“Sure was,” Tanner answered, hating how stiff and formal their conversation had become. He turned to her and pulled her into his arms next to the old oak bannister Emma loved so much. They’d never gotten around to refinishing it. Now he wondered if he ever would.
He held her against him so tightly he felt her heart thumping against his chest. She wrapped her arms around his neck and nuzzled his shoulder.
Tanner swallowed back tears. He never cried, not even when his sister died. He’d be damned if he’d do it now. The last thing he wanted was for Emma to stay because of guilt—because of him. If she had any inkling as to what kind of mess he was inside, she’d never leave him.
He couldn’t do that to her. It’d take the best acting of his life to convince her he was on-board with this and thrilled for her. Not that he wasn’t thrilled, but he’d be lying if he didn’t admit how much he wanted her to stay.
Imagining Emma in Vegas by herself without the support of friends and family scared the crap out of him. She’d be a prime target for all kinds of predators, male and female alike. He hated thinking about her alone with no one to turn to. Even though he’d be a phone call away, he couldn’t be there with her, and it was killing him.
A choked sob rose from his chest, mortifying him.
“Tanner?” Emma drew back, staring into his eyes. He buried his face in her soft, golden hair. She couldn’t see him like this. “Are you—are you crying or laughing?”
“Neither.”
He lifted her into his arms and carried her into the bedroom, careful to keep the lights off as he placed her gently on the bed. He stripped out of his clothes then removed hers. He could feel her eyes on him, but the darkness masked his distress.
Crawling onto the bed, he gathered her soft body in his arms and kissed her with all the tenderness and love he’d bottled up inside for the past few months. Their tongues danced together, momentarily washing away his sadness, as he lived in the moment with her.
He broke off the kiss and feasted on her body, licking and kissing his way downward. From her neck to her luscious breasts and taut nipples, past her stomach, to those beautiful long legs. Her thighs parted as he placed hands on her and buried his face between her legs. He slid his tongue along her slit and into her moist opening. She bucked against his mouth, but he used his hands on her thighs to hold her in place as he lapped at her juices. He parted those soft folds and gently pushed two fingers inside her, hooking one to hit her sweet spot as he sucked on her clit. She arched her back and came against his mouth, in a shuddering climax so hot he almost lost control himself.
Not waiting for her orgasm to subside, Tanner crawled back up her body, and without hesitation, slid inside her welcoming heat. He tangled his fingers in her hair, as her soft moans drove him deeper into her. He found her mouth for a passionate kiss, putting every ounce of love hiding in his heart into that kiss. He moved inside her, long, slow, and deep, savoring every inch of her body with his, making memories which might have to last a lifetime. With one final thrust, he buried himself deep as the waves of pleasure consumed him. Emma came with him; soaring to the stars hand in hand, they landed on a soft cloud and held each other as they slowly floated back to earth. A tenuous thread bound them together, merging their emotions, their thoughts, their dreams, a thread delicate and easy to break.
He’d laid his emotions out there for her to feel, hoping it’d be enough to bring her back to him.
But what if she never came back?
Oh, God, the thought was almost too much to bear.
Emma hadn’t really experienced other men. What if she decided she’d been missing something and took a page out of Bella’s book? He shook off the dread. Emma would never do that as long as they were married. She wouldn’t cheat on him any more than he’d cheat on her. The solution would be to keep her married. But at what cost? Would he hold her to a marriage she eventually might not want?
All these conflicting thoughts pummeled him, and he pushed them from his mind to do the one thing he lectured her about—live in the moment and regret nothing. It’d been his mantra most of his life. Only Emma had given him a future—a reason to look forward.
Tonight he held nothing back, gave her a part of his soul he hadn’t realized she’d possessed until now.
Would it be enough?
* * * *
Tanner stood with Emma inside Sea-Tac airport. She’d checked in, had her ticket, and would need to pass through the security checkpoint soon. He held her hand, unwilling to let go. She didn’t seem overly anxious either. Last night bound them together, but today split them apart.
Tanner had dealt with tragedies and loss in his life and managed to come out whole, but he’d never dealt with such excruciating pain as this. With every second closer to her leaving, he died a little more inside.
“I have to go,” she uttered the dreaded words and looked up at him with luminous blue eyes, shining with unshed tears. If she cried right now, he’d lose control and make a sorry ass out of himself.
“I know,” he croaked, kicking himself for revealing too much emotion with those two little words.
“I could stay,” she offered, reading his mind like she always had until lately. Maybe her oblivious behavior had more to do with her desire to go than his acting ability. The realization hit him like a sucker punch in the gut.
“No, you need to go.” He set his jaw and forced himself to ride out this storm like he had every other rocky period in his life.
She hesitated, clearly torn between her dreams and her man. He almost snorted. Her man? Had he ever truly been her man? Not because he didn’t want to be hers, but because he’d always held back a part of himself, knowing she, too, would leave one day, like the only other women in his life he’d loved. And there he had it. He’d directed his misplaced anger over the years toward Isaac when in reality he was angry at his mother and sister for abandoning him. Not that leaving had been their choice—or Isaac’s. They’d done the best they could do with the limited tools available to them at the time.
Isaac had become a better person facing and working through the pain, while Tanner merely avoided it and misdirected it with his fake exterior and locked-down interior.
Tanner gripped Emma’s hand, battling the desires to beg her to stay and send her on her way.
“What do you want?” she asked, her voice strangely calm, almost distant.
“What I want doesn’t matter. You have a dream, and I’d never stand in the way of your dreams. I’ve been here before. Everyone I’ve ever cared has left me, but I’ll survive. I always survive.” Damn, his life was one big pity party. He was raining on Emma’s parade, and he hated himself for it. He pulled on his big-boy pants and got over himself.
“And I’m not leaving you. Tanner—”
He held up a hand to silence her. “No, just go, Emmie. Don’t make this any harder on either of us. You have to follow your dream, while my dream is here. I’d never ask you to give up this opportunity any more than you’d ask me to give up football and go with you.”
“What about us?”
He looked away for a moment, wishing he knew the answer to that question. “I guess, we’ll see. Beed says your story will make good press for both of us, and once the season’s over, well, we can take care of the details.”
They both knew what those details entailed. He didn’t want a divorce, not anymore, but to give voice to those fears would be to keep her here and screw with her future. He wouldn’t do that either.
She looked ready to protest, to say something, but he didn’t want to hear it. Shaking his head, he pulled her to him for a searing goodbye kiss which was way too short.
“You need to go.” He pushed her toward the security lines.
“I know.” A single tear slid down her cheek. He almost fell to his knees and begged her to stay, but he held strong. She needed to do this, and he needed to let her. With one last lingering kiss, he strode away, forcing himself not to look back.
; Once inside his truck in the parking garage, the dam broke, and tears streamed down his cheeks. He buried his head on the steering wheel and pounded his fists on the dash until the skin on his knuckles was split and bleeding.
She’d taken the best part of him with her and left him with nothing but an empty shell.
* * * *
Emma held back the tears until she checked into her hotel room that evening. As soon as she shut the door and blocked out the world, a tsunami of pathetic sobs wracked her body. She slumped to the floor and wept until her tears dried up, and she fell into an exhausted sleep.
Hours later she woke in the dark, stiff and sore from sleeping slumped against a wall. She crawled into bed, but sleep didn’t come and she finally gave up.
Early in the morning, Emma texted Tanner, receiving an immediate reply. He wasn’t sleeping either.
Everything okay? He texted.
No, everything wasn’t okay. She missed him horribly. Yes, it’s great.
I’m happy for you.
Thanks.
I miss you.
Her heart stopped with those simple words, and her eyes filled with tears. She would not be a blubbering female. She would be strong. She would be brave, and she would embrace this opportunity.
I miss you, too, she texted.
There were no more text messages after that. Maybe they’d said all they needed to say. Emma didn’t know. She took a shower and waited as time crept by at a snail’s pace. She arrived early to her appointment with Cindy Latigo’s stage manager. The man glared at her and checked his watch.
“You’re early,” he growled as if she’d committed a crime. He didn’t bother to introduce himself, but Emma knew his name, Rod Colson, Cindy Latigo’s right-hand man and alleged lover.
“I’m sorry. I was eager to start the day, Mr. Colson.”
“Rodney,” he corrected, looking her up and down and shaking his head. His eyes lingered a little too long on her breasts, making Emma uncomfortable. “Perhaps you can find a way to make it up to me.” He caught a lock of Emma’s long hair and wound it around his fingers. Emma drew in a deep breath and trembled. Colson’s smile turned predatory, as if the man sensed her fear and enjoyed it. He took a step toward her.
“Rod. Oh, Rodney,” called out a sing-song voice Emma immediately recognized. He dropped her lock of hair, but not before brushing his fingertips across a nipple. Surely his inappropriate touch had to be an accident.
She backed away from Rodney, and wiped her sweaty palms on her black dress pants, waiting for the aging star to appear. The older woman glided around the corner, as graceful as expected. She spotted Emma and sized her up, her smile turned to a frown.
Not bothering with introductions, she turned to Rodney. “Is this the new girl?”
He nodded, not bothering to introduce her, if he even remembered her name.
Emma stepped forward. “Ms. Latigo, I’m a huge fan. This is such an honor for me,” Emma gushed.
The woman only raised one very thin eyebrow and frowned, causing lines to mar her ageless face. Dismissing Emma with one glance, she spoke to her manager. “Steph never said she’d be such a project. I don’t have time for this.” She waved her hand in the air and heaved a huge, put-upon sigh. Emma’s face heated with embarrassment. If only the floor would open up and swallow her.
“You agreed to it,” Rodney reminded her.
“Remind me again why I’m so generous?”
“You like taking a raw talent and turning her into a star.”
“Even I have my limits.”
Those damn tears threatened again. Emma hated how they talked about her as if she didn’t exist.
“Come along,” Ms. Latigo said gestured to her. “I haven’t got all day.”
Eager to get away from Rodney’s wandering hands and lewd gaze, Emma hurried after Ms. Latigo.
Several hours later, Emma hadn’t sung one note. Instead she’d followed the country diva around and catered to her every whim as if she were her personal assistant.
When Ms. Latigo requested a certain meal be brought to her dressing room after the show, Emma went to the other side of Vegas and spent her own money on a taxi. Triumphant, she presented the meal to Ms. Latigo backstage. The woman opened it, wrinkled her nose, and erupted into a fit of rage, the likes of which Emma had never experienced.
She flung the dish of Thai food at Emma, hitting her in the face with noodles and peanut sauce. “That’s not what I ordered,” she screamed.
Emma cowered against the door. The meal was exactly what the woman had ordered, but she wasn’t about to argue the point now. She wanted out of there in one piece, even if her dignity had taken a massive blow as sauce and noodles stained her favorite blouse.
“I’m sorry,” Emma whispered in a shaky voice.
“This girl is an idiot.” She ranted at Rodney, who nodded his agreement and ushered Emma out the door.
He smiled with fake sympathy at Emma and moved too close for comfort. “Cindy is a little temperamental, as most artists are. She’ll forget all about it in a few hours.”
“I came here to sing, not be her lackey,” Emma spoke with barely controlled anger. She’d reached her limit with these people.
“You’ll get to sing as long as you make her happy.” He grinned down at Emma, his eyes on her wet blouse. “And make me happy.”
“I’m married.”
“What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. You didn’t think you’d waltz in here and start singing backup for Cindy without paying your dues first, did you?”
Emma didn’t mind paying dues, but she sure as heck wasn’t paying them to this man. “If you touch me again, I’ll report you to casino management.” Emma applauded the steel in her voice. Tanner would be proud after he beat the crap out of the jerk and left him writhing on the casino floor. Only she didn’t dare tell Tanner. He’d jeopardize his career in order to rescue her. She couldn’t let him do that.
She’d handle these people. Even sweet Emma had her limits.
* * * *
Almost two weeks later on the first Sunday in November, the Steelheads’ record stood at three-three. They’d lost last week’s game in an embarrassing blowout of 34-0.
Today’s game wasn’t going much better. They’d played two quarters so far, and both offenses sputtered, unable to produce any points, while the defenses dug in and refused to give up points. It was Tanner’s first home game without Emma watching from the stands. Even so, he’d been surprised how quickly he’d formed the habit glancing up at her usual seat behind the bench and blowing her a kiss. Today, he’d caught himself looking for her encouraging smile multiple times. Instead he’d been greeted by Cooper’s scowl, Isaac’s inscrutable expression, and Riley’s worried frown.
At halftime, Tanner sat in the locker room, wrung out and tired, feeling as if he’d played four quarters instead of two. He’d been sacked multiple times, and his body ached in places it hadn’t ached before. He’d never been on the verge of admitting defeat, but between losing Emma and his crappy play of late, he teetered on the edge of that precipice.
He talked to Emma every day, usually during lunch break because Emma worked nights. She sounded odd, not ecstatic as he’d expected. He hated to hear the sadness in her voice, but he kept his concerns to himself. She’d come home if and when she was ready. All he could do was wait and hope.
Things didn’t appear to be going well, but she didn’t share much with him. Instead they talked about his game and their friends and family. She hadn’t sung on stage yet, claiming Cindy Latigo was easing her into the business slowly. Her boss sounded like a tyrant. Tanner understood tyrants. He could name a ton of coaches who fit in that category, Meyer being number one on that list. Speaking of Meyer, he was stalking toward Tanner as the team filed out of the locker room to take the field for the second half.
He stepped in front of Tanner, effectively cutting off his escape route. “Get your head out of your ass, Wolfe, and quit stinking up the field.”
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Leave it to Meyer not to candy-coat anything.
“Yes, sir.”
Meyer moved closer and lowered his voice from his usual bellow. “I know how much it hurts. Trust me, I’ve been there, and nothing is worse than believing you’ve lost the only woman you’ve ever loved.”
Tanner said nothing, but he was pretty sure his stunned expression and speechlessness said it for him.
“Playing football is your job. Regardless of what happens off the field, you’re a professional. Behave like one, and leave your personal issues at home. We need this game. Carry this team on your back because you’re that good.” Meyer tapped on Tanner’s chest to emphasize his point. “I have faith in you. Don’t let me down. Don’t let the team down. And don’t let Emma down.”
Having said more than he usually did, Meyer pivoted on his heel and followed Tanner’s teammates out of the locker room. Tanner stared after him, attempting to process what his coach had said.
Meyer believed in him, and so did Emma. Sulking and pouting because things hadn’t gone his way didn’t do either of them justice. He couldn’t let them down. Nor could he let his team down again.
Last Sunday, he’d allowed his misery over losing Emma to affect his game. Damn it. He couldn’t let that happen this week. Meyer was right, as always. Tanner was a fucking professional, and he needed to behave like one.
Several minutes later, Tanner stood in the huddle. He looked each player in the eyes, squared his jaw, and gritted his teeth. His teammates picked up on his renewed determination. Like an electric current, Tanner’s attitude charged each one of them.
They broke the huddle, and Tanner stood behind center. The call was a bold one, and it had Meyer’s name written all over it. Rhino Craig, the team’s huge center, hiked the ball. Tanner stood in the pocket, hoping like hell his line held long enough to give Grady time to streak downfield. He threw the ball at the last possible second, leaping over a diving defensive end. Grady never broke stride, reached up, and made a perfect over-the-shoulder catch. He sprinted to the end zone for the score.
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