Ms. Pierce nodded her understanding. “We’ll schedule the appointment first thing Monday morning.”
“Good. I’m also going to give you a prescription for some pain medication and something to reduce the inflammation. You are in good hands with Marie,” he said gesturing towards the nurse.
“Thank you, Dr. Barrington,” Ms. Pierce said to the doctor, right before he left the left the room.
Marie watched the doctor leave and turned back to us. “I’ll be right back with a sling and your prescriptions.”
As the nurse was leaving I saw Lauren’s eyes begin to fill up with tears, but she tried to fight them. “Can I just be alone for a little bit,” she asked, a little too calmly given the news she’d just received.
I watched her every move, not wanting to push her, but trying to figure out what was going on in her head. Her mom and Angie started towards the door, but I stayed right where I was. Her mom was already out the door when Angie turned around to wait for me. I shook my head at her and turned my gaze back to Lauren.
Lauren’s eyes dropped to her lap. “Josh, I really want to be alone right now,” she said, the slight tremor to her voice belying the outward calm she was trying to display.
I stood up and brushed a wayward piece of hair away from her face, trying to see her eyes. “I’m not leaving.”
“Josh—” she started to say, but I cut her off by raising her tear brightened eyes to me and covering her lips with my fingers.
“I said, I’m not leaving,” I repeated. Bending down I looked directly into her eyes. “You don’t have to face this alone.”
She sucked her bottom lip in to keep from crying, but I could see the tears shining in her eyes. What little fight she had left evaporated and she nodded as I gently wrapped my arms around her to pull her into a hug. “I love you. We’ll do this together,” I whispered in her ear.
She didn’t say anything. Instead, she tucked her head into my neck and let me hold her. We stayed that way until the nurse came back with the sling and the prescriptions, plus some pills for Lauren to take before we left. Lauren continued to stay silent. I was getting more worried by the minute, but I knew she needed to work through this on her own. Once we had everything, I helped her down off the bed.
“Are you ready?” I asked cautiously.
“I guess,” she muttered, looking at her feet.
Stopping, I stepped in front of her and placed my arms on her shoulders. “Jersey, look at me.” Slowly her head lifted and I could see the pain and uncertainty in her eyes. I needed her to stay with me so that I could take care of her. “Come on let’s get you home to bed. Do you want to stay at my place or yours tonight?”
Her eyes searched mine. “I want to stay with you, but I’m not really sure I want to see anyone else right now.
I stroked my thumb across her cheek. “Jersey, you can have anything you want. I’ll make sure they stay in their room.”
“Not anything,” she said sadly, dropping her eyes to the ground.
We made our way out to the waiting room, where Morgan and Ms. Pierce were waiting. I looked around, but the rest of our friends were gone. “Where did everyone go?” I asked.
Morgan stood up and walked over to us, watching Lauren. “I sent them home. I figured we didn’t need them to stay,” she offered, shooting me a look. It was easy to figure out that she knew Lauren wouldn’t want to talk to anyone.
Lauren’s mom came over to join us. “How you doing, baby girl?”
Lauren raised her eyes to her mom’s. “I’m tired.”
“Then let’s get you to bed,” she said pulling her keys out of her purse.
Okay, well they sent our ride home, so I wasn’t exactly sure how we were supposed to get back. She must have noticed the confusion on my face because she continued. “I’m going to give you guys a ride home and then check into a hotel.”
“Thank you, Ms. Pierce,” I said. “I think Lauren is going to stay at my place tonight. That way, I can keep my eye on her.”
Ms. Pierce turned to me. “The only reason I’m willing to drop Lauren off to stay at your place is because I know your only goal is to take care of her tonight.”
I nodded, understanding her point. I couldn’t blame her for not wanting to let her daughter stay overnight with a guy, but she was right—this was different.
“And please, call me Melissa.”
“Okay,” I agreed. “Thanks, Melissa. Are you ready, Jersey?”
“Yeah,” she mumbled.
I watched Lauren the entire drive back to my apartment, not exactly sure what was going on in her head. She was so quiet. She wasn’t crying or yelling, or having any reaction at all. I didn’t know how to help her. Being hurt sucked no matter what, but for an athlete, being hurt during a season was indescribable. All I could hope for at this point was that she would open up to me when we were alone.
We finally made it back to my apartment, where Ms. Pierce gave me her number and made me promise to call her in the morning. When we got inside, I noticed Angie and Caleb were nowhere to be found. I figured they were probably in their room giving us space.
I helped Lauren out of the sling and her shirt, pulling one of my t-shirts over her head. Next, I sat her down on the bed and took off her shoes before slipping her pants down her legs. She moved back and lay down while I stripped down to my boxers.
Climbing into bed and leaning up on my elbow, I looked down at Lauren and the blank stare that was still present on her face.
“Jersey?” I started and waited. When her eyes met mine I continued. “Last year when Bryan attacked us and gave me a concussion, I worried about whether I’d be able to play again. Football was how I was able to come here in the first place and I was scared to death to lose what I’d worked so hard for because of someone else’s mistake.” I reached over with my free hand and lightly guided my fingertips over her arm. “The concussion I had was pretty severe. It was so bad I had headaches for months afterward. I’m not telling you this to make what just happened seem trivial, but I do want you to know that I understand how you feel and you can talk to me about it.”
She sat there in silence for so long that I thought my words had had no impact. Any emotion, even anger, would be better than silence. Finally she said, “But you got to play again.”
It was a start. “Yes, I did, and you might too. We have no idea what the doctor will say until we see them this week. So please stop thinking the worst, and try to relax.”
She nodded, but didn’t change the direction of her thoughts. “What if I can’t play anymore?”
I moved my hand from her arm to cup her cheek. “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. For now, why don’t you get some rest? It’s been a long night.”
“Okay,” she whispered and moved around a bit, trying to find a comfortable position. We ended up building up the pillows on her side of the bed so that she didn’t have to lie flat on her back. I turned the light out.
“Josh?” she called out quietly into the darkness.
“Yes?”
“Thank you for being there for me today. I love you.”
“I love you too, Jersey,” I said, sitting up to kiss her on the top of her head.
Lauren was able to get an appointment with an orthopedic doctor that week. Just like the doctor in the ER, he recommended immediate surgery, saying it would give her the best chance at a full recovery. He wasn’t sure about her returning to the ball field next season, but he was optimistic that with hard work in physical therapy her chances would improve greatly. My concern was less about the ball field and more about Lauren’s state of mind. Part of me knew that Lauren’s mood was because she wasn’t playing, but I had no control over that. There had to be another way to bring her back to me.
And I had plenty to worry about. Lauren continued to stay at my place and I lost count of the number of times she’d get out of bed in the middle of the night. After tossing and turning for a while, eventually she’d get up and leave. After a
few seconds I’d hear the television on low in the other room. At first she tried to keep quiet, so as not to wake me, but after a while she didn’t bother. Not that it mattered. I woke up anyway. I tried to coax her back to bed with warm drinks and massages but she withdrew to the point where she would avoid my touch. The way she’d flinch when my fingers brushed her arm or when I’d tuck her hair behind her ear, ate away at me. It was like I’d physically burned her. The bags under her eyes grew darker. She became irritable. It didn’t matter that people were trying to help her, one wrong word and she would bite their heads off. More often than not I’d shoot whoever had been on the receiving end of her wrath a look, apologizing for her behavior. They understood, but that didn’t make it right. She also began to lose weight. The curves that had once begged to be touched, to be caressed, had grown jagged. The clothes that had once clung to her curves, inviting attention, now hung loose on her. Her skin was grey and her hair lank and lackluster. There were days when I had to force her to shower. And I did. I did everything she didn’t ask me to do, and I did it because I wanted to make it right, to bring her back to me. I just didn’t know how.
She went to class, but was barely keeping up with her work. We all tried to stay on top of her to make sure she didn’t do irreparable damage to her GPA for next year. Thankfully, one of her classes was with Angie and Emily, and they did their best to make sure she went to class and completed her assignments. For the rest of her classes, Morgan and I tried to be there as much as possible. Part of the problem was that she was so anxious about getting back on the field that even our relationship suffered. I knew she needed me now more than ever, and because I loved her I was willing to stand by her and do whatever it took to guide my Lauren back into the light.
Every once in a while she’d have moments of happiness and I thought that maybe, just maybe, we were getting somewhere. But just as quickly as they came, they were gone again. Six weeks had past and she was out of the cast, continuing to work on improving the strength in her shoulder and arm, yet she still hadn’t come around. I was running out of ideas on ways to help her through it, until one night I was talking to Angie and Caleb while I was waiting for Lauren to come over.
“I don’t know what to do anymore,” I admitted to them, defeated.
“She’ll come around,” Caleb said, his eyes focused on the TV.
Angie shook her head. “I don’t know, honey. We thought that a few weeks ago but nothing has changed.” She took hold of Caleb’s hand, forcing him to look at her. “Imagine you couldn’t play football anymore. You once told me that you played because you loved it, but what if that was taken away from you?”
I knew Angie had hit a soft spot. Caleb would only give up football on his terms, not because he was told he couldn’t play anymore. Caleb sighed. “You’re right. I don’t know how I’d handle it.”
“Even her mom and Morgan are worried about her and they’ve know her longer than any of us,” Angie added.
“Their season is almost over. There’s got to be a way to take her mind off of everything, even if only for a little bit,” I said, voicing my thoughts out loud.
Angie’s face brightened a little. “She does have those moments every once in a while.”
I nodded. “She does, and if I knew what was causing it I’d do it all the time. Unfortunately, I don’t, so I need to come up with something else.”
We sat there in silence for a few minutes, all trying to come up with a way to bring the smile back to Lauren’s face. I’d already tried a romantic night out, and though she’d enjoyed it, the minute we got home the weight of everything was right back on her shoulders. Leaning down I placed my forearms on my legs and my head in my hands. My biggest fear was that I might not be able to bring Lauren out of this. Perhaps she had to do it on her own, but I couldn’t give up without a fight.
“If only Lauren knew that she didn’t have to do this alone,” Angie said quietly.
What was Angie thinking? Lauren knew she didn’t have to do it alone. She had plenty of people around that wanted nothing more than for her to be happy. If she needed one of us we would come running. Come to think of it though, she hadn’t been in contact with anyone lately, not unless they called her first. My head snapped up.
“Damn it,” I cursed.
“What,” Angie asked looking around trying to figure out what the problem was, while Caleb just watched me, confused by my outburst.
“She doesn’t know,” I said absently, shaking my head.
Caleb’s brows drew together. “She doesn’t know what?”
“She doesn’t realize she doesn’t have to do this alone,” I told them.
Now Angie looked confused. “Okay, but how can we get that through to her? We tell her all the time that if she needs something to call us.”
“Yes, but when was the last time you heard from Lauren unless you called her first?”
Angie thought about it for a minute. “Not since before she got hurt,” she admitted sadly.
“Exactly.” I jumped up from my seat. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought of it before. “We need to show her,” I said pacing the room in my excitement.
“Well, what do you have in mind?” Caleb asked, watching me, clearly trying not to laugh at the fact that I was pacing around the living room like a caged tiger.
I stopped in my tracks. “What if we throw her a party? And I don’t mean a get well party, just a get together where she can see how many people truly want to be there for her.”
Angie jumped up from her seat, clapping her hands in excitement. “I love that idea. It’s perfect!”
Caleb nodded in agreement. “Where do we start?”
I ran my hand through my hair while I tried to think of the best place. Suddenly, it came to me. “We’ll start with Kendra.” Neither of them said anything while they waited for me to continue. “I’ll talk to Kendra about inviting her teammates, and we can talk to her mom and Morgan about anyone else.”
Angie started to pace as she went into party planning mode. “I’ll talk to Emily and we can take care of the food and drinks.” She turned to Caleb. “Your job is to get the apartment ready.”
“Shit. How the hell do I always manage to end up with clean up duty?” Caleb grumbled.
Angie and I laughed at him. She bent down and kissed him on the lips. “Because you do, deal with it.” She stood up and started toward the hallway. “I’m going to call Emily now,” she called over her shoulder.
“Perfect,” I agreed. “I’ll text Kendra and see if she can meet me for lunch tomorrow so we can plan everything out.”
I sent Kendra a text and didn’t have to wait long for an answer. She thought it was a great idea and agreed to meet me for coffee after her first class. Lauren showed up a little while later and was none the wiser.
With a plan in place and the excitement of getting the ball rolling tomorrow, I had a hard time sleeping that night. Lauren decided to stay the night so I spent a good portion of the night watching her. Sleeping seemed to be the only time anymore that the tension completely drained from her face. That was what I was hoping to see on her face again. I had to have hope that all of the things we were doing would eventually lead us to that point.
I woke up the next morning to lips pressed against my temple. Even after all that had happened in the last six weeks, it was still nice to wake up next to Josh. Sometimes it seemed to be the only bright spot in my day.
Ever since the doctor had come back into the room that night and told me the news about my shoulder, I’d been in a funk. At first I spent a lot of time crying about missing the season. Once the surgery was over I had a hard time feeling like myself. Sleep was hard to come by, even in the comfort of Josh’s arms. Many nights I was so restless that I got up and left the room so he could at least get some sleep. Not that I actually thought he did, especially when he spent so much time trying to get me to come back to bed. I wasn’t hungry and I would usually pick at my food, even when Josh went out of his way
to make sure my favorites were there. My clothes were getting too big and I was past caring. There were days when I didn’t feel like taking a shower. Who was I trying to impress anyway? Not matter what I tried I felt nervous and on edge most of the time. It may have seemed trivial to some people but softball had always been my stress relief, and without it I didn’t know how to focus my energy. My father kept calling, leaving messages blaming Josh for everything—conveniently ignoring the fact that Ryan was the one that had thrown me to the floor. All of this added increasing amounts of pressure to my already overburdened mind.
Through everything, Josh was amazing, taking care of me at every turn. But the stress over whether or not I would play again was overwhelming. Not that I would ever admit it to myself out loud, I still wanted the opportunity to try out for the Olympic team. It had taken the possibility of it being taken away, to make me want it. I knew I wasn’t being fair to Josh but it was as if I had no control over my reactions. Even his touch had me pulling away. My heart still wanted him, but I felt unworthy of his love.
The more progress I made in terms of physical healing, the more stressed I became about the situation in general. Over time, I noticed that I felt more able to relax when I was taking the pain meds. When the stress got to be too much to take, they calmed me down. I knew relying on them to manage my moods probably wasn’t the best idea, but it was the only way I could focus on my recovery. Knowing everything Josh had been through with his father, I tried to never use them when he was around. Truthfully, I feared what would happen if he found out. Besides, once I was back to playing, I had no intention of continuing to use them.
As the days passed and my moods didn’t improve, I worried that at some point he’d get tired of my crap and walk away. Next to never playing again, it was one of my biggest fears.
Josh was my rock. I loved him and couldn’t lose him. He’d become such an important piece in my life, doing everything he could to try and make this whole situation better, even when he couldn’t.
Redemption (Forgiven Series) Page 22