by Judy Corry
“I need my coat,” Mom said in a flat voice after Mrs. Hillyard and I had buckled her in.
I looked at Mrs. Hillyard, who was holding her arms to keep the cold away.
“I’ll stay with her while you get it,” Mrs. Hillyard said through chattering teeth.
“Okay, I’ll be right back.” I trudged back up the snow-covered walk.
I grabbed our coats from the music room and was about to leave when I overheard Mrs. Brooks’ voice.
“I never should have extended the invitation. I was feeling charitable when I invited them, but I’m sorry you had to witness such a scene tonight. I don’t know where that came from.” I peeked around the corner only to immediately pull my head back in the room. Jess's mom was talking to his grandma in the entryway. Mrs. Brooks was standing by the window next to the front door, probably making sure my mom was in the car and away from her guests. “That family has gone downhill this past year, ever since Paulo ran off. You know he’s the reason my sister had to sell her house in the Hamptons.”
“Everyone has their bad nights.” Jess's grandma patted Mrs. Brooks’ forearm. “Heaven knows I’ve had my fair share of things I wish I could do over.”
Mrs. Brooks shook her head. “Eliana’s a nice girl and all. I feel bad for her, really I do. We all do. But I don't know why my son is dating her. If you ask me, I think he feels sorry for the girl.” Humiliation slipped over me, thick and suffocating, as I listened. Is this what his conversation with his mom had really been about that day? “He’s being a good friend, but she’s going to hold him back if they keep dating. He almost went to culinary school because she encouraged it.” The disdain in her voice was heavy. “He’ll come to his senses soon though and get back with Kelsie.” Her voice brightened as if nothing would bring her more happiness than having Jess dump me. “Now that’s a girl going somewhere. His future would be bright, tied to that family.”
I couldn’t listen to her anymore. I stepped out from my hiding place, wielding the coats like a shield over my chest. When Mrs. Brooks saw me, she gasped, her hand to her chest. Jess's grandma’s eyes flashed with sympathy. Or was it pity? I couldn’t be sure, and I didn’t wait to figure it out. So I held my head as high as I could and whisked past them and out the door.
“I’m sorry, Eliana,” my mom said when I set her at the table at Uncle Peter’s house. Mascara tears had run down her cheeks, her dress was torn at the bottom from when she’d tripped earlier, and her eyes were puffy red. She looked terrible. “I thought I could handle tonight on my own.”
I didn’t say anything as I pulled out a mug from the cupboard and set it in front of her while the coffee maker got to work.
She was hunched over, running a shaky hand through her hair. “It’s just, it was the first time I’d been with all those people since your dad left us. They were all whispering about me.”
“Do you think that maybe they were whispering because you were drunk?”
She slumped back in her chair and crossed her arms. “If they were my friends, they wouldn’t have dropped me because I moved away.”
I didn’t even have energy for this. I thought things were getting better, not worse.
“I’m going to bed, Mom. Don’t burn yourself with the coffee.” I pushed myself away from the counter and headed for the stairs. “Happy New Year.”
Once in my room, I plopped on my bed, wiping at the tears brimming in my eyes. I was done crying over this. It was stupid.
My phone vibrated with a text.
Jess: Can I come over? I still want to ring in the New Year with you.
I sighed and texted him back.
Me: Sure.
I lay back on my pillow, huffing out a big breath. Then I remembered how Jess's phone had lit up all evening. I unlocked my phone again and navigated my way to Kelsie’s Instagram page: @cornellkelsie. I wasn’t an official follower of hers, but I’d checked her page enough in the past year that her profile was familiar.
As I scrolled down her page, I saw photo after photo of Kelsie in a fancy white ballgown—a beautiful dress covered in Chantilly lace, and layer after layer of tulle. I clenched my teeth, wanting to think she looked ridiculous in such an ostentatious gown, but she was gorgeous. Had Jess thought she was beautiful too? I shook the thoughts away and scrolled further through the photos.
Some of the photos were of her and her parents. Others were of her and other girls in white dresses. And even more were of her with Jess. I touched the first picture with Jess in it, not caring about the other photos that had nothing to do with my boyfriend.
The picture enlarged—Jess and Kelsie, arm in arm as they walked down the aisle with a bunch of other debs and their escorts. I clicked out of that picture and moved onto the next. This one was of her doing her curtsy for the crowd, Jess holding her hand for balance. I gritted my teeth as I swiped to the next photo, one of them dancing in a crowd of ball attendees. The next ones were other shots of them dancing—each slightly different from the next. In one, they were cheek to cheek, dancing really close. In another she was resting her head on his shoulder. Another had her speaking into his ear, his head tipped toward her, a slight smirk showing on her face.
I thought he said they barely danced.
My heart raced as I scrolled further down her feed. Each picture looked more intimate than the next. I came to a video with the caption: Thanks @jessbrooks93 for the magical night. I tapped on the video and watched multiple clips that had been edited together on the single video. There was a short clip of her being presented to the crowd, and a clip of her dancing with her father, a clip of her standing with a group of girls, another of her and Jess dancing—they looked similar to the photos I’d already seen. The last clip showed her with her arms wrapped behind Jess's neck, her face tilted up, his face tipped down. They kissed, and the video ended.
The blood drained from my face. They kissed? Jess kissed Kelsie?
My heart pounded as I scrolled the video back a few seconds.
Kelsie smiled at him. He dipped his head down. She tilted her face up. Their lips touched. The video cut off.
I rewound it again, and again, trying to figure out exactly what had taken place.
He was smiling at her as she whispered something in his ear and rubbed the back of his neck.
Jess was still in love with Kelsie. His mom was right. This whole thing was a sham.
My heart tried to tell me that I was jumping to crazy conclusions, but my mind couldn’t ignore the facts. Not when they were staring me in the face.
Knock. Knock.
Jess.
Chapter Twenty-Three
“Hey, your mom told me to come up. I hope you’re decent.” Jess walked in, shutting the door behind him. He strode toward where I sat on my bed and plopped down next to me, leaning in to give me a kiss.
I shot my hand up and stopped his lips with my fingers. “Don’t.”
“Why?” Confusion formed in his eyes, along with hurt.
“Did you kiss Kelsie?” The question came out sounding strangled. I cleared my throat. “At the ball?”
“What? Of course not! Why would you even ask that?”
His lies sliced through my stomach. He hadn’t even hesitated. How many other things had he lied to me about?
“You promise you didn’t kiss her?”
“Yes, I promise. I barely danced with her, there’s no way I would kiss her.” He must have seen the distrust in my eyes because he asked, “Why don’t you believe me?”
I shoved my phone in front of his face, my hand shaking. “Because of this.” I pushed the play button so he could see the same clip I’d watched over and over.
He took the phone and leaned back to watch the screen. Once he realized what he was watching, his eyes widened and a look of horror took shape on his face.
The words rushed out of him like a hurricane. “I-it’s not what it looks like. I promise. She set me up.”
“How could this be a set-up? You guys are kissing.”
My heart wanted to soften at his words. But how could I believe him when he’d lied straight to my face a second ago?
“If what you’re saying is true, why didn’t you tell me about it?”
He raised his hands. “I’d already dealt with it, and it was never going to happen again. I didn’t want you to worry over nothing. You were already so paranoid about me even going. I didn’t want to make things worse.”
“Or did you just hope I’d never find out?”
Jess sat there with his mouth hanging open, his eyes concentrating as he tried to think of an excuse. Finally, he said, “I didn’t kiss her. You have to believe me.”
“You’ve done things like this before.”
“But I wouldn’t do that to you, Eliana. Not to us. I care more about you than I ever—”
I held up a hand to stop him. I couldn’t have him saying how much he cared about me. “Even if that’s true, I overheard your mom talking to your grandma tonight. She hates me. She hates what my dad did to her sister.”
Jess stared at the floor, and I knew it was true.
“Is that what she wanted to talk to you about that day?”
“I don’t care what my mom thinks. I’m nineteen. I can make my own decisions about who I date.”
I shook my head as his mother’s words played through my mind. Jess is just being kind to the poor girl. He’s being a good friend.
“It seems like we have the whole world fighting to break us apart.” My breath caught in my throat, and I barely choked out my next words. “Maybe we should start listening.” I looked at the wall behind him, unable to meet his eyes. “I think we were better off when we were just friends.”
Jess flinched like I’d slapped him across the face. “No.” He stood with a force of emotion. “This isn’t happening. You’re not thinking straight. You had a bad night and are making rash decisions.”
“I can’t be in a relationship with someone I don’t trust. It wouldn’t be fair to you or to me.”
His face changed, frustration dominating his features where desperation had been before. “Maybe things would be better if you stopped looking for something to go wrong,” he spat.
Now it was my fault?
I crossed my arms and looked at the wall. “I can’t deal with this right now.”
“Why can’t you do this, Eliana?” He let out a harsh breath, and when I looked at him, his eyes were deader than I’d ever seen them. “Do you know how hard it was for me to put everything out there again after our first kiss? I bared my soul to you, and now you’re throwing it all away…because you care what my mom thinks? Because Kelsie is crazy and posting crap on the internet to break us up? I thought we were stronger than that!”
I wish I was that strong. But I’m not…I’m just not.
His face hardened into stone when I didn’t say anything. “You’re my best friend. No one gets me the way you do. Not my family. Not Ashlyn. Not anyone.” He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath before looking at me again with his tortured green eyes. “It would be so easy between us if you let it.” He sighed. “Like breathing.”
But it’s not. Nothing about my life was easy. “We can still be best friends. That doesn’t have to change.”
“Friends?” Jess scoffed, looking down as he scuffed his shoe along my carpet. “I don’t know if I can be your friend anymore. Not after this.” He backed away and moved to the door.
“So you’re leaving?” A sudden anxiety filled me. This night wasn’t supposed to end like this. “You’re throwing away fourteen years of friendship, just because I can’t date you? Is the real reason why you went through so many girls last year because you don’t have the guts to stick something out?”
“I’m not the one breaking up here!” A vein bulged on his forehead. “You dumped me!”
“But I still want to be friends!” I yelled back. “I’m mature enough to stay with someone even when things get rocky.”
Jess shook his head. “You don’t even realize what you’re saying, Eliana. Things did get rocky, and you decided to take the easy way out and be content with just being friends. You’re not willing to take the risk.”
“Well, I’m sorry if I’m a little scared to do that right now. It’s not like you have the best track record. Any girl would be crazy not to be worried about dating you in the long run. You do have a reputation of being a terrible boyfriend.”
Jess’s mouth hung open and you’d think I’d just slapped him from the shocked look on his face.
After a long moment, he finally spoke, “Thank you for helping me understand your point. I don’t think there’s much else for me to say now. I’ve already made a complete fool of myself.” Jess looked like he wanted to say something more but pressed his lips together instead, biting down on the words before they could escape.
Regret instantly burned through me. I tried to think of something to make things better between us but came up empty.
He put his hand on the doorknob and looked over his shoulder. “Goodbye, Eliana.”
And he walked out of the door.
The alarm on my phone went off as the door clicked shut. It was midnight.
Happy New Year.
What had I done?
Chapter Twenty-Four
Ashlyn burst into my room the next morning in an oversized t-shirt and sweatpants. “Where’s Jess?” Her eyes scanned my room as she turned around. She ran to my closet and looked inside. “Where is he? Did he stay here last night?”
“Of course not. Why would you think—”
“He didn’t come home last night.” Her eyes were wild with worry.
“What? He left here at midnight. I thought he went home.”
She shook her head violently. “He never made it. We’ve been calling him all night, calling you too, but neither of you picked up. So we thought…”
“We broke up,” I said, my stomach shrinking.
The blood drained from Ashlyn's face. “You what?” Her eyes turned hard. “How could you? How could you do that to my brother?”
“He kissed Kelsie. He cheated on me and lied about it. I couldn’t trust him and I was going crazy.” I couldn’t handle any more crazy in my life.
She shook her head. “He wouldn’t do that. You’re overreacting.”
“I saw it on Instagram. He was smiling. She was gorgeous.”
Ashlyn dug through her purse and pulled out her phone. She pushed the screen a few times, and after a moment, the video I’d seen last night was playing.
Ashlyn's face went from curious to confused then to angry as the video played. Then, like I had done, she slid the video back and watched the end again. “Jess wouldn’t do this.” She pointed at the screen. “He told me he wished he hadn’t gone on the trip.”
“Because he regretted cheating on me with his ex-girlfriend?”
Ashlyn looked like she wanted to shake me. “Jess would never cheat on you! He loves you! Kelsie probably set this whole thing up. She’s a pro at twisting things around.”
I shook my head. I couldn’t believe it.
“What was he like when he left here last night?” she asked. “Was he mad?”
The image of his stone-cold face pushed itself into my mind. “Yes.”
Had he been so upset that he’d driven recklessly after leaving here? Had he been in an accident? My breath caught in my throat. The roads were slippery last night. It was late when he left, and there were probably drunk drivers all over the road after ringing in the New Year. My heart pounded against my ribs as panic set in. And from the look in Ashlyn's eyes, her mind had gone to the same place.
“He still hasn’t called me back.” A hand went to her stomach and her voice trembled when she spoke. “If he’s hurt I
’ll never forgive you.” She lifted the phone to her ear and waited, but Jess didn’t pick up.
I sunk to my bed and ran my hands through my hair as my vision blurred with tears. “What did I do?” Was that the last time I’d ever see him? A hole ripped through my chest and I tried to draw in a breath, but I couldn’t. I was too hard on him last night. Why hadn’t I listened? Had I blown up the whole thing with Kelsie when I shouldn’t have?
“Did you get a hold of Jess yet?” I looked up through my watery eyes and saw Ashlyn was on her phone again. Talking to her parents? “He’s not with Eliana. She broke up with him and he left here a complete wreck.”
More guilt piled on.
“You need to call him.” She pointed at me after hanging up.
I searched the nightstand for my phone. It wasn’t there. I shuffled around my bed, looking under pillows and under my blankets. I finally found my phone on the floor between my bed and nightstand. “It’s dead.”
“No wonder we couldn’t get a hold of you.”
“Sorry, I was kind of a mess last night.” I plugged in my phone with shaking hands.
As soon as my phone started coming back from the dead, I punched in my passcode and found Jess’s name at the top of my favorites list. The phone rang and rang then went to voicemail.
“He’s not answering me either.”
“Call again.” She gestured with frustrated hands.
I did, but again there was no answer. This time I left a message, my heart racing and heat flashing over me as I said, “Jess. I hope you’re okay. I’m sorry about last night. Everyone’s worried about you. I understand if you don’t want to talk to me, but please let your family know you’re okay. We’re all so worried.”
Ashlyn called her mom and told her that Jess wasn’t answering me either. When she hung up, she grabbed her keys and said, “We’re gonna go look for Jess, and you’re coming with me. There’s no way I’m going to find my brother’s dead body alone.”
The roads were terrible. All the snow from last night had frozen into ice. Ashlyn guided her black Mercedes as best she could through the streets, somehow managing to make it through town without losing control. But we still hadn’t found Jess. He wasn’t at the park. He wasn’t at the cabin. We drove by his grandparent’s hotel to see if his car was there, but we didn’t see it. As panic set in deeper, we had the idea to check Little York Lake, hoping to find Jess at his thinking spot. But when we got there, the parking area was empty.