by S. Moose
“She’s going to come back to you,” Aiden tells me. “Trust me, man. That girl loves you and she won’t stay away for long.”
“It’s already been over two weeks. Grace said she hasn’t been back and she’s in some hotel or whatever. Last I heard, she’s in New York City and won’t be back for another week. She’s doing her thing and I’m doing mine.”
The doorbell rings and Cooper immediately gets up to answer the door. I look over and can’t see what he’s doing. When he closes the door, there are two boxes of pizza in his hand.
“Damn. You guys didn’t have to do this.”
“We’re having a guy’s night,” Cooper says and puts down the pizza. “Plates! Be right back.”
“It was his idea,” Aiden explains. “He knew you’ve been a mess and he’s been talking to Cameron. She’s a mess too if that makes you feel better.”
“It doesn’t.”
“I’m sorry, man. I didn’t think she’d leave you.”
“Me either.”
Cooper comes back with napkins and plates. He hands us each a plate and I grab two slices of pizza.
“Game plan.” Aiden claps his hands and grabs his beer. “You’re going to win her back. Women love that shit. Do something special. Flowers, music, all that shit that makes women go crazy. She won’t be able to resist you.”
“Wrong.” Cooper rolls his eyes and puts down his food. “So wrong. Here’s what you need to do, Jacob. Give her a call when you know she’s in town, let her know that you’re happy for her and say that you hope to be friends. Once you get that friend idea in her head it’ll make her rethink things. The thing about women is . . .”
“You’re not a woman, Cooper,” Aiden shouts and puts down his food. “You are a guy. Guys aren’t supposed to know this shit.”
“And that’s why you’re single. Now, before I was rudely interrupted, once you have that in her head she’s going to want you. Women like the chase and once she realizes you’re gone for good, and then she’ll wake up and fight for you.”
“And what if being friends isn’t what she wants?”
“Then you leave on good terms. Wish her well and tell her how proud you are of her, that you know she’s going to make a difference and you’re happy she found her place. Once you say that to her, boom, she’s going to crumble.”
“How?”
“Even though Cameron’s a bitch.” Aiden laughs and coughs when I turn to look at him.
“Sorry. Food went down the wrong pipe.”
“Anyways,” Cooper continues. “Once she realizes you aren’t going to fight for her, she’s going to be thinking about it for a few days and realize she loves you. This is what you need to do if you want her back. I know Cameron. Giving her space and time are necessary. If you push her, she’ll break and you’ll never get her back.”
“Bullshit.” Aiden cocks his head and shakes his hand in the air. “Not going to work. Women are all the same. They want that romantic gesture of love. She’s going to want Jacob to fight for her and make her his.”
“Not Cameron. She’s a rare species. Once Cameron realizes how much she loves Jacob once he’s not fighting for her, then she’ll be back.”
“Are you going to change professions and be the doctor of love?” Aiden asks.
“I should be. I’m fucking that good.” Cooper laughs and gives him a wink.
The guys stay over for a while. It’s getting late and I should go to bed, but I can’t stop thinking about what Cooper said. If I do all of that will Cameron come back?
The next morning, after dropping Carter off for a playdate, I pick up the phone and call Cameron. I’m not sure if she’ll pick up or not.
“Hello,” she answers on the third ring.
“Hey, Cameron. How are you?”
“Um, I’m okay. What’s up?”
“I wanted to say I’m sorry for how things were left,” I explain and slow my pace. I don’t want her to know I’m nervous. “I know you’re upset and you have every right to be. I messed up and should’ve told you I was having lunch with Miranda.” I pause and wait for her to say something. When she doesn’t, I start talking again. “I’d like us to be friends if that’s okay. Carter misses you and I don’t want you spending all your money on a hotel when you can stay with Grace.”
“I miss Carter too. How’s he doing?”
“He misses you, but he’s fine. I’m taking him over to my parents’ today to go swimming.”
“Oh. I’m so busy with work. Tell him I said hi. And Jacob?”
“Yeah, Cameron.”
“I’d like that. For us to be friends.”
I let out a silent breath. Maybe this will work. “I’m glad. I heard you’re doing well at your job. I’m happy for you and wish you the best of luck. If you ever need anything, please let me know.”
“I will. Bye, Jacob.”
“Bye, Cameron.”
My finger presses the end button and I put my phone down. The ache in my heart is still there and I hope Cooper knows what he’s talking about.
I WANT HIM to say it again. I want to hear his voice again. I hate myself for what I’m doing. Jacob didn’t do anything wrong with Miranda. After reading her Facebook message she sent me, I feel so stupid. He wants to be friends and it’s all my fault.
Setting down my phone, I pace my hotel room and try to figure out what to do. Should I go to him and tell him how sorry I am? Will that even work? It’s my fault we’re not together. I allowed my insecurities to blind me from what I knew was right. He’s never going to forgive me and I don’t blame him.
Sitting down on the hotel bed, I realize how alone I am. If I hadn’t been so dumb, I’d be in the kitchen at Jacob’s house, making them lunch, and listening to Carter talk about dinosaurs and how excited he is to start school soon. As September approaches and summer is ending, I’m left feeling more alone than before.
How can I win Jacob back and is it possible?
I bury myself in work and look at my phone to see if Jacob’s texted. There’s nothing from him. Maybe I should text him first. I don’t know. How can I make this up to him?
Leaving the office at six, I let Grace know I’m on my way over for wine and movies. Before I turn onto her road, my phone rings and I use my hands-free device to answer.
“Hey. I’m almost at your house.”
“I’m stuck with a flat tire. Triple A’s on their way, but I’m supposed to pick up Carter from the babysitter.”
“Can you send me the address?” I ask Grace.
“Okay. Thank you!”
When the address comes in, I type it into my GPS and see it’s only five minutes away from where I am.
I get to Carter’s babysitter’s house and notice there’s a lot of cars in the driveway. When I get out of my car, I hear the loud music and can’t believe there’s a party going on. Instead of ringing the doorbell, I walk in and see people dancing in the living room, drinking beer, and smoking cigarettes.
“Are you fucking serious?” I yell. “Where’s Carter Shea?”
A blonde hair girl comes over my way and has a scared look on her face. “I’m so sorry. My boyfriend came over and I couldn’t tell him to leave.” Her voice is frantic, and I can tell she’s been crying.
“What the fuck is your problem? You’re supposed to be babysitting, and you’re partying? Where’s Carter?” I honestly don’t give a fuck about this girl right now.
“He’s in my room. Please. He’s safe,” she tells me.
“Show me!” She quickly leads me upstairs and opens the second door on the right. I walk in and see Carter in the corner of her bedroom with vomit on the floor.
“Carter! What’s wrong?”
“I don’t feel good,” he whines and slowly gets up. Once he’s in my arms, I feel how warm his body is and rush out of the house with him. I hear her telling me how sorry she is and that she hopes Carter’s okay.
As soon as I get Carter in the car, I rush to the hospital and keep looking ove
r to make sure he’s okay.
“Buddy how are you feeling?” When I had him in my arms, I felt how warm he was and he wasn’t as responsive. “Talk to me, Carter. How are you feeling?”
“Not good,” he quietly says.
I notice his sunken eyes and he’s in and out of sleep. “Carter, I need you to stay awake okay?”
“Tired, Cameron,” he mutters. I increase my speed and in five minutes I’m rushing inside the emergency room. I’m trying to keep my cool and tell the nurse what’s going on.
“Okay ma’am, you’re going to need to take a seat and we’ll be with you soon.”
“Wh-what! No! Can’t you see how bad he looks? Give me a doctor now,” I scream and hold Carter close to me. “This is an emergency!”
“Ma’am, you need to calm down.”
“No! Get your ass up and help me. He’s only a child.” I glare at her and feel bad that I’m throwing loud words at her, but doesn’t she realize how important this is? “Now!”
A doctor comes over and notices the scene I’m creating. “What’s going on?” he asks and before she can answer, I explain what’s going on and he nods while I explain what I’ve seen so far in Carter.
“Okay, I know this is hard, but you will need to calm down. Come right in.”
When Carter’s being seen by a nurse I text Grace to let her know what’s going on and pull up Jacob’s contact information.
“Hey, Cameron. What’s up?”
“Jacob, it’s Carter. We’re at the hospital, in the emergency room. He’s being examined and wants you.”
“I’ll be right there.” The panic in his voice hurts. I didn’t want to make this call. I wanted Grace to tell him. She hasn’t answered my text and I don’t want to leave Jacob in the dark for long.
After the nurse and doctors leave, I look at Carter who’s resting peacefully, and see the IV in his arm. Poor little guy.
“Hey, buddy,” I take his little hand and press it against my cheek. “You doing okay?”
“A little better. Is my dad coming?” I nod and he closes his eyes again.
The curtains open and instantly I want to cry and comfort Jacob, but the woman following him in shuts my feelings off.
Jacob’s seeing someone else?
The look on his face when he sees Carter could shatter the coldest heart in the world. Running over, he sits on the bed with his son and takes his hand.
“Carter?” Jacob brings Carter into his arms and I hear him crying. I want to go over and comfort him, but I stay where I am, watching them together.
Not knowing what to do, I walk out and walk down the hall so I can give them a private moment. I lost the right to see moments like that between father and son. Seeing him again breaks my heart because I’m so stupid to not believe him. I allowed my insecurities to control what I know in my heart is meant to be. How am I going to get him back? Is that an option? My heart is beating furiously against my chest. I need air. Rushing out to be outside, I lean against the wall and try to breathe.
Leaving is what I need to do. Carter’s fine with Jacob and his new girlfriend or whatever. It’s my fault that we’re not together anymore. There’s no one else to blame. Getting in my car, I check my phone and there’s nothing from Jacob. Why would there be?
Instead of going back to Grace’s or to the hotel, I tell Cooper to meet me at the bar on East Ave. I needed alcohol.
“Okay, baby girl. No more drinks for you.” Cooper tries to take away my shot. I push him away and down my shot in a quick instant.
“Why?” I cry into my empty shot glass. “You know what sucks?”
“What?” Cooper places his arm around me and brings me close. I try to fight him away. He doesn’t let me and I give in.
“Seeing Jacob with someone else. I mean she’s really pretty and I’m sure she’s a good fuck too. They look good together, but we looked good together too. I fucked up, huh?”
“Yeah.” Cooper nods, “I’m sorry baby girl, but you fucked up big time.”
“Another shot please!” I shout to the bartender. It’s almost two a.m. but I don’t care. I need more alcohol to numb this pain.
“Baby girl . . .”
“No.” I put my hand up to Cooper’s face. “No. I need this because I’m having a pity party and this is what I do. When I’m happy I’m so happy. And then something triggers my insecurities and I run. I leave. You know how I say people are always leaving?” He nods and I continue talking. “I’m the one always leaving. Sure, you left me, my parents left me, but I left Jacob. I’m a people leaver.”
“It’s okay.” Cooper rubs my shoulders. “You’re going to be okay, Cameron.”
“I don’t think so, Coop. I really don’t.”
The next afternoon, I make sure my team has everything they need before leaving a few hours early. I’m locking up my office when Shayna pops in.
“You heading out for the day?”
“Yeah, I’m not feeling really well so hopefully sleep will help. Is everything okay?”
“Oh yeah, wonderful. Listen, come to my office. I want you to meet my nephew. We hired him for your team and I think he’ll be a great asset.”
“Sure thing.” I smile and follow her down the hall into her office. When I walk in and notice her nephew, my world stops, and I’m on the verge of a breakdown.
He steps closer to us and my head fills with fog. I can’t think straight. I can’t be in here. I can’t.
“Cameron Pratt?” The way he says my name makes my body hurt. “It’s been a while. How are you?”
“I’m okay. I heard congratulations are in order. Welcome to my team.” He simply nods and Shayna claps her hands together with excitement.
The three of us are in the office for a few minutes before Shayna is called to take care of something. When it’s just the two of us, I feel the walls coming closer, and my chest tightening.
“Cameron Pratt’s my boss, huh?”
“I guess so.”
Mitch comes closer to me and reaches out to run his finger down my face. “Damn, I’ve missed you.”
“Mitch, please, just leave this alone.” I tell him, moving my face away. The touch of his finger against my face makes me want to vomit. I hate him.
“I don’t think so. You know.” He chuckles and takes hold of my arm. “I still have that scandalous picture of you.”
“You told me you deleted it! Please Mitch,” I plead and grab his hands. “Please just leave me alone.”
“I promise I will if you step down in your position.”
MY FISTS POUND on the door. It’s raining hard outside and I don’t care. I welcome the cold and rain falling on my body. I’ve lost everything and there’s nothing I can do. When the door opens, I step back and extend my arms out.
“Come outside,” I yell and wipe the rain from my face.
“Cameron? What the hell’s going on?”
“Jacob, you said if I needed anything I could come to you. Well, I need something and I need you to come outside and stand in the rain with me.”
He gives me a confused look and stands on his porch. So I may be a little drunk and crazy, but who cares.
“How’d you get here?” he asks and looks outside to his driveway, noticing there’s his car and a taxi. “Cameron, come inside.”
“No,” I cheer and jump up and down. “There’s this bar down the road and this bartender, Ed, ha he poured me lots of shots and there’s this little dance floor so I danced to every single song.”
“Cameron, please come inside so we can talk. I’m worried about you.”
“Who isn’t? I’ve lost everything and everyone.” Closing my eyes, I tip my head back and welcome the rain pelting down on my face. The coldness seeps onto my skin, and I feel it in my bones.
When I open my eyes, Jacob’s in front of me, and taking my hand in his. “Come inside, please. We can talk.”
“There’s nothing to talk about,” I whisper. “Nothing. Everything is falling apart and I’m done.
”
“What do you mean you’re done?”
I tip my head back and bring his hands to my lips. I kiss each knuckle, relishing in the softness of his hand. “I will never be good enough for you, Jacob. You deserve someone so much better than me. Don’t forget me. I’m going to go through my life loving you because you’re the only one who’s made me feel alive. It’s you, Jacob, and it’ll always be you.” Gently pressing my lips to his, I kiss him slowly and take my time memorizing this kiss. Our last kiss. “I love you,” I mutter and quickly turn and run to the taxi. “Just drive,” I tell the driver and look out the window, pressing my hand against the window and watch Jacob stand in the rain while the taxi drives away.
I’m doing the right thing. Mitch is going to ruin my life again and I don’t want this to hurt Jacob and Carter. What I’ve done in the past is coming back to haunt me. I used to think mistakes make us who we are today, but how wrong I am for thinking that. Mistakes can come back and destroy our lives.
Now I have nothing.
No job.
No great love.
Nothing.
Morning hits a little too soon and I slowly get up, rubbing my head and hope this hangover goes away. All I want to do is stay in bed and never wake up. I feel worse than last night and I don’t think this feeling’s going to go away anytime soon. I’m so in love with Jacob, but how can I be with him when I have all this baggage? He doesn’t need a woman like me. He doesn’t need a woman who has more issues than Cosmo.
Walking into the kitchen, Nathan is making coffee and looks up when I sit at the kitchen table. He hands me a cup of coffee and the smell is heavenly. Slowly drinking my coffee, I lean back and stare at my hands that are cupped around the cup.
“Let’s take a walk.”
I shake my head and continue drinking my coffee. “It’s too early and my head’s killing me.”
“Come on.” Nathan takes the cup and pours my coffee into a travel mug. He helps me get up. “The fresh air will help you.”
“Fine.”
We walk down the street and I slowly drink the hot coffee. Thank God for this. I’m not sure how people function without coffee, but I know I can never do that.