If it wasn’t?
He was liable to take things further in order to make sure he left, and he wasn’t sure he had the strength to restrain himself and stop himself from going all out on the male. Hell, the state he was in right now, frayed and close to the end of his tether, there was a danger he would skip the flashing fangs and growling and go straight to beating the shit out of the male.
So he forced himself to rap his knuckles on Rath’s door instead.
Because if Ember saw that side of him, if she witnessed the darkness he held within him, she would never want him.
He eased back on the deck and glanced up at the triangular window that sat beneath the eaves of the roof as he waited. A shadow moved across them, and then the door in front of him creaked open to reveal his older brother dressed in only a loosely buttoned pair of faded blue jeans.
Rath rubbed sleep from his grey eyes and yawned.
“What’s up?” his brother murmured quietly and his eyes narrowed on him as he finally lowered his hand to press it against the doorframe. “You look like hell. You alright?”
Cobalt blew out his breath. “Can we talk?”
Rath nodded and glanced back inside, up at the loft bedroom, and then reached around the door. He yawned again as he stepped out onto the deck, a navy fleece dangling from his right hand, and Cobalt moved back a step to give him room.
“Ivy’s still sleeping.” Rath tugged the fleece on and scrubbed his eyes again, and Cobalt envied the bastard all over again.
Not because he had a mate this time, but because he was clearly catching some good sleep, and Cobalt was on the verge of crashing and burning. Maybe after he had unburdened his shoulders, he could hit the sack.
Although, sleeping lost its appeal when he glanced over at the male and found him still staring at Ember. He needed to be around to make sure she didn’t do something foolish, like accepting one of them.
He glared at the male and shivered as a hot caress slid down his spine.
Ember.
She was looking at him.
Sweet gods, the feel of her gaze on him stoked the fire burning inside him until it was in danger of decimating his restraint.
He twisted at the waist and looked at her, unable to stop himself as her eyes lingered on him.
She glanced away, her focus shifting to the male, and something crossed her face, something he foolishly read as disgust. She turned and disappeared back inside her large cabin.
Rath slumped into one of the wooden chairs to Cobalt’s right, below the kitchen window of his cabin.
“There’s one of only a few females left who haven’t accepted any of the males’ advances,” Rath said dryly as he stretched his legs out in front of him and rested his bare feet on the railing around the deck. “Or maybe it’s her mother who isn’t accepting them.”
Cobalt grunted at that. Her mother had high standards, expected only the best for her child and had been that way since they had lost her father in the Archangel attack.
It counted Cobalt out since he was a total fuck up.
And a failure.
All of his brothers were prospering, their businesses going well, and their lives with them. Rath ran Cougar Creek and had Ivy now. Storm’s security business was flourishing and now he had his fated mate too. Even Flint, his youngest brother, had found his mate and was talking about expanding the wildlife viewing company he ran in the north of Canada.
They all had their mates, a woman they loved and would be with forever if things went to plan.
Cobalt had nothing.
Hitting rock bottom hurt like a bitch, slashed deep into his pride, and he had no one to blame but himself.
“What’s up with you, Cobalt? You’ve been more distant than usual… something’s bothering you, and I’m getting a bit tired of waiting for you to come chat about it.”
He had to smile at Rath for that. It was typical of his brother to give him space, even when he had noticed something was wrong. Cougars were a solitary species, the males liable to fight over the slightest thing, and Rath sticking his nose into Cobalt’s business would have only made him lash out at his brother.
Cobalt parked his ass against the railing next to Rath’s feet, his back to Ember and the river.
“I fucked up,” he muttered, weathering Rath’s curious gaze but refusing to look at him. If he was going to do this, he was doing it his way. He stared at his reflection in the window, into his own grey eyes, and spoke to himself. “Everything was going great… and maybe I got a little cocky… I figured I could handle shit, knew the damned deal was foolish but I thought I had it and it would be a breeze.”
He sighed and leaned more heavily on the railing, so the wood creaked beneath his weight.
“But you didn’t have it,” Rath said softly and Cobalt shook his head. “You can fix it though?”
He swallowed hard and shook his head again. “It’s gone. The whole damn business. Bust. Just like that. It’s all gone fucking south and… and… well, there’s no fixing it.”
“Shit,” Rath muttered and laid his hand on Cobalt’s leg. “That’s… I’m sorry.”
He shrugged that off, because what was there to apologise for? It had been his choice, not an act of the gods or something beyond his control. He had made a mistake and he had paid for it.
“What are you going to do?” Rath eased his feet down and sat up, and Cobalt felt the full force of his brother’s focus settling on him and sensed his need to do something to help him.
A need that Cobalt had been banking on.
“I was thinking,” Cobalt started and looked down at his brother. This was one thing he couldn’t say to his reflection. He needed Rath to see how important this was to him, because he hoped that if his brother saw it, he would give him the green light without hesitation. “Maybe I could stay… here. With Ivy around now, you’re going to need help at the creek… and you’re bound to want to go with her whenever she travels.”
Cobalt had picked up that Ivy wasn’t going to give up her career as a wildlife photographer and Rath wouldn’t let his mate out of his sight. He would travel to the ends of the Earth for her, and that meant leaving the creek unattended for long periods while he travelled with her.
“I can take care of things in your absence. Keep an eye on your territory and the cabins.” Cobalt scrubbed his hand over his tousled hair again and then around the back of his neck as he sweated, waiting for Rath to say something.
His cabin was on the other side of the community, away from the others because of his temperament, the side of him he couldn’t quite control at times.
He hated that part of himself, the way he could be in control one moment and savage the next, attacking relentlessly, unable to stop himself. He hated it because he knew everyone at the pride was aware of it, many of them having witnessed the night it had been born in all of its horrific glory.
They all viewed him as a threat, and some of them had wanted Rath to cast him out of the pride.
Storm had fought to keep him in it, his younger brother the reason that side of Cobalt had emerged. Cobalt had been on the verge of maturity, ninety-nine years old, when Archangel had attacked the pride. Their parents had allowed him to fight because he had been strong enough, and Storm had foolishly fought too, despite being close to a decade from maturing.
When hunters had severely injured Storm, Cobalt had lost it.
Everything had been a blur after that, but Rath had filled him in on what had happened, how savage and dangerous he had turned, and how he had ripped through almost a dozen hunters in order to protect their younger brother.
Since then, everyone had viewed him as fucked up.
Now, he had proven himself worthy of that title. A fuck up of the highest order.
“Sure,” Rath drawled.
Cobalt snapped himself back to his brother, stared at him as he struggled to take that single word in and make sense of it, as if it was utterly foreign to him.
“Sure?” He would
have fallen on his ass if he hadn’t been leaning against the railing, the shock that blasted through him on realising his brother was giving his consent, was going to allow him to stay at the creek and help out, sending his mind reeling. “Really?”
Rath nodded.
“You’re right, and Ivy is keeping me pretty distracted.” A grin teased his brother’s lips, one that said she kept him distracted a lot and he wasn’t complaining. “She wants to shoot spirit bears soon, and I will want to go with her. The thought of leaving the creek unguarded has been bothering me, so maybe this is the perfect solution. You can stay here year-round with me. Some of the cabins are getting old and need more than just repairs now too.”
“I was thinking about adding metal roofing,” Cobalt said and when Rath’s dark eyebrows lifted, he shrugged stiffly. “It’ll be better for when the snow falls, will last longer than timber shingles, and I hear it offers added protection from forest fire embers.”
Ember.
His focus instantly zoomed to her cabin, his senses stretching to reach her. He needed to feel her. She was as devastating as a wildfire ember, made him burn just as fiercely, and turned his focus to ashes whenever he was around her.
“That’s a good idea.” Rath’s voice cut into his thoughts of her and he forced himself to give his brother the whole of his attention. “It’ll be a lot of work though.”
“I can handle it.” He could.
This was his chance to prove himself to his brother.
Maybe it was more than that. Maybe it was a shot at proving himself to the pride too.
He had never really fitted in at the creek, had never felt it was his home, but now he wanted to make a place for himself here.
He wanted to get his head on straight again and felt in the pit of his soul that this might be something he was good at and wouldn’t mess up because of his problem. He would keep enough distance from Rath, would work on his own parcel of land and help around the creek, and would make a go of it here, where it was quiet and soothing.
“Measure up the cabins, start with our ones, and see what sort of prices you can get. I’ll talk to the other cabin owners, but I’m sure they’ll be onboard.” Rath’s faith in him touched Cobalt, eased the weight on his shoulders and had him eager to get going, and unable to believe he had put off talking to his brother for so long.
He should have known Rath would be understanding about it and would give him the second chance he badly needed.
He looked around the creek as the sun rose, bathing the mountains that surrounded the remote valley in warm light that turned the snow on their peaks gold and seemed to make the rich green of the forests that swathed their bases even more vivid.
He could make a home for himself here, finally settle down and plant some roots. No more wandering. It was time he stopped moving, stopped running from himself and faced things head on.
Ember was here now.
He had waited for her for so long, and sure, this wasn’t how he had planned it, but he was damned if he was going to let the female he had been craving for the past two decades, a female who owned his heart and him completely, go without a fight.
His irises must have changed, glowing golden as thoughts of Ember merged with a need to fight for her, to take down any male who stood between him and her.
“The work thing the only stuff you need to talk about?” Rath eyed him closely.
Cobalt forced himself to nod.
While it felt good unburdening his heart to his brother, getting it all out there, he couldn’t tell Rath the other reason he was feeling volatile, constantly on a razor’s edge. That would mean confessing something he wasn’t ready to tell Rath yet.
Something he had been aware of from the second he had set eyes on her all those years ago.
Ember was his fated mate.
CHAPTER 2
To say that she was starting to hate the way some of the males at the creek eyed her up as if she was a prime slab of meat on a block, or a peach ripe for plucking, would be the understatement of the century.
Ember was sick of it.
She couldn’t even enjoy her morning cup of Joe without one of the eligible males disturbing her peace and solitude, wrecking her day from the second she stepped outside her door.
Gods, she longed for some time alone, away from the creek, far from the ridiculousness of the gathering.
It was bad enough that she had awoken a month ago with urges that had been startling and overwhelming, had left her feeling as if she wasn’t in control of herself, was a prisoner in her own body, a slave to instincts that were new and a little frightening.
That her mother had insisted on not only joining her on her journey to Cougar Creek, but sending a letter to Rath, the male who owned the territory her pride called home now, was still mortifying. Thankfully, Rath had rejected her mother’s request to be the one to take care of Ember’s needs.
It hadn’t deterred her overbearing mother though. Oh no. What should have been a relief and an end to a wholly embarrassing ordeal had just been the start.
Now, her mother was determined to find her a suitable male, oversaw any fight over the right to ease her during her first heat, and scrutinised every winner before declaring her judgement of them in front of the entire pride.
So far, none of the males had fulfilled her mother’s requirements.
Which meant more fights between males who wanted to ‘win’ her. More standing on the deck of her cabin, paraded like a prize catch as an incentive to them, so they could see what they were fighting for.
Her mother meant well, but Ember was beginning to feel as if she was something that didn’t have its own thoughts or feelings, its own desires. They weren’t even considered. It was as if they didn’t exist. No amount of telling her mother that she wanted to at least have a say in which male tended to her broke through her mother’s steely resolve to have the final word on everything involving her.
Gods, it was frustrating.
Irritating.
Ember tuned her out as she poured a fresh cup of coffee and looked out of the window of the cabin, ignoring her as she talked of today’s fights and the status of the males involved.
She didn’t care how much money they had, or how good their family name was. She didn’t care about any of it as she stared across the grass to the forest on the other side, blankly watching the river to her left as it rippled around the bend, separating the creek from the extensive woodland on the other side.
A wild world that she wanted to run in.
That need to escape had been building in her for the past few weeks, with each fight and every male who stared at her as if she was something they could possess. Own.
Each fight and every male had slowly brought about the dawning of a realisation too.
The males weren’t the only ones who thought they could own her.
Her mother already owned her.
She decided everything about Ember’s life, and while Ember had gone along with it in the decades after her father’s death, had borne it because she was the only child in her family and her mother was only being overprotective, hitting one hundred years old and maturing had opened her eyes.
It had only been a year, but in that time, she had become aware of herself, had spent time getting to know herself better and exploring the things she liked, shaking off the ones her mother had decided were her favourites.
She had changed the way she dressed, discovering she favoured form-fitting jeans and sneakers, and colourful soft t-shirts and luxurious over-sized sweaters to prim and proper skirts that swamped her legs and blouses that made her look like a damned Victorian.
She had packed on a few pounds after realising that ice cream and chocolate really were the best, and fruit could go fuck itself.
Her mother hadn’t been happy with her about any of it, but she didn’t care.
This was her life.
She had even ventured away from home twice. The first had awoken a feeling that she had
been missing so much in life, and the second taste of independence had only cemented that feeling.
It had made her see that she had given her mother too much freedom in her life, and it had gone to her head, made her feel she could control everything about Ember’s life.
She wanted to tell her mother that she might need a male, but she was going to be the one to pick that male, and if she couldn’t have the one she wanted, then she wanted none of them.
There were times she came close to telling her mother that and setting her straight. Her nerve always faltered though, the thought of upsetting her only family, a female she loved dearly, holding her back.
As her mother started talking about the males currently residing at the creek, Ember pushed the door open and peered out, and relief washed through her when she saw the male who had been ogling her was gone now.
She carried her mug of coffee to her favourite recliner on the deck that wrapped around her family’s large cabin and eased into it, loosing a deep sigh as she let all the tension drain from her limbs and savoured the silence of morning.
She loved this time, when the creek was quiet, the babbling river and the movement of animals in the distance the only sound.
The quiet before the storm.
It wouldn’t be long before the rest of the creek woke and the first fights of the day happened.
Although, she wasn’t the only one who was up and out early today.
She glanced off to her right, up the two hundred metre clearing to the cabin that stood proud at the top of it, sheltered by deep green pines, and the two males on the deck.
Rath raked a hand over his thick dark brown hair and said something she couldn’t hear to his brother.
Cobalt.
The towering platinum-blond had his back to her, his fine backside pressed to the railing around the deck and his hands planted beside his lean hips, bracing himself upright. His shoulders were tense beneath his black t-shirt, his hair mussed in a way that made him look as if he had come straight from his bed to see his brother.
Or from a female.
Ember hadn’t failed to notice the way a lot of the females at the creek looked at him, blatant desire in their eyes as they tracked his movements. She had never attended a gathering before, but she knew that as a member of Rath’s family, he was responsible for overseeing everything and wasn’t allowed to participate in the fights or see to the females.
Craved by her Cougar (Cougar Creek Mates Shifter Romance Series Book 4) Page 2