Hate for the government, hate for the world, hate for life itself; all of it had festered inside of me and amalgamated into a beast that would do anything and everything to get its life back, no matter what the cost.
Dulce picked up dirt from the ground, just as I was doing subconsciously, and let it fall through her fingers; sharply paralleling our faith in both the world and in ourselves completely crumbling, until the ashes of a once-burning fire of passion and hope disintegrated into mere nothingness.
“It will be okay.” Dulce could see the defeated look in my eyes, as I stared out at the mountains surrounding Phoenix in the horizon.
I sighed.
“It will be, that’s for sure. I just don’t know what comes after that.”
I looked in her eyes and could still see a ray of hope emanating from them. Even in the monotonous lull of the everyday life of the camp she still somehow found a way to harbor a lone spark inside of her. Even in a desolate environment, surrounded by a desolate world, she found a way to somehow overcome all the darkness inside of her, and even release a bit of light.
“I do.” I turned my head around, and could see Hunter approaching us. He had a calm vibe, that somehow made it very easy for him to sneak up on people undetected. I should have known he would have found us there, though. Hunter very well knew it was my favorite spot; well, actually, our favorite spot.
If you sat in the corner of the mountain, you had a panoramic view of Phoenix and the suburbs that surrounded it. At sunset, I always watched in awe as the splashes of orange, yellow, and deep reds intermingled in the sky to create a plethora of colors that hung over Phoenix like a fire ball of destruction. Sometimes I imagined the reds and oranges leaking from the sky and dripping down onto the streets of Phoenix, causing madness with their fiery beauty. But other times, I let the warm colors in the sky provide me with a surge of hope and comfort as they acted as a reminder that beautiful things did exist in this world, even despite the darkness that was always bound to envelop the sky right after the magnificent display of color.
“Oh, yeah?” Dulce smiled as she looked up at Hunter with her warm, brown eyes.
Over the past few years she had begun to look up at us like her older siblings, and slowly I could feel my heart open up to her, as I took on that role of being her substitute older sister with pride.
“No,” Hunter said. He sat down on the dirt next to us and looked up at the puffy clouds that blanketed the sky like a perpetual thick residue that harbored the darkness of the earth, in spite of the light desperately trying to break through. “I don’t even know what you guys are talking about. I just heard ‘I don’t know,’ and figured I obviously knew the answer.”
“Great thought process, Hunter.” I jokingly patted his shoulder to congratulate him. “Of course, a man a smart as you must know the answer to everything.”
“Shh.” Hunter playfully placed a finger over my mouth. “Watch what you’re saying around here. You don’t want Ethan catching you saying shit like that.”
“He’s right.” Dulce smiled. “Ethan would get all sensitive, and somehow think that you are calling him stupid.”
“That’s true.” I tried to imagine Ethan before all of this, back when he used to not be always so high-strung and stressed out constantly. The anger and desperation had carved him, and the rest of us, in many different ways, but it seemingly made him incessantly on edge, and always looking for something to fix. Ethan was always the type to get super driven, and ruminate on a single problem until he could solve it; but that was his issue.
Now he’d found a problem he couldn’t solve, and we’d all watched in horror and disappointment as the madness of the frustration and anguish of not being able to get his life back had practically driven him to the point of insanity.
“How has he been doing by the way?” I looked back at the mess of rotting wooden structures and tents just yards back to make sure that Ethan wasn’t headed our way. He would surely go ballistic on us if he overheard us talking about him. “Is he still talking about John’s computer?”
“Yes.” Hunter’s eyes went wide. “It’s nonstop. He is completely obsessed with getting his hands on that computer. Honestly, I think he would kill to have that computer.” I could tell from Hunter’s voice that he was halfway joking, halfway being serious.
“Shit.” I shook my head, as I stared out at the grid-like pattern of the thousands of empty streets that looked like tiny lines connecting the thousands of buildings below together. The dry summer heat of Phoenix sucked the moisture from my lips and tongue, and it radiated off my skin, causing little beads of sweat to seep from my pores, even in my sedentary state. “What does he even think he can find on there?”
“Answers,” Hunter replied. He paused, and I could see a bit of hope glow in his bright, blue eyes. “He thinks John is hiding information from us. Information that could change all of our lives.”
I let my brain take a minute to process the words Hunter was saying. My mind instantly rejected the notion that something could somehow change our lives for the better, and with some force will us out of the deep pit of depression we were all stuck in. My spine shivered as a dark, cold thought entered my mind, along with another flash of memories. It’s impossible. Things can’t get better, right?
I had long ago accepted my reality, knowing that it was easier to settle than to long for something more. And I wasn’t the only one. I felt another round of tears threaten to spill out of me, as my mind flashed back to the dozens of people who had killed themselves during the first year at Camp Camel; they had accepted the new reality of this world, and they’d chosen that they did not want to live in it.
“How the hell does he plan to get his hands on that computer?” Dulce asked, putting a hand on the turquoise fabric of the tank top she was wearing. “John guards that thing like it’s his baby.”
“Dude, I honestly have no clue.” Hunter brushed a hand through his soft brown hair that he always tried to push just off his forehead.
“Do you think he’s maybe still bitter because John made him throw away his damaged ICL, even though he had already made sure the government couldn’t track him?” I asked, glancing at Hunter, who opened his mouth and then stopped to think for a second. My mind flashed back to the day that Ethan was caught up in a feverish rage over not being able to use his ICL. It was the one thing that was able to calm him down and stabilize the emotions whirling through him; but now with that gone, I’d watched as he succumbed to the anger and madness inside of him.
“I’m not sure.” Hunter looked at me, and I could feel an energy pulse through me. “I mean, I think Ethan is right. John is hiding stuff from us. We know nothing about the White Knights, the organization he is supposedly a part of, and we still know nothing about what happened to our families, what the blue pill means, or why the government is after us. We literally know nothing!” Hunter’s voice resounded throughout the sky, and I could see the fire burning through the blue ice in his eyes. “He must know at least something. It would be silly to think that he at least isn’t hiding something from us.”
“He’s right,” Dulce immediately responded, looking at me with her dark-brown eyes that matched the shade of her skin. “There’s no way that every single person at this camp has taken the blue pill, and that it doesn’t mean something. The government is clearly targeting people who have taken it, seemingly for no apparent reason!” Dulce paused, and the emotion in her voice brought a new heaviness to the desiccated air. “John must know something. There’s no way that he spends practically every waking hour on that computer watching porn.”
“That honestly wouldn’t surprise me,” I countered.
“Yeah.” Hunter cringed a bit. “I can definitely see it.”
“Okay, fine.” Dulce rolled her eyes, but grinned. “Maybe he watches porn most of the time, but that doesn’t explain his possessiveness over that computer.” Dulce paused, and I could see her thick eyebrows narrow as she looked down at the groun
d. “There’s no way he doesn’t have some information that he isn’t telling us.”
“Guys!” Xavier’s voice cut through the air, as he dashed over with a sense of urgency in his tone. His dark skin dripped with sweat, and his curly hair was shaved short to attempt and stifle the summer heat. Xavier was one of the few people at Camp Camel that I had actually grown to have somewhat of a friendship with, over those three years. He was one of the lucky ones, his entire family made it to Camp Camel alive, which was almost unheard of for the freaks in the population like us. “You all have to come with me now. John is about to give a speech, and everyone is angry.”
“Oh, shit,” Hunter said, immediately standing up, and I could sense a tone of panic in his voice as his body tensed up. “This isn’t gonna be another announcement about the camp running low on supplies, right?” Hunter held my hand to help me up, and I could feel the anxiety pulsing through him into me. The last time the camp had run low on supplies there was practically a riot, as the hunger drove people to the point of insanity. Apparently, the White Knights had supply lines set up to deliver us food and water to drop-off locations in Scottsdale, and it was our job to go to those checkpoints and take the supplies up to the top of the mountain. But for a period of a couple months, many of those supply lines had been compromised, and we were left all alone on top of a mountain, withering away slowly like the layers of dirt that blow off the mountain with every gust of wind.
Every hair stood up on my body, just thinking about all the people who’d died on those trips, and all the close encounters that I’d had to deal with myself. Never again. I looked at the world surrounding the little bubble that we were in on top of Camelback Mountain, and felt a surge of fear course through me. I’m not leaving here. I’m not going out there.
“No,” Xavier responded, as we all struggled to keep up with his long strides. “I think he is going to try and reassure, maybe try and calm the nerves at this place.”
Dulce chuckled. “Good luck with that. That’s almost like trying to put out a forest fire with a single fire extinguisher.”
“Basically.” Xavier looked forward with a blank expression. I could tell he was already over the day, even though it had just started. “And now we get to watch this man shoot off his extinguisher into a crowd of people.”
“How exciting!” Hunter’s voice was sarcastic, but I could see the worried look glaze over his beautiful eyes.
I glanced to the side at a large brown tent with holes in its sides and roof; a result of the passage of time weathering away the fabric. “What could possibly go wrong?”
We walked at a hurried pace to the center of the camp, and as we got closer I could hear the flurry of voices buzzing through the air. By now I knew most of the people at Camp Camel by name, besides the few occasional new people we got who magically found their way to the top of this dreaded mountain. It seemed like as the years had gone on, fewer and fewer people began to show up at the camp, and more and more of us began to die. But thankfully it hasn’t happened yet.
I felt my body convulse with terror as I looked around at the dozens of innocent people and the beautiful mess of ramshackle huts and tents placed in random spots atop the mountain that somehow seemed like a fixed and purposeful arrangement. That can’t happen here. I could feel the pressure caving in on my mind start to make my head hurt, as I imagined the bubble, protecting the last of what’s left of me, popping. The government won’t raid us. It’s impossible.
“Hey, Bianca.” I tried to smile, despite the nervous energy in the air, as we passed the oldest living person at Camp Camel. She hung just on the outskirts of the crowd, observing from her perch in her wheel chair, the orderly chaos ensuing around us. Since she had arrived at Camp Camel, the flap of loose skin beneath her neck has only sagged even more, and the hundreds of wrinkles already lining seemingly every square inch of her skin, only compounded on top of each other, and made her look more and more like a pale, dried up prune. “How are you?”
“Mean and nasty.” She cackled, as her old, raspy voice made its way into my ear. “I’m an old bitch.”
I grinned politely at her, and let my eyes grow wide the second I turned away from her. What an interesting human being. I shook my head in complete awe of her bluntness, even though she was practically as old as the earth beneath her. Or at least her old, flaky skin was as dry as the dirt beneath us. No one truly knew how old she was. There were only rumors and many educated guesses, but one thing was for sure: an increase in years did not bring her an increase in wisdom.
“Settle down, settle down!” John attempted to project his voice out over the audience by using his hands to funnel his sharp, impatient yell.
Ironically, him calling for the crowd to quiet down, only heightened the intensity of the noise in the air. I felt my muscles tense up, as sweat from the bodies surrounding me caused the air to feel humid, despite us being in the middle of the desert. Everyone was packed around the collection of scattered picnic tables next to the bonfire, and all eyes turned toward the picnic table that John decided to step up onto.
“I-I have an important announcement to make, so-so if you could please listen up.” John stumbled over his words, clearly flustered. I could see the frustration in his face as he grazed a hand over his thin layer of gray, facial hair.
“Are you finally gonna tell us all the shit you have been hiding from us?!” I didn’t even need to see him, to know that the fiery voice emanating from the front of the crowd was Ethan’s.
I took a deep breath, trying to replenish my lungs that were starving for oxygen. My lungs felt heavy underneath the intense pressure that lurked in the air; even the clouds seemed dangerously close overhead. I could feel all the stress starting to pinch on the thin seal of my bubble, threatening to pop it and send my whole life exploding everywhere in a single instant. And like a piece of shattered glass after the impact of a baseball, the fragments of the busted bubble would be nearly impossible to piece back together.
“Thank you.” John cleared his throat as the people, including middle-aged men and women, teenagers, kids, and more recently, even babies, began to quiet down, not out of respect, but of out of curiosity, wanting to see what bullshit John could possibly say.
John looked out at the sea of bodies surrounding him, and I could suddenly see him grow uncomfortable.
“So, uh . . . ” He paused. “In light of recent concerns many of you have had, I thought I would clear a few things up today.” He almost stumbled off the picnic table as he paced back and forth. “First of all, I would like to say that I am not going to put any of you in danger. If there is any immediate information that any of you need to know that pertains to your safety, then I will notify everyone.” His voice was stern, and I could sense the seriousness in his brown eyes. “I would also like to wave off any of the recent claims that the government is targeting our camp. I know that in recent weeks there have been many attacks by the government at other sanctuaries affiliated with the White Knights, but as of right now there is no present threat to our camp. I am also aware that hitmen in the surrounding areas have been ramping up on taking out some of our fellow members, but this sudden increase in hitmen activity has nothing to do with any larger threat posed to our camp.” He paused, and I noticed him shift nervously before confidently stating, “Camp Camel is doing better than ever, and I’m looking forward to even greater times ahead.” John smiled, finally making eye contact with the crowd, and I watched as he tried to hastily step down from his soap box atop the picnic table. But immediately my ears rung at the dozens of shouts in protest.
“Aye, you wrong!” One girl hollered.
“Bullshit!” A man’s voice echoed in my ears.
“Get your ass back up there!” Bianca yelled. Even she was getting in on the action.
“Hey, listen up.” I heard Ethan’s forceful voice, which somehow overpowered the rest of the screams. “We know you are keeping stuff from us. There’s no way that the government isn’t planni
ng on raiding our camp. We have survived here for three fucking years. Who knows how much longer they will tolerate us.”
“He’s right.” An older woman spoke up. She had her frail, brown hair tied up in a bun. “It would be stupid of us not to assume that the government is after us”
“I understand your concerns.” John’s voice was shaky. “But I promise you that the government poses no immediate danger to the livelihood of anyone at Camp Camel.”
This statement was followed up by another round of boisterous screams. The fear was practically visible as a thin haze in the air, and the tension in the atmosphere was becoming so great that it was slowly beginning to snap in a loud bang. I could feel a rush of anxiety course through my veins as the madness brought on by the dark thoughts in my mind created a new fear within me. I’m not even safe here. The terror inundated my mind, causing a shiver to trickle down my spine, as our harsh, cold reality that I try and prevent from sweeping into my brain, hit me with a smack in the head. I’m not safe anywhere.
Even after all those years, the perpetual thunderstorm cloud still hung ominously above my head, and the second that it decided to unleash its wrath on me, I knew it was over.
“Do you think we are stupid?!” one boy shouted out.
“John, we are clearly in danger, even if you don’t have any information about it. The attacks on other refuges are not a coincidence. We are next in line, or pretty damn close,” Ethan said. The frantic bantering of the crowd simmered down a bit as Ethan’s confident voice rose above the cacophony of sound. “What we need is a plan!” Ethan suddenly bellowed. “We can’t just let the government walk over us, and destroy us all, like they have with everyone else; we need to fight back!”
“No!” The weariness in John’s voice had disappeared to be replaced by a deep indignation. “No, that will not, and cannot, happen!”
The crowd erupted into a mess of jumbled screams and cries.
“Why not?” Ethan hollered.
Control Freakz Page 11