my dad asks.

  "A dog. I'm on the trail."

  "Kate, I've told you a million times not to run alone."

  "I'm not alone. There's people out here, like the guy who just ran by."

  "So it's you and some strange man. That's not what I want to hear."

  "Dad, you're being too protective. People run on this trail all the time."

  "Doesn't matter. Crimes can happen anytime, anywhere. And a trail in the woods is not a safe place for a young, attractive woman. You know how ma
ny cases I've seen of—"

  "Yeah, I know," I say, stopping him before he gives me the gruesome details of a girl who was killed in the woods. I've already heard these stories many times and they always freak me out, which is why my dad keeps telling them to me. He's hoping they'll eventually scare me enough to make me stop running alone.

  "I'll be careful. I promise."

  "Do you have your pepper spray?"

  "Yes, and my phone is fully charged."

  "That doesn't make me feel better."

  "Dad, I'm fine. Nothing's going to happen."

  "Why don't you have Gavin run with you? I'm sure if you asked, he'd agree to go."

  "He's writing his paper for class. But yes, if I asked, I'm sure he'd go with me."

  "Then go home and run later when Gavin's done with his paper."

  I roll my eyes. "I should go. Can we talk later?"

  "Is it getting serious?"

  "What?"

  "You and Gavin?"

  "I don't know yet. We haven't dated that long."

  "It seemed serious when you two were here. Just the fact that you brought him here to meet me says a lot."

  "I just wanted someone in the car with me on the drive there."

  "It was more than that. You wanted me to meet him."

  He's right but I don't want to admit it.

  "Can we talk later? Like maybe later this week?"

  "Sure. Call me whenever you can. We need to start talking more, Kate. It's been too long."

  "I know."

  "Call me soon."

  "I will. Bye, Dad."

  "Bye, honey."

  As I continue my run, I think about what he said about my relationship with Gavin becoming serious. It's already serious, and getting more serious every time we're together. We've even started talking about a future together. But do I want that? I definitely want to keep dating him. I can even see myself marrying him someday. But being part of a wealthy family? A political family? I don't know about that. Just having lunch with his parents had me on edge, so how would it feel to be part of his family?

  It's too soon to worry about that. Marriage, or even an engagement, is way off in the future. For now, I'm just going to focus on how happy I am when I'm with Gavin. He really does make me happy. And for now, that's all that matters.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Gavin and I have been dating for over a month now and I think I'm in love. I've never been in love so it's hard to say for sure but it feels like love. That all-consuming feeling that takes over, making your mind and body long for the person when they're not around. Like part of you is missing when you're apart.

  Megan tells me it's just hormones making me feel this way. She said those feelings will wear off in a few months and that's when the true test of a relationship begins. But I don't think these feelings will go away.

  Gavin told me he loves me last weekend. We were out at the lake by Henry's cabin, gazing up at the stars. There was no warning. No lead up. We were just lying there, quietly holding hands, and Gavin said 'I love you'. It was perfect. Not just the words, but the way he said it. Like it was just a given. Like I already knew, which I did, but that it still needed to be said.

  I said it back, because I really do feel like I love him even though I'm still questioning what love is. But I don't know how else to describe these feelings so I'm going with love.

  "Do you really have to go?" Gavin asks as we lie in my bed. It's just after five and I have to leave for work soon. Gavin came here at three and we've spent the whole time in bed. The sex is still great so we do it a lot.

  "I have to get ready. I have to shower and put on my uniform and I don't want to be late."

  "The party's at my parents' house. You're dating their son. Trust me. You can be late."

  "Carol would disagree with that. She doesn't care if we're dating. She'll still fire me if I'm late."

  Carol is still trying to get me to break up with Gavin. When I'm around her, I won't even mention his name because if I do, she'll try to convince me to date someone else. I don't understand why she doesn't like him, and when I ask, she's always vague, saying we're not a good fit. But how would she know? She knows very little about me outside of work, other than what my mom tells her, but since moving to Florida, my mom doesn't talk to Carol much.

  "You need a different job," Gavin says. "Why don't you just quit and start working on your restaurant?"

  Gavin and I have talked a lot about my restaurant plans. He's been so supportive. He even offered to give me money to help get my plan off the ground. But I turned him down. I'd feel odd using his money. I need to get a bank loan like my mom did. I've been talking to her about my restaurant idea and she's excited for me but also concerned. She keeps telling me how difficult it is to own a restaurant and how I need to do a lot of thinking and planning before moving forward.

  So for now, I'm continuing to work at my catering job, saving as much money as I can.

  "I'm not ready yet," I tell him. "I'm not even sure where I want the restaurant to be."

  "Do like you said. Start with a food truck and test it out. Then if all goes well, you can get a permanent place." He kisses me. "Wherever we decide to go after graduation."

  "We?" I smile.

  "You think I'm not taking you with me after I graduate?"

  "Maybe I want to stay here."

  "Do you?"

  "No." I laugh a little. "I was just joking. This town isn't big enough to support another restaurant."

  "Do you know where you want to go?"

  "Not really."

  "But you want to stay in Connecticut."

  "Probably. At least for a few years."

  "Good." He grins like he's hiding a secret.

  "What does that mean? Are you not telling me something?"

  "I just found out I got a job for after graduation."

  "You did?" My heart sinks at the thought of him leaving. It's still months away but I don't want him to go.

  "It's entry level and doesn't pay much but it's exactly what I want to do. It's for an organization that fights to get affordable housing for the poor. I'll be working on public policy initiatives."

  "Where's the job?"

  "In New York. But I was thinking I'd live in Connecticut. Somewhere close to the city."

  "Why wouldn't you just live in New York?" I ask, knowing he could afford it.

  "Because it'll be harder to open a restaurant in New York. It's expensive and there's so much competition."

  "What are you saying?" I ask hesitantly.

  His hand cups the side of my face, his eyes on mine. "I'm saying after I graduate, I want us to get a place together. And I want you to start your restaurant."

  I sit up slightly. "Are you serious?"

  "I don't want you putting off your dreams any longer. I feel like I'm already living mine. Working on my dad's campaign. Getting the job that I wanted. And most importantly, finding the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with."

  Tears form at the corners of my eyes. "Gavin."

  "It's true. I can't imagine being with anyone else. I know it's early in our relationship to talk about this but when you know you've found the person you want to be with, why wait?"

  I look at him, no longer questioning if it's love that I'm feeling. I know it is. I know because of how I felt when he said that just now. A peace and contentment came over me, knowing Gavin wasn't going anywhere. That we were in this together. That this man, who has become my friend, my confidant, my biggest supporter, would always be at my side.

  "I love you," I say to him.

  He smiles. "Is that a yes? You'll come with me after graduation?"

  I nod. "Yes."

  "And you'll start your restaurant?"

  "I don't know. I might need another year to plan it."

  "You've been planning it your whole life. It's time to stop thinking about it and just do it."

  "I know but—"

  "I don't want you to keep waiting for this. And b
esides, it's only fall. You have months to work on your plans. But next summer, I want you to make those plans actually happen. Stop putting it off. I know you're scared, but I know you can do this. I believe in you and I'll help in whatever way I can."

  "You're too good to be true." I laugh a little. "Are you sure you're real?" I say it like a joke but it's how I really feel. I can't believe a guy as great as Gavin even exists. And that he loves me and wants to be with me. The old Kate would doubt it, convinced Gavin was just saying those words but didn't mean them. But now, for once, my untrusting heart believes that this is real. That I've truly found the man that I love.

  "So," he says in a serious tone, "are you really on board with this? Because it's what I want. But I want to make sure you want it too."

  "I do. I'm totally on board." I lunge forward and hug him. "I can't believe we're already planning this. Moving away together. Getting our own place." I pull back. "So how'd you get a job this soon? They know you're still in college, right?"

  "Yeah, but my dad is friends with the guy who hired me. They went to college together. So I got some favoritism but it wasn't just that. I met all the qualifications for the job and I promised the guy I'd work harder than anyone else there. I really want to make a difference in people's lives and I think with this job, I'll be able to do it."

  "That's awesome. Congratulations!"

  "Just think..." He kisses me. "Soon we'll be starting our lives together. In our own place." He kisses me again. "No more dorm room. No roommates. Just us."

  "We still have months to go before that happens."

  "But it's something to look forward to." He runs his hand along my bare shoulder and down my arm. "Call in sick tonight. I want to stay here in bed with you." He talks in my ear. "Do things to you."

  "I'd love that but I can't miss work."

  He sighs and sits back. "I wish I could be there tonight."

  "You'll have a better time at the Moorhurst party."

  "Maybe. But you won't be there."

  Gavin's going to a party for a guy on his floor who turned 21 today. The party is off campus somewhere. Everyone on Gavin's floor is going so it'd look bad if he didn't show up. The guys already give him shit for spending so much time with me instead of hanging out with them.

  "If you were at your parents' party, you wouldn't see me anyway. I'll be working."