The Contest

by Dawn L. Chiletz

  Madi stroked his face with her fingers and searched his eyes. Jake looked at her lips. Her lips were so kissable.

  “Please tell me you know. Tell me you understand that you did not cause Gina pain. You did not cause her to be hurt. You were and are the best thing that ever happened to her. How can you not see that? It hurts me to know that you blame yourself, even after all these years.”

  Jake stared deeply into her eyes. They were welling up with tears. He didn’t like to see her so upset. His hand moved up to brush a tear that had escaped off of her cheek. His voice softened as he gently touched her face with the back of his fingers. He knew what she wanted but he couldn’t give it to her. “I can’t say it. Because it isn’t true.”

  “Why can’t you see how much you mean to everyone around you?”

  “Including you?” His eyes searched hers.

  “Jake… you have to know. You’re everything to me. You’re everything to Gina too.”

  “I know she loves me and forgives me, but…”

  “There is nothing… NOTHING to forgive. She loves you because you were there for her. She loves you because you give and give and never want anything in return.”

  “ I… I know what you’re trying to do but…”

  “Please listen to me. You were just a kid. Even if you would have taken her with you that day, that doesn’t mean it couldn’t have happened another day or even to another little girl. You did nothing wrong.”

  He sighed heavily. “Yes I did.”

  “Do you think Gina did something wrong?”

  His eyes creased and he frowned. “No! Of course not!”

  “Then how can you say you did? Gina trusted him. You probably would have trusted him too. She said he was a family friend?”

  Jake nodded as his face tensed.

  “Would you have helped him wash his car?”

  Jake nodded again as he considered her question.

  “Would you have enjoyed being sprayed by a hose and followed him inside to get a towel?”

  “Yes.” He felt like a child. Where was she going with this?

  “Don’t you see? There was nothing you could have done. You did not cause this to happen to Gina. Gina didn’t cause it either. Sometimes shitty things happen and there’s no way to know. You couldn’t have known. You didn’t cause what happened to Gina.”

  Jake glanced down, then back up into Madi’s eyes.

  “Please, I need you to say it. I need you to believe it because it’s the truth.”

  Jake took a deep breath. He saw in her eyes that she really and truly believed it was true. Hadn’t Gina and his parents told him that over and over again? Ever since that day, he hated himself for not taking care of her, for not putting her needs before his own. He had a bad habit of being selfish and not thinking about other people. Why was it that as he looked at Madi, he could feel himself starting to believe it could be true? Was it possible? Was it not his fault?

  “Jake…” Madi whispered as she caressed his face with her fingers, running them gently over his stubble.

  He looked her in the eyes and could feel himself starting to lose control. He took a deep breath and held it in. She was pleading with him and it reached his heart, possibly even his soul. His voice cracked as he began to speak and he had to stop himself multiple times in an attempt to gain some control. “I… what… what happened to Gina… what happened to Gina was not… not my fault.”

  Madi pushed her forehead against his and he closed his eyes, thinking it through. As he started to let the possibility sink in, he wrapped his arms around her. He needed to be closer to her. She made him feel like he had a chance to turn things around. She believed in him. He could see it in the way she looked at him. He so badly wanted to be what she saw in him. He opened his eyes and searched for hers. They were closed and her face was crinkled in pain for his pain. He moved his hand and began to touch her back with his fingertips. The touching turned more intense as his fingers pressed into her, rubbing and grabbing as he moved his hand along her spine. He could feel her bra beneath the soft fabric of her dress and he longed to feel her skin on his.

  His hand moved along her back and then to the side of her body. He could feel the line of her bra that led to her breast. Her forehead was still pressed to his and her breathing increased as he moved his fingers down her side. He closed his eyes and focused on how her body responded to his touch. He could feel her body on top of his and it was starting to have an effect on him. He moved slightly to rub his body into her and her body responded, pushing back into him. She moaned lightly and her breathing picked up as he moved his hand to her leg. He ran his fingers along the skin on the outside of her knee and under her dress up to her thigh, kneading her flesh with his hand. His other hand reached behind her neck as he gently eased her closer to his mouth. She tensed and quivered at his touch as one hand left his face to touch his chest, while the other moved to grip his neck, greedily pulling him closer. He wanted her. He couldn’t help himself. Her skin was smooth and her smell made him feel he would lose his mind if he didn’t have her. She felt so right in his arms.

  She was very close. His head moved slowly and gradually as he licked his lips. Her mouth was right there. Her lips parted slightly, telling him she was ready for him. At that moment, he didn’t care about his rules and he didn’t think about his concerns. He was a man and she was a woman; a woman who knew just what he needed and gave it to him. He’d never wanted anything as much as he wanted to feel her mouth on his. Just as his lips grazed hers, sirens blared behind them.

  Whoop, whoop.

  They both looked up to see a police car with lights flashing.

  Chapter 32

  Madi

  Madi slid off of Jake and back into her seat as the officer approached the car.

  “Everything okay in here?” the officer asked as he moved closer.

  Madi’s skin was on fire. She felt extremely warm and very nervous, as if she’d just gotten caught stealing candy from a store.

  Jake’s eyes rose as the officer approached. “Everything is… Daryl?”

  “Jake Morgan! Holy hell, that is you! After I ran the plate I considered it was just a coincidence that the car along the road had a driver with the same name as my old buddy from high school baseball.”

  Jake reached his hand out the window and they bumped fists. Madi sort of grinned and then sort of rolled her eyes.

  “Where are you coming from?” Daryl asked.

  “Mom and Dad’s, just had dinner with Gina and my friend, Madi.”

  Daryl bent down and waved to Madi in the car then said hi to Murphy. “Gina… How is your sister? Still single?”

  Jake smiled then furrowed his brows. “Yes she’s single and I know you’re a cop but you still have to get through me to get to her.”

  “Don’t I know it! How have you been?”

  “Good! Just getting ready to start a tour.”

  “Fantastic. So proud of you man! Hey let’s get together for a drink soon.”

  “Sounds great, Daryl. I’ll send some concert tickets down to the station. Are we good here?”

  “You’re fine. Glad to know you’re okay. Sorry to um, interrupt.” He winked at Jake and tipped his hat to Madi before walking back to his car.

  Madi adjusted her dress and put her seatbelt on. She looked over at Jake and he grinned before he started to laugh. Madi couldn’t help but laugh too, but it was only as to not cry. His hands were on her. His lips were almost touching hers and once again, it didn’t happen. How could she have this luck? One thing was for sure, Madi knew Jake was into her too. There was no way to deny it. She was so turned on she could still feel his hands on her thigh. Dear God he was so sensual and so gentle and his hands… This was going to be good. She couldn’t wait to get home and start back where they left off.

  Jake waved to Daryl as he pulled off and then they pulled away as well. The rest of the ride home they were both pretty quiet. Madi almost said something several times but each
time she stopped herself because it didn’t seem like the right thing. They arrived home and it was almost ten o’clock. Jake walked Murphy and Madi went inside.

  The minute Madi walked through the door, she began to plan. They could continue just where they left off. She would tell him she wanted him and he would finally kiss her. They were so close before. It would be easy to just be near him again. She wanted to hold him in her arms and show him how she felt about him. She wondered where she should stand. She leaned on the kitchen counter and decided she looked dumb. She stood up against the wall and adjusted her dress, pulling the material down further to expose more shoulder. Then as she stood there she realized she probably looked staged. She walked back into the kitchen and opened the fridge. She grabbed a bottle of water and took a drink. She thought about the car and how hard Jake had been on himself. She remembered the look on his face when he said it wasn’t his fault. Knowing that he blamed himself made her heart ache. So many things about Jake were becoming clear to her.

  She was deep in thought when Jake came through the door. He looked worried. She smiled at him as he walked toward her.

  “Hi,” he said shyly.

  “Hi,” she said with a smile as she bit her lip.

  He looked down and then up through the top of his eyes apologetically. “About what happened in the car, I am so sorry for my behavior.”

  Madi could feel her heart drop and in her mind she was saying no repeatedly to herself.

  “The whole situation with Gina is… it’s still very difficult for me to discuss and I tend to get very emotional when I think about her and what she went through. I let my emotions take over and I never, ever, should have touched you like that.”

  Madi’s mouth gaped open as she tried to stop him. “Jake… don’t…”

  He held up his hand. “Please let me finish. I thought about this the whole way home and through my walk with Murphy. You’ve been such an amazing friend to me and I don’t want to lose your friendship over a silly moment of weakness on my part. I hope you can forgive me and if possible, we can forget the whole thing ever happened.”

  Madi felt like she was frozen. She couldn’t move or speak. That was not what she expected. Were they going back to “friends” again? Jake furrowed his brows as he stared at her expectantly. The night had been such a whirlwind. She started to wonder if she’d dreamt the whole thing. She didn’t know what to say in that moment so she just nodded her head.

  “Please, please don’t be angry with me. If you are, tell me right now because I don’t want to go through another horrible week of you avoiding me.”

  “I’m not angry with you. I’m really not.”

  “You sure?”

  She could see the Jake that needed to fix everything float back to the surface. She needed to make things okay for him. “Yes, I’m sure.”

  Jake walked over to her and platonically half-hugged her. “Well, I’m beat. I think I’m going to bed. See you in the morning, Madi.”

  “Goodnight, Jake.”

  She watched him walk into his room and close his door. He didn’t turn back to look at her and their moment of closeness in the car seemed like a distant memory. What in the hell was that? They were just friends? Was she supposed to go back to her mantra, “I am his buddy?” She stared at his door and her hands went to her hips.

  There is no way in hell I am just his buddy, she thought. She had to laugh out loud. Madi realized in that moment just how strong she was. All this time, she thought she was the weak one and Jake was the strong one. As it turns out, she had it more together than he did. She wasn’t going to curl up into a ball and cry. She wasn’t going to try to convince herself that they could never be more. This day had proven to her that Jake Morgan did have feelings for her. They may have been sexual, but it was a start. She knew she wanted him, but Jake was in denial. He wouldn’t allow himself to be close to her, but why? Why was he pushing her away?

  Madi mentally opened up Jake’s puzzle and laid the pieces out in front of her. He was more messed up than she thought. He had issues and problems and a lot of faults. Usually when Madi had analyzed a guy to this point she was ready to run for the hills, but with Jake, the only running she wanted to do was toward him. She was going to help him. She would be patient with him. She wouldn’t give up. She couldn’t. Could she? He meant so much to her. It didn’t matter how many issues he had. It didn’t matter that he pushed her away. She loved him. She loved him and every one of his faults.

  Madi turned out the lights and walked to her room. She wouldn’t crumble again. Either it would work out or it wouldn’t. She wasn’t giving up on him, not yet.

  Jake

  He lay on his bed and stared at the ceiling. What was wrong with him? No wonder Madi was so upset. He was pulling her in and pushing her away. In the car… he wanted her. He did have feelings for her. He couldn’t deny it, but he wouldn’t go there. He couldn’t. In a matter of weeks, she was going back to school, back to Chicago, and he would continue his tour. She would go back to her life and he would go back to his. They were from two different worlds. The minute she was with him, her life would change, and it wouldn’t be for the better. He had a habit of hurting the people he cared about. He would not hurt Madi. He would protect her feelings. He would not give in to his wants and his needs. He would put her first. He would not be the reason she cried. He would not be the reason.

  He took his clothes off and threw them across the room. He turned down the sheets and climbed into bed. He closed his eyes and promised himself that tomorrow he would be better. He’d think about her feelings before he did anything. He’d focus on work; work was his life. He needed to throw himself into work. How had she gotten under his skin? She hadn’t even tried and she was deep inside him. She walked into his life in a contest and now he had to compete with his heart and his head to keep her away. Being near him was never a good thing. Jake ran his hands through his hair before he closed his eyes and thought about work.

  *****

  The next two weeks passed by quickly. Jake and Madi had continued their banter and had spent a lot of time together. They watched a couple of movies, she cooked twice, and he even tried to teach her how to play the piano. He had managed to keep her at arm’s length and he had not kissed or touched her in any inappropriate way. On more than one occasion, he had to pretend he had calls to make just to get away from her. She would look at him and her eyes would pierce his heart. As soon he felt himself being drawn to her, an alarm would go off in his head and he would run. She was so damn pretty. At the arena he would find himself watching her work: talking on the phone, laughing with Ang, running around chasing after people with notes and schedules. She was quirky and sweet. She was sexy and seductive. He would be drawn to her like a moth to a flame just to turn around and walk away. He almost kissed her at the piano when she put her hands on his so he could show her how to move her fingers. He almost kissed her when she rested her head on his shoulder as they shared popcorn and watched a movie. The more he tried to act like her friend, the more he found himself feeling like he was dating her. It was the longest date he had ever been on in his life. It was alluring, arousing, and completely unfulfilling. He would go back to his room alone. He would stand outside her door and stare at it. He was a mess. He thought about her constantly. He thought about going out with someone, anyone, just to get her off of his mind. But then he couldn’t do it. He felt loyal to Madi in some sick, twisted way. He had to resort to other measures to relieve himself. He’d never gone so long without sex. But sex with just anyone wasn’t what he wanted. It was never what he really wanted. He needed to have feelings for a girl to be with her. He had too many feelings for Madi. That was another issue all together.

  She and Gina had been spending more time together and he had heard her on the phone laughing with Kendra several times in her room. He wondered what was going on in her head. Sometimes he would catch her staring at him. She would put her pen in her mouth and just keep staring. She wouldn’t ev
en look away. He would put his hands up and mouth ‘what’ from a distance. She would push her glasses up, bite her pen, smile and shrug. It would drive him nuts. He wanted her so badly he was going crazy. If he hadn’t reminded himself daily how bad he was for her, he would have never had made it.

  He found himself singing to her as they practiced on stage. He watched her eyes close as she listened to him and it made him feel weak and hot. What in the hell was wrong with him? He had thought maybe if he just had sex with her and got it over with he could move on and let her go. But then he thought about being with her and it was never just sex. He thought about how much time he would spend kissing her body and what her face might look like when she came. He realized that being with her would never be just sex. He cared too deeply for her. Once wouldn’t be enough. He would hurt her and ruin her and she wouldn’t be fixable. He couldn’t do it. He wouldn’t.