by S. Moose
She lets herself in and sits down on the couch with her eyes on me. This isn’t good. I’m not sure what I did, but I have a feeling I’m about to get bitched at so I grab a bottle of juice from the fridge in the kitchen, walk out to the living room and hand her a bottle of water before sitting down across from her.
“Jacob,” she starts to say, keeping her eyes on me. “I love you dearly, big brother.”
“And?”
“Cameron’s spending the summer with me.” There’s a look of hesitation on her face and I know why she’s here. I sit back on the couch and twist the cap off my water bottle. Hearing her name wakes my sleepy dick up and I wonder about her.
Cameron Pratt.
“Do not smile! You are to stay the hell away from her, Jacob. I’m so serious.”
“Okay.” I smile, raising my arms in defense, thinking of Cameron and hearing how protective Grace is being. If Grace is here warning me off, then Cameron’s avoiding me and plans to keep a distance. These women are too predictable. While Grace is over here lecturing me, Cameron’s at my parents’ house waiting for Grace to come back and give her all the details.
“Jacob Anthony Shea, I swear if you do something to hurt my best friend I will drug you and wait until you’re passed out before cutting off your balls!”
My hands directly go and cup my balls. That’s not a pretty image I have in my head. A man’s balls are everything to him. She won’t need to do that because with Cameron here it’ll give me the chance to do what I should’ve done all those years ago.
“Gracie.” I get up and sit next to her on the other couch. “You have my word. I’ll be on my best behavior.”
Cameron’s been on my mind since that night. I may have left without talking to her again and that’s something I’ll always regret. I’ve been with plenty of women, but Cameron was . . . is . . . different. There’s something about her that makes things better. She makes me want to be different and better.
When I met her, I didn’t know who she was and she had no idea who I was. We left the party together and walked back to her room at the sorority house. It was empty by the time we got there. Instead of doing my normal routine of not giving a shit about the girl and getting what I wanted, we sat outside by the pool and talked. She told me about her life, her parents and her dreams, while I told her pretty much the same thing. I had just gotten out of a relationship a few months prior so I wasn’t thinking about getting into something else.
Hearing her talk about her dreams and parents made me happy. She wasn’t some sad girl. She was strong, independent and fucking sexy as hell. When she talked, I listened. I really listened. I wasn’t thinking about sleeping with her until she leaned over and kissed me.
The look on her face when she came made me want to fuck her all night. Her body was so responsive to mine and I had to taste her again. The sweetness of her pussy made me rock hard. When I slid on the condom and found her entrance, I fucking nearly came. She was so tight and at that moment, I knew she was a virgin. I didn’t give a shit though. Being with Cameron was hot. When she adjusted to my size, her body relaxed beneath mine. She demanded I fucked her harder. Her nails clawed my back, begging for more, and taking it all. We were both wild and fell in sync. She was my beautiful girl.
Two orgasms later, she fell asleep in my arms, and I was well on my way to following her when I got the phone call that changed my world. That night I left her there in her bed, sexy, beautiful, and peaceful. When I bent over to smell her one last time, I felt her hand on mine and leaving was the hardest thing I had to do. The scent of her hair was the second best scent next to her pussy. It stayed with me and I fought the urge to climb back into bed with her. Back to where I knew I belonged. Once I pulled myself away from her, I rushed to my car and set out on the two-hour drive to deal with the shit that had just been handed to me.
During the drive all I thought about was Cameron. She was a virgin. A fucking virgin and I took that from her then got out of there without a note or anything letting her know I’d call her. I knew I should’ve called her. Once I found out she was Grace’s best friend I had my chance. Time wasn’t on my side. My life changed along with my priorities. I had a new focus in life and that was all that mattered. Not a day went by that I didn’t think about her or wanted to reach out to her. Grace wasn’t happy with me. Actually, she wanted to kill me. I had her keep me in the loop with what was going on with Cameron. Every time she had a date I went crazy and wanted to know when she got back and how she got back. She wasn’t seriously dating. The one thing Grace wouldn’t tell me was if Cameron was having sex with other guys. It drove me crazy thinking she was with someone else.
I almost went after to her.
Almost.
I meet my best friend, Aiden Crawford, for lunch at a nearby bar and grill and when we sit down he immediately knows what’s going on. I tell him Cameron’s in town for the summer and he has a smirk on his face.
“The girl you can’t stop thinking about is back, huh?” I nod and stare at the mug of cold beer in my hands. “What are you going to do?”
His question has my mind going in circles. This is new to me. Usually I have some sort of plan in my head. “Not really sure. She hates me and I have no game plan.”
“How long’s it been, man?”
“A while.”
“Exactly.” Aiden places his hands on the table and leans forward. “She’s back and you have the chance to set that shit right. Do you know how many times I’ve had to come get your drunk ass and listen to you whine about how you let her get away?”
Sadly, Aiden’s right. I’ve been a pussy when it comes to missing Cameron. After leaving her that night, I no longer had the desire to date or hook up with women. I’m a twenty-nine-year-old single man with a nice house, a great job, and a life that needs my full attention. It’s a great life. Although there’s that emptiness that only Cameron can fill, I need to be sure to not move too fast. I can’t mess this up with her.
“You need another beer.” Aiden gets our server’s attention and orders a few rounds. “Do you have anywhere to be?”
“Nope, I’m good.” I check my phone to make sure it’s on ring in case I’m needed. Aiden’s checking his pager and cell phone too. “I’m surprised you have off today. You’ve been working crazy hours at the hospital lately.”
He rubs the back of his neck and takes a drink of his beer. “My first day off in twelve days.”
Aiden’s a doctor and works in the cancer unit working with kids. He loves what he does. There are times we don’t hang out for a few weeks because of his hours at the hospital. Sometimes I wonder if he chose this unit because of his past. I guess we all do things to feel closer to what we’re missing.
“That’s crazy man. How’ve you been feeling?”
“Don’t try to change the topic, Jacob.” He laughs, and points at me. “We’re here to talk about you and Cameron, not my shit.”
I rub the back of my neck, feeling the stress of what’s going on. Cameron being here for the summer is throwing me into a corner I can’t back away from. My mind is telling me to man the fuck up and get her. Then there’s another part that tells me to move on.
“What do you think I should do?”
“Talk to her. That’s the only thing you can do. Tell her the truth and it’s up to her whether she wants to pick things back up. I will say this. How well do you know her?”
“Besides what we talked about that night. That’s it.” I wish we had more time together.
“Exactly. You’re going to have to relearn her again. Talk to her again and figure her out. It’s been awhile since you’ve talked to her and she’s changed.”
I listen to what Aiden’s saying. He’s the reasonable one who thinks about things before he does it, while I’m more impulsive and worry about the consequences later. For every ridiculous idea I’ve had, he’s been the one to bring me back down to reality and put me in check. He’s been my best friend since we were little kids when
he moved next door.
“Talk to her man,” Aiden tells me.
I picture Cameron, her long blonde hair flowing down her back and those eyes. Fuck her eyes are my undoing. The mix of blue and green, so perfect, so Cameron. I vividly remember her sweet curves and tight body. I remember her whimpers when I kissed her neck and held her close to my body. The way her body perfectly melted into mine is a fantasy I enjoy almost every night. I feel myself swell in my jeans and laugh. Fuck. I’m not even with her and she’s got me twisted over her.
A few hours later I’m back at home and realize how quiet everything is around me. It gives me time to refresh and recharge. Taking out my phone, I send a text to Grace.
Me: Dinner tonight at my house?
Grace: Sure thing. It’ll just be me. Cameron’s out with Cooper.
Cooper? Who the fuck is Cooper?
Me: That’s fine. Bring over a bottle of wine and I’ll have everything ready by 8.
Grace: Just us? Or will Aiden be joining?
Me: Aiden’s got a date tonight, so it’ll just be us.
Grace: Ok sounds good. I’ll see you soon.
Me: K.
I get dinner ready and think about who Cameron’s with. Who the fuck is Cooper and was she dating? Taking a few calming breaths while sautéing the vegetables I realize I don’t have the right to be upset. I don’t have the right to care. The night I left without saying anything to her, or waking her up to explain, I lost the right to care who she was with.
When my door opens and closes, I know it’s Grace. Putting the vegetables out on a plate I bring it over to the table and wait for her. She brings in the bottle of wine and two glasses.
“Big brother.” She smiles. “What do I owe this pleasure of dinner with you?”
“Just something I wanted to do. Plus, I wanted to apologize about this morning. I didn’t mean to make you think I’d do anything to hurt her.”
She shakes her head and helps me put food on serving plates. “Mmmhmm. It wouldn’t have to do with Cameron right?” I shake my head. “Liar. You can’t lie to me, Jacob Anthony.” I snort at what she’s accusing me of doing and gently pat her back.
We sit down and gather food on our plates before she starts explaining to me again how I can try to lie to her, but it’ll never work.
Grace and I are eight years apart. She’s exactly like her name—full of grace. When we were little she used to care for me and my friends. I thought it was annoying as hell and hated she was always around. She never fought back or defended herself. As the years went on, we grew closer as brother and sister, then best friends. She was there for me when my world turned upside down. Like Aiden, she’s my voice of reason and I often go to her when I need advice.
“I saw Aiden today for lunch,” I tell her. “He thinks I should talk to Cameron and explain to her what’s going on.”
“I’m not sure if you should.” Grace stops eating and puts down her fork and knife. The look she has on her face tells me to stop pushing the topic. I’ve never been the one to walk away when I have my mind set on what I want. I’ve spent too many years away from her.
“Why?”
“I don’t know, Jacob. When she broke down and told me about you guys she also told me to never mention your name or anything about you. She has no idea what’s been going on with you. Even Mom and Dad didn’t say anything. I told them never to mention your name so they know what happened. I think you need to let her come to you.”
“But she won’t.”
“You don’t know that.”
I sigh and put my fork down. It’s something that I’m not entirely used to. I’m a confident man without too much worry or anxiety. These past few years things have changed. I’m not the same as I was five years ago. I want more in life.
I want more.
Sleep doesn’t want me tonight and all I can do is think about is my current situation. Usually I’ll put in my ear buds, press shuffle on my Sleepy Time Spotify playlist, and let the music take me away, but it isn’t helping tonight. Pulling out my ear buds I sigh, not even Chase Rice or Luke Bryan and their sexy voices can make me close my eyes. I press pause on my phone and set it aside.
My head’s in the clouds and I’m not entirely sure if I should be here. I reconsider spending the summer here, only I don’t want to disappoint Grace and spend the summer back home with no plans. It’s hard to be here, knowing Jacob can show up at any moment. It’s been three days and no sign of him, which is a great thing. I don’t want him hanging around, trying to talk to me, or to set eyes on him. On the flip side, part of me wants him to show up so we can talk, or so I can punch him in the throat. I’m not sure which situation would win.
Last night Cooper and I had dinner and went to the beach for a walk. I opened up to him about Jacob and what I’m feeling. Cooper’s words play in my head and I have to admit he has a point.
“Baby girl. Your heart is big and your mind is clear. Even though he hurt you, he also taught you a lesson about life.”
“What lesson?”
“That you matter. You’re lost, trying to find your place in the world, and find love. You can’t look for it. All that pain you felt after we broke up, and then all those other guys, I think, when Jacob came into your life he opened your eyes. You needed to go through the shit life gave you in order to be the woman you are now. When I look at you I don’t see that fragile girl who lost everything. I see a woman with strength, power and independence. And I see a woman seeking answers to questions that have floated around her beautiful mind for so long. Talk to him. Let him explain, then you can decide what to do. But, baby girl, just know whatever you decide, I’m going to be here for you.”
With a sigh, I put my ear buds back in and lay on my side. “Why You Wanna” by Jana Kramer plays and her words hit me with the feels. I can imagine Jacob walking into his parents’ house and I’m hiding so he doesn’t find me. I can picture Jacob finding me cowering in the corner. He’ll take my hand to pull me close to him.
So I think.
Or I hope.
I’m not too sure. Either way, he’ll find me, and all the feelings from that night will come back. The song repeats a few times before I finally find sleep and the last thing I see are those deep brown eyes I tell myself to forget.
The next morning, I wake up before my alarm and quietly crawl out of bed. Grace is still sleeping so I’m quiet. She’s not a morning person and if I wake her up before her alarm, she won’t be my sweet best friend Grace. No. She’ll turn into a raving monster and claw my eyes out.
Grabbing my towel and shower caddy filled with my shower essentials, I walk to the bathroom and shut the door.
After a long hot shower, I blow dry my hair and lightly do my makeup. It’s nearly eight a.m. and here I am trying to figure out what to do. Looking outside and then at the temperature on my phone I figure a day lounging in the sun and by the pool is necessary. Since it’s not too early and her alarm’s about to go off, I wake a grumpy Grace.
“Ugh.” She groans and goes into the bathroom. After a few minutes she comes out and we change into our bikinis and make it downstairs and outside on the deck.
“Ah, this is what summer should always feel like. The morning sun shining down on us and two best friends lying around without a care in the world.” She sighs and turns to look at me. “Did you have a nice dinner with Cooper?”
“It was very enlightening.” With my sunglasses on, I turn my head toward Grace. “He thinks I should talk to Jacob. Do you think I should talk to him?”
She turns to face me and takes off her sunglasses. “Interesting you should ask about brother dearest. I had dinner with him last night and he looked like a lost puppy. Pretty sure he wanted us both there and he asked about Cooper, but I didn’t say anything so don’t worry.” I’m not sure how to respond so I continue listening to her. “I’m going to throw it out there and I know you’re going to be mad. He hurt you, I get that. But I think it was more your ego than your feelings. You kne
w what you were doing when you guys were in your room. You wanted it and he did too. I think you have feelings for him and you need to figure out a way to talk to him or else you’re going to have a miserable summer.”
There’s nothing to feel. I don’t know Jacob. We shared one night together and then when I woke up the next morning he was gone. No note. No text. Nothing. So how can I feel something for him? To me, he’s my best friend’s older brother. He’s the guy who made me feel like shit for so long. He’s the guy who made me think I wasn’t good enough. He’s the guy who made me question everything about myself. I was scared to get into a committed relationship so I didn’t let the guys get too close to me.
“He’s not the guy you think he is, Cameron. I’m not just saying that because he’s my brother. I know he hurt you, but sometimes when people are shoved in a corner they make stupid decisions and live with that regret.”
“What are you talking about?” Is she really defending him? I know they’re brother and sister, but she knows the shit I went through after he left.
“Love and hate dangles between two people. It’s a thin sheet separating two people and those two emotions. You have to decide which side of the sheet you want to be on. It’s an imaginary separation that people seem to forget. We can’t go through life hating people and we can’t go through life loving everyone. That thin sheet is what keeps us sane. Admit it, you fell for him, and you’re still harboring these feelings. I know what’s stopping you and I’m here to tell you sometimes the truth isn’t always apparent. Assumptions lead to disasters.”
Needing to change the topic, the idea of throwing a party comes to mind.
“Let’s throw a party,” I tell Grace. “Pool theme for the start of summer. We can go to the store now and grab food and alcohol. I’ll text Cooper and Ian to let them know. Who else do you want to invite?
“Holy shit Cameron, you’re brilliant. I think a party will definitely be fun! I know you’re not going to like this, but we have to invite Jacob.”