Say It Again

by S. Moose

  “You too, doll.”

  When Miranda leaves my side, I look over to the table and see Cameron staring at me. The expression on her face is priceless. It seems as though Cameron Pratt has a jealous side. I make my way back to the table the same time as Aiden. He has a drink in his hand and I pass the drinks out to the girls. When I sit down next to Cameron, her body tenses and she carries on a conversation with Aiden instead of me.

  A slow song comes on and Aiden takes Grace onto the dance floor. Offering my hand to Cameron, she takes a drink of her water, and shakes her head.

  “I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to dance. And especially to this song. It’s too intimate. Too romantic.”

  “You’re kidding me, right?” she looks at me for what seems to be forever and I’m rendered speechless. I’m doing everything she wants and now she wants to give me the cold shoulder after we had a great day with Carter.

  Maybe being single and raising Carter is what’s in the cards for me.

  Instead of saying anything more, I make my way back to the bar and order another drink.

  “Dance with me, Jacob Shea.” When I turn around, Miranda’s hand extends to mine and I take it without hesitation. At least someone wants my attention tonight. While dancing with Miranda I don’t think about Cameron or her attitude. I didn’t do anything. Today, after the Brad incident, I didn’t touch her and I was her friend. We talked, we laughed, and she gave my son something great. I didn’t notice any attitude from her until now.

  AND THE WINNER for bitch of the year goes to Cameron Pratt!

  I keep telling myself that what I’m doing is right. When he came back to the table, I dismissed him and I knew it hurt. Seeing him walk away, back to the bar, and then some woman, who by the way is freaking gorgeous, takes him to the dance floor. That should be me. My eyes follow them as they glide on the dance floor. They look perfect together and here I am, sitting alone with my water, thinking about the fact that I’m an idiot and letting someone great go.

  He’s trying to be a friend and I’m pushing him away, trying to come up with any excuse to not be with him. The idea of him leaving again hurts but then again, I’m not sure if that would happen. I’m not sure if he would leave. Maybe he’s serious when he says he wants a second chance. Maybe he’s changed completely and really didn’t think about calling me since I didn’t call him either. There’s so much miscommunication between us and it lands on me. This is the game I played with him, even after I told him we wouldn’t play any games. I told him that I wasn’t like that and here I am. I am that girl who plays games because I’m too dumb to see what’s right in front of me.

  “Come on, pretty girl.” I look and see Aiden, extending his hand and waiting for me to take it. “Grace saw some friends and I saw you here alone.”

  I take his hand without saying anything and we dance to another slow song. His hand rests on my lower back and I have one hand on his shoulder and the other in his hand.

  “I messed up,” I admit aloud. “Really bad. In my head, I see him leaving again after we share great moments and share a connection I know is there. In my head, I’m heartbroken because I allowed myself to feel again.”

  “Love and giving yourself to someone else is hard. We feel so much and we think everyone’s out to hurt us because we experience a few bad breaks. The way life works is you have to take risks. If you live your life full of wonder and what ifs, then you’re not living. If you like the melancholy life, then so be it.”

  “I want adventure. I want passion. I want it all. I just can’t get over the fear.”

  “You’re scared because he messed up all those years ago. You’re holding something against him that he had no control over. You should have seen him, Cameron. He was alone to raise a baby. Sure, he had his family and Brenda’s parents, but it was him and Carter until now. He needed to focus on his son and be the best dad and fuck, Cameron, he’s an incredible dad.”

  Hearing Aiden talk about Jacob like this brings tears to my eyes and I let the tears easily fall.

  “Do you know what I would give to have Clarissa back? When I see two people fighting love for no reason, it pisses me off because when I was eighteen the love of my life passed away and went to Heaven.”

  Resting my head on Aiden’s chest, I hold him a little tighter because I can never imagine the heartache he carries.

  “Grace looks really pretty tonight.”

  “Cameron.” He laughs and hugs me back.

  When the song’s over I decide it’s time to go back to Grace’s house alone and think. I need to think and be alone for tonight.

  Taking a cab back, I sit back and think about everything. I think about my attitude, I think about my reasoning and I think about Aiden and his words. He’s right. Everything he said is right.

  So why did I leave?

  The cab drops me off and I pay the driver. Making my way upstairs, I change into shorts and a tank then go back downstairs. I look through the wine selection the Sheas have and pick Faust Napa Valley red wine. In my hands, I have the bottle of wine and glass and I find my way outside to sit by the pool, under the night sky, and hopefully come up with something.

  When I was younger, my dad and I would sit outside at night by our pool. We talked about everything and he gave me the best advice. I wish he were here to listen and give me advice. Memories of my parents come to me and I let the tears fall. What I would give to have them back. Losing your parents isn’t fair. It’s as though life took your heart, chopped it in tiny pieces, then gave it back to you as is. I was only eighteen the night my parents died. A stupid fucking drunk driver. She had just turned twenty-one and thought it was a good idea to drive home. She blew through the red light, going fifty-five miles per hour and crashed head first into my parents’ BMW. I had just talked to them ten minutes before the accident. My mom said she had plans for us to go prom dress shopping in New York City and we’d spend the weekend there. We were going to find my dress, go out to eat, take in the sights and enjoy the spa at the hotel. Everything was perfect. My life was perfect. My parents gave me the best life and made sure I would be okay in case they passed away. But, that money means nothing to me. The money stands as a reminder that my parents will never come back. My dad will never walk me down the aisle. My mom will never help me find my wedding dress. They’ll never see me during the big moments of life.

  Wiping the tears from my eyes, I drink my wine and pour myself another glass.

  “Dear heart,” I whisper, “give me a sign.”

  I bring my legs up and tuck them underneath my body. It’s getting chilly out and I didn’t bring a blanket or anything. I continue drinking the wine and welcome the low winds. Maybe the wind will blow down the walls around my heart and I’ll feel human again.

  A few minutes pass and I’ve had two glasses of wine. It’s getting a little chillier out and I think about going inside. I feel a blanket covering my shoulders and strong hands moving my hair. Without turning around, I know who it is and a smile comes to my face.

  “Hi, Jacob.”

  “Hi, Cameron.” His velvety voice lingers and I want him to talk more. “I figured you were back here. I was worried when I didn’t see you.”

  “I didn’t want to bother you and your friend.”

  “Hmm,” he says and lifts my legs up so he can sit down. He places my legs on his lap and stares at my feet. I notice he’s still in his black suit, and the top buttons of his crisp white shirt are undone. His deep blue tie is tucked in his pocket and his stylish hair looks like he’s been running his hands through it. I like his hair. It’s spiky in the front and stylishly done. He does look extremely hot tonight.

  “So,” he starts to say.

  “So.”

  “Talk to me, Cameron. Let me in. Because honestly I’m lost and I’m ready to accept that I’ll always be in the friend zone when it comes to you.”

  “It’s not that, Jacob. It’s hard to let go of what happened between us. It hurts to know you didn�
��t try to call me or come visit me back at school. I know you had Carter and your priorities changed. It just hurts.”

  “I thought about you all the time, Cameron. I had Grace giving me updates on you. When she told me that you had a boyfriend I wanted to drive to your college and win you back. The thing is, it wasn’t about you or me anymore. It was about Carter. I’m all he has and I’m not trying to be an asshole, but if you can’t accept that, then maybe it’s best we do stay friends.”

  “No, Jacob, I do accept that. I accept that Carter is your son and you love him so much. I love him too. That little guy is amazing and I love spending time with him. I loved seeing him smile when we brought him to the Rhino’s game. I loved that he held my hand when we walked to get popcorn and a drink. Carter’s your life and I’m hoping you have room for me too.”

  “I do, Cameron. I fucking do.”

  His lips crash into mine as he lifts me up onto his lap. I wrap my arms around his neck and breathe him in. This kiss is my undoing, it seals my fate. I’m going into this without fears and letting him in all the way.

  Jacob pulls me closer to his body, holding me tightly, and my heart pounds loudly, making my blood run hot from this closeness with him. The skillfulness of his tongue makes my body quiver with want and desire aches between my thighs. Everything about this man is driving me insane. When his hands roam down my back, and squeeze my ass, I let out a whimper and grind onto his hard cock. I remember his very large and beautiful cock well. Oh, how I want it again. So badly. His mouth devours mine, hard and fast, as if he can’t get enough. The warmth of his tongue feels good tangled with mine. My fingers dig into his hard shoulders. I’m panting and continue to rock my hips. This kiss is turning from sweet and gentle to carnal and hard.

  We ease apart. I notice his eyes are closed and I kiss him gently on his lips before resting my head on his chest.

  “I’m scared as hell to want you. But, here I am, wanting you anyway. I’m throwing all my fears out the window because I’m ready to be yours,” I admit and place my hands on his face. “Just know I’m not perfect.”

  “You’re perfect in my eyes.” Our lips meet again and this time it’s slow and passionate. I feel the desire and want until he gently pushes me away.

  “Seeing you with Carter makes me so happy. He gets along with you so well and you’ve only just met him. He’s never warmed up to someone that fast. You made his day by taking him to a real soccer game. You making Carter happy makes me happy.”

  “I didn’t mind doing that. I love Carter and seeing him happy makes me happy. Jacob, you’ve done such an amazing job raising Carter. I’m so proud of you.”

  “Thanks. You don’t know how much that means to me. I guess Brenda has moved on and is raising her own family.” The tone in his voice is so sad and I hold him tighter. “Carter isn’t dumb. He’s so smart for his age and he knows that Brenda has her own family. He knows that she left him. I promised him I would never leave and I don’t plan on it. He’s everything to me, but I’m afraid Brenda’s going to wake up one day and want to see him. I’m afraid she’s going to take him away from me.”

  “Babe, that’s never going to happen. No judge in the world will ever allow that woman to take Carter from you. Look at you. You’re some hot shot analyst. You help Carter with everything. You’re the reason why Carter is the way he is. Don’t allow these worries to get in the way of having fun with Carter. One day you’re going to blink and he will be getting ready to go to college.”

  “How did I ever walk away from you?” he whispers and softly kisses my lips again. “I’m never walking away again, Cameron.”

  “Good, because I’m not going to let you this time.”

  THE WEEK FLIES by and I’m on a plane to Chicago for work. It sucked leaving, but it’s necessary since the clients need me and my work doesn’t have anyone else as a replacement. Carter’s with Grace and Cameron since my parents are going on another trip. I don’t get their luck. How do they keep winning these trips?

  When I land, I send Cameron a text. Things have been going really well between us. Last night, as I held her, she asked me the boyfriend/girlfriend question and I had to laugh. Now that we’re officially dating, I feel as if a huge weight is lifted off my shoulders. My phone vibrates in my hand and I open the text message from her. It’s a picture of her and Carter outside. She’s wearing a bikini and I can only see part of it, but the smile on both of their faces is priceless. My son is happy and so is my girl. That’s all that matters.

  As soon as I get off the plane, I have a car waiting for me outside of O’Hare. I check my emails and let my boss know I’ve landed and open the agenda for today. The clients have fired most of their analysts and I have to do the work of three people. There’s a tight deadline, so I’m going to be working all night. I won’t be able to leave Chicago until I’m done with this project and it’s been approved.

  The car drops me off and immediately I’m inside the building and greeted by Tony.

  “Thank you again for coming on such short notice. I’m sorry this is happening.”

  Tony’s been our client for the past three years. His multi-billion dollar company speaks volumes. He only works with a few companies, my company being one of them, and he expects perfection and luckily for him that’s all I do.

  Tony’s my age, twenty-nine, and is the CEO of his company. When his dad passed away two years ago, he moved right into the position and has turned it around with a huge increase in profit. He’s asked me on several occasions to come work for him full-time and he’ll make it worth it. The offer’s tempting and I’d love to get out of Rochester but I can’t imagine taking Carter away from his family and now that I have Cameron, leaving isn’t an option.

  A long day of meetings goes by and I don’t get back to my hotel room until close to ten p.m. I’m dead tired and need a shower and the bed. My phone vibrates on the nightstand when I get out of my shower and it’s Cameron and Carter FaceTiming me.

  “Hey guys,” I smile when I see their faces. “How’d today go?”

  “Cameron’s the best, Daddy. We played soccer, went to the store and loaded up on junk food, laid out by the pool and watched some movies. I had a lot of sugar and Aunt Grace said she’s going to tickle me to death if I don’t sleep soon.”

  “You do need to sleep, buddy. It’s way past your bedtime.”

  “I know. I wanted to say goodnight to you.”

  “Well, goodnight Carter. I love you.”

  “Love you too, Daddy. See you later.”

  When Carter disappears, I see Cameron and stare at her for a few moments before she says something.

  “Creeper.” She giggles and moves her hair from her face. “You look exhausted, babe.”

  “Yeah,” I sigh and rub my face. “It’s been a long day. We got a lot done and tomorrow I have to be in the office by seven.”

  “That’s rough. Go to sleep okay?” I nod and see her smile again. “Dream of me.” With a wink and a blown kiss, I touch her face on the screen and we disconnect the call. I’m about to close my eyes and sleep when my phone vibrates again and it’s a text from Cameron. The name Girlfriend comes up and it makes me laugh. Before I left she changed her contact name to this and as cheesy as it is, I don’t mind it.

  Girlfriend: So while Grace and Carter were outside today I felt a little naughty and touched myself while thinking of you. Do you think there is such a thing as masturbating too many times?

  What. The. Fuck.

  My eyes pop open and I’m sitting up in bed. Am I reading this right? Is my innocent girlfriend sexting me?

  Me: Baby, there’s no such thing, but you’re killing me. I wish I were there to pleasure you.

  Girlfriend: What would you do to me?

  I’m so fucking hard it hurts. Since Cameron’s been back in my life I’ve never jacked off as much as now.

  Me: I’d kiss your sexy as fuck lips and taste you. My hands would be all over you, cherishing your body and taking my time. You
r clothes would fall off your body one piece at a time. I’d have you on my lap for a little bit then move you on our bed and lay you down. You’d look so fucking perfect with your sexy eyes and your tits screaming for my mouth. Gradually I’d run my lips down your body and slowly take off your panties. You’d be soaking wet as I pressed my lips on your clit and slid in two fingers. Your body would scream for more, and you’d be pulling my hair because the pleasure’s too much.

  Girlfriend: Holy. Shit. You need to come home now.

  Me: I’m not done yet.

  Girlfriend: I am though ;)

  Me: Fuck, that’s hot. You were touching yourself while reading what I’d do to you?

  Girlfriend: Oh absolutely. Your words are too sexy. Are you still hard?

  Me: Yeah.

  A FaceTime notification pops up. I answer it and notice Cameron’s outside.

  “Hi,” she whispers.

  “Hi back.”

  “Since I got myself off with your words why don’t I get you off with my words?”

  “You don’t have to,” I tell her and move a little to get more comfortable.

  “Shhhh. Put your hand on your cock and let me see you do it.”

  “Cameron, fuck, baby you don’t have to do this.”

  “I want to.” Our eyes lock on the screen and I do as she says. I move the phone so she sees my hand gripping my dick. “If I were there, I’d kiss your hard cock, starting at the tip and kissing your long length until my lips are sucking on your balls.”

  “Fuck,” I moan and grip my cock tighter.

  “I’d wrap my lips around your cock and slowly move my head up and down, making sure you feel the tightness of my mouth and my tongue swirling the head.”

  “Baby, fuck, keep going.” I pump my dick harder and I feel myself ready to explode. “Shit I’m close.”

  “I’d make sure to suck you nice and slow so you can feel the back of my throat. This would be my first time giving a blow job so I’ll need your help, you know, pushing my head down a little. I’ll pick up the pace and grip your balls in my hand while I suck you off.”