"Is there anything you need, Kolyn?" She shook her head. "Mother laid out a nightgown." He pointed to the bed where it lay, but she did not look. "Shall I help you with the buttons?"
Kolyn stood, like a wooden doll, stiff and unemotional. Ian carefully plied the silk loops off each pearl button. He could smell heather and wanted to hold her close. Instead, he stepped away when he was done.
"There, I think I managed them all." "Thank you." "Kolyn." Ian wanted to say something to make her feel better, but he didn't know what words would accomplish the task. "If you need anything, I'll be next door."
He saw the surprise in her eyes before she masked it just as quickly as it had come. Ian reached out and ran his finger over the contour of her chin. Her flesh was soft, supple. He closed his eyes a moment to gather his purpose and deny his yearnings.
"I'll see you in the morning, lass." "Thank you, Ian," she whispered, almost so softly he didn't hear.
It took every bit of willpower not to take her into his arms and kiss away her sadness. "Would you like me to take you home tomorrow? I didn't give you time to speak with your family about our marriage or to gather your personal things."
Kolyn turned away, unable to deal with the surge of pure fear that shook her. "I . . ." Her voice failed her. She tried again. "I think it best if you do not go with me. If you trust me to go without you." "Then I will have Geoff take you. You should not go alone. It wouldn't be safe." On this point she agreed, but she didn't know how to say it. So she said nothing.
Ian broke the silence. "Do you have much you would like to bring from home? I shall send someone with a cart to bring it back if needed." "No," Kolyn said. "There is very little I need." Yet her heart cried out, except for my son. But the persistent fear kept her silent.
"I shall speak with Geoff first thing in the morning."
Kolyn watched Ian leave, pulling the door shut behind him. She almost expected him to lock it, but he didn't. This puzzled her immensely. Why would he trust her not to run away? Then again, why would she? As horrible a situation as this seemed, it was no better at home. Home. It seemed an unsuitable word for what her life had become.
For the first time, she looked around at her surroundings. She could not help but be impressed at the plushness of Stonehaven. Since she arrived, she had seen very little of it, only a few rooms. Yet each one had a warmth and friendliness that her own home lacked. It was obvious Blackstone was wealthy. It showed in every room she had seen so far. She guessed it would be so in every room of the large estate.
She walked about, looking at and touching the fine things. This was Ian's room. It was obvious from the masculine touches. Yet it too had a quiet comfort to it. Her gaze was drawn to the huge canopied bed that occupied one wall. Tapestry hangings draped the bed, huge carved hardwood posts supporting the dark, green velvet-covered mattress. The silken gown Ainsley had left looked small and delicate on the bed, out of place in the room of dark hues and rich textures.
Kolyn slipped the wedding gown from her shoulders and stepped from it, careful to lay it neatly aside to return to Ainsley in the morning. She dressed for bed. She felt quite strange, quite alone in the enormous room, and even more so when she crawled into bed. She could see Ian would need a bed to fit his great height, but she felt small as she curled up in it alone.
Shyly, she laid her hand upon the empty pillow next to her and wondered if they could ever truly be man and wife. Her heart longed for such a thing, yet her mind told her the futility of such a hope. A dark anger seeped into her mind and took away all her dreams. To trust a man, any man, would be foolish. Men had only brought fear into her life. Her father's hatred, Emmett's madness, and her uncle's obsession had taught her the cruelty of men.
Was Ian any different? Kolyn couldn't forget Blair's fear of him. He had cast her aside, knowing she was with child. How could he be so heartless? Blair had betrayed him, and part of Kolyn understood his anger and hurt.
But the child was an innocent. She thought of her sweet Andrew, and hated Ian for rejecting him. How could he love the child she carried unconditionally and not his firstborn son? These thoughts collided with a newfound tenderness creating havoc inside her. She was confused, and frightened. How could she risk Ian not wanting her son . . . his son? She couldn't. What was she to do? She was now legally his wife. To be apart from Andrew was torture. What could she do to be with him again?
And what of Emmett?
This frightened her the most. She understood what Emmett was capable of. How was she to protect Andrew from his madness? It all came down to the same agonizing solution. She must kill Ian. She felt sick, and her heart tightened painfully as it told her quite plainly the impossibility of it. "Good mornin', my lady." Kolyn blushed at Geoffrey's courtesy. "You weren't nearly so formal when you thought me a tavern maid."
"But now you are Ian's wife, not a tavern maid."
He looked away, and Kolyn knew he was uncomfortable with that. "Do you not approve?" she asked. "'Tis not important whether I approve or disapprove of what Ian does. He asked that I take you home. We should go." Geoffrey helped her up onto her horse. For some reason, she did not want him to disapprove, and this confused her. "You still watch over him, don't you, Geoff?"
He mounted, and this time he didn't turn away. She saw the anger in his eyes. "Aye. You place me in an awkward position, lass." "And Ian has not placed me in an even more unpleasant one?" This took him aback. "In what way?"
"I shall be lucky if my clan does not banish me for my disloyalty to them. You do recall that I am a sworn enemy to the Black Wolf?"
"'Tis hard to forget." His face was grim, so unlike his normal mood of laughter and smiles. "But you have a new home and will lack for nothing. It seems you are better off than you were."
"In what way?" she asked. "I have no family left, to speak of. They have been taken from me by Ian's sword. Everything I've known has been destroyed by the feud. In what way do you think I am better off?"
"I see little of worth on MacGregor land. You will be wealthy as Lady Blackstone. You lived with a family of fools, Kolyn MacGregor. Your father was foolish and allowed his hatred to risk his sons to Ian's sword. It was not Ian who took them from you. And this same foolishness caused his own death, not Ian. Emmett is forever doomed to be a helpless cripple and it was his own foolishness that caused it. He cannot blame Ian for it."
She did not like his tone, and even more, she did not like what he said. It was too close to the truth. "And what of Ian? He is totally blameless?" Geoffrey did look away for a moment, then turned back to Kolyn. "Ian's only fault was to love a woman who did not deserve to be loved. Blair knew nothing of being a faithful wife and loving mother. She was selfish and shameless."
"Aye," Kolyn admitted. "She was . . . Blair." "Ian would not hear the truth about her. He was infatuated and unable to see what she was." Kolyn moved her mount forward so she could lean close to Geoffrey. "And she paid for her mistakes. Just as my father and brothers paid for theirs. What of Ian? Am I to forgive and forget so easily?"
"You are to have his child," Geoffrey said flatly. "I think it would be best if you did."
"I cannot." She pulled her horse around and urged the mare forward. Geoffrey watched her ride away, her back stiff with pride and anger. A mixture of emotions ran through him. He wanted to throttle her; he wanted to hold her close and take her pain away. He admired her, he disliked her. His loyalty to Ian made him feel guilty for the sympathy he held in his heart for her situation. He stood between two people, both hurting and in need of healing. His heart told him Kolyn needed a friend, but he could not be that. He could not be friend to her and betray Ian. His loyalty to Ian was stronger than his desire to befriend this woman who claimed to be the MacGregor, now wife to the Black Wolf.
Kolyn slowed her horse's pace, thinking better of allowing her anger to make her careless and risk harming the baby. Geoffrey caught up with her easily, his war-horse's stride much greater than her mare's. They did not speak, and Kolyn wa
s grateful for the silence. She was too confused, and feared she would make an even bigger fool of herself if they continued speaking.
As they neared MacGregor land, she felt the apprehension of facing Emmett overwhelm her. She wanted to turn and flee. To ride back to Stonehaven and never see her brother again. But she understood this was not to be, and tried to find the strength she would need to face him. She must know that Andrew was not in danger from his insane anger.
Riding through the village was difficult. The people she had grown up with showed no kindness to her. They turned away, their eyes not meeting hers. Those who did look showed the anger and hate she had feared they would have. It was no surprise, yet it hurt just the same. These were the people she had loved and cared for. She had stolen and risked her life to see to their needs. Now they merely walked away, rejecting her in her own time of need and sorrow.
Refusing to let Geoffrey see her pain, she rode with her head up, pride in her every move. She did not hesitate when she rode into the castle yard. Geoffrey helped her down. ''You had better wait here with the horses. I won't be long." "Are you certain you do not need my help?" Geoffrey looked at the front door as if it were the danger. "To help you carry your things," he added when he turned back to meet her eyes.
Kolyn understood the hidden meaning in his words, his need to protect her as Ian's wife. Did he suspect Emmett might harm her? This thought made her uneasy, and she wanted to take him with her. But that was impossible. She could not bear anyone to witness Emmett's total madness, her shame. It was something she must do alone.
"As you said before, I have little of worth I need to bring with me. I merely wish to see my brother and say good-bye. I had no time yesterday." Geoffrey nodded. "Aye, my lady. I will wait here."
Her knees were shaking, and she thought she might stumble when she walked up the stone steps. She drew the last of her strength and entered her home. It felt strange, as if she no longer belonged.
"Don't be ridiculous," she mumbled to herself, unwilling to give in to this simple thought that seemed to betray her family and clan. She went straight up to Emmett's rooms and knocked. She did not wait for his leave to enter.
"So," Emmett drawled, his voice lazy and snide. "My dear sister has returned. Is the honeymoon over already?"
Kolyn flinched. "He didn't give me much choice in the matter, Emmett."
"Yes, I understand he carried you off." He turned away from her stare. "Ian Blackstone seems to be good at carrying women off and marrying them."
This almost made Kolyn laugh. She hadn't thought about the coincidence. "What am I to do?" This brought his angry eyes back to her, and she wished he would turn away again. Still, she stood her ground. "What do you want to do?" he asked. She swallowed and tried to put the right words together. It was so difficult discussing anything with Emmett any word could be the wrong one. "If I come back here, he will only take me back to Stonehaven. I don't think I have much choice." "You could kill him, Kolyn. As you promised me. As you promised Father."
"That is simpler said than done." "Why?" he screamed, his voice hysterical. "Why would that be so hard a thing to do? You are now his wife. It seems to me it would be quite easy." "I cannot" "I'll have no more of your excuses. I've grown weary of you and this whole matter. Kill him. Now!" What could she say? "I will try."
Emmett pushed himself up with his arms and leaned closer. "You had better do more than try, or you will suffer greatly for it." He motioned toward the window. "Look outside, Kolyn."
Dread claimed her mind, his eyes telling her there was something to fear out in the courtyard. She looked out, but saw nothing. She turned back to Emmett, her look questioning him. "Look near the stables."
This time she saw them, Donald holding Andrew. Her heart exploded inside her chest, the pain nearly rendering her helpless.
"If you do not do as I say, Drew will die. Then I shall take great pleasure in ridding you of that brat you carry. And . . ."
His pause caused Kolyn to look at him. He smiled, his eyes gleaming with sinister delight. She wanted to close her own, to block the ugly sight before her, but she was frozen in place.
"And if you are of no use to me, Kolyn, I shall have to kill you too. I really would hate to kill my own, dear sister. But if I must, I will."
"Do not harm my son," she whispered, trying to keep her world aright as it whirled precariously about her.
"You may see Drew on Saturday morning. Donald will take him to Father McCloud's church, and you will have an hour. Call it a reminder. You will have this one time with him. If you haven't accomplished what I ask by the next Saturday, it will have been your last time with the lad. Donald has instructions to slit his throat."
She felt the blood drain from her face. This was madness. What made her think she could reason with him? He was beyond that. "You disgust me." This made him laugh. "Of course I do. I disgust myself." "May God forgive you, Emmett." Kolyn walked to the door.
"God abandoned me to this living hell long ago. I do not need his forgiveness, nor yours. Remember, I'll not be patient any longer. Kill him for me, Kolyn. I'll be forever grateful." Tears came to her eyes as she walked from her home. She could never return, she knew that now. She was no longer a MacGregor. She was a Blackstone.
Geoffrey helped her up onto her horse, his brows knitting together. "Are you all right, Kolyn? You're as pale as a ghost." "I'm fine, Geoff." Her reply came out weak, her voice shaky, but he did not question her further. "Whore!" Kolyn whirled around just as the dirt clod struck her in the face, splitting her lip. The villagers had gathered into a group and tossed whatever they could grab at her, their curses hurting her more than the objects that hit her.
"The bitch has bred with the Black Wolf! Traitor!" "You've betrayed your clan and broken your oath, be gone with you!" Geoffrey shielded Kolyn from most of the abuse, but he could not keep their words from her. He grabbed her horse's reins and rode through the crowd, his large war-horse guaranteeing passage. They galloped from the village.
Once they were safely away, Geoffrey stopped and handed Kolyn back her reins. "Did they hurt you?" "Aye." She tried to smile bravely, but failed as tears threatened her. "But only my pride." "You're bleedin', Kolyn." Geoffrey nudged his horse closer and wiped at the blood from her split lip. Kolyn looked away in shame. "'Tis nothing." "Why are they so angry? 'Tis more than your marryin' Ian."
"They think I have married the Devil, Geoff, that I have betrayed my clan and family." "They must know Ian gave you no choice. No, there is more to this than mere superstition. And what of this oath they spoke of?"
She could not look at Geoffrey. She hated to lie, but she had no choice. "There is no oath. Please, let us go."
"Ian will be angry. He had not expected this."
"Please," she put her hand upon his arm. "Please, Geoff. Do not mention this to Ian." His brows furrowed together in confusion. "I must." Her eyes pleaded with him. "'Tis my shame, Geoff. Ian need not know."
Geoffrey saw the tears in her eyes, the shame written upon her face. His heart went out to her, leaving him helpless to her whim. He nodded begrudgingly. "If that is the way you want it, my lady."
"Aye, that is the way I want it." They rode home in silence.
Chapter Twenty-Four
When Kolyn and Geoffrey arrived at Stone-haven, Ian met them before they had even dismounted. He helped Kolyn from the saddle, setting her gently on the ground. "Did everything go all right, Kolyn?" "Aye," she lied, turning away from his concerned look.
She knew he wanted to know more, but refrained from asking. She was thankful for that. His look moved to Geoffrey, perhaps hoping to discover more from his friend. Geoffrey took the horses to the stable. Ian turned back to her. "I thought I could show you around. If you're not too tired?" Anything was better than being left alone with her confused thoughts. "That would be nice."
"Are you sure?" he asked again. "You look tired." Irritation touched her, but Kolyn kept it hidden from Ian. "I'm fine, really I am. Show me your
home." He took her hand and placed it in the crook of his arm, escorting her across the immense courtyard. Everywhere she looked, it was neat and tidy, not a single thing out of place. Ian greeted each person they came across with a smile, calling them by their first names, sometimes even pausing to ask about their families or if they were feeling better.
Kolyn was introduced to each one, their responses filled with warmth and kindness, their respect for Ian carrying over to her. None seemed to care that she was a MacGregor. They showed only their genuine happiness Ian had married again. Perhaps it would have been easier had everyone hated her. As they toured his home her defenses came down, and she found herself actually enjoying Ian's company. The morning's ugly events became a distant shadow, sneaking up every now and then to pull her away from the sunshine. What she would do, she didn't want to think about. Yet at times, it all flooded back to take her pleasure away.
Ian was acutely aware that something was bothering Kolyn, something deep and troubling. Just when he would capture a smile from her, a deep sadness would take it away. He had to remind himself many times not to intrude, that she would tell him if she wanted to. His pride was hurt by her silence, but he understood the distrust in her eyes. His mother had cautioned him to be patient, and he would do his best to be so.
The Black Wolf Page 21