I loved this girl.
It was the only thing that made sense. Why I’d been so drawn to her from day one. Why no other girl compared. Why the sight of her tears made my heart break.
Instantly, the anger drained from me and instead I felt like I couldn’t breath. Never in a million years had I expected this to happen. Deciding that I couldn’t let her sit all alone by the water anymore, I got out of the car and made my way to where she was sitting. The pounding of my heart in my chest made my stomach churn, and my legs shook as I crossed the grass. Knowing that I was in love with her didn’t make any of this easier. In fact, now that I knew, I was more lost than I had even been before.
What the fuck was I going to do?
Josh would never talk to me if I took him to the restaurant so I knew I’d have to take him somewhere he couldn’t avoid me. Stewart Park seemed like the perfect place. Honestly, I hadn’t been sure he was going to get in the car in the first place. Watching him out of the corner of my eye, I could see the anger radiating off of him. He was pissed and wasn’t going to give in easily.
How was it that my father always had a way of ruining things that I cared about? My eyes blurred and burned thinking of the way he’d treated Josh. Why hadn’t I just stood up for him? Wanting to calm myself down so I could talk to him, I leapt out of the car and walked down to the water to sit on one of the benches. Thinking about the way my father had treated Josh made me sick to my stomach. Why couldn’t Josh just have left well enough alone? I knew how my father would react. Nothing was ever about what I wanted. All he was concerned about was what was best for his image. Ryan was the all-American baseball player from a somewhat wealthy family. My father had taken one look at Josh and dismissed him as nothing.
When my father had ignored the fact that Ryan cheated on me, I’d wanted to scream. Were appearances really that important to him that he would want me to stay with a cheater? I guess in his mind cheating wasn’t a big deal. I mean, he’d done it to my mom, until she’d mustered enough guts to kick his ass out when I was eleven.
Asshole.
Every time I saw my father he reminded me why I usually avoided him at all costs. Now, in an effort to get my dad out of there, I’d pushed Josh away when he was only trying to protect me. Unfortunately, all of those thoughts did nothing to help control my tears, instead spurring them on to flow freely down my face.
Hearing Josh approach, I furiously brushed them away. I wasn’t a crier, but something about the thought of losing Josh over my father’s normal crap was ripping me apart. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Josh sit down next to me, leaning forward to rest his forearms on his thighs. Not brave enough to see what emotions were written on his face, I kept my eyes trained on the water in front of me.
“Jersey,” he said quietly. I was surprised to not hear any of the earlier animosity in his voice.
I lost it. I dropped my head into my hands and began to sob. “I’m so sorry.”
He reached his arm around me and pulled me close, letting me cry on his shoulder. “Shhh,” he whispered in my ear. “It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not,” I cried, shaking my head. “He had no right to treat you that way. It’s never about what I want or need, only what improves his position in life.”
He placed his fingers under my chin and titled my head back to look at him. “You forget that I’ve lived with an asshole father for most of my life.”
“It’s not just that. I shouldn’t have yelled at you when were trying to defend me,” I muttered.
“Can you tell me why you did it?” he asked in a manner that was calmer than he should have been.
I shrugged my shoulders. “I just know how my father is. In his mind, Ryan was perfect, and he thought so from day one. Arguing with him is pointless and I don’t see him often enough for him to matter,” I replied.
Dropping his arm and letting go of my face, Josh once again leaned his elbows on his legs. It was a few moments before he spoke again.
“Do you really think I care what your father thinks about me?” he asked without looking up.
“No—”
“But I do care what you think about me. When you didn’t defend me to your father, it made me question what you truly believe about me,” he admitted, raising his head to look into my eyes. “Do you still believe that I’m not capable of being faithful?”
“No,” I shook my emphatically.
“Then why not defend me?”
How did I explain this without making things worse? “It wouldn’t have mattered if I’d defended you or not, the minute you introduced yourself he made a decision about you. Then he heard you call me ‘Jersey’ and he was done,” I sighed. “After that, nothing you or I could have said would have made a difference, so instead of arguing I just tried to get him to leave faster.”
His brows drew in in a frown. “What’s wrong with calling you ‘Jersey’?”
“Well, you have to admit, it’s not exactly normal to call your girlfriend by the state she’s from,” I admitted. I’d always wondered why he couldn’t call me something sweet like “baby” or “honey”. For crying out loud, I’d even take “cupcake” because at least that sounded like something you’d call your girlfriend. “Jersey” sounded like something you’d call one of your buddies from the gym.
“You think that’s why I call you that? Maybe it was originally, but now it means so much more,” he said astounded.
“You mean, that’s not where the name comes from?”
He reached over to link our fingers together. “Calling you ‘Jersey’ has nothing to do with where you lived.”
“Then where did it come from?”
He cupped my face with his free hand and looked me directly in the eyes. “Lauren, you’re my Jersey. You’re my Jersey because you comfort me. You’ve wrapped yourself around me so tight that I don’t know how to be warm without you. Most of all you’re my Jersey because, no matter what happens between us or wherever you are, you are always close to my heart.”
Oh my God! I was going to cry. How was I supposed to respond to that? I did the only thing I could think of. Leaning up, I pressed my lips to his, loving the warm feeling his touch invoked in me. He slipped his hand around the back of my neck and up into my hair, holding my mouth to his. His tongue passed my lips to slide against mine and the taste of him, a mixture of spearmint and something that was all Josh, exploded through my senses. The only thing that mattered in that moment was the two of us.
Something was different about this kiss. It felt as if Josh put so much more feeling into it. Whatever it was, I just reveled in the feel of his lips against mine, thankful that my father hadn’t ruined this.
After what seemed like an eternity, Josh lifted his mouth from mine. We both were breathing heavily. The desire burned in his eyes as he kept his gaze connected with mine. “Promise me something,” he whispered.
“Anything.”
“Even if it means having to deal with your father longer than we want to, or having to listen to more of his bullshit, please don’t push me away next time. Let me deal with crap alongside you. Remember, this is nothing new to me. And…”
He trailed off and I knew there was something else he wanted to say, but after the afternoon we’d just had I didn’t want to push him, so I spoke instead.
“Trust me when I tell you I’m going to do everything in my power to avoid my father, but I promise the next time, and there will be a next time, we can stand up to him together,” I vowed.
All I wanted was to move on from this and be thankful that we were okay. My feelings for Josh grew a little stronger each day and I knew it wouldn’t be long before my heart was totally and completely his. Emotions are a powerful thing, and I had no choice in the matter. I couldn’t stop myself from loving Josh, and I didn’t want to. I had to hope that he shared those feelings.
Josh laced his fingers with mine and stood up, bringing me out of my thoughts. “Come on let’s go meet everyone,” he said, nodding tow
ard the car.
When I stood up next to him to make my way back, Josh stopped my progress with his other hand. Slowly he leaned down and nibbled on my ear. “Don’t worry, we’ll make up properly later,” he breathed against my skin.
My breathing sped up as the blood rushed to my face at his suggestion. Just the promise of spending the night wrapped in Josh’s arms had me ready to suggest skipping dinner and going straight home. If only.
Unfortunately, everyone was there to celebrate my win, meaning we had to go. But that didn’t mean I had to like it.
I gave Josh the keys and we made our way back to the car. Josh moved around and opened my door for me, then quickly making his way back over to the driver’s side. Giving him a once-over as he started the car and pulled out of the park I noticed, not for the first time, how freaking handsome Josh was. How did I get so lucky that a boy like him wanted a girl like me? Then I realized that he was whistling.
“What are you so happy about?” I asked, laughing. I’d never heard him whistle before.
He chuckled. “Nothing, Just glad I listened to Caleb before he left the field.”
“Me too,” I smiled taking his hand with mine. He lifted our hands to his lips. I loved it when he did that. It was a reminder that his bad boy reputation with the ladies was all a facade. That underneath all of that bravado was one of the sweetest guys I’d ever met.
It wasn’t long before we reached the restaurant and luckily all of our friends were still there. We made our way inside to see that they already had a table in the back. Drinks for us sat waiting. Good. I knew that after meeting my father, we’d both need a drink.
“Hey, you guys finally made it,” Andrew called across the room.
I looked over at Josh with a smile on my face. “Yeah, we did,’ I whispered.
His eyes lit up with his smile but his attention quickly returned to where Andrew was sitting, Emily tucked into his side.
What was wrong with that?
“Everything okay?” I whispered to Josh as we made our way towards the table.
He glanced down at me. “Something’s up with those two. They’ve been acting weird all day.”
Gazing in their direction, all I saw was them snuggling like any other couple. “Okay. They look like any other couple to me,” I shrugged.
“We’ll see, Jersey. We’ll see.” He winked and led me to the two empty seats at the table.
Caleb was on my right, Josh on my left. Caleb put his arm around my shoulders. “Nice game, Lauren,” he pulled me into a hug. Lowering his head he whispered in my ear, “Everything okay?”
I nodded. “Thank you,” I whispered.
“Anytime.”
“Asshole, get your hands off my girl,” Josh joked, wrapping his arm around me while simultaneously pushing Caleb’s off.
“Yeah, like you always keep your hands off mine,” he laughed, throwing a crumpled napkin at Josh.
“Knock it off, you two,” Angie and I said in unison.
She looked over at me. “Boys,” she said, laughing and shaking her head.
When they both tried to act as if they were innocent, the rest of us busted out laughing. As we all finally began to calm down, Josh raised his beer. “Awesome game, Jersey,” he said, leaning down to place a kiss on my temple. I smiled, not because of the game, but thinking back to why he called me ‘Jersey’ in the first place.
Everyone else followed and raised their drinks. “To Lauren,” they cheered.
“Thanks,” I said slightly embarrassed.
“Who’s ready to eat?” Nick called out over the raised voices.
“I’m starved,” I answered. I hadn’t eaten much before the game because of nerves, a fact I hadn’t noticed with all of the stress after the game. But the smell of the food when we’d pulled up had woken my appetite.
We called over the waitress and placed our orders and after she’d walked away, we continued to chat about the game. Luckily, no one brought up my father’s deplorable behavior. I did notice Andrew fidgeting across the table from me and realized that Josh was right. Something was definitely up.
Touching Josh’s leg under the table, I waited for him to look over at me. When his eyes finally met mine, I gazed in Andrew’s direction and shrugged my shoulders. His eyes followed mine and looked back at me again. “See,” he mouthed at me.
Not too long after that our food arrived, which was perfect because my stomach was starting to growl. How embarrassing would that be? Out of nowhere Andrew stood up, gaining all of our attention.
Taking Emily’s hand he pulled her up to standing. “Guys, I have… no, we have something to tell you,” Andrew said. Everyone continued to look at him expectantly. Andrew took a deep breath and said, “Emily—”
“We’re getting married!” Emily squealed, cutting him off and holding her hand up for everyone to see.
“Holy shit,” Nick shouted, his eyes as big a saucers.
I couldn’t shift my gaze from Emily and Andrew, but out of the corner of my eye I could see Angie crying and Josh smirking. Never in a million years would I have seen that coming. Angie jumped out of her chair and ran over to wrap Emily in a bone-crunching hug. They both started jumping up and down screaming.
Andrew put his hands on their shoulders. “Guys, we’re in a restaurant,” he reminded them.
They both looked around sheepishly. “Oh yeah,” Angie muttered. “Let me see this ring,” she said still holding tight to Emily.
Getting out of my seat, I went over to join the girls and see the ring up close.
It was gorgeous. A single round diamond in the center, it had a diamond encrusted, twisted band. “It’s beautiful,” I breathed, and pulled Emily into a hug. “I’m so happy for you both,” I said, looking at Andrew. Reaching out, I took a hold of his hand too.
“Thank you so much,” Andrew smiled.
When I pulled back from Emily, I noticed Josh watching me with a smirk on his face. A moment past before he stood up and made his way over to me, putting his arm around my waist. He reached his hand out toward Andrew. “Congratulations, man,” Josh said, shaking his hand. “Took you long enough.”
“Hey!” Emily said, smacking Josh in the arm.
He just laughed. “No seriously, man, I’m happy everything finally worked out for the both of you.”
Caleb and Nick came over to congratulate the happy couple as Josh led me back to our seats. He leaned over to whisper in my ear, “Do you know how sexy you look in those jeans?”
The feel of his breath on my neck sent a shiver down my spine and left me counting the minutes until we could go back to his apartment and “make up.” As his hand slid down my leg and back up again, my breathing quickened. His hand continued the sensual stroking motion, edging closer and closer to my core. If he kept this up he was going to drive me crazy before we even made it out of the restaurant.
I was so wrapped up in the feel of Josh’s hands that I failed to notice that our food had arrived. He looked over, apparently noticing the quick rise and fall of my chest. “Everything okay, Jersey?” he asked innocently.
“Great,” I said a little too eager, earning me a knowing look from Angie. Luckily we were drinking, otherwise my blush would be evident to everyone.
Thankfully, Josh stopped the movements of his hand once we started eating. During the course of dinner our conversation turned to wedding plans. Nick was still astounded that both Caleb and Andrew were getting married.
“Dude, I still can’t wrap my head around this,” Nick said.
Andrew shook his head. “When you find the right girl you’ll just know. Other girls will never compare to her.”
“Hell, look at Josh,” Caleb said. “Did you ever think that you’d see him with only one girl?”
All eyes turned on us. If I’d been asked that question a month ago, I would have said no. It was amazing how much could change in such a short period of time. I still hadn’t figured out why Josh had chosen me, but whatever the reason, I couldn’t be
happier.
We stayed at Max’s for a while and the whole time Josh found reasons to keep touching me, which drove me crazy. By the time we got back in the car all I wanted was to get back to his apartment as fast as possible. As had become our norm, Josh got in on the driver’s side at the same time as I got in the passenger side. Faster than lightning, he was across the console, connecting his lips with mine, pushing his tongue into my mouth to slide against mine. Just as quickly his mouth pulled away. My eyes snapped open to see why he had ended our kiss way too soon.
“I just needed a quick taste to hold me over,” he said starting the car and pulling out of the lot.
“You’re a tease,” I whispered, my body too turned on to speak any louder. It seemed like every time we were out we were racing home to be together.
When he reached a stoplight he leaned over to suck on the spot below my ear. “You’ll find out just how much of a tease I am very soon.”
The things this boy could to do to me. I felt like my whole body was on fire. It was a damn good thing we’d left before Caleb and Angie, I didn’t think they would have wanted to see or hear what was going to happen in their apartment. I was so glad when we pulled into the parking lot at Josh’s apartment.
Apparently he was as well, because he wrapped me in his arms as soon as I made it to the front of the car, but his lips didn’t touch mine. Instead they slid up to my ear to tease the edge with his tongue. Moving swiftly toward the door, his mouth made it down to the spot right where my neck met my shoulder, lightly biting it and causing a moan to slip past my lips. At first I didn’t realize we’d made it to the door. It wasn’t until he shut it and shoved me against it that I knew.
My hips thrust against Josh, trying to get a feel of him, not caring that we were both still dressed.
“Mmmm… you like that,” he breathed against my neck.
When I didn’t answer right away his hand slipped up my shirt to caress my nipple with his thumb. Even though my bra was still on the feeling penetrated the fabric, sending electric sparks through my body. “Yes,” I hissed between my teeth.
Redemption (Forgiven Series) Page 18