by Judy Corry
“What was it this time?”
Jess exhaled. “More stupid stuff. Like she’s been bossing me around a lot lately.” He glanced over at me as he drove. “You know, telling me what to wear and how to cut my hair.”
“She doesn’t like your clothes? I love the way you dress.”
“No. Apparently, my jeans aren’t skinny enough.” He rolled his eyes.
I scrunched up my nose. “Eww. I hate it when guys wear those skin-tight jeans.” I reached over and grabbed his shoulder in mock desperation. “Please tell me you didn’t cave to her demands. I don’t think I can be seen with a guy who wears tighter pants than I do.”
Jess chuckled. “Don’t worry. I didn’t.” We drove for a moment before he spoke again. “Does it bother you when a guy hasn’t shaved for a few days? I mean, do you think it looks sloppy?”
I hadn’t noticed before, since it was dark in the car, but Jess had a few weeks’ growth on his face. “It depends on the guy. Some guys can pull it off, others can’t.”
“So, what are the determining factors on whether a guy can pull it off or not?”
I cleared my throat. “Well, it depends on the shape of a guy’s face, the length of his hair, and his ability to grow a decent beard. Like, if it’s patchy, I’d say he needs to stay clean shaven.”
Jess nodded, but I could tell he wanted more. “What about me? I’ve been doing No-shave November with my roommates. Do I look as bad as Kelsie says?”
“Hmm, it's a little hard to tell in this light,” I said, trying to avoid telling him what I really thought about how he looked, because he looked good. Way too good.
His shoulders slumped. “It looks that bad?”
He looked crushed; I couldn’t let him think he looked terrible when he looked the opposite. “No, Jess. You look good with facial hair.”
His lip lifted into a crooked smile. “How good is good?”
I blushed, realizing he wasn’t going to let up the interrogation until I flat-out told him. “Let’s just say that Kelsie’s wrong on this one, because I don’t normally like facial hair on guys my age and I think you may have changed my mind.”
Was the heater on full blast? Because I was suddenly overheated.
“You think I can pull it off?”
“Um…yeah.” I nodded, feeling my blush deepen.
Jess smiled and leaned back in his seat, content with my answer.
I, on the other hand, had a hard time relaxing the rest of the drive—having just admitted to my best friend that I thought he was attractive. I was curious, though. I’d never touched facial hair before, and I wondered how it felt. Ashlyn always talked about how she hated kissing Luke when he hadn’t shaved, complaining about getting beard burn. But Jess's scruff didn’t look too prickly. I couldn’t help but wonder what it would feel like to run my fingers along his jawline. What would it feel like against my cheek? Or my lips?
“So is your beard scratchy or something?” I blurted out when we were walking into his house.
He stopped and turned to face me. “Why do you ask?”
“Well,” I floundered for an excuse. “I-I guess I’m wondering why Kelsie hates it so much.” I couldn’t meet his eyes.
“Why would it being scratchy have anything to do with it?” He took a step closer.
I shrugged and tried to sneak past him down the hall, but he stuck his arm out, creating a barrier I couldn’t get through. I backed into the wall trying to put a few more inches between us and said, “Well, you know.” When he didn’t appear enlightened by my eyebrow raising, I continued, “I figured she must not like the way it feels.”
“Oh.” He did a slow nod, finally catching my drift. “No, after a week or so it's pretty soft.” He paused, scrubbing his fingers along his chin with a thoughtful look on his face. “Here.” He leaned a shoulder against the wall I was trapped against, grabbed my hand, and lifted it to his face.
He moved my fingers along his cheek, back and forth, so I could feel his short beard.
My fingers trembled as they caressed his jawline. “You’re right,” I squeaked. “It is soft.”
Our eyes met, and his narrowed as they searched mine. I knew he had totally noticed my trembling fingers, but must have decided to ignore it because in the next moment he let my hand drop.
I urged my heart to stop racing when he stepped away.
“My family is out tonight. So I hope you don’t mind just hanging out with me,” he said.
“That’s cool.”
Jess could turn into a band of feral monkeys and I’d still probably have a way better time here than I would at home.
“Are you hungry?” Jess walked to the fridge and ducked inside. He pulled out a few containers of leftovers and set them on the counter.
“I could go for some of your mom’s cooking.”
“I know what you mean. Living at home did have its perks.” Jess grabbed two plates from the cupboard behind him and dished a big square of lasagna on each. He covered one with a paper towel and popped it in the microwave.
“I thought you said you were eating pretty well since you’re this gourmet cook and all.”
Jess smiled. “That only happens once a week, my friend. The other six days I’m lucky if my roommates don’t steal my leftovers, leaving me stuck with canned foods or frozen burritos.”
“I still don’t know if I believe that you’re some cooking prodigy. I’ve never heard of cooking skills being genetic.”
“They aren’t. But there are these things called recipes, and if you have a good one that your mom emailed you, and you know how to measure ingredients correctly and follow instructions, you’d be amazed at what can happen.” The microwave beeped so he switched out plates and put the hot one in front of me.
I cut into my lasagna and blew on it before taking a bite. I closed my eyes as I chewed to fully experience the awesomeness filling my mouth.
When I opened my eyes, I found Jess staring at me with a huge grin.
“What?” I covered my mouth with my hand, suddenly feeling self-conscious.
“You’re cute when you eat.” He filled two glasses with ice water before taking his food out of the microwave and sitting on the stool next to me.
“I’m glad I could amuse you.” I took another bite, this time keeping my eyes wide open as I swallowed.
We ate in silence for a few minutes before Jess spoke suddenly. “Would you think I was crazy if I decided to take next semester off school?”
I almost dropped my fork. “What? Why would you do that?”
“I don’t know if pre-med is for me, after all.”
“Are the classes too hard?”
“They’re hard, but that’s not it. I’m just not interested in it like I thought I’d be. I realized the main reason I got into it was because my parents always wanted a doctor in the family. I think I only did it to impress them.” He sighed. “It sounds dumb. I’m like the biggest people pleaser ever, it’s ridiculous.”
If Jess had a fault, that was it. Though it had been nice when I’d needed so much help from him last year.
“Is there something else you want to study?”
“I’m not sure. I’ve been thinking about a lot of different things. Culinary school even made the list.”
“Really?”
His face fell. “You think it’s a dumb idea too?”
“No, not at all. I’m just surprised.” I narrowed my eyes. “Who told you it was a dumb idea?”
He looked down and swallowed. “Kelsie. She thinks I’m throwing my future away, going after some random dream. She thinks I should choose a career with more stability.”
“Kelsie doesn’t know what she’s talking about.” All she cared about was status and money. All summer she’d bragged and bragged about how her boyfriend was going to be a rich doctor, possibly surgeon someday, as if she’d already envisioned herself as his trophy wife.
I almost said my thoughts aloud but bit my tongue at the last second. I knew once I got st
arted I wouldn’t be able to stop. I had watched Jess get bossed around by that girl way too much since they started dating, and I had come close, on several occasions, to telling Jess what I really thought about Kelsie. But I didn’t want to say anything, only to have Jess get mad at me and not want to hang out anymore.
“Are you going to tell your parents about your plans?” I asked.
He shifted in his seat, his gaze trained downward. “I want to. I mean, I need to. I just haven’t found the right moment. You know what I mean?” He looked up, meeting my eyes. “That brings me to my second choice.”
“You have another choice to make?”
“Yeah. I was talking to my grandma over Thanksgiving break about all this stuff, and she said I should take the semester off and come help them out at their resort.”
My eyebrows shot up. “Are you serious?” Only Jess would hesitate to go on an extended vacation to an island resort.
Jess nodded. “I’m just…I don't know.” His eyes were wide, his mouth downturned. “Can you tell me what to do with my future? That way, if I choose wrong I don’t have to blame myself.”
“And you could blame me instead, right?” I set my fork on my plate and pushed it away from me. “Sorry Jess. This is your life. I can’t make that decision for you.”
“I guess I have a lot of thinking to do.” Jess took our plates and rinsed them in the sink. “Hey, so how did the rest of your week go? I felt so bad after our conversation on your birthday. I still can’t believe your mom forgot.”
If only that was the worst thing that had happened this week.
“It’s fine. My week is much better now that you’re here.” I smiled, hoping he’d drop it. I had done such a great job of forgetting my problems this past hour, I’d almost felt normal again.
Jess narrowed his eyes and searched my face. His tone was serious when he spoke. “You’re not saying something. I’ve known you for way too long to believe you when your face tells me you’re keeping a secret.”
What should I tell him? Should I tell him everything about my mom? Should I finally free the family secret and let him know that my mom was an alcoholic and had been for a long time? It would be nice to have someone to talk to about it, someone to understand what my life was really like.
But my dad’s words played through my mind. Don’t let anyone know when you’re down. Keep yourself to yourself.
A war rivaled on in my mind. Why was I still letting my dad influence me? He was gone. He left us and hadn’t even tried to contact us. He didn’t even send me a birthday card.
Maybe I’d just tell Jess the most recent thing. My dad only told me to keep the drinking a secret.
“My mom blames me for everything. She says my dad embezzled all that money to help pay for college next year.”
Jess's eyebrows squished together. “What?”
“My parents were never good with their money, and I think he freaked out when I started talking about going to Cornell like you.” At least, that’s what I guessed from what I heard.
“You can’t blame yourself. Your mom shouldn’t blame you either. Your dad is the one who made that choice. He’s the only one at fault.”
I nodded, my chest lightening. If telling him just that one thing made me feel better, maybe I should tell him everything.
But before I could say more, Jess said, “You know what we need to do?”
“What?”
“We need to get you out of town for the day. We could get the old gang together, head to the lake house, and celebrate your birthday the way it should have been celebrated the first time.” He leaned closer. “What do you think?”
A day at the Brooks’ family lake house. That sounded like heaven right about now.
“Who exactly would be coming to this birthday bash of mine?” Please don’t say Kelsie. Anyone but Kelsie.
“We could keep it pretty small. Ashlyn and Luke, of course, and maybe also Ryan. It’ll be like old times.”
“Let’s do it!”
Maybe I hadn’t told Jess everything about my mom being an alcoholic, or what it was like when I was younger. But I had told him enough for him to make things better. And it wasn’t like my mom had gotten abusive again.
Chapter Fourteen
We met at the Brooks’ house the next morning at ten. Ryan had brought along Bridgett, so that made for an interesting dynamic. Two couples and Jess and me.
So close to being like a triple date, but oh so far away.
“Okay, guys. This is the plan.” Jess came to where we all stood by his dad’s black Silverado. “I was thinking that since Ryan hasn’t been there for a while, he and Bridgett might want to ride in the truck with me and the gear. Ashlyn and Luke can drive his Jeep over, and Eliana, you can ride in whichever car you prefer…though I suggest you come with me since Ashlyn and Luke can be pretty gross sometimes.”
“Hey!” Ashlyn pouted. “We’re not that bad, are we?”
“Um, sorry, Ash, but your brother’s right.” I looked at Jess. “I’ll go with you if there’s still room up front.”
Jess smiled. “Of course. I saved a spot about your size, just in case.”
“Great.”
I went to climb in the passenger side door of the truck, but found Jess had put the cooler right in that seat. I thought he said there was room up front. Had he meant for me to sit in the back with Ryan and Bridgett? That would be awkward. I mean, I knew Ryan okay, but I didn’t know Bridgett that well. She was one of those quiet but gorgeous girls, and so we never really talked—two awkward introverts together never worked out so well.
Ryan and Bridgett climbed in the back passenger side, so I went around to get in on the other side. But when I got there, Jess stopped me.
A sheepish look spread across his face. “I put a bunch of gear back there too, I didn’t want it to get rained on. When I said I saved a spot just your size, I meant it.” He opened the driver’s door and gestured for me to look inside. He was right, there was just enough space up on the bench seat for us to squish in close.
“Should I go in the Jeep? I didn’t know how tight a fit you were talking about earlier.” But Luke was already pulling out of the long driveway, turning onto the street. “Looks like we’re squishing,” I said, and grabbed onto the steering wheel to heft myself into the high-clearance truck.
Jess jumped in next, and when he shut the door there was no space left between us. Like, zero space. I never would have thought much about our proximity a year ago, but now it was all I could think of. We were so close. Our thighs, sides, and shoulders were practically welded together.
“Are you good?” Jess asked, turning his green eyes on me.
Had he done all this on purpose? Should I be reading into this?
I wanted to.
“Um, yeah. I’m good.” I cleared my throat and tried to find something to busy myself with. Seatbelt. Buckling my seatbelt would be a great distraction. I felt around behind the cooler for the seatbelt, until I realized it was on the other side. I reached behind my left side and accidentally touched Jess's butt. “Sorry!” My face flamed.
Jess laughed. “Don’t be.”
I turned a darker shade of red and fumbled around until l found the dang seatbelt hiding in a crack. I had to feel around the cooler to find the latch. I was starting to sweat in my jacket, and was sure Ryan and Bridgett could see how flustered I was. Why couldn’t I act cool? It’s not like we hadn’t sat this close before.
“Do you need help?” Jess asked when he noticed my struggle to secure the belt.
I blew a wisp of hair out of my face and sighed. “Probably. Are you sure you didn’t put this cooler here to torture me?”
I looked over my shoulder just in time to see his smirk.
That boy! Ugh. He was enjoying this.
I resisted the urge to punch him and instead handed him my seatbelt. “You do it!”
He placed my seatbelt right back in my hand, then jumped out of the truck, ran around to the other side a
nd pulled the cooler back so I could click the buckle in.
“Got it?” he asked, lifting his eyebrows.
“Got it.” I turned forward and crossed my arms.
“Now that was entertaining,” Ryan said from behind me as Jess walked in front of the truck again. “It’s almost like Jess had planned to give you such a hard time.”
I shook my head. Of course he did. I should have remembered how much he loved to tease me when we went on trips to the lake house. I could only imagine the other shenanigans he had planned to “cheer” me up this weekend.
After buckling himself in—with ease, I might add—Jess pulled the big truck onto the road. I glanced out the passenger window to gaze at my old house as we drove by, my chest tightening with longing. I missed that house so much. I missed having my own bathroom. I missed having a peaceful, clean place to feel secure in. I even missed being able to open my bedroom window without worrying about hearing Davy and his wife screaming at each other.
“So, I was thinking,” Jess said, bringing me back to the here and now. “Before we head to the lake house it might be fun to do some things that only eighteen-year-olds can do.”
“We’re getting lottery tickets?” Ryan asked, his voice full of way too much excitement.
Jess laughed. “No, I hadn’t even thought of that, actually.”
“Getting a tattoo?” Bridgett offered. “I’m totally getting one when I turn eighteen.”
I made a face. “Um…definitely not happening.” Spur-of-the-moment tattoos had never made much sense to me.
“Ok, then what else is there?” Ryan asked.
“Get my first credit card?” I guessed. What else was left?
Jess shook his head and grinned. “We’re gonna watch Eliana register to vote.”
“Woohoo.” Ryan’s voice was flat, exuding anything but excitement. “I bet that’s exactly what she wants to do.”
“I registered to vote on my eighteenth birthday,” Jess said matter-of-factly. “What’s wrong with that?”
“Dude.” Ryan reached a hand to Jess's shoulder and gave it a shake. “Don’t admit to things like that. You’re totally killing any game you’re trying to ha— Ow!” There was a shuffling in the backseat like Bridgett had elbowed Ryan in the side. Then they had a whispered conversation, one that made it sound like Ryan thought Jess and I were in a relationship and had no idea that Jess already had a girlfriend. “But they were at homecoming together,” Ryan whispered in a not-so-whispery voice. Seriously, he would never be allowed back in a library if that’s as low as his voice could go.