“S-sorry.” I sniffle.
“Don’t be sorry. It’s normal to feel the way you do. I’m here for you, and so are Gail and Danny. We will help you through it all if you want our help. You don’t need to worry about anything but raising that little angel to become an amazing man.” She kisses the side of my head.
“Did you see him?”
“Yes, I went to the nursery and had a look. He’s beautiful. You did an amazing job, and if he has your eyes and pouty lips he’s going to be a real heartbreaker growing up.”
“Oh God, let’s not talk about that yet.” I laugh softly, wiping my tears. “Thank you, for everything. I don’t know what I’d do without you three by my side.”
“No need to thank us, it’s normal.”
“No, it’s not. Not a lot of people would offer so much of their time to a stranger.”
“You’re not a stranger, you’re family,” Suzie says, and I just lose it again. I hate being so emotional. I’ve managed traveling down without feeling lonely and like shit about myself or crying myself to sleep. Yet, here I am, in the hospital, crying more within the span of ten minutes than I did in the past few months.
“What did you say to her to make her cry, Mom?” Danny asks.
“Just that she’s family.” I feel Suzie shrug.
“Women…” I can hear Danny’s eye roll in his tone.
“Watch it!” Gail and Suzie say in unison.
“I surrender.” He holds his hands up and backs into a corner.
“Finally!” Gail playfully punches his arm. “How’s the mommy?” She bounces to me and hands me a box of donuts from Josie’s bakery, a bouquet of flowers, and one of the balloons that floats to the ceiling.
“Sore, emotional, exhausted, and grateful.” I squeeze Gail and Suzie’s hands.
“Don’t be silly. We love you, and you really are family. Now where’s my little nephew?” Gail looks around the room not seeing a crib.
“I haven’t seen him yet either.” I sigh, not liking this one bit.
“I’ll go get the nurse.” Suzie gets up and walks out of the room.
“Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry,” I whisper to myself, fanning my face trying to stop the tears.
“Why are you about to cry?” Gail sits on the side of the bed.
“I haven’t felt like I was a part of a family for so long. You and your mom confirming it is just overwhelming, especially with the emotional state that I’m in.”
“What about me? You’re family to me, too!” Danny saunters over to the bed and sits on the other side.
“I’m fucked.” Gail and I laugh.
“You’re so rude, you two,” he scoffs, sounding genuinely upset.
“We love you, Danny Boy.” Gail giggles.
“Yeah, yeah, I’ll soon be replaced by Elijah as the favorite male of the family. I know it!” He shakes his head holding his hand over his heart.
“No one can ever take your place as the clown of the family,” Gail states seriously.
“I’ll take that.” He nods, looking impressed by that fact.
We talk for a few minutes before the nurse and Suzie come in wheeling a little crib with Elijah in it.
My heart stops for a second. My beautiful baby boy is here, he’s real. Up until now, I wasn’t sure what it would feel like or what I’d do. As the nurse lifts him to place him in my arms, I feel complete.
I may not have everything figured out, but this is what was supposed to happen to me. This was my path in life, and I couldn’t be any happier.
Suzie lowers my gown a little as the nurse places Elijah skin to skin, and I feel it. That special bond a mother and baby share at first touch. I feel it, and it’s magical. I place a soft kiss on my son’s head, and tears start to fall. They are happy tears this time.
I’m happy.
For the first time since my parents died, I don’t feel empty.
Everything is going to be okay.
Callum
July 25, 2016
Some of the things I’ve done, hell most of what I’ve done, could put me behind bars for life. I have lied to people, I have tortured people, I have taken people’s life, and I don’t regret a second of it. I’ve never killed, tortured, or lied if it wasn’t necessary. I’m not a ruthless killer. Whatever I do, it has a purpose. Like what I did to Nancy’s parents.
They had it coming. If not for what they wanted to do to her and Bennett, simply because they were controlling assholes who didn’t give a single fuck about their daughter’s well-being, just their reputation. They didn’t even look for her, not as parents should have anyway, when she was kidnapped. They blamed it on Bennett. It had been a long five years of her parents blaming him and him kicking himself in the ass that he didn’t go after her or find her. He couldn’t know who took her. Hell, he didn’t even know that person existed.
I thought it would rattle things more amongst the club after the whole ordeal of him finding out he had a brother who was part of a rival MC, and the same guy kidnapped Nancy and abused her physically and emotionally for years, prostituting her for the right price.
I’m kicking my ass for not knowing it was her when he was talking about a Nancy, and that I didn’t get her out of there sooner.
I wonder how different our lives would be if I had freed Nancy when I should have. Would she still have been happy with Bennett? Would I have had my chance with her? Would she be the strong woman she is now? Those questions are going on and on in circles inside my head, and I wish I could stop feeling the remorse I feel about not saving Nancy. She keeps telling me one of these days she’s going to kick my ass if I keep thinking that way. I can’t wait to see that day.
I don’t know how she would feel if she knew I killed her parents, or maybe she knows and acts as if nothing happened.
They threatened Bennett a month ago. They wanted their daughter back in their lives because they ‘missed her’ according to what Bennett said. I don’t buy it, and neither did he. They started by asking in a friendly manner, or as friendly as Nancy’s parents could be, then they started threatening hers and his life. He came to me to talk about it because he didn’t want to worry and upset her, which I’m glad he did. It didn’t take me long to decide to end things myself. I offered to take care of the problem, and he knew what I meant.
That kind of thing is usually club business, but this was a personal matter for Bennett and me. It would be quick to just get rid of them and forget they ever existed. The club had enough to think about with the Infernos on our asses because Bennett killed their Prez.
I trailed Nancy’s parents and picked the best moment to end their miserable lives. They were driving back in the city to torment my friends again. I wasn’t about to let it go according to their plan. I cut them off on the deserted road, and they crashed. They weren’t dead straightaway. Her father was unconscious, but her mother wasn’t. She banged her head pretty badly, but other than that she would have been able to walk, and I wasn’t going to let that happen.
“Help me, please,” she said in her fake, frail voice.
“Do you really think I’m going to help you? Lady, I’m the one who cut you off and made your poor excuse of a husband lose control of the car.” I sneered at her.
“Why?” She dared, sounding shocked.
“Because you made Nancy’s life a living hell for years, and are still trying to fuck things up for her and Bennett now that they are finally together and happy. I’m just making sure nothing comes between them. You’re just a nuisance, you and your husband, to her and Bennett.”
“You’re never going to get away with murder. If you think you will, you’re insane!” she yelled at me.
“Lady, I’ve been getting away with murder for a while now. I might be pushing my luck, but it’ll be worth it knowing you two won’t be able to hurt Nancy anymore.”
“You’ll burn in hell!”
“Save me a spot when you get there.” I winked at her and went back to my bike. I grabbed a
gasoline can from the saddle and walked back to the car. I doused gasoline all over the vehicle, inside and out, then tossed the empty can into the car. She wasn’t moving, and I realized that she may be more injured than I thought. But all the better, saved me having to chase her down. I grabbed a pack of matches and cracked one. Striking the flame, I lit up the pack and flicked it inside the car. Flames instantly engulfed the car, bright gold and yellow embers floating through the night sky.
I took a step back, and flashbacks from when Alina and Billy burned in the car twelve years ago assaulted my mind. The smell, the screams, the heartache I felt that day, I felt them now. Not because I felt bad for doing this to someone, but because it brought me back to a place I’d been trying to stay away from for so long.
That was a month ago, and I still feel the pain and the heartache. The pain is not getting any better, nor is the heartache. I’m just getting better at keeping it a secret from most people. Nancy is the only one who knows the full story, and fuck me if she’s not trying to psychoanalyze me every time I seem to be lost in thought. That’s why I try to avoid her like the plague when shit like this happens. I know I’m not good company when I feel miserable, and I don’t want her to worry about me any more than she already does. If only she knew what really is going through my head daily, she would have me locked up for good.
My only escape is this cabin. I bought it when I was first roaming around aimlessly, when Alina and Billy died. It’s been witness to many drunken nights of me mourning the loss of the loves of my life. The others have access to it and can come whenever they want as long as I’m not using it.
The only downside of being here, alone with my thoughts, is that my every thought is consumed by the guilt of not being able to save Alina and Billy. I failed them, and I’ll forever feel guilty about it.
Jack Daniels has been my best friend this entire time, but I’m left craving something more.
I miss my wife, I miss having someone to hold and to love. Even though I feel cursed and that I’ll never be happy and don’t deserve to have that special someone in my life, I crave the physical touch and the closeness you feel when you’re with someone.
I’ve never had trouble finding someone to fuck, but there’s always something missing. I never spend the night, nor do I ever want to. It’s not something I’m willing to do as most of those easy women end up being clingy real fast. I don’t do clingy. I need an independent woman who knows what she wants and doesn’t need a man to get it. I don’t care about what she does for a living as long as she gives herself one hundred percent into what she does. I have yet to meet that woman.
Sadly, my time away has come to an end as my brothers called me back to take care of some club business. I don’t really have my mind into it, but once I’m back in town, it’ll be quick, especially if anyone is trying to hurt my family and friends. They are dead.
I swing my bag over my back after locking up the cabin and get on my bike. There’s no point in rushing back ‘home’. I don’t feel like I have a home anymore. It’s wherever life takes me, and it’s usually just a roof over my head.
I take the long road around the lake, watching the people enjoying summer and the fresh water of the lake when I spot her. A beautiful redhead with a banging body, playing in the water with a guy.
She’s too young and too good for me. She wouldn’t even give me a chance even just for one night, but it doesn’t hurt to look. There’s something about her that intrigues me. I don’t know what it is as it’s the first time I’ve seen her, but I feel this weird need to take her away from that guy and to protect her.
“I’m fucking losing it,” I mumble to myself and drive away, the low rumble of my bike resonating in the silence of the forest as I make my way back to civilization.
Annabella
July 26, 2016
Five in the morning, and I can’t sleep.
I never really struggled to sleep, but lately it’s been bad.
I came back last night from spending the day with a guy I met at the coffee shop a while back, and while it was fun, it lacked something. I didn’t feel anything toward him. We spent some time by the lake and then came home. He could tell I wasn’t into him. I thought we’d get along, but turns out we would be better off as just friends.
I’ve tried to sleep tonight, but my mind just won’t shut off. I came into the living room and turned the TV on. I’ve had a show on but haven’t paid much attention to it. However, reflecting on my life, that my mind can do, and it’s been doing it for the past five hours. I’m driving myself crazy.
It’s been a little over four years since Elijah came into my life and I’ve never been happier. I thought I would struggle and feel lost, want to leave again, but it seems like it has grounded me more than ever.
I feel at home here. It could have to do with Gail, Suzie, and Danny always being around and giving me a hand if I need it with Elijah, or just in general. They accepted me as part of their family pretty much instantly, and nothing has changed in these past four years with them, besides the fact that we are all closer than ever.
Gail is the sister I never had. She’s understanding, fun, smart, and always makes sure Elijah and I get enough time on our own but spend time all together as a family as well. If I ever need a babysitter, she’s there to help me, and if she’s at work, Suzie takes care of Elijah. I’m so lucky to have them.
Suzie is the mother I haven’t had in sixteen years. She took me in and welcomed me as if I were her own child. She’s as loving and caring toward me as she is with her own kids, which made me feel quite uneasy in the beginning. I didn’t know why she was the way she was, but one day we sat down and she explained it all to me.
“I know you’ve been wondering why I’m treating you like one of my kids and love you as one of mine.” She smiled, seeing the surprised expression on my face.
“Yes, I’m not used to motherly love. I haven’t had it in so long, it’s weird, and the fact that you care for me as much as you care for your own children is strange to me,” I said truthfully.
“Just after giving birth to Gail, I fell pregnant again quickly. I was ecstatic about it. I loved kids and wanted more than one. Gail’s father wasn’t as into it as I was. He already wasn’t thrilled to have a baby girl, then the prospect of having another kid made him turn on me. He beat me up before leaving me for good. I lost the baby, and I felt empty. Something was missing from my life, and it wasn’t my partner.
“My mother, bless her soul, helped me take care of Gail and get over my depression after losing the baby I wanted. It took me a while, but I grew from it every day. That’s when I met Danny’s father. We dated for a couple of months before I fell pregnant again the first time we made love. It was beautiful and perfect, and the news of being pregnant delighted me. I kept it a secret from him for four months because I didn’t know how he would react. I even thought of leaving him for good in fear he would turn out like Gail’s father.
“He noticed I was getting a bit of a tummy when he decided on an impromptu trip to the lake. It was hot, and I couldn’t not wear a bathing suit. He asked me if I was pregnant, and I said yes. He was a bit miffed that I didn’t tell him sooner, but he was beyond happy. He always wanted kids but didn’t want to scare me away with that talk straightaway. I explained to him why I was afraid of telling him, and he understood.
“He did disappear for a weekend and came back with bruised knuckles. I have a pretty good idea that he went to beat up Gail’s father, but I didn’t say anything. If that’s what he did, it was to protect us and make sure we wouldn’t be bothered or hurt by him ever again, and that’s incredibly hot.”
“Wow, I was not expecting that!” I was dumbfounded by what she just told me. I knew things weren’t always perfect in their past, but I wasn’t expecting that.
“I know. Not a lot of people know. You’re the daughter I didn’t get to have and raise. I know I’ll never replace your mom, but I’m happy that you are part of the family and I do
think of you as my daughter.”
“Aren’t Gail and Danny bothered by it?”
“They think of you as their sister. They love you to bits and care for you as much as I do. They never fought for my attention or love. They know I love and care for them both the same way. I love kids. If I could still have them without any possible consequences to my health or the baby’s health, then I would probably have ten more kids. I’ll have to settle for a couple of grandkids, starting with little Elijah.” She beamed, rubbing my tummy.
“You have no idea how much this all means to me. I was devastated when my parents died. Even though things were good in the beginning with my aunt, things went down fast. I wasn’t feeling the love anymore. It feels amazing and fills me with joy to be a part of a family again. I love all three of you like you’re my own family, too.”
“Stop it, you’re going to make me cry.” She fanned her face giggling and pulled me in for a hug.
“You started the sappy talk, not me.” I chuckled and hugged her back.
“Okay, okay, I’m guilty on that one.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Yes, of course, sweetheart. What is it?”
“What happened to Danny’s father? I don’t think I’ve ever met him,” I said, perplexed, wracking my brain trying to remember if I did meet him or not.
“No, you haven’t. He’s still very much alive, but we don’t get to see him in person often,” she said sadly.
“Why not? If I may ask.” The last thing I wanted to do was step on any toes and say or ask the wrong thing.
“He’s in the Marines. He’s due to come back in two months, finally.”
“Was it his last time serving in the Marines?”
“Yes, he has an ongoing injury from the previous tour. He wanted to go back and serve his country, but his body isn’t coping with the injury as it used to. I can’t wait to finally have him back in our lives for good. The kids and I always Skype with him every other day, but it’s not the same. The last time they saw him in person was two years ago.”
Stripping Callum (Last Hangman MC Book 6) Page 6